Driven me to hiding;;Riley

[Riyann Servansikk]

I shook my head a little, starting to fall silent again, realizing that I just need to pretend nothing ever happened and everything between us was fine, though I'm more than sure that it might never be.

[Riley Pearson]

I nodded slightly, "Okay.. Would you rather me go somewhere else then?" I asked a moment or two later, unsure if she still wanted me there.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I didn't know how to answer that. I did, but I didn't want him to. I only did because I knew nothing about what we were going to do. I didn't because I loved.

[Riley Pearson]

I nodded slightly when she didn't answer. "I'll just be in the kitchen then.." I said quietly, starting to stand up again.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I was really tempted to ask why I was acting like this, not like it had been that big of a deal, they'd kissed again and I happened to have walked in on it.

[Riley Pearson]

I was really trying my hardest to not saying anything to Riyann about how she was acting about this. I mean, I know she walked in on us kissing, but was it really that big of a deal? I would think she would understand just a little bit.. not to mention remember that she had done much worse than just kiss someone. But there was no way I was saying that outloud again, I knew it was a mistake to do that... then again, if I said that maybe she'd start yelling at me or something.
I finished standing up, glancing at her for a moment before walking back into the kitchen and sitting down at the table, not really hungry at all anymore. So I just sat at the table, looking at my food, taking a few glances in the hallway.

[Riyann Servansikk]

Right now I really wanted to just start hitting my head against something in hopes to stop being so stupid and childish, or to maybe figure out why I was. The only excuse I had was the fact that I had to see it, though that means I was just being even more childish before to not see that he really did like her, if not love her, and Arden loved him. Maybe that's what it was, I was mad at myself and taking it out on him.
Childish.

I just sat there after he got up and went to the kitchen, and I would've followed had I not cared about the stupid kitchen, and I stared at my untouched food. Maybe like all the other times I should just go, run away, make things easier for everyone. Instead of the twins trying to figure out what was wrong and trying to make it right they could hate me instead, Riley coud do what ever he really wanted and his parents could be right. We started everything way too soon.

[Riley Pearson]

After a few moments of sitting in the kitchen, I glanced out in the hallway again, watching Riyann sit there, just staring at her food. I looked back at my food for a moment before standing up and just putting it away and then putting the plate in the dishwasher. I bit my lip a little bit and slowly walked past Riyann, heading toward the living room. I had never really thought about the fact that maybe she didn't like the kitchen too much anymore.. for obvious reasons.

[Riyann Servansikk]

Really, when you think about it, I was the one to ruin our marriage, or messed it up pretty badly. It's like I've suddenly lost all the urge in the world to really want to fix it or at least try and fix it. Instead I've been over-reacting and ignoring my husband when I really don't have a reason to, sort of. Everyone probably agreed that that's all I was doing, everyone who knew about the situation.
If we did figure this out then I'd feel bad, because Arden is in love with him too. It's kind of like Shelby, she was in love with me but I had to hurt her, I didn't want too. I didn't want Arden to get hurt, not because she was any better, but rather because she hasn't actually been in this situation and I really doubt she had her heart broken like this before. Sure when Travis died, but not like this.
"Just didn't seem like you loved me." I could hear myself whisper the words softly, but I didn't want to say them because it mean that we were going to talk and the situation was going to be resolved in a sense, and that ment no more acting childish or stupid.

[Riley Pearson]

I was just walking past her and hearing what she whispered, I stopped walking and turned around to look at her. "Just didn't seem like you loved me." Those words just replayed in head a few times and I shook my head, feeling my own heart drop slightly more. I never wanted her to feel like that, I never wanted to do anything to hurt her... too bad I did want to kiss Arden at the time and that just happend to come with it. I walked closer to her and sat down. "Course I love you." If I hadn't loved her I would've probably said something about it by now.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I didn't notice anything going on in the kitchen before I spoke, or Riley coming our as I spoke, not until I saw him stop in front of me, causing me to keep my gaze on the burger and old piece of pizza. I heard him this time as he walked closer and sat next to me. "Y-you weren't thinking that when you were kissing her." I whispered even quieter than I had when I said it hadn't seemed like he loved me. Though I didn't know what what he was thinking, except that he told me he wasn't thinking, so doesn't that make it so I am right on that assumption? I looked up at him after the last word was out of my mouth, really wanting to glare at him, but instead I just searched his eyes for something, anything.

[Riley Pearson]

I looked back into her eyes hoping that something was getting across to her from them. I hope that whatever it was, wouldn't be that bad, or make her feel any worse, and hopeuflly would make her, if anything, feel a little better. But I doubted her feeling better anytime soon was going to happen.
"I.. I wasn't really thinking anything at the time.." I said shaking my head a little bit.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I didn't know what I wanted, for him to say yes I was thinking that, but I still kissed her anyways. I wasn't thinking at all. No, at the time I was thinking that I love Arden. I didn't want any answer, all the answers really were only going to hurt a little more.
Yet I still heard one. "I.. I wasn't really thinking anything at the time.." Makes you feel great to know when your husband isn't thinking anything, or that he loved you, he's kissing another woman. I really really really wanted to throw something in his face and go back to ignoring him right now.

[Riley Pearson]

Really, I was thinking about how I really did like kissing Arden at the time and I didn't let anything other thoughts get in the way, becuase I knew that it wasn't okay.
"I just don't want to hurt you anymore.." I said quietly, not really explaining any further about what I was speaking about specifically.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I heard him speak again and I almost laughed at that, but I shook my head slightly. "I don't think it's possible." I whispered, shaking my head a little still. I really didn't think it was possible for him to hurt me anymore, he kissed her, said it was nothing, kissed her again and I witnessed it, and he punched Shelby, though he didn't know I knew, not yet. Still I'm pretty sure the he's hurt me as much as he probably could, or as anyone probably could, well unless he left and said he hated me and loved Arden and took the kids with him. I can't see him doing that.
You couldn't see him doing any of this either. Which brings me to the reality that it could happen and might as well happen.

[Riley Pearson]

I frowned feeling a little more hurt at the words she said, taking what she said and assuming that it meant I'd already hurt her so much that it wasn't to possible to do anything else.
"I already said I'm sorry and I'm not sure there's anything else that I can do to make this better.." I said quietly.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I felt like hitting him at what he said, I couldn't hate him, but I had every right to be pissed off at him. "Right, punching Shell and saying those things made everything better." I said, moving the plate and pizza off my lap, setting them on the floor next to me and started getting up from where I was sitting.

[Riley Pearson]

"Whoa." I said shaking my head and putting my hand on her so she'd stay where I was. "I know that it didn't make anything better, but I want things to get better.. and I'm guessing you don't know the whole story behind hitting her." I said keeping my eyes on her. That was one of the reasons I didn't want to hit her in the first place, this would happen and just make things between us worse. I could just hear Shelby now. She wouldn't mention anything she did to me.. or that she basically told me to hit her, I know that's not a good reason, but I couldn't take it back now and I'm not even sure that I wanted to.

[Riyann Servansikk]

"Don't touch me." I said after he put his hand on me to stop me and I just glared at it before turning the glare back up to him. "Do you ever think before you do things." I didn't want to say it, but I did. He didn't think before he kissed Arden, both times, probably wasn't thinking about how this would hurt me before hitting her and saying those things. "Did you think before you married me, or before you asked me to marry you?" I asked, knowing I was throwing things out of proportion and I really should have stopped after I asked he ever thought before doing things, I should've stopped before that actually.

[Riley Pearson]

I took my hand away from her quickly when she said not to touch her, watching her glare at me. I listened to everything she said, understanding why she asked if I ever thought, but feeling like she just stabbed me with something and feeling my hear drop slightly more.
"Yes I do.. and of course I did Riyann.. How could you even ask me that?" I asked her looking over to her. "I had that ring long than you think.. Believe me, I thought about it. There wasn't much to think about.. I loved you and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you... and I still do."

[Riyann Servansikk]

You're just messing everything up even more, why don't you think before you speak.
I do.
He took his hand off of me almost immediatly after I told him not to touch me, which I was slightly glad for, though from what I had said I could see on his face that he was slightly hurt by it, if not very hurt by all of it. "Really?" I asked in disbelief when he said, 'Yes I do'. So far everything was pilling up to say he didn't. I listend to everything else that he said, but I didn't have a comment for.

[Riley Pearson]

"Did you ever think that maybe I just didn't want to tell you?" I asked her keeping my eyes on her, not liking where this conversation was going. The first time I kissed Arden, I can't even remember what I was thinking, if it was anything and the second time, I was thinking that I did actually like it, that I knew I shouldn't be doing it, but I stopped myself before I thought about how it would hurt Riyann. Why? Becasue I liked it and didn't really want to stop. "That I didn't want to hurt you anymore?"

[Riyann Servansikk]

"Didn't want to tell me what?" I asked, wondering how I suddenly got lost in this conversation that was going anywhere but to the better side at helping us fix this current situation, though at the moment I didn't care. He wanted me to speak, I was speaking, he wanted everything out in the open, and out in the open it was getting there. "You did though, you hurt me more than anything and it was practically over nothing." I whispered, biting my lip a little. "I never imagined you doing any of this, being able to hit her." I barely even got to say the last part, my voice was cracking.

[Riley Pearson]

"... The reason I said that I wasn't thinking.." I said after a moment, shaking my head a little bit, not wanting to tell her. "And I'm sorry I did." I said to her agian. "I really never wanted to." I told her watching her biting her lip a little bit. "Did she tell you what she did to me?" I asked her listening to her voice as it cracked. "Not that I can say I didn't deserve to get beat up though I guess.."

[Riyann Servansikk]

"W-what?" I asked, looking at him with watery eyes, confusion written across my face. He lied to you too, but maybe there was a reason? No, he lied. I could feel my heart fall slightly more, so maybe it was possible for him to hurt me even more, just simple little things until I finally broke and couldn't take it anymore. Well I think I'm actually pretty close to that breaking point, everything just keeps pilling up. "You still did." I whispered, wondering why I wanted to stay and let him say things so that either of the two would be breaking my heart even more. I couldn't speak anymore, my voice not working anymore, so I simply shook my head a little, wondering what he meant by saying he did deserve to get beaten up, not in those exact words, but that's what he said.

[Riley Pearson]

I shook my head, not wanting to say to it. Not wanting to say anything else. So I just kept shaking my head, not answering her. The only reason I lied because it wouldn't've been as worse.. at least, that's what I thought at the time.
"Yes I did, but before that I was slapped a few times and then punched twice.. then I hit her after dared me to.. and then she held her wand to my heart and threatend to kill me." I said shaking my head a little. "I bet she didn't tell you any of that.." I added, "Not to mention kicked me reallly hard.." I said, not mentioning where.

[Riyann Servansikk]

He didn't say anything and I simply took that as he wasn't going to tell me, pretty blantly obvious, and started to get up again, feeling even more betrayed at that fact. I really was falling apart, feeling as if each time I got hurt someone stabbed me through the heart again and again, I was getting that feeling again.
And it came back after he told me what Shelby did, and I was wondering if she didn't tell me because she hoped it would make me hate Riley and go back to her. Either way it still hurt me even more, and I stayed silent, not knowing how to answer.

[Riley Pearson]

"Because.. Because I liked it." I said quietly when she started to get up. "I liked it and I didn't let myself think of how much it would be hurting you." I told her, feeling a tear fall down my cheek, staring down at the floor.
I shrugged faintly, just shaking my head a little. "We just don't get along Riyann.." I said quietly.

[Riyann Servansikk]

So maybe I should've let him lie, though I would still have felt betrayed and not known it would've been worse to know why he lied. We just have to learn from our mistakes. Still, I felt my heart drop at his words and I didn't even get up, instead I sat back down and kept my eyes far from him, trying not to let more tears fall, though I really sort of did want to, to show him that it hurt, but he already knew it was hurting me, so I didn't have to hurt him that way either.
"Couldn't you try?" I asked in a small whisper,really doubting that he was going to say yes.

[Riley Pearson]

I watched her carefully, glad she stayed sitting down but, feeling worse than ever about saying that, even if it was the truth.. not a lie. And now that I said it I could stop thinking about it. Sort of at least.
I looked down to the floor for a moment before back up at her, "I've been trying.. but you know that I'll do anything for you.." I said quietly, nodding a little. ".. Yeah.."