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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 18, 2008 3:31:22 GMT
I shrugged faintly at what she started off with, watching her as she looked off to the side of me instead of at me or the ground.
"Well, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.. I was just.. just wanted to hear what you had to say about it." I said with another faint shrug to her. I listened to the rest of what she said and just nodded slightly. I thought it was good to figure it out too and when she said she didn't know, I was sort of relieved, mainly probably because I didn't know either.
I nodded slightly, "Okay.. thanks for telling me then.." I told her sort of quietly with a small nod, slightly surprised she didn't ask it back to me. Though she would've gotten bascially the same answer.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Aug 18, 2008 3:37:06 GMT
"Mm...." I smile faintly, nodding... only half-listening, really. Now that he's gone and asked it outright, I really do want to figure it out for myself.
I'm pretty sure I don't... still. Even though it might just be wishful thinking. I don't want anything to do with... love-stuff. Not anymore. Including being loved rather than the other way around.
I frown slightly, knowing this will nag at me too if I don't ask. And it's not as though I really have to phrase it the same way.
"You don't...?" I leave the question open, shaking my head.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 18, 2008 3:40:54 GMT
I smiled faintly back and looked down to the grass for a few moments again until I heard her voice after a few moments of silence.
I guessed what she meant by the question, there wasn't much else she could be asking. I paused for a few seconds as I looked at her. "Um.. I dunno either.. I might.." I said with a small nod, bitng slightly at my lip.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Aug 18, 2008 3:45:55 GMT
"Hm." I bite my lip, frowning slightly. That's... unnerving.
"Well...." I shrug slightly. "I do hope that's really a no then."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 18, 2008 3:50:00 GMT
I shrugged faintly with a small nod and very weak half-smile, that only seemed to last a couple seconds. ".. Hard to tell.." I said shaking my head a little bit. "... I didn't really think I did until, um.." I paused for a moment. Should I even bother to tell her that I kind of said that I loved her without really realising it? How would I even go about that? ".. Earlier." I finished lamely, still unsure. If she asked, I'd tell her and if she didn't... well, I'd probably end up spitting it out eventually anyway.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Aug 18, 2008 3:56:03 GMT
"Mm-hmm...." I frown slightly more, a little bit puzzled by the hesitation but shrugging it off. I think my vocabulary... or at least will to talk... has shrunk quite a bit.
I shrug a bit after a moment, feeling that I should say something. "Wasn't it just a few weeks ago I said you were like a brother? Funny how that works."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 18, 2008 3:59:44 GMT
I heard her second comment and laughed a little bit, smiling lightly, "Yeah.. but hey, I said you were like a sister." I said as I smiled lightly over to her. "That is funny how that works.."
She didn't question my hesitation or how I said earlier, and I just left it at that, not saying anything about it. At least not yet.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Aug 18, 2008 4:01:46 GMT
"Yeah, bit." I smile faintly again. I think I just want this conversation to be over... but I can't be really sure. Since when do I know what I want?
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 18, 2008 4:05:18 GMT
I smiled a bit and nodded. "Yeah.. I don't think it's normal to want to kiss your sister." I said with a faint chuckle, moving my a hand lightly over the top of the grass for a moment as I did. I wondered slightly if I should even say anything else on the subject, but thought I'd maybe wait to see if she said anything else.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Aug 18, 2008 4:07:48 GMT
"Not exactly," I agree, tilting my head with a slight laugh. I pause a moment.
"I think... I'm pretty sure... that I think I'm going to disappear for a bit, sometime... soon."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 18, 2008 4:09:39 GMT
I smiled and nodded a bit, staying quiet until she spoke again. The small smile that I was holding slowly fell from my face as I heard what she said and I shook my head a little. "Disappear?" I asked her again, wanting to make her I heard her right. "Why?"
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Post by Arden Patricks on Aug 18, 2008 4:17:55 GMT
"Seems like a really good idea at the moment." I shrug slightly. "There's no real reason to stay around here."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 18, 2008 4:19:33 GMT
I stayed silent for a moment, shaking my head a little, slightly surprised by the fact that she just wants to leave... for no real reason at all, at that.
"Am.. Am I part of the reason?" I asked after a moment, unsure of what else to say. "Part of the reason you want to leave, I mean?"
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Post by Arden Patricks on Aug 18, 2008 15:47:11 GMT
I falter slightly. "Maybe... well, yes. At least in part." I shrug, deciding to be honest. "You, and this whole... situation. And the fact that Ian and Maddie have gone and done the same. And... really, I think maybe it's been something kicking around in the back of my skull for at least a couple of years now. I just needed those triggers to bring it to the front. There's nothing much to stay here for, really."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 18, 2008 23:16:35 GMT
I heard her falter and frowned a little more. Me and this whole situation. That was basically all me. Even though I thought it would hurt more to hear that, it still hurt and I just stared down at the ground, whatever slight bit of happiness I had left about today seemed to just go away with those few words.
I nodded slightly as I listened to what she had to say, not knowing what to say now at all. She was going to leave.. just like that. "You really want to leave?" I asked her glancing back up to her. Then again, I could understand why she would want to. We're being all awkward, Ian and Maddie just seemed to have disapeared.. I'm not even sure where they went. I just didn't want her to leave. That's pretty sad when you can only think of one person who's your really good friend and they want to leave. And it was basically all your fault.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Aug 19, 2008 1:49:20 GMT
"Maybe." I shrug, sighing slightly, not wanting to let on just how much I really do. "I'm still thinking; it's not exactly something you rush into... but yeah, I kind of do."
I really do feel slightly bad that he seems to not want me to go... but not nearly as bad as I could feel. So maybe that at least answers the question of whether I love him.
Either that, or subconsciously I know that I'm not really serious about going anywhere, so therefore I don't have to feel bad.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 1:53:18 GMT
I stayed quiet for a moment, running a hand through some of my hair slightly before looking back up to her again as spoke. I nodded a litle at what she said. "Is there anything I can do to make you want to stay?" I asked her after a moment or two or silence. ".. You know I don't let you leave that easily.." I added thinking back ten or so years ago.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Aug 19, 2008 2:04:37 GMT
I smile faintly, vividly remembering one particular scene in which I was mildly hysterical as he kept following me across the grounds.
"Not planning to make such a scene this time, so maybe that will help." I shrug slightly. "But no... I don't think there's any way to convince me to stay. I'll just figure it out on my own, one way or the other."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 2:09:34 GMT
I smiled, chuckling very faintly at what she said. I shrugged faintly the smile slightly fading. "You mean, maybe it'll help you leave?" I asked her looking at her again. I bit my lip a little for a moment, letting out a small breath. "Are you sure there isn't a way?" I asked her kind of quietly, feeling slightly more depressed. "But if you do decide to.. just.. promise to at least wrte every once in a while?" I asked quietly, thinking there probably isn't a way she would stay if she did make up her mind.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Aug 19, 2008 2:12:42 GMT
I nod in response to his first question, then look down at the ground again and shake my head, biting my lip.
"I can't make any promises at all, Riley. Sorry. But I really just don't know, not yet. I... I don't know, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it yet."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 2:20:14 GMT
I watched her replies to my first two questions, deciding not to push them any further than I already had. It was easier to be consistent about this ten years ago than it was now, which is funny considering the circumstances... well, sort of funny.
"O-oh.." I said quietly when she answered my last one. I reallly didn't see what a few letters were going to do. "Um.. yeah, probably shouldn't've I guess.. not unless you're planning on just leaving and not saying bye.. this way I'd at least know you're not... dead or something."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Aug 19, 2008 2:34:41 GMT
"Mm... there is that," I agree, tilting my head. I certainly wouldn't just leave without letting people know, not as much as I worry when others disappear.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 2:43:27 GMT
I nodded slightly, "Just as long as you say bye..." I said quietly, barely believing I was saying this. That I was possibly thinking of just letting her leave. "You know I don't want you to.. but I guess I can't really stop you."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Aug 19, 2008 2:53:08 GMT
I shake my head slightly, not really in response to anything he's said, and look at the ground again.
"Riley... I'm sorry. Really. But I won't disappear unless I really do think it's a good idea."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 2:56:26 GMT
"... I don't... I don't see how this could be a good idea." I said shaking my head again, looking up to her. "You're you just running away, it's not solving anything."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Aug 19, 2008 3:00:57 GMT
"It isn't really meant to," I shrug, looking up at him. "Just keep it from getting any worse, I guess."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 3:02:51 GMT
"You're not the one making it worse Arden." I said shaking my head faintly again. "Least not how I'm seeing it.."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Aug 19, 2008 3:06:07 GMT
"So does that mean that I'm not a part of the problem? If I'm involved in the whole situation, and remove myself from said situation, are you saying that it will still get worse without me?"
I'm really not sure how much of this makes sense... but I do know that his argument just doesn't work.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 3:11:14 GMT
I listened to her side of the arguement and shrugged faintly, "No.. I guess that's not what I'm saying.." I said after a moment, shaking my head a little bit. "I just.. I don't know... I just don't want you to leave." I added, keeping my eyes on her still, feeling slightly frustrated. "I don't know if I'm your best friend.. but you're mine."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Aug 19, 2008 3:18:58 GMT
I bite my lip harder, to the point that it actually hurts a little, and feel kind of like I deserve for it to hurt. I really don't have a reply to that... because he's not my best friend. Never has been. And I hate that.
Good lord, and I felt hurt about being 'second best'? Are you crazy? I can hardly complain about that.
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