Leaving Again;;Riley

[Riyann Servansikk]

I was pretty sure now that it was just the drinks talking for Shelby that night, and that she loved Draven way more than me and I knew that I really did love Riley.

So why am I leaving?

I guess I just couldn't wait any longer for Riley, as sad as it was. I couldn't leave the twins with someone who didn't know them.
And everything was piling up and it was all so stressful.

I didn't even have an idea where Riley was right now, but that was okay because I was busy with helping the girls pack, my bags already sitting by the front door.
Just like the first time I'd left.

I could feel a few tears in my eyes as I started placing the last of their clothes into a suitcase as I looked at the Teddy Bear on Ariella's bed. The one I couldn't remember the name of from the top of my head, but Riley could after coming home the first day. I don't even know where she got it from, but the two girls had identical bears. Maybe we got them for them, or maybe that was just Riley.

"Mum, what're we doing?" "Why are you crying? You said we were only leaving for a short bit."

I stayed silent, knowing that I'd lied to them when I had them start packing and I felt instant guilt as I did lie. "I'll be right back, finish packing." I said softly, pushing myself to my feet and leaving the room and headed for mine.

As I moved through the doorway I pulled the locket Riley had gotten for me sometime ten years ago and looked in it one last time, watching the picture of us and moved over to the bed, placing it lightly on one of the pillows. I was sure Riley wouldn't know why I had done that. But after wearing it everyday, either tucked lightly under my shirt or else showing, I couldn't take it when I was leaving. The picture was of the both of us smiling, Riley hugging me from behind and kissing my cheek before spining me in a circle.

I couldn't even remember taking the damn picture.

Wiping my eyes quick I moved and looked around the room to make sure I hadn't left anything.

[Riley Pearson]

I knew Riyann was home and even though I was sort of tired, I decided to go out for a walk. It was a nice day outside and since I had the option I figured I'd go get some time to myself before Riyann had to go back to work, leaving me with the girls again. I really didn't mind it. It'd been a while now and I'd gotten used to the lack of sleep and them being hyper all the time. I kind of liked it, I was never bored and never lonely it was pretty nice.

But as I walked I wondered when or if I was ever going to remember everything again. This was starting to get frustrating. The more time I spent with the girls and with Riyann, the more and more I wanted to be able to remember them and then the more I thought about remembering, the less I actually remembered. I just didn't understand how it worked. All I knew was that I wanted it back.

I walked up to the front door of the house. I hadn't been gone too long. Maybe an hour or so or slightly longer, but it didn't seem like it was too long. Then again I probably should've told them I was going for that walk too. I opened the front door and heard a small sound come from the other side. The door hit a couple bags that were resting by it and I gave a slightly confused look as I stared at the bag. It seemed so familar... but not really that good familar feeling. It wasn't a very pleasant one and I was wondering why I was getting it.

After looking at the bag a moment longer, a memory flooded back to me and I got a very small headache coming with it. The bags by the door in a different house or appartment, the same confused feeling, then argueing with about Sydney. I remembered Sydney, I remembered where I was, I remembered how I started drinking... and I remembered Riyann leaving. Walking right out that door and leaving me alone. After a few moments a ton of other things came floating back to me. When Charlotte and Ella were born, getting back with Riyann, how she was in hiding, Working at Hogwarts, my friends, working at the Ministry, Riyann's and my's wedding, the girl's pervious birthdays... everything.

I blinked a few times and smiled widely, wondering where Riyann was. I looked around the house and then checked our room last when I heard the girls talking to eachother in theirs, the door partially shut, so I didn't see what was going on. I looked inside, grinning widely as I saw Riyann but then frowning a bit when I saw her locket on the pillow. A slight panicking feeling came over me and I paused for a moment, failing to tell her that my memory was back. I thought about the bags by the door again and then looked back at the locket.

"Riyann?" I asked quietly with a small frown placed on my lips. "W-What's going on?"

[Riyann Servansikk]

He wasn't supposed to come back until after we left, even though I didn't exactly know where he was coming back from so I didn't know exactly how long we were having as it was. But from how much time we'd already had, I had to be thankful. Except it wasn't long enough. I turned towards the door after hearing it open and hearing the question, sure that I looked like a right mess.

I couldn't get over the fact that I was doing this to him for a second time. Not like he remembered the first. Just like the first time this would've been better had I not had to have seen him. And I stayed silent for a minute or so.

"I-I. uhm, I'm leaving Riley." I said softly, glancing at the floor after I had told Riley. "The girls are coming with me." I added, nodding as I looked up at him finally.

I wanted to explain more, but how? I couldn't exactly use the time of leaving to explain it all. It would take to long, even if he deserved to know about it all. Things were fine the first week, and the second, but it started getting harder and more complicated each day that passed. "I can't take it any more Riley." I added, looking him in the eyes as I recalled those same words from the first time.

[Riley Pearson]

I watched her turn around, seeing that she had been crying and that she sort of looked like a mess. I thought I knew what was happening but I didn't want to believe. I just remembered everything and here she was, leaving. Again. At least that what it seemed like was going on.

She said she was leaving and I got another sick feeling in the pit of my stomach sure it was showing on my face. The feeling only getting worse as she said the she was taking the girls.

"W-What?" I asked watching her carefully shaking my head as she explained. "N-No.. No Riyann y-you can't leave." I said shaking my head a little more and walking closer to her. It not hitting me right away why she was leaving. I was too shocked and upset to really think about it.

[Riyann Servansikk]

"Why the hell not?" I asked, stepping back when he started closer to me. It wasn't like he had any real feelings for me, he was only fucking married to me. I could feel a few more tears fall down from my eyes, feeling a little sicker than a moment ago. "Riley. I can't do this." I said, not wanting to yell at him, not wanting to say why because the girls weren't that far away.

I could feel my head shaking, not really knowing that I was shaking my head to start with. I wasn't getting a divorce, not now, not for a while. I just needed to get away from him and I wasn't leaving the twins as I did that.

Still, I had divorce papers in one of my bags incase I ever needed them, though I know that I'd only end up staring at them and not signing. I didn't want to end everything between us.

I took another step backwards, shaking my head again as I looked down at the floor. "I can't."

[Riley Pearson]

I kept shaking my head, closing the door behind me before, unsure of what to do. I ruffled my hair trying to gather my thoughts as to why this was happening, watching her as she took steps back. "Y-Y-You can't do what?" I asked before realising what this was all about and shaking my head more walking closer to her again, glancing over at the locket agian as I saw it sitting on the pillow. Glad at the fact that I remembered when I gave that to her.

"No, Riyann... Just stop for a minute." I said shaking my head. "I love you, please d-don't leave again." I added, feeling a knot start to form in my throat. "You and the girl's is all I have." I said shaking my head as I stood a few feet away from her. "Please don't leave.. n-not again."

I probably should've told her exactly why she shouldn't leave, but I wasn't thinking very clearly, so I wasn't even that sure of what I was saying or what was happening.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I ignored his first question and shook my head lightly, feeling as if the room was slowly getting small with each second passing, knowing that I was leaving him again, and him being in the room, closing the door, it wasn't helping the feeling of being clastrophobic, or the feeling of being sick to my stomach. Tears continued falling down my cheeks as I stood there, backing up until I could feel the bed against my legs.

"Why should I?" I asked under my breath, looking up at him and seeing his head shake. "You don't love me. You don't Riley. You don't even remember me." I said, shaking my head. "You don't remember us. We're all you have because you don't know anyone else." I added a little louder.

I wasn't even listening to him completely, if I had been I probably would've heard him say not again. "Y-you don't love me." I whispered, knowing that I had to get out of the room and get this over with and started towards him and the door. "You don't love me." I added in a quieter whisper.

[Riley Pearson]

She ignored my question as I felt a few tears fall from my eyes as she continued to back away from me until she couldn't back up anymore, more tears falling down her cheeks as she did.

"No, because I do love you." I said shaking my head still. "I remember you, I love you." I repeated, continueing to shake my head. "I-I remember you, I remember the girls.." I said as she started to talk a little louder and as she shook her head.

"Please believe me.. I love you." I said shaking my head, not bothering to wipe the tears off my face. "Please don't leave again..." I whispered shaking my head and sitting down on the side of the bed, resting my head in my hands.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I watched as tears fell from his eyes, and I would've felt horrible for making him cry, only the fact was, I couldn't bother with that, not if I was leaving him. I shook my head some more, bringing the back of my hand to my eyes and wiping them quick, though it wasn't much help, the tears just kept coming.

This time I really didn't want to leave him, the first time, I did want a little of both, this time I felt like I was being kicked in the stomach as I imagined what I was doing. I didn't even fully understand what Riley was saying to me. Probably just things about how I shouldn't leave, maybe throwing in lies.

"How can I trust you?" I asked after catching what he was saying, I turned back away from the door to look at where he was as he went to the side of the bed.

I shook my head again, turning back around. I was sure that if he really did remember, those words would hurt him more than anything, and I reached my hand out for the door handle, turned it and started out towards the girls' room, wiping my eyes some more, feeling my hands shaking uncontrollably. I loved Riley, I loved the twins, I loved Shelby, I didn't want to leave again. Only because I was sure Shell would pick Draven, and because I loved Riley more than anything.

"None of this makes sense." I muttered, not sure what I was talking about, maybe just everything.

[Riley Pearson]

I heard her words and looked up at her, feeling like she just shoved something sharp and pointy into my heart. I was sure the pain was showing through on my face, but I wasn't sure if she saw it because a moment later she was already out of the room. How could she ask me something like that? How could she not trust me? I shook my head, feeling more tears fall down my face.

It took me a second to react. I told her I remember and she didn't believe me? She didn't trust me? Once I really realised that she left the room, I stood up and ran after her, grabbin onto her hand in the middle of the hallway, near the girl's room. "How can you not trust me?" I asked her, sure that the hurt was showing in my voice, wishing she'd turn around and look at me. "What doesn't make sense? W-Why're you leaving?" I asked a ton of questions, shaking my head.

[Riyann Servansikk]

After I was out of our bedroom door I could feel myself crying harder, knowing that I shouldn't be doing this, seeing how he looked sure as hell was not helping me with this. I didn't even get to the girls' room, feeling like I was going to fall over from all of this, but hearing Riley coming after me made me walk a little closer to their door, feeling his hand grab onto mine I shook my head.

Listening to him I shook my head some more, more tears falling down my face as I fell down onto my knees. I couldn't even think of a way to start answering his questions and I leaned forward after taking my hand back away from his, wrapping my arms around my stomach as I leaned forward against my knees.

How can you not trust me? The words kept echoing through my head, his voice stuck there like a broken record, and the hurt in his voice made me cry a little more, maybe he really did remember.

By now I couldn't even speak, but I had slowed the tears a little, though I was still sobbing a little, every once in a while.

[Riley Pearson]

She was crying harder now and I shook my head again. I wanted to know why she wasn't hearing me. Why she wasn't believing what I was telling her. She took her hand away from mine and I let her, as she fell to the floor on her knees outside of the girl's room. I didn't want them to see this, they shouldn't be witnessing this.

"Why don't you trust me?" I asked her quietly, trying to keep quiet now as we were so close to the girls. Pretty sure they probably heard her sobbing though. "I love you. I remember." I said again, wanting her to know this. I didn't understand how she couldn't trust me when I told her this.

Did it not sound genuine? What did I have to do to get her to realise I was telling her the truth. That I really didn't remember. I didn't want her to leave again. I didn't think I could handle losing her or the girls. But to lose them both at the same time... I couldn't take that.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I didn't want to be crying. One it showed weakness, two the girls probably were listening by now. Still, I couldn't stop, and I felt sick. I found out that I really was pregnant, I finally decided to take a damn test, and I was leaving him with a horrible paying job, two kids and another on the way.

"I dunno." I managed through the tears and slowing sobs. "I dunno." I whispered, shaking my head against my knees. Why didn't I trust him, why couldn't I trust him?

I was starting to get a headache from his voice repeating everything in my head at once, it all being way to much to focus on or pay attention to, but I tried my best to ignore it, holding my sick feeling stomach a little tighter. "I dunno." I whispered, shaking my head again.

[Riley Pearson]

I heard her repeat I don't know a few times, watching as she shook her head, not looking up to me. I was sure the girls were listening by now, not hearing a thing coming from the room that was across from us.

"You're not leaving." I said again, shaking my head. "And you're definately not leaving with the girls." I added, still feeling a few tears going down my cheeks, shaking my head again.

I couldn't let her leave. She wasn't leaving. I couldn't take that.

[[ meh, this post sucked =/ sorry ]]

[Riyann Servansikk]

It was silent except for me until he spoke again and I shook my head lightly. I didn't want to leave, but I didn't want him bossing me around either. "You have no right to tell me what I'm doing or not." I said, still having my head against my knees as I spoke and I figured that it hadn't sounded as threatening as it would have if I would have been looking at him and possibly glaring at him for even daring to say I wasn't leaving.

Yet, I was glad he said I wasn't leaving. I didn't have to make up my damn mind anymore, still it wasn't like he could always watch me to make sure I didn't leave.

Man, I'm a bitch.

[[tis okay *nods*]]

[Riley Pearson]

I listened to her and just shook my head. "I know I don't, but.. God Riyann. Why're you doing this?" I asked her, starting to get even more upset, not sure if it was showing in my voice or not. "I told you I remember!" I said a little bit louder than I probably should. "I love you.. and you're not leaving me. You are not taking them away from me." I said a little quieter than the other statement, but still sort of loud.

I was already on my knees next to her, shaking my head, finially wiping my cheeks, before more tears came spilling out.

[[ yay ]]

[Riyann Servansikk]

"Like I told you I couldn't take this anymore." I mutttered to myself, hearing him start to get a little angry, making me mad myself. I heard him talking louder and shook my head, trying not to listen to him. "It's not always about you." I yelled, looking up at him, we didn't even have a damn reason to fight. I should be unpacking now, but the guilt of knowing I still loved Shelby, possibly a little more than Riley was really messing with what I was doing and what I should be doing. "It's not." I whispered, shaking my head lightly as I looked down to the floor instead.

As he went down on his knees as well I shook my head some more, making sure not to look at him as I wiped my own eyes, knowing it was pointless to the oncoming tears.

[Riley Pearson]

"You don't have to take it anymore." I said shaking my head more. "I remember everything, Riyann, I remember it all. I flinched slightly as she yelled but then shook my head a little. "I know it's not, this's about us!" I said a little louder back, shaking my head more back to her, looking back at her. "Us. Not me." I said quieter, wanting to go and get her bags so I could start unpacking all of her things.

I shook my head again, not wanting to girls to hear us yelling at eachother. But it was too late. I was positive they heard it now.

"Please don't leave me here." I said starting to cry slightly again, shaking my head, leaving the tears on my face.

[Riyann Servansikk]

"You asked Riley." I muttered when he said I didn't have to take it anymore and continued saying that he remembered everything, but I didn't want him to anymore, it just make it so much easier to get the hell out of here. I heard him talk a little louder and was tempted to go back to our bedroom just for the sake of slamming the door in his face.

He didn't make it sound like it was about us and not him. To me, it sounded a lot more like it was about him. Don't leave me, don't take the kids from me. You can't do this to me. So on, and I hated it. Shaking my head I stood up and went back to our room and shut the door, not really slammed it, but still I didn't shut it like a normal person would have.

Turning around to the door I locked it both the muggle way and with magic, knowing damn well that he could just as well apparate in here or use magic himself, if he wanted to even see me any more.

Fine. I wasn't leaving him here, no I was just going to have to deal with the fact that I have to hide things again, and I had to maybe try and make things better again.

I had been doing so well too. Keyword, had.

[Riley Pearson]

I heard her mutter something about me asking, confused about what she was talking about. I watched her stand up a confused look showing through my eyes as she got up and walked toward our door. I closed my eyes as she shut it, not really slamming it. I sighed, leaving my eyes shut and I leaned against the walla in the hallway.
I knew I could apparate in there, but I think that we both needed time to cool off and if she apparated out, I could at least still have the kids here with me.
So maybe it did sort of sound like this was all about me. And maybe it was sort of, I had to admit she had a point. But this was still about us. She wanted to leave me and if she did there wouldn't be an us anymore.
I leaned my head back on the wall, almost wanting to leave myself now. This was the greeting I wanted when my memory came back.

[Riyann Servansikk]

If I were to apparate out I knew I'd be leaving the twins, not that they'd mind. They probably would rather be with Riley than with me as it was. I'd have the baby though, and that way I'd still be sort of tied to Riley and the twins. If I let them know about it.

I moved back over to the bed and sat down, barely glancing over and looked at the locket before throwing it at the wall. I'm the biggest idiot in the world. Moving a little more I burried my head in a pillow as I laid down on my stomach and could feel my tears soaking into the pillow and making it a little wet where I was crying at least.
Biggest Idiot.

I could hear the twins moving around in their room and tried my best to ignore it.

Coming to the door, Ariella opened it carefully, usually that was what Charlotte did, she was the brave one, but Char was hugging her arms around her in the corner of the room. The corner of the room where Ella had been hugging her too.
She wanted to see her dad though.

A few tears were still in her eyes as she peeked out, noticing that Riley was the one sitting out there and not their mum. "Daddy, are you alright?" She asked softly, stepping out into the hall cautiously scared as if someone was there to yell at her if she took the first step. More important though, why were they fighting, did they have to leave?

[Riley Pearson]

I heard a small clink against the wall, assuming it was the necklace that was on the pillow. I stayed where I was, still wanting to leave, but fighting the urge and staying where I was. A moment later, the door to the girl's room opened and I quickly wiped my face, even though I was sure it was obvious I was still crying.
I saw Ella peak her head out, slightly surprised as I saw her and not Charlotte. I saw some tears on her face, making me feel worse for what had just happend. She asked if I was alright and even though I wasn't really, I just nodded faintly. I moved still nodding and went over, closer to her and hugged her tightly. "It's okay Ella..." I said silently, wiping my eyes again, still hugging her tight.

[Riyann Servansikk]

She watched as her dad nodded and hugged him back tight, hearing his words but not believing them in the least. Mum was trying to get them to leave daddy, and she was a little more mad at her. Why did she want to leave daddy? He loved her, wasn't that enough? "Why are you and mum fighting?" She asked softly, mad that the two of them had accused mum and dad of fighting while they were at the hospital, man they had that wrong. Wiping her eyes softly she nodded a little.

Charlotte stayed in their room, in the same corner, trying to block out everything that had happened before getting off the floor and moved to start unpacking their things. She'd heard dad, she knew that mum was being unfair to them all, she knew they shouldn't leave.

I stayed where I was on the bed before moving and sitting on it instead, hugging the pillow tight to myself as I heard the voices down the hall, barely understanding what words were being exchanged, but knowing that was going on and not really caring anymore. Instead of glaring at the door I averted my eyes to the locket where it had landed beside the door and shook my head lightly. Everything was supposed to be better. We'd already been through so much, why did we have to be going through this, now of all times.

Biting my lip I shook my head, tempted to just leave, maybe get an abortion because I didn't want to be tied back here anymore. But I wasn't making that damn mistake twice. Still, I could leave for a little while. Not like I could go get wasted. I could, but not without feeling even more guilty.

Finally I sighed softly, moving off the bed and apparating infront of Honeydukes and walked in, knowing I looked like a wreck, not much caring.

[Riley Pearson]

I thought that question was coming. I just didn't know how to answer it. Why were we fighting? I really wasn't completely positive myself. Which made it all the more worse. We fought right outside their room and Riyann was pretty much the only one who knew why. But I knew that I was fighting for her to stay or to at least leave the girl's with me.

I remembered everything and she still fought with me. Which was what I thought was the reason she was leaving. I guess it wasn't. Maybe she just didn't love me anymore and all that it took for her to realise it was a few weeks of me not remembering anything.

"We just... I dunno honey." I said softly, shaking my head a little bit. A moment later, I heard the familar crack, knowing that Riyann left and not knowing where she went. But this was the first time I was sort of glad she left. She could come back later and then maybe I'd actually be able to talk to her. I hugged her again before pulling away and looking at her, wiping a couple of tears off her face before speaking up again. "Where's your sister?" I asked her softly, assuming she was still in the room.

[Riyann Servansikk]

[[Aw, ouch.. Nina that hurt. lmao.. Glad she's gone? hehe]]

Ariella nodded lightly when Riley took a moment to answer, not really liking his answer, but it was all she had. It was just worse when her parents didn't know what they were fighting about. Feeling her dad pull away again, she had heard a moment before mum leaving, but he didn't seem bothered by it. Pointing her hand back she pointed at their room where Charlotte was slowly unpacking in silence.

She didn't even want to really see either of her parents right now. They were being childish and it was down right stupid. Neither deserved her attention. So she kept her ears shut to the conversation, though she did hear her mum apparating out which made her heart drop a little more than it already had, though she didn't let it show.

I sighed softly. I just needed chocolate and a place to stay for the night, and I went and got them both, knowing that spending the money on a damn room for a night wasn't helping me get the girls brooms for their birthday. Their brithday was coming up soon too.

[Riley Pearson]

[[ lmao... XD... he doesn't wanna fight XD haha ]]

Ella stayed silent and I saw her nod and then looking side the room as she pointed back to it. I watched Charlotte with a small frown on my face. She was quietly unpacking her bags, able to tell that she was crying too.
"Hey Lottie..." I started softly looking carefully over to her, before standing up and walking over to her, putting a hand lightly on hers, so she could stop unpacking. "Honey.." I started quietly, looking at her.
It now just occured to me that what if she didn't come back. I couldn't see her doing that, but what if. And at that thought I got even more nervous, hoping she'd be back in the morning, the sick feeling still lingering in my stomach as I waited for Charlotte's answer, moving so I could hug her. My eyes stinging lightly, feeling like i was going to cry again.

[Riyann Servansikk]

Ariella stayed where she was, letting a soft sigh past her lips before she moved to her parents room, sitting down infront of the door, she wanted her mum back, but she didn't want to leave if that's what it took to see her again and she started crying softly to herself, wondering about why mum was so upset, why she had wanted to leave.

Char barely even glanced up when Riley came in, lettiner him stop her though, staying silent. She didn't want to talk. Why'd they have to fight? It was so stupid. She could feel the tears coming a little faster and shut her eyes lightly and letting her dad hug her for a moment before hugging him back and burrying her head into his shoulder.

[Riley Pearson]

I saw some tears falling a little faster and hugged her tightly when she burried her head in my shoulder. Closing my eyes tightly, feeling a few more tears fall from my eyes. A moment or two later, I heard Ella in the hallway, walking and then the small sound of sitting down. I was sure that she was proabaly crying but I couldn't really hear her from here.
"It's going to be okay." I told her quietly before pulling away after a few moments, gently wiping some tears from her eyes. I stood up a moment later, my hand around Lottie's back and nodded slightly toward the hallway, thinking it best if we were all together, trying to think that riyann would be coming back soon.
We walked over to Ella and i sat back down on the floor by her and pulled her into another hug, signalling for Charlotte to hug me too.

[Riyann Servansikk]

Lottie let a small sob into Riley's shoulder. What if mum didn't come back? Just like she was planning earlier. When he said it was going to be okay she just nodded, having to believe him. She felt him pull away and wipe away most of the tears, though they didn't stop there. She stayed silent though and let Riley lead the way out of the room, following behind him and sat down close to him, hugging him tight and resting her head against his chest.

Ella watched as they came from the room and could feel a couple more tears fall at the sight of her sister. Moving she hugged her dad back and wrapped one of her arms around her sister for a moment before just hugging RIley and also resting her head on his chest.

[Riley Pearson]

I heard Lottie let out a small sob and hugged her a little tighter, the sound making me let out a few more tears, trying to keep a control over mine.

I hugged them both tightly, closing my eyes tightly as more tears fell silently. "It's gonna be okay.." I said quietly to them, wanting them to believe it. "Mum'll be back.."