Driven me to hiding;;Riley

[Riyann Servansikk]

He stayed silent, and I didn't say anything either, just tried to think about everything right now, mostly about the hug, hoping that it would last longer than I thought it probably would. I mean, why would he want to be hugging me, let alone stay around me? I've gone insane.
"What?" I asked, scrunching up my eyebrows when he asked otherwise what. I hadn't realized that I'd been speaking out loud again, and I wasn't going to continue with what I was saying outside of my mind and thoughts.
This is confusing him. "You think?" I asked softly against his chest, not even caring now that I was talking again or how we weren't keeping to the deal of not talking.
Not my fault you're talking out loud again. "Not my fault you keep speaking." I muttered, slightly annoyed with the voice.
Do you want me to shut up? "Yes."

[Riley Pearson]

I nodded slightly, "Yeah.. You said, otherwise..." I said quietly, looking at her a little closer now. So I guess she wasn't talking to me.
She started again and I didn't say anything that time, just waiting to see if she was actually talking to me or not.
[[ sprry is short and crappy =/ ]]

[Riyann Servansikk]

I shook my head a little when he continued on with it, maybe I was trying to convince myself that I hadn't spoken outloud and that none of this was going on really.
I let a soft sigh past my lips, glad that the voice stayed silent this time, and I just hugged him a little tighter this time, hoping he wouldn't have enough of this and walk away, or pull away from me. "I'm sorry." I whispered softly, shutting my eyes, speaking to him this time, hoping he'd know that, but why would he? Would he ever know when I was speaking to him?
Probably not. I let a small groan pass my lips this time, wondering why the voice had to continue.

[[It's fine. Mine isn't as great as it can be.. haha.. can't think]]

[Riley Pearson]

{{ aw, haha, yours was good :] }}

I nodded slightly, letting it drop even though I was slightly confused. "Okay.." I murmured quietly to her letting out a very small breath with it.
She hugged me a little tighter and I let her, not letting go of her yet since she obviously didn't want me to. She said she was sorry and I wondered if she was talking to me or not. But I took a guess by the way it sounded and just nodded a little. "Don't be sorry, honey." I said quietly back to her. Was it really her fault that she lost it? I didn't think so. Really, I thought it was more my fault than anything.

[Riyann Servansikk]

Glancing up I saw him nod and felt slightly better that he wasn't going to continue on with it. "Okay." I repeated softly, nodding slightly against his chest.
Yeah, don't be sorry Honey. If anything I think you've possibly had this coming from one too many curcio's. The voice snickered and I rolled my eyes slightly towards his chest. "Okay." I whispered to him, not myself, once again wondering if he'd notice. "Still am though." This time I spoke even softer, shutting my eyes tight, wanting to make this all go away.

[[Okay.. lol, thankies...]]

[Riley Pearson]

I nodded slightly again. Now I definately knew I couldn't leave. I don't even know what I was really thinking anymore.
"You can be.. just don't have to be." I said sfotly back to her with a small sigh.

[[ lol, ^^ ]]

[Riyann Servansikk]

I nodded a little when he said I could be, and I was slightly happy by the fact that he said I could be, though before he never really did say that, he always told me not to be.
Great, he really thinks you're insane, the only reason he'll agree with you. I scowled slightly, but then I stopped, hoping the voice would shut up, and just leaned a little closer into him.

[[Gah, can't think.. lmao]]

[Riley Pearson]

She leaned a little closer to me and I closed my eyes for a moment letting out a small breath. "It's going to be okay..." I said quietly to her, before realising we were still in the kitchen and wondering if maybe we should move or not.

[[ eh, haha, that's okay, neither can i xD ]]

[Riyann Servansikk]

It's always going to be okay, that's what he always said, that's how it usually always ended up being, why did this time have to be any different? Because I'm more than sure that it won't be okay. Still I nodded slightly, trying not to think about why and how this couldn't end up being okay like it should, trying not to think about the voice in the back of my head or the fact that I could have killed him just a short while ago.
"I love you." I whispered softly again, knowing I'd already said it.
You know, each time he makes a mistake we make a bigger one and it's immediatly forgotten. I nodded faintly. Why do we have to be the bad guys?

[Riley Pearson]

I really did say that things were going to be okay a lot and sometimes I don't think I even notice when I'm saying it. It's like, I don't know what else to say, so I'm going to say this, becuase it's the nicest and only other thing I can actualy think of. This time I said it, I only partially believed it. I really didn't know if everything was going to be okay.
"I love you too.." I said quietly, not sure if my voice sounded kind of distant or not. Hopefully it didn't, but I was only partially hearing her and partially hearing what I was thinking in my head.
Really, if she hadn't gone and started acting looney I doubted that I'd still be here. That I'd be hugging her, or that I would saying everything was going to be okay. But snce she did seem to have lost it a bit, I let up on what I had been thinking and really did try to forget what she did. I didn't believe that she really wanted to be doing anything she did or almost did and just wanted to forget it happend, even though I knew I very well couldn't.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I nodded, really not paying much attention to what he said after I told him I loved him, instead I was paying attention to the voice that, really, I knew was right.
He hasn't forgotten anything before this. I nodded faintly, not wanting to speak out loud, I could talk to myself, though I'm thinking it'd be best when I'm alone. Why would he forget this, especially when you held his wand at him and told him not to leave, when you were bossing him around.
"S'not like it was my fault." I muttered under my breath, just noticing I'd spoken out loud after the words left my mouth and I hoped Riley didn't hear them or think anything of them.
Course it wasn't, it was the tooth Fairy's fault. I let out a faint laugh that could hardly be heard and smiled slightly against his chest.
Really I just wanted to tell the voice how much I hated it, but I wouldn't dare say that until I was alone, just incase someone else thought I was talking to them.

[Riley Pearson]

I was definately pretty sure that I wasn't going to forget this. But was it really her fault that she snapped? I didn't think so. It was my fault if anybody's, at least in my opinion it was.
She muttered something under her breath, "What'd you say babe?" I asked her quietly, pulling away very slightly so I could look down at her.
I really had to get used to the fact that I wasn't the only person she was talking to anymore and for all I knew she wasn't talking to me again ,but talking to whoever else was she was before.
But once again, it was too late, and I had already spoken.

[Riyann Servansikk]

Wouldn't it be cool if you're parents were still alive? I knew the voice meant my adoptive parents, but I was shocked it could even suggest that, and I heard a small laugh inside my head. Then you could kill them again for everything. I smiled slightly and shook my head slightly.
I heard Riley's voice this time, pulling me out of my thoughts and making me look up at him when he pulled away slightly and looked at me. "Talking to myself." I murmured softly, wondering if that told him right there I was insane and made him take me somewhere where I wouldn't be a possible danger to the girls. Oh dear god, what if I am?
You probably are. I shook my head faintly, not sure if it was noticeable that I was shaking my head at myself or not, though that sounds odd.
You are odd. I rolled my eyes slightly at that one before trying to focus on Riley again.

[Riley Pearson]

I nodded slightly, "Okay.." I said very quietly, not sure if I was holding a worried look on my face or not before I just pulled her closer to me again.
Really, what was I supposed to do in this situation. Maybe she should stay somewhere else.. What if she really is a threat to me and the girls?

[Riyann Servansikk]

I nodded slightly, seeing that he looked worried, but I didn't say anything about it. He was probably just really worried about the fact that the girls should be home at any time now and I haven't quite come back to being my usual self. Or that you'll kill everyone.
Letting him pull me closer to him again I hugged him back slightly more, shutting my eyes lightly against his chest.

[Riley Pearson]

I let out another small breath as she hugged me back slgihtly more, trying to figure out what to do. I was pretty sure that she wasn't doing much better, if any better and I doubted that just hugging her like this was going to solve anything.

[Riyann Servansikk]

What if he was planning on not letting me see the girls anymore from here on out? I don't know what I'd do because I did want the help, but was that really how far I could go? Doubtful.
I wanted to ask him what he was planning on doing if I really was a danger to the kids, but I didn't dare ask that, not really wanting to be brought down to the reality that I've so far lost.

[Riley Pearson]

I really wasn't planning anything right now and I wasn't sure if I was going to. I knew I should do something.. check her in at Mungos.. or maybe just have one of my friends at the Ministry check her out. But I didn't want to really, I was scared what was really going to happen if I did that.
Knowing me, I probably wasn't going to pay enough attention to this and end up not doing something until something's horrible happend. I could see that happening.. even if I didn't want to see it.

[Riyann Servansikk]

"What about the girls?" I asked finally, in a small whisper, wondering what was going to come out of this 'situation'.
Why is everything classified as a 'situation'? "Because that's what it is." I whispered, trying my hardest to stop answering the stupid questions.
This'll probably just end up getting worse and worse. The voice muttered and I shook my head a little, hugging Riley a little tighter now.

[Riley Pearson]

"Um.. what do you mean?" I asked her a moment later, shaking my head only faintly after she asked me. I wasn't positive what exactly she meant.
She said something else again and didn't reply to it that time, not sure if it was to me or not again. But from what she said, I guessed it wasn't to me.

[Riyann Servansikk]

"I-I dunno." I whispered, shrugging lightly, not entirely sure what I was getting at. What if I ended up doing this to them, I suppose that was my main worry. But what if I ended up doing this to Riley again in front of them? Then what? What if I just do something absolutely stupid and it hurts them. It's one thing when your husband doesn't trust you, but when you don't trust yourself with your kids or husband, that's something totally different and really you shouldn't have to get used to it, but I'm going to have to.

[Riley Pearson]

"Um.. I-I dunno really." I said shaking my head faintly. "How're you feeling?" I asked her a moment later.
I think if she hadn't just held a wand to me I would've trusted her more with that, but I trusted her with everything else.. just not really with a wand.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I nodded a little when he said he didn't know really, neither did I, well I had an idea of a sort. "Fine." I whispered softly, though I knew I was far from fine and that I more felt annoyed, more with myself, still, it wasn't like I was going to say that, not if I was going to get a wand any time soon. And if he didn't let me get a wand I think I might hit him and then resort to using something else as a way of feeling safe.
Like what, a knife? I could hear the voice filled with laughter and shrugged slightly. "Maybe."

[Riley Pearson]

She said maybe and I wasn't sure if she meant, that maybe she was fine, or if maybe she wasn't talking to me again.
"Um.. Is there anything you want me to do?" I asked watching her carefully still.

[Riyann Servansikk]

"D-don't leave me." I whispered and then felt bad, like I was making him stay. "I-I mean I don't want you to," I started in another whisper, "but yo-you can." I bit my lip softly, really feeling bad for all of this. For all I knew he did want to leave and now I was holding him back from what he wanted.
Always taking, never giving. I did have to agree with the voice, not because it was me thinking that, but because it was true, and that hurt. I took Shelby's love and took Riley's and then sort of drifted from them both, and came back to Riley, but I never really gave him anything, in a sense.

[Riley Pearson]

I didn't know what I wanted anymore. I never stopped loving Riyann, so really, any part of me that wanted to leave a while ago, left me once she started acting like this. I didn't want something horrible to happen to her, or anybody else just because I happend to left.
"I don't want to leave if you don't want me to.." I told her quietly, "I'll stay.."

[Riyann Servansikk]

And then the guilt set in because that told me that he was staying because I wanted him too and he possibly did want to leave, but I nodded faintly, shutting my eyes tight for a moment.
Screwed everything up. Not just the whole situation, everything. I only nodded faintly again, wanting all of this to disappear, maybe even just make Riley leave because he wanted to and yet didn't.
"I always want you here. I just don't want to force you to stay." I whispered softly.

[Riley Pearson]

I nodded slightly, "You're not forcing me to stay Riyann." I said quietly, making my head a little bit. She really wasn't either. I didn't want to leave if she was like this.. and as long as she didn't point the wand a lot I probably won't leave.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I wanted to ask him that if this was different, if he wasn't so worried about me, if he would stay, and I wasn't so sure that he would, which really scared me. Instead I hugged him a little tighter and leaned my head against his chest, trying to pretend it was all okay again, hell, as long as we could rewind to an hour ago and make it so this didn't happen I'd be fine.
Hopefully.

[Riley Pearson]

I let her hug me tighter and took in a small breath before letting it out. Feeling her rest her head on my chest.

[bah...i can't think]