favor

[Arden Patricks]

I’ve just been released from Azkaban after two weeks of thinking I was going to die there, immersed in all my worst memories and deliberately starving to death. So I’m not going to say that I feel worse than I ever have in my life. I know what the worst is – I’ve just been through it. And I’d be a blatant liar, and a pretty bad one, if I tried to deny that even just breathing feels good now. Just existing.

Which is why it’s so confusing, so conflicting, that I also feel like my heart has been torn out. Simultaneously with the relief and the pleasure of freedom, there is also heartache. And it’s a good thing that I’m used to that sort of extreme contradiction, or it might be enough to drive me mad.

As it is, it’s very… bothersome… to be sitting curled up with your eyes closed, breathing and thinking and content, and then suddenly get a sharp pain as your thoughts wander somewhere you wish they didn’t go, so that suddenly you’re curled up sobbing instead and you can’t seem to stop because it hurts too much.

I haven’t told anyone I’m free yet, even though it’s been three days. Well… the first day I did tell Logan, of course. But then I also told him we were over, for good this time, which set off the crying fits and is also the reason I’ve not told anyone else. Why should I bother to tell them I’m alive if I’m just going to off myself anyway?

But of course, that’s why I’m here. That’s why I’m going to tell him I got out. I’m scared of what I’ll do if I’m alone. So even though I know I don’t deserve it, I’m here to ask a favor.

[Riley Pearson]

I can't even begin to describe the constant feeling of sickness that seemed to be taking over my body lately. There really was nothing that I could possibly do.. short of turning myself in, so that she could be let out.
Which really, would not be much better of just leaving her in that place. Neither of us committed murder, so neither of us should be in that.. place. Actually, very few should ever have to be stuck there for any amount of time, to be honest. But the point was, she wasn't supposed to be there, and since she went and falsely-confessed I didn't have many options.

I hadn't really done much today other than get the girls up and make breakfast for them... and do some cleaning. There wasn't much of anything else.. Well, except maybe go back to Azkaban and tell Arden that I really could not think of any possible way of getting her out.. But that really wasn't at the top of my list. At least doing things around the house was keeping me slightly occupied. Somewhat occupied, at least.

Coming out from the kitchen, I turned the corner, blowing a bit on a mug of tea. It was a little bit calming, I guess.
Catching a figure at the door about to knock, I did a short double take and I felt like my heart stopped... actually, almost like time stopped. Either I was going insane from all this worrying, or Arden was standing at my door. I froze for a split second, dropping my tea in the process, causing a nice puddle on the wood floors as well as a broken mug.

Without really realising how I ended up there, I was opening the door. Seeing that Arden really was there, I pulled her into a hug, despite the feeling that she wouldn't really want it in the first place. I didn't really care though.
"What're you doing? What happened?" I asked slightly frantically, stil holding onto her pretty tight.

[Arden Patricks]

I hear something shatter as I’m just about to knock, and it makes me swallow nervously. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. Maybe I should turn around and lea-

But before I can finish the thought, Riley’s got me in an airtight hug, and it feels so good that the idea of leaving just evaporates. It feels so good that I hug him tightly back, burying my face in his shoulder, and don’t ever want to let go even if I probably have to in order to answer his question.

This is why it’s good to not be in Azkaban anymore. This is the whole point of living.
And this, it occurs to me briefly, is also the main difference between Logan and Riley. Logan wouldn’t do this. He didn’t. I’m not sure he even can – not automatically at least, impulsively, like Riley just did.

But that line of thought will just make me hurt again, so eventually I pull away enough to shake my head. “I’m fine; they let me out.”
I know I have dark circles under my eyes, and that I’m thinner than normal and keep getting dizzy. But other than that I am physically fine. And they really did just let me out.

“A couple of aurors, people that I used to work with, took another look at the evidence and decided I couldn’t be guilty. They let me go.”

[Riley Pearson]

Even in times like these, I'm still surprised when she hugs me back. I guess that even after ten years or so, I'll never shake that intial, 'she-doesn't-liked-to-be-touched' thought from my brain.
But then again, after being locked up in Azkaban for a couple weeks, I guess not many people would reject human interaction..
But now I think that maybe I was already thinking about that a bit too much and I decided it best to stop and just dwell on the fact that Arden wasn't dead and she was out of that place and right in front of me. I really don't think that I could be any more excited about that.

I feel her pull away slightly, moving her head from where it was resting on my shoulder and I moved only faintly away so that I could get a better look at her. She spoke and I nodded slightly, a small smile forming on my face.
"You have no idea how happy I am to hear that." I said, shaking my head slightly disbelievingly before hugging her slightly more again. Actually, she probably had quite the idea of how happy I was. I'm sure that she was just as happy as I was.. If not more.

The short moment I looked at her, I got a chance to notice that she really didn't look too great; Which, overall, made me not only even more happy that she was out there, but made me hold onto her a little bit longer than I probably would have.

[Arden Patricks]

"If it's anything like how glad I am to be here, I might have a clue," I say, smiling faintly before he hugs me again, and I take the opportunity to try and swallow the lump in my throat. It's stupid to feel like crying at a time like this - though at least I'm being honest about being happy to be here.

I'm also fairly certain that there is a good chance he's happier than I am - not that I like to presume such things, but I may as well admit the guy loves me, and I have a vague idea how I'd feel if our situations were reversed.

[Riley Pearson]

I wonder for a moment if I should comment on that, but I can't really think of one, so I decide it best that I just nod a bit. I don't know why it's hard for me to believe right now that she's that glad to be here, but if she was I definitely wasn't going to complain about it. I don't think I could complain about anything right now.
"... I'd imagine anywhere but there would be nice." I ended up adding.

After a couple more moments, I pulled away, smiling a bit to her. "So how're you feeling?" I asked, looking down to her, with a slightly worried look. "Can I get you anything?"

[Arden Patricks]

That's true, I think but don't bother to say, squeezing my eyes closed briefly but then opening them again as he pulls back.

"I'm fine." I shake my head. "Just...." Just kind of occasionally heartbroken, and I have a huge favor to ask, but the words stick in my throat and I shake my head again. "How've you been?"

[Riley Pearson]

I watch her carefully for a moment as she answers me and nodded a bit. "Okay.." I said eventually. When she didn't finish her sentence though it was all the more convincing to me that maybe she wasn't fine... or that something was wrong.

"Um.. mostly worried, actually, but I'm better now that you're here and not in that place anymore." I said with a small smile.

[Arden Patricks]

"Yeah, so am I." I smile faintly again, obligatorily. "Or I think so anyway."
Which brings me to the reason that I'm here.... No, I'll let him ask first, if he wants to. Probably he will; since when does Riley ever let things go? But I don't think I really have a right to press it. Or to ask him for anything, really, which is why I'm so reluctant to start. I don't know if he's forgotten everything I've put him through these last several months, but I know that I haven't.

[Riley Pearson]

I nodded slightly, "Good." I said smiling bit more at her smile. Nw I was a bit stuck at what to say now though and realizing that we were still in the doorway.
"Maybe we should move inside." I said a few moments later, pulling away all the way now and walking backwards a bit so she could follow me.
To be honest, I wasn't really thinking about anything right now except for the fact that Arden was here.
"I can make you some.. tea? Or coffee, or something?" I asked a moment later, unsure of what else to say.

[Arden Patricks]

I'm a bit disappointed, I think, that he didn't catch on and ask about the uncertainty, but I follow him in without comment, shaking my head.

"I'm fine," I say, then take a deep breath. I guess I really will have to be the first to bring it up. "Actually, I kind of came here for a reason. I know that I haven't any right to ask you anything, but I kind of would like to request a favor."

[Riley Pearson]

I shut the door behind her, remembering that I was going to ask her about when she trailed off. But I somehow managed to forget in that in the whole minute I was talking to her.

I nodded when she said she was fine and bit my lip for a moment, looking up to her again when she started speaking again.
"Course you have the right... but yeah, anything." I said with a small smile. "What can I do?"

--argh, sorry, i actually accidentally left things out of my posts earlier... meh, it was hard to concentrate cos i was talking to stacy and southpark was on the in background.. lol--

[Arden Patricks]

((Ah, that makes sense then. I thought it seemed a little... scrambled or something.))

I close my eyes briefly, looking down at the floor and hoping that he doesn't retract that hasty 'anything' as quickly as the last time I asked someone for a favor. Granted, I was asking them to kill me, but people shouldn't be so quick to agree to things they haven't yet heard.

"I, um... I was wondering if I could stay here for a bit," I say finally, taking a deep breath and looking up again. "I've broken things off with Logan, and I really... don't want to be alone right now." I'm afraid of what I'll do.
But no, I can't add that. I don't want him saying yes from fear of guilt.

[Riley Pearson]

Listening to what she asked, I watched her look up to me. As if I could say no. Even if I wanted to say no, I knew that I wouldn't be able to; Especially after the reason she had just given me.
So, after a short moment, I nodded. "Yeah, 'course you can stay." I said with another nod and faint smile. "As long as you want to." I added, wanting to give her another hug right now, but unsure whether or not she'd want one.. But going against, possibly my better judgment, I moved a bit closer, hugging her again anyway.
It was slightly hard to believe that she had actually broken things off between them, but I wasn't about to question her about it. She probably didn't really want to talk about it anyway. Though I did wonder how long it would last...
Hopefully indefinitely..

[Arden Patricks]

"Thank you," I say quietly, hugging him back... even as I wonder why I ever thought there was a question. It's Riley, for heaven's sake. When has he ever said no to me, even if he should?

Which brings me to the other little matter of requesting that just because it's over with Logan doesn't mean it's okay for him to act like usual and try to kiss me or anything... but that's a touchy subject and I really don't want to assume anything, not right now. So I guess I can drop it.

[Riley Pearson]

"No problem." I said with a faint smile as she hugged me back. Really, there wasn't much of a point in even asking. She could have showed up here with her things and I would've let her stay. Actually, there isn't much that I wouldn't do for her.

After a couple moments of hugging her, I pulled away again. "So are you sure I can't get you anything?"

[Arden Patricks]

"I'm fine," I say again, shaking my head. I cross my arms now in the absence of his hug, and look down at the floor. So... one awkward silence coming up as ordered.

[Riley Pearson]

I nodded faintly at her answer, feeling the usual silence fall over us. Except that normally the silence doesn't come this soon... Not that I remember, at least.
I bit my lip for a moment. "I should probably clean that up.." I said, looking over to the broken mug and puddle on the floor, with a faint sort of laugh that sounded a bit more like a 'huh'.

[Arden Patricks]

"Oh... right." I laugh faintly, glancing over at the broken mug and crouching down to pick up the pieces. "I'm sorry I startled you like that."

[Riley Pearson]

I shook my head faintly, "Nah, it's okay." I said, with a small smile. "I never liked that mug much anyway." I lied looking over to her for a moment, before going to get something to clean it up with.

[Arden Patricks]

I smile slightly, glancing up at him. "Didn't I give this to you?" I ask teasingly, cupping my hands carefully so I won't cut myself. "I think I'm insulted."

[Riley Pearson]

I looked at the mug a bit closer. It was actually one of my favorite mugs, I just didn't want to tell her that.. But now that she says that, it's very possible that she could have given it to me.
"Ah.. Okay, so I lied, it is actually one of my favorites.." I said after a moment. Which was actually the truth, I just didn't want her to feel bad for startling me a bit. It was my fault that I dropped it.
"I can get that though.." I added, bending down and picking up a few pieces myself.

[Arden Patricks]

"It's fine, I've got it." I shake my head. "And I'm sorry I made you drop it then. But why are we acting like muggles instead of just repairing it?"

[Riley Pearson]

I nodded faintly, deciding to just listen to her when she said that. There wasn't much point to arguing over something silly like that anyway.
I shook my head, "No, it's okay.." I said looking up to her again, "It was my faut. I mean, I could've just set it down.." I smiled faintly.
Hearing what she added, I smiled a bit wider and laughed, shaking my head a litle bit. "I have no idea."

[Arden Patricks]

"That's true. I guess I didn't really force you to drop it." I shrug slightly, now uncertain whether I ought to just keep holding the pieces, set them down, or throw them away as planned.

[Riley Pearson]

"Exactly." I said with a small smile, before seeing her still holding the glass. "I can take that from you.." I added a moment later, holding my hands out to hers.

[Arden Patricks]

"Right.. careful," I say unnecessarily, trying not to touch the edges as I hand him the pieces. This feels somewhat silly, but I can just about feel the awkwardness just waiting to sneak back in once we have nothing else to say. You'd think there would be more to talk about.

[Riley Pearson]

I smiled faintly and nodded, "I'll be okay." I said looking to her as I took the pieces from her, carefully as she just suggested herself. If anything, I should be the one telling her to be careful. But if one of us got cut, I could just heal it, so it wouldn't be too big of a deal.
"So um.. Do you have any of your things with you? Or do you have to go back to your house to get them?" I asked her a moment later, hoping to spark some kind of conversation. I did sort of want to ask how she was doing though... especially since things were over with Logan and her.

[Arden Patricks]

"I didn't want to assume you'd let me stay," I say, shaking my head. "I'll go back and pack some things in a bit, I guess." Maybe after things stop feeling awkward. "... Are you sure the girls won't mind me being here?" I ask after a moment.

[Riley Pearson]

I guess just bringing your stuff wouldn't really be asking, would it? "Ah okay.. well for future reference then, you can stay here anytime you need to." I smiled, before nodding at what she said. "Alright.. Do you want me to go with you.. whenever you do go?"

"Um.." I paused for a moment with a small shrug. "I'm sure that they'll be fine."