Driven me to hiding;;Riley

[Riyann Servansikk]

He didn't push the fact that I didn't answer him, and I stayed silent, keeping my eyes on him this time. Yesturday I wouldn't have thought about even talking to him. I shook my head a little when he said forget whatever he said before. "I won't." I said with a small shake of the head again. I also didn't plan on repeating it to him, especially since he didn't know what he had said.

[Riley Pearson]

I glanced over to her and then back to my tea. "It wasn't all too bad though.. from what I remember at least.." I said quietly, stirring my tea a bit, glad to have something to distract me now.

[Riyann Servansikk]

He glanced at me before looking down at his tea and I decided that now would be a great time to stop looking at him and just turned my head away, wondering really if it was my fault this time or his. Unless tea's that interest. I didn't comment to what he said. What I remembered, knew, it was worse then bad, hearing him say he'd try and leave me, and would. Though I hope on more than anything I really didn't hear him right, though he didn't even remember what he said, so I'd be stuck with think that's what he had said and meant.

[Riley Pearson]

"I mean.. I think I just said that if I ever tried to leave you I wouldn't be able to..." I added quietly with a faint shrug, still looking down at my tea. I thought I'd clear that up just in case she did miss hear me or something. It wans't that my tea was more interesting, it was just that I didn't think she really wanted to look at me anytmore.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I nodded a little, almost glad that he had said that, realizing that I had missed something, and finally being able to breathe a little better now. It didn't mean that I would spend less time with him to make sure he wouldn't leve, it just meant I wouldn't have to worry about him leaving, hopefully. Though, now that I realized he wasn't leaving me, that he should be the one worried about me leaving him, because of everything. I was reminded that I shouldn't be talking to him and I stuck to being silent and stubborn, once again.

[Riley Pearson]

I nodded slightly, taking another small drink of my tea. It was sort of soothing. I looked over to her again, keeping my eyes on her a little longer before taking them off her. I didn't know what to say anymore and I just sighed very faintly.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I stared at the wall across from me, not caring that I felt his eyes on me for a little while, that I heard him sigh, nothing, instead I was wanting to yell at him now or something, maybe hit him. Still, I shouldn't and I wouldn't, maybe that would make him know that it really did hurt, and I was starting to get the feeling back again. I can't keep pulling this. Hitting him though, that would say there was some way to make it so that my anger was gone after I stopped, same with yelling. Weird, but that's what I though anyways. The only difference with me now was that I was biting lightly on my lower lip.

[Riley Pearson]

She stayed quiet again. So maybe it was back to this.. not really what I wanted, but I really couldn't blame her. I was really giving her credit for not leaving yet, or not hitting or yelling at me yet. I was surprised none of those had really happend.
"I.." I paused for a moment looking down at my tea again. "Just remember I love you Ard-.." I cut myself off, feeling my eyes go slightly wider, feeling slightly sicker as I sat there. "Riyann." I said quickly a moment later, the sick feeling rising hoping she didn't notice. "That I love you.." I said with a small nod, pretty sure something was going to happen now.
How could I say that? How? I really didn't know. I didn't think that I loved Arden. Really liked her, yes, but loved? No. I have no idea how that slipped, especially considering that I've never even thought those words before.

[[ dun dun dun XD lol ]]

[Riyann Servansikk]

I continued to look at the wall as he started speaking, though I listened to what he said, I could give him that, after all, things had started getting better in a way, like I could actually talk to him and we'd talked a few minor things through, though now I was staring at a wall staying silent. He wasn't going to leave me, that's one more thing to add to the getting better pile. So even if I'm not looking at him and staying silent again, at least I wasn't leaving, yelling at him, or hitting him. At least I was listening, right? I started nodding at what he had said, not actually paying to close attention until he said my name quickly after and I turned my head towards him, eyes trying to read his face as I stared in disbelief, what he said going through my head over and over again until I realized he'd been about to say Arden and I felt sick, my heart falling and breaking even more.
He might not be leaving but he doesn't love you. A small voice whispered through my mind, though I was sure it was my thoughts.
"W-what?" I finally asked in complete disbelief, hurredly starting to get to my feet as I started away from him.

[Riley Pearson]

"No no no no no." I said very quickly, standing up slightly more hurried than she had before stepping infront of her. "I love you. I love you Riyann." I said, shaking my head a little bit, not wanting her to leave. Things were just getting better and then I went and messed them up without much thought at all. I couldn't even explain why I said it, it just happend. I really didn't think that I loved Arden. I still don't really think I do. It's just a crush. A silly type of crush.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I heard him getting up after me and it took me a moment to stop before almost running into him, barely having noticed he gone infront of me, I didn't want to listen to his words, I didn't want to listen as he said no so many times and then said that he loved me, not saying Arden's name this time, not almost saying her name, saying mine instead. I took a step back away from him, shaking my head, really not wanting to look up at him, feeling several tears falling down my cheeks, my eyelashes wet against my skin. "You love her Riley." I whispered as I stepped back a little more. If I had thought he couldn't hurt me anymore, unless he left or died, then I was way more than wrong.
Seems to happen often, huh? Being wrong, about a lot of things you'd never thought twice about.
Like how he says he loves you, you never thought twice about that, you just knew he did.
You were wrong.
Like when he said the kiss had meant nothing, then agreed that it had a little meaning and you believed him.
You were wrong, it meant a whole lot more than you thought it did.

[Riley Pearson]

I shook my head more than I normally would as she repeated that. "No, Riyann, I really don't think that I do. Please believe me." I said shaking my head still, the sick feeling sinking further and further down in my stomach. I watched her step away from me and stayed where I was, feeling a couple tears fall idley down my face as I saw her cheeks now soaked with tears.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I felt myself shaking slightly, not entirely sure why, because I knew it hadn't gone from tears to shakey sobs, no, I was cold, like my blood had frozen since I'd registered that he had started saying Arden's name instead of mine. I shook my head a little, backing away, actually scared to death at the moment. I couldn't even believe what he said, I didn't, I couldn't believe he loved me anymore, and I was scared of what was happening. "You love her Riley." I repeated. If I hadn't been in the middle of getting her I probably would have let a shakey laugh pass my lips. It was sort of amussing, I probably would find it slightly more if I hadn't been here, instead sitting on the sidelines watching this unravel. It almost seemed to unreal, like I was reading it out of a book.
Somehow I didn't notice that through my thoughts and stepping away from him I'd managed to step into the kitchen where I wanted nothing to do with.

[Riley Pearson]

I shook my head again, taking a step or two toward her. "No, I don't." I said shaking my head as I stopped walking again. "And even if I somehow do, you know that I love you." I told her again, wanting her to beliee me more than anything. "Please believe me Riyann." I said now just noticeing that we were both standing in the kitchen.
If I thought it was a train wreck earlier, it was even worse now and I wasn't sure I knew what I was doing anymore, I was just watching the whole scene play out, watching as things just got worse and worse.

[Riyann Servansikk]

"You love her." The words were whispered and I felt like a broken record, not having anything other than that to say than that. He wouldn't have ever had that slip past his lips if it wasn't true. None of this would be happening if it wasn't true. This felt horrible, I wanted to believe him, I did, but I was starting to feel like I couldn't, like it'd be idiocy if I did, I'd have to be going bloody well insane to believe those words. I shook my head a little, wanting to curse him or something, not that I'd go through with it, but I didn't have my wand anymore, which also made me feel naked along with this. Betrayed, naked, scared, hurt, anything that you could add along those lines I was feeling.
Shaking my head again I kept taking steps backwards until there was a kitchen counter behind me and really I don't think there was any way out of this.

[Riley Pearson]

I shook my head again, ruffing up some of my hair slightly in frustration. I didn't love Arden. I don't love Arden. I love Riyann. Riyann. That's basically what I kept repeating through my head. How could I let that slip just like that?
She backed up against the counter and I saw my wand was still sitting on it from when I made tea. I didn't think much of it at the moment becuase I was too preoccupied with shaking my head.
Even if I did love Arden. I surely did not know. "No.. Riyann, please.. it was just.. just like of those times.. it's like if I was thinking about.. one of the girls.. o-or Shelby.. or someone and I accidently say their name." I said, trying to explain to her.. and really to myself. I didn't know why I really said it, but surely didn't mean to.
"No, I love you Riyann.." I said quietly, I was sure in a semi-desperate and weak sounding voice.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I felt colder than before, really I was starting to wonder how much more before I really broke or got up and left. I was sure this was different then when Riley said he didn't know how much more he could take. I was falling apart, it had to be different, I felt like he was diliberatly ripping my heart out and crushing it with his foot, never letting up, just slowly adding more pressure each time something new came up. I really didn't know how much longer I could last doing this, I was bound to go insane and just kill him or something.
"Right, you don't love her." I said, it almost sounded like I was finally agreeing with him, but I wasn't. "She's just constantly on your mind that when you're saying my name it comes out as hers." I added, glaring at him.
I heard him say I love you Riyann again, and I didn't really know what was happening, just one moment my hand was empty and now it was holding a wand and I had it raised and pointed towards him. "S-stay away from me." I whispered, not letting my eyes leave him, willing myself to not blink. You're the one ruining this, he was trying to fix another mistake. You're ruining everything. Put the damn wand down before you do something you regret. It didn't matter if the voice inside my head was yelling at me, it didn't matter if I was mentally yelling at myself, I didn't lower the wand, I kept it up and ignored what was going through my head.

[Riley Pearson]

I thought she was agreeing with me for a moment and I nodded for a second before she said the second part. I shook my head a little bit again, watching her glare into my eyes. A moment later she grabbed my wand and my eyes widened a bit more, shaking my head a bit as I took a couple steps back, running into the kitchen table and leaning against it now just keeping my eyes on her.
She told me to stay away from her and I felt a couple more tears roll down my cheeks as I kept my eyes on her, not being able to draw them away.

[Riyann Servansikk]

What the hell are you doing? You're throwing everything away because he loves you and Arden? What about you, you love Shelby too. I ignored the persistant voice, blocking it out as I watched him step backwards right into the kitchen table, I couldn't tell if he was scared or hurt by this as I watched the tears roll down his cheeks. I'd safely settle on both. Still I didn't let the wand go any lower, just had it following him, not sure if I really could curse him or anything, though I could probably cast the leg locker curse or something. That would qualify as cursing him. He's your husband, stop this. The voice was possibly even more frantic now that I was trying to think of what to cast on him if he didn't stay away from me. I could feel a tear fall down my cheek, but I didn't really know why at this point, because I was afraid of myself? Or because I was hurt? I honestly think it was both. You've truely gone insane, haven't you? Barely my thoughts faltered after that, though they were going again after I banished the thought. I couldn't be insane. This was his fault and he brought it on himself. He messed up. It was an accident. I couldn't actually place the pleading voice as my own thoughts arguing with me. It didn't seem real or right in any way.

[Riley Pearson]

I shook my head again, staying where I was. "Please Riyann.." I said feeling a mix of fear and just being plain hurt as I did. "J-Just please put my wand down.." I said feeling and hearing my voice crack very slightly as I spoke quietly.
"I-I'll even leave if you want.. just please don't do something you'll regret.." I said quietly, wanting to talk her out of this as she stayed where she was, keeping the wand pointed at me.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I watched him, now with almost curiousity as he shook his head and started practically begging me to put down his wand. I wasn't going to, there wasn't a way he'd get me too. I had gone long enough without a wand, he still had his, I think I deserved one for a little while. It was odd, how I went from suddenly just as scared as he was and having a wand pointed at him to almost liking this and being curious as to what he'd do next. You've definitely lost it and you're going to lose him. Either you'll kill him or he won't ever come back, he'll have the kids. I hadn't been listening, not until the last part which only made me even more angered and I took a step closer to him, surprising myself as I did. "No." I said simply. The simplicity of my voice surprised me, it was even and controlled, even as a couple tears made their way down my face. I made another step to him.
You've blown you're top. The voice wasn't even trying to reason with me anymore, just trying to simply point out the obvious until I felt enough guilt or believed it enough to put down the wand. "D-don't go anywhere." I had started stuttering because it was really me not wanting him to go, but then my voice was strong, even and controlled again, taking a step closer. "And you're not taking the kids." I said as I took another step towards him. "I'm keeping you're wand." I added, another step closer, he wasn't that far from me anymore.

[Riley Pearson]

I just nodded, not making any sounds as she took steps closer to me. There was no way I was going to disagree with her when it was like this. I swallowed feeling even more nervous as she came closer to me, still holding the wand up to me. I just nodded again to everything she said, leaning heavily against the table. She didn't seem very stable right now and I wouldn't put it past her if she was to curse me or try to kill me.
Not the best thing you could be thinking about your wife is it?
All I did was do the same thing she did basically though, and I wanted to know if she realised that. At the time though I wasn't really thinking this, being too scared for my own life.

[Riyann Servansikk]

The corners of my lips turned upwards as he nodded and I smiled, it wasn't a smile that I usually would wear, but rather it was cold and really had nothing to do with happy, though I was glad he'd agreed on the terms, to bad I ddn't get to throw a curse or something, because I wasn't going to without a reason.
Well there's that at least. To bad your husband doesn't know this. Why was that happening? Of all things the voice was getting annoying and I was wondering if I was really starting to go insane or not.
"Good." I said, my voice still strong, calm, though it had a little bit of a twisted cheerfulness added to it. You are seriously starting on very unhealthy relationship. I didn't say anything back to the voice or think anything else, I was actually agreeing with it, though I wasn't sure if I felt sick now or not, still hurt by what had all been happening. But that was expected, wasn't it?
This sure as bloody hell wasn't. Last person I'd think to go psycho on their one husband, or just psycho in general. I giggled faintly and took a step closer to him, having a feeling that with the wand pointed to him it was probably making him very uncomfertable, at least with how heavily he was leaning on the table it seemed that way.

[Riley Pearson]

She said good slightly cheerfully and I became slightly more freightend, the sick feeling was now disapaiting just leaving me with a, 'I can't believe this's happening' sort of feeling.
"There's no way you're getting the kids.. not if you're like this." I said shaking my head now as I watched her. "They're mine too." I didn't really like how that sounded outloud. That sounded greatly like, I'm going to leave you now... and that's wasn't what I wanted. I knew that wasn't a good idea to say what I did, but the longer she the like this, the more and more I was questioning her sanity. Not to mention the longer she was like this, the less I wanted to be with her and the easier it seems it would be to just leave. That's when the sick feeling comes back to me. I still loved Riyann. Even if she wasn't at her best right now. That's what really hurt me the most. That she could even think of doing this to me. Doing this to me for something that she had already done.. and taken to a much greater leavel.
She giggled and I shook my head a little bit. "I love you, Riyann... please w-will you j-just put the wand down?" I asked her almost silently in a pleading sort of tone.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I froze slightly at what he said, instead of stepping closer I took another step back, really trying to figure out what the hell I was doing and why. Told you to stop. Now he's going to leave you. Now I was more confused than angry, scared, or hurt. Just confused because we were starting to figure things out, he says he loves Arden, basically, and I start to think that I really can't handle much more of this at once, and then I start with this? You're finally figuring out that you've cracked.
Though I stepped back from him I didn't let the wand fall, instead I kept it pointed at him, willing it to not fall a little. "You're not taking them from me Riley." I said, shaking my head a little, my eyes still locked on him. I really don't care if he leaves, which was different because I really don't want him too, just so long as he doesn't take the twins, or the triplets after they're born. Even if I won't have money quite yet to support them, I wasn't going to let him take them from me. I really think I would do anything to not lose them. I didn't really notice, but a few more tears slid down my face when he said that there was no way I was getting the kids, not if I was like this, because now I was going to have to face the fact that there was going to be no way I would and he was going to make sure of that, no matter what. Not that I wouldn't fight for custody. And the other fact was that he thought I was insane too, he was questioning my sanity.
I'm more than sure he didn't know why I giggled, but he wasn't going to know, instead he just shook his head before saying he loved me, this time without starting to say Arden's name. Actually I was thinking about putting the wand down, infact I had started to faintly lower it until he asked me too, and it was right back up again. "Why?" I asked, taking another step backwards as I did.

[Riley Pearson]

"And I don't want to take them from you." I told her, shaking my head a little bit as I kept my eyes glued on her, feeling a little better when she started to back away slightly. I really didn't either. I just wanted us to be okay. Us being, Riyann, the girls and me. But if Riyann was going to be like this.. holding wands at me and threatening me. Then, I don't know, maybe she shouldn't have the kids if I did leave her. Or if she left me.
I saw her wand lower very slightly when I asked her if she would put it down and I swallowed the small knot that was in my throat before I saw it move back up.
"Because I don't want you to do something that you might regret.. and I think the last thing the girls need to see is you holding my wand to me like this.." I told her softly, still keeping my eyes on her.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I shook my head, he wasn't making any sense, not anymore, which was making me want to either throw something at him or throw a spell at him too. I shook my head again, finally noticing the tears falling down slowly. He's going to leave you. The voice wasn't warning me anymore, pointing things out, but rather gloating because it was right, that I was going to screw this up even more, that I did screw this up because he was my husband and I took his wand and am now holding it on him. "Yes you do." I whispered, finally speaking to when he said he didn't want to take them from me. He was probably thinking that I was an unsuitable wife and mother, that I didn't deserve them that they should have better and I was just as bad as I said I would be ten years ago.
I didn't care anymore, I stopped backing up, I stopped moving forward, I stood where I was, eyes locked on him, wand still raised, fighting with myself on what I should do, because sooner or later he'll see it as an empty threat.
"Who said I'll regret it?" I asked, my voice was back to being simple and strong. I didn't falter in my words, making it seem like I really wouldn't regret anything. "They won't see this." I said, shaking my head, my voice not as wrong. I was so sure they wouldn't, they couldn't because I could hardly believe this was happening myself.

[Riley Pearson]

I shook my head again. "Riyann I really don't, okay?" I asked her raising my eyebrows faintly toward her. "You're a good mum.. just you've kind of just lost it right now.." I said looking over to her and watching her stay as she was.
"Fine.. go ahead." I said watching her, shaking my head faintly again. "It's not like I can stop you. Do whatever you want.. and how do you know? They could be on their way home any minute." I told her shaking my head a little bit for the third time. I still really couldn't believe this was happening, and I really didn't think that she could either.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I shook my head when he said he really didn't and asked okay. I didn't, couldn't, believe that. Why not? He's you're husband, you're supposed to trust him and believe him and work things out. I did trust him, look what he did with that. He hasn't trusted me, so why should I? I don't trust him so I shouldn't believe him. We've already tried working this out, look where it's dragged us now. "Arden loves you too, I'm sure she'd be a better mum." I said, glaring at him when I said that, though it was clear that it was my fault for getting angered like that, I spoke up, brought it all back up again. Now he's going to talk to you and there is no reasoning with you. You'll probably just drive him away with that. "No I'm not, I can't even believe you think that." I was when he said I was a good mum, I was far from that. Then I heard him say I kind of just lost it right now. And what if I don't stop lossing it? What if I'm like this from here on out, being scared to death and pulling his wand on anyone?
"Give me a reason too." I said, being dead serious when I did say it, my face showing absolutely no emotion when I did. Not being able to trust myself made it so I couldn't trust anything he did. You'll probably be hiding and scared for the rest of you're life now. I heard the voice, but I could almost see it rolling it's eyes at me. If it was even possible fore that.
"I just do." I said, trying to ignore him when he said they could be on their way here any minute. I didn't know that, I didn't even know where they were.
Magic, it's kind of funny, gives you all kinds of advantages. Like the fact that Riley's way taller than me, I'm small compared to him, and I've got him leaning heavily on a table because of a stupid wand being pointed at him and the fact that I've clearly lost it and gone insane.
This is actually kind of relaxing. I was surprised by the voice, though I didn't let that show on my face.
Don't have to worry anymore, it's clear you'll mess everything up, I can just sit back and watch. Who's next? "Hopefully no one." I whispered to the voice that was trapped for only me to hear.
Arden? You're kids? I could hear amusement when it asked if the kids were next, I shook my head a little. "No, not the kids." I shook my head a little more, another tear falling. "Not her."
Why Riley? I stayed silent for that one, shaking my head a little bit again. I didn't know the anser. "Because." I whispered, not quite finishing the sentence, because my mind knew what I meant.
I thought you loved him. "I do." I added a little louder.
Then why Riley? "Shut up." I muttered finally.
He's thinking you've clearly lost it. He'll leave with the kids tonight now.

[Riley Pearson]

I shook my head again at what she said about Arden. "Riyann, will you please stop with this? You're a great mum.. and I doubt that Arden loves me." I told her, lessening my weight that I was holding against table. No longer heavily leaning against it.
"I'd rather not give you a reason to.." I said to her, trying to keep my voice calm, moving a little more away from the table, but barely at all so I wasn't even sure if she was going to notice a few inches.
She looked like she was starting to get slightly distracted. And before I knew it, she was talking to herself. I watched her a little more carefully, feeling more worried for her own sanity at the moment than what she was going to do to me if she even did anything. It was almost like she was answering her own questions.
"Riyann.. can you please just sent the wand down?" I asked stepping only slightly closer to her.

[[ sorry my reply was horrible, lol xD ]]