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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 23, 2008 3:33:18 GMT
I felt her return the hug and then to my surprise, felt her kiss my cheek breifly before pulling away, ".. It's okay.." I said quietly, biting my lip faintly with a faint shrug. Did I ever really mind when she kissed me? I don't think I did and well, nothing's really changed. At least in that area nothing's really changed. Except now if I was to kiss her, I wouldn't really be cheating.
".. Do you want to visit him?" I asked, then wondering if I was her if I would want to. But if she did want to, I wouldn't mind going with her if she needed someone to be there.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 23, 2008 3:40:31 GMT
There's no one to visit, is my first thought, and I quickly shake my head. "No... I'm pretty sure he's dead. And that'll just mean finding out for sure." I blink a few times at the stupid, pathetic tears that've decided to show up, crossing my arms again and feeling very... selfish. Self-absorbed. As always.
"Really, I'm sorry about this."
((Kind of feels like godmoding, but with MattyMatt not around for so long... and he did say Logan was basically planning to kill himself but then stuck around only 'cause Arden was there, pretty much... I think. So it seems pretty likely that he is dead, and I just realized that would be bothering her. *shrug*))
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 23, 2008 3:47:22 GMT
I shook my head, "No Arden, please don't sorry.." I told her with a quiet voice, seeing her blink a few times as I notice some of the tears that seemed to have appeared by her eyes. I know that I just hugged her, but seeing the tears just made me want to do it again. Which is why I found myself wrapping my arms around her again, even if I did feel like I was doing this way too often. "Then it's not your fault.." I told her quietly, kissing the top of her head lightly.
[[ eh, ooooooh, okay.. well i think that's okay then.. it's not too much like godmodding...and yeah, that's something that would seem like it would be bothering her ]]
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 23, 2008 3:56:57 GMT
I don't suppose there's any way he'd realize that I've only started crying just now because of the sympathy, and so I can't really ask him to stop with the hugging already because at least this way I suppose it's like he's helping. And honestly maybe he is... so instead of saying that, I put my arms around his neck and let myself literally cry into his shoulder. Even though I am still sorry.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 23, 2008 4:00:36 GMT
I hadn't even thought about the possibility that maybe all of the hugging was just making matters worse for her. I knew what that was like, which was why I just tried not to talk about something until I knew I was ready to recieve sympathy from others without completely breaking down. It's like when you do to a funeral, you think you're fine.. Until someone you don't even recognise comes up to you and says they're so sorry for your loss.
But I couldn't very much do anything about taking it back now, so when I noticed her start to cry and felt her arms around my neck, I just hugged her a little tighter in response, not knwoing anything else I could do.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 24, 2008 3:47:09 GMT
I laugh very weakly after a couple of minutes, pulling away and wiping my eyes with the back of a hand.
"Sorry," I say again, not caring that he's told me not to. "That... I don't know."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 24, 2008 3:49:16 GMT
I shook my head faintly, "It's really alright." I told her quietly, letting her pull away and watching as she wiped away some tears. "... We're even.. I cry on yours, you cry on mine." I smiled faintly.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 24, 2008 3:53:45 GMT
"True... I guess." I laugh faintly again. I think you have more reason though, I think of saying but don't - somehow, I don't think it's very tactful.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 24, 2008 3:56:16 GMT
I smiled and nodded a little bit, chuckling softly with her. "Yeah.."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 24, 2008 3:59:36 GMT
"Hm," I nod, biting my lip again. I feel like I really ought to say something, but I've no idea what, and it certainly isn't helping that - yet again - I really would quite like to kiss him.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 24, 2008 4:01:53 GMT
I took a small breath in before letting it out quietly and leaned against the counter, staring down at a spot on the floor. I didn't know what to say, or really what to even think. Which is basically why I wasn't saying anything right now, I'd love to, but I just can't seem to manage to think.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 24, 2008 4:08:27 GMT
After another few seconds of silence, I can't keep still any longer; I cough very slightly, turning around to get my lukewarm mug of half-drunk tea and dumping it in the sink, then looking around vaguely for something else to do rather than just stand and fidget.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 24, 2008 4:10:28 GMT
".. Sorry.." I started as I watched her dump out her tea and then look like she might want to find something to do. "I just.. can't think of what to say." I said, glancing down in my mug and then taking a sip of it, just then realising why Arden dumped hers out becuase it's not really hot anymore and really doesn't taste the best when it's lukewarm.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 24, 2008 4:13:20 GMT
"No, me neither." I laugh faintly again, shaking my head. "And I can't keep still... I don't know. Was I always like that?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 24, 2008 4:16:59 GMT
"Um.." I thought about her question for a couple seconds as I set my mug down on the counter behind me. "It's possible.. I'm really not too sure.." I said, shaking my head faintly. "Maybe a bit.." I added smiling a little bit to her, all of a sudden noticing a familar feeling run through me as I looked back at her. A feeling I definately thought was gone.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 24, 2008 4:24:06 GMT
"Rhetorical question," I shrug, shaking my head and smiling genuinely if only just a little. A moment's pause later, I move back to leaning against the countertop beside him. "You okay?" I ask, tilting my head at him quizzically. I might be just imagining the faint change in expression, but I don't know.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 24, 2008 4:29:45 GMT
"Right." I said back her, smiling some back with a faint nod. I bit my lip a little bit, and putting my hands in my pockets for a moment, wanting something to do with them now. I looked up to her when she spoke again and paused for a moment. "Um.. Yeah.. I'm okay.. Just um.." I paused for another breif moment looking at her before shaking my head faintly, ".. Nothing."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 24, 2008 4:33:32 GMT
"Just what?" I ask mildly, raising my eyebrows. I won't press him on it too much, but I'm just going to ignore it as if I don't care.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 24, 2008 4:36:13 GMT
I paused for another moment looking over to her, trying to decide if I should say something or not. ".. Promise not to be be freaked out?" I asked her, deciding to say this first before coming out and saying something along the lines of I think I might still have feelings for you. Then again, maybe I shouldn't say anything.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 25, 2008 2:42:10 GMT
"Can't say I promise anything after a statement like that," I say warily, eying him strangely and shaking my head. "But I'll try." What could you possibly say that's going to freak me out I wonder, coming up blank.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 25, 2008 2:47:42 GMT
I nodded a little bit at what she said looking down at my hands before shifting my gaze back up to her. "Um.." I paused for another moment, still wondering if I should say anything, ".. I think I might still have feelings for you.." I said finally waiting for her reaction.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 25, 2008 3:01:00 GMT
Oh... jesus.
My first reaction is half-exasperated incredulity, before I notice that my mouth is partly open and then give a half-laugh. But that's just in response to the surprise of it, not to what it means, because that's not sunk in yet.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 25, 2008 3:04:43 GMT
I watched her reaction and shifted my eyes away from her, back down to the floor. Knew I shouldn't've said anything.. I thought to myself biting my lip faintly for a moment. "Sorry.. I shouldn't've said anything."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 25, 2008 3:17:00 GMT
"No -" I say quickly, shaking my head, then putting one hand to my forehead and holding up the other. "Just... give me a minute. I wasn't expecting that." At all. Ever.
I don't know exactly why, but I suppose I thought even though it didn't work for me to go away, it still must've worked for him, allowing him to realize it was all just a weird, silly crush left over from when we were kids.
And now I have to wonder if that is what it was, and now he only thinks he might have feelings for me because of what's happening, because apparently I'm the only good friend he has left. It could be very easy, if you're counting on someone that much, to mistake those feelings for something else.
"And..." I add after a moment, biting the inside of my cheek and looking at the floor so that I can say it evenly. "... I don't know exactly how to say this, but I can't say the same. I'm sorry."
I have to bite harder by the end of this sentence just to keep myself from crying, and cross my arms tightly again.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 25, 2008 3:44:55 GMT
I nodded slight at her response,. Can't really say that I was expecting otherwise, but that didn't really stop it from hurting. If not only a little. I nodded faintly, staying quiet for a moment. "Umm.. right. Just forget that I said anything.." I said quietly, shaking my head faintly and picking up my mug and taking it over to the sink so I can dump it out just for sake of something to do.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 25, 2008 3:52:59 GMT
"Sorry," I say again quietly, even though I really don't think he means it so it's not like it can really hurt that much or anything.... I shake my head, sighing softly. "But right... I'll forget." Yeah right.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 25, 2008 3:56:15 GMT
"It's okay.. I wasn't really expecting you to still.." I started, making a small hand motion between us, not knowing what to say. I was really starting to regret saying that I had feelings for her now though becuase now I really didn't know what to say. She didn't get freaked out, but I'm sort of feeling uncomfortable now. ".. Yeah.. thanks."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 25, 2008 3:59:00 GMT
"Mm-hmm," I nod, pulling my lips in and shifting my shoulders uncomfortably. My, this is awkward now....
And also I think I might love you. Did I mention that? No? Well, I think this is for the best.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 25, 2008 4:05:54 GMT
I bit my lip a little bit more, looking down to the floor, taking in a deep breath and letting it out again. "So, um.. I'm sorry I told you about that then... really don't know what to say now.." I added after a breif moment with a faint humorless short of chuckle.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 25, 2008 4:15:00 GMT
"No, me neither," I agree, shaking my head at the ground.
Really... there isn't any way he could mean it, right?
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