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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 27, 2008 1:18:12 GMT
I bit my lip softly, still staring at the bars now, trying to focus on what Riley was saying and just the one bar my fingers were twisting around. Nodding softly I didn't quite like the answer or wish to believe it, because I really didn't think I should. It should be easy for him to sign the papers and start forgetting about me. I was going to be dead probably in a week anyways.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 27, 2008 1:28:58 GMT
"... I just... I've tried so hard to keep us together." I started again, quietly, frowning slightly as I looked at the bars. ".. Kind of, it's just kind of hard to let go of." I added looking up to her again. "I don't know Riyann, It's not easy. It's just hard because I love you and I hate thinking that you did this." I told her feeling a few tears form in my eyes threathening to spill over.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 27, 2008 2:03:55 GMT
I bit my lip. I was the reason he had to try so hard to keep us together to begin with, and then now he didn't want to let go, because I was always so difficult and now I'd gone and done this. Just because of that I wasn't sure, even if he wanted to get back together, we ever could. Because I'd gone and done so much to us. To him. "I-I'm sorry." I whispered. Fitzy was right, he should have never met me.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 27, 2008 2:14:46 GMT
I let a tear fall and I shook my head a little bit, looking down to the floor. I didn't know what to say to that.. I couldn't really say it was okay, becuase well, it wasn't okay. ".. I know.." i told her back in a whisper. ".. I just want to know why her."
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 27, 2008 2:19:10 GMT
I wanted to find a good answer for him, a really good one. I could just say because I felt like it and be a bitch about it, or else I could spill everything, or make up something that would make him feel bad about leaving me. Maybe I should do that, but it wouldn't be believable nor good if someone else heard that. So really, I couldn't even let it slide like that. "J-just because." I muttered. "Because she was Lil." I added more plainly, pulling away from the bars slightly incase he decided that he hated me and that answer and was going to kill me or something.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 27, 2008 2:27:00 GMT
I stared down at the floor at her answer, gripping my hand tightly around the bar that I was holding loosely a moment ago. Because she was Lil. I heard her words repeat in my head again, feeling more tears fall down my face. I paused for a few moments longer, trying to work out what I was giong to say to her, but I couldn't think, I was too busy replaying what she said over and over in mind. "... You.." I stopped against shaking my head before looking back up to her. "I can't believe you would do that to her.. to me." I finally got out, half staring, half glaring at her.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 27, 2008 2:33:30 GMT
I watched as his hands tightened around the bars that he was holding and I took a faint step backwards again. The guilt wouldn't stop falling over me, layer upon layer just pilling up the more this went on. He only said 'you' before stopping and I bit my lip softly, just waiting for him to blow up at me. Looking up I waited for the rest of what he was going to say and bit my lip a little more, almost wincing slightly at the half glare he held on me and I just couldn't look away from him. He had to hate me now and I regretted even answering him and his stupid little question of wanting to know why Lil.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 27, 2008 2:37:33 GMT
I shook my head again, now mad at myself for even asking it, "Were you trying to push me away?" I asked her as I looked back up to her. "Were you trying to hurt me and my family?" I asked secondly, letting the few tears just stay on my face instead of wiping them away.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 27, 2008 2:43:32 GMT
"Right Riley, why would I try and push you away, wouldn't I just leave? Oh wait, I've tried that before." I hissed, stepping back again. I didn't know where I was going with this, or why I just admitted that I'd only done this to push him away when in fact that was not the reason at all. He was going to hate me, someone might hear why I had killed Lilian and then it'd all be safe, though maybe not the way I would want it to happen.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 27, 2008 2:49:22 GMT
I shook my head again, "I just don't understand, Riyann." I told her, shaking my head still, not realy sure why she said what she did just then, but decided to just overlook it since I wasn't sure of how to exactly reply to it.
"If you love me, why would you do it just becuase it was her?" I said, finally wiping off my cheek slightly roughly. "I thought you were friends with her."
I didn't understand and I really probably should stop asking her questions and just leave.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 27, 2008 2:54:59 GMT
"You never do. You'll never understand the things I do or why I do them. That's just it Riley." I said, shaking my head a little back, still looking at him, feeling a few tears in my eyes that wanted so badly to just shut and get some sleep, but they wouldn't.
"You deserve better and maybe this was what would finally get you to realize that." I whispered, now casting my eyes downwards. I felt horrible as we continued, I wanted to at least take back the last five minutes. "You' can't always be right you know."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 27, 2008 2:58:36 GMT
"I can't always be right.. I'm not.. But this.." I paused for a moment shaking my head, "I don't see how killing my sister was in any way, right." I said, looking back up to her. "I try to understand why you do things Riyann, but I just can't, alright?..." I paused again, feeling more tears run down my cheeks as I took my eyes off of her. "Maybe you're right, maybe I do deserve better." I added in a whisper, bitng my lip faintly, finding it slightly hard to believe I even said that.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 27, 2008 3:02:35 GMT
Standing there I tried to stay calm, pretend that none of this was happening ,that I really wasn't in Azkaban (though I couldn't quite escape that reality), and that nothing had happened in the past three weeks or however long it's been. "I know you can't, I know you try, I don't see why you try though." I said, watching as his tears ran down his cheeks. I felt worse and worse with every second now, feeling more guilt pile up on me.
Hearing what he said next though, I could feel my own tears falling down my cheeks. Yeah, like Arden. Just like dear old Fitzy said.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 27, 2008 3:08:42 GMT
I didn't want to say that and honestly, I don't think I ever would have if we were already fighting. I never would have let those words come out of my mouth, but after she said them, it was almost like I had to repeat them. Which is why I ended up saying it I think.
She said something back and I bit my lip for a moment, wishing I left earlier when I thought about becuase then none of this would've happend, it taking me a moment to realise what she was saying. "Because I loved you." I said quietly, letting go of the bar, keeping my eyes on the floor. The sad thing was that I still did love her.. at least a litle bit.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 27, 2008 21:22:32 GMT
First he'd rather I'd be dead than Lilian, then he said that he couldn't stand us being together anymore, now he didn't want me in here, didn't know if he wanted a divorce. Now he just said that he did deserve more, and just now, not a moment later he said it was because he loved me. I took a step back, staring at the floor, letting those words go over and over in my head. He didn't love me anymore, I didn't see how he could so it was understandable in the least, it still hurt. At least it sounded like he didn't love me. I could feel myself looking for every bit of hope there could be because this shouldn't have happened, but I just kept getting even more crush because we were really truely over.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 27, 2008 23:39:54 GMT
I think this whole situation would have been better off if Riyann told me that she killed Lilian to stay alive. Yes, I would've been mad.. I would've been upset.. probably even angry at her, but like I always told her, do anything to stay alive. But this was different, like she just told me, she killed her because she was lil.. what did that even mean?
I wasn't sure what to do now.. I did love her.. I think, somehow. I shook my head slightly, wiping my face agian and just standing there a little longer, not moving.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 27, 2008 23:52:15 GMT
I wanted to ask why he was still here, or if he was going to continue interrigating me. "What do you want with me?" I asked softly, biting my lip a little and still not looking up at him. The question really meant nothing, I just needed to know if he hated me now, or if he wanted to continue asking me questions that would only upset him.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 27, 2008 23:56:39 GMT
I shook my head a little bit, "I just don't like leaving when I'm mad.." I said quietly with a faint shrug. "... I, I don't hate you.. I'm just..." I paused for a moment thinking of the right word. "... I'm not sure what I am."
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 28, 2008 0:01:07 GMT
"It's not like staying here is going to help." I whispered softly, wondering if he'd heard me and almost wished he couldn't hear me. Nodding softly I tried my hardest to not make a comment, because really, I could just up and say no, you just don't love me anymore.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 28, 2008 0:06:25 GMT
"I can leave if you want." I said looking over to her, hearing what she whispered. I almost didn't hear it but it was quiet enough in this place to understand. "... Sorry, just.. I don't know." I said shaking my head a little bit again.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 28, 2008 2:05:58 GMT
"I meant for you." I whispered, shaking my head a little, looking at the floor and the dirt that was packed down on it. "Don't appologize."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 28, 2008 2:07:26 GMT
"I know." I said quietly with a small shrug and sigh, then shrugging slighthly again, "Okay."
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 28, 2008 2:21:00 GMT
"Just saying." I muttered softly, not wanting to stand there much longer, so instead I just sat down, still maybe a few feet from the cell bars.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 28, 2008 2:25:46 GMT
".. I'm gonna go." I said quietly, glancing over to her for a few moments. "I'll be back in a day or two, okay?" I asked keeping my eyes on her.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 28, 2008 2:31:24 GMT
"W-wait." I whispered, scrambling to get up and get towards the bars, standing infront of them slightly less than a moment later. "Wait." I said in a hushed voice. "Don't leave me."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 28, 2008 2:34:48 GMT
I was about to turn and walk away, but that's was when I heard her speak. I stayed where I was before nodding a little bit and walking closer to the bars. "Okay." I whispered back to her, leaning slightly on the bars now. "I'll stay if you want me to.." I added quietly, just trying to forget everything's she's told me so it's easier to stay.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 28, 2008 2:39:01 GMT
I could feel my heart beat slow slightly as I shut my eyes lightly. Here I'd been thinking that maybe it'd be best for him to leave and I just told him not to leave me. "P-please." I whispered, moving one of my hands lightly and wrapping it around one of his. I hoped he wouldn't pull away or take offense to that, but my grip wasn't really that great so he couldn't. My guess was that he probably would pull away.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 28, 2008 2:43:13 GMT
I let her grab one of my hands and didn't pull away even though the thought did cross my mind for a split second, I didn't listen to it. She was having a hard enough time.. even though considering what she did, I really didn't know what to think.
"I'm not going anywhere.."
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 28, 2008 2:46:45 GMT
He didn't pull back and I could only feel slight relief at that, though I knew he probably didn't want me to grab onto his hands or anything. Nodding as he said he wasn't going anywhere I believed him, but I didn't know what to do now. "A-are you really going to come back soon?" I asked softly, looking up at him.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 28, 2008 2:51:11 GMT
I looked over to her and nodded. "Course I am.." I told her with a very faint smile. I'm not completely heartless. "I promise you I'll be back soon."
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