Ignoring the Pain;;Riley

[Riyann Servansikk]

I'm just imagining it, that's all it is, just my imagination. I could feel the mark burning on my skin though and I was looking at the door, seeing the dark mark made in blood, where we lived, in a muggle town and yet whoever did it still did it. I've been there, standing there in that same spot, in the same position with my hand covering the mark as it burned, staring at the front door. The kids were inside and I was sure I'd have to go back in for Justin soon, and Riley was at work, but he shouldn't be for too long I don't think. Still, I was scared now with tears falling down my cheeks, scared more than ever. I hadn't ever been this scared when I'd become a death eater to start with. Mostly because I didn't have anything to lose really. Now I do. Now I have my family and everything of the such. I don't care about me, but if anything happens to them, I dunno what'd I'd do.

I heard Justin crying out after a moment and I tried to move my feet, but it took a few tries before I was really able to walk. Going into his bedroom I smiled weakly and gave him the pacifire he'd lost and felt bad because right now I had other things to do and he was so cute. I kissed the top of his head lightly before going to the kitchen and getting some things to scrub the blood off the door.


"Bloody fuck." I muttered, of course it wasn't going to come off, nothing I had would even put a dent in the image, it just stayed there. I glared at it before grabbing the things I had outside with me and then went inside and put them away and I came back out, still glaring at the door. Only this time I had a butcher knife in my hand and a small glint in my eyes that meant anything but good, and I prayed more than anything the girls were not going to see me like this as I started hacking at the door, not paying attention to the blood, just trying to destroy the image with pathetic attempts.

Finally I stopped after what seemed hours and just glared at the image that seemed to show through the cuts and let out a frustrated sigh.

And not too much later and the door was off the hinges and in the back yard with me and a wand as I lit it on fire. I really didn't care that we no longer had a front door, I just felt frustrated tears falling down my cheeks as I turned away from the bloody fire and headed into the house, the mark was more than likely to show up again.

The mark on my arm burned yet again and it annoyed me, the mark had disappeared for such a long time and now it was back and burning over and over again. Going back to the kitchen I grabbed onto the kitchen knife and left my hand tight around the handle as I stared at the mark, feeling so many frustrated tears fall down my face. It'll only be like the door you idiot, it's not going to disappear. I didn't care what the voice said, I just brought the knife down on the mark several times, ignoring the pain I was setting on myself.

[Riley Pearson]

I apparated infront of the house after the long day at work with a small smile on my face. Today had been a good day, it wasn't too bad at all. Which I was really thankful for. But once I looked up at our newly built house, I saw the door gone and the smile faded off my face. What happend? I all of sudden got very worried and pulling out my wand, I ran into the house, looking around, taking a sigh of relief when I heard the girls giggling in their room.
I smield slightly and taking a glance back at the door before looking around the room a bit more. "Riyann?" I called out, starting to walk toward the kitchen, still kind of worried and defiantely curious about what was going on and the reason why the front door was missing.
I walked into the kitchen and I saw Riyann, standing there with a knife in her hand, cutting her arm.
My eyes widened and I walked closer to her, "Riyann." I said shaking my head slightly, grabbing her hand that was holding the knife and pulling it away from her. "Riyann, stop." I said frowning, even more worried right now than I was before. I looked down at her cut up arm, seeing the dark mark shine through the cuts.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I didn't hear Riley come home, I didn't hear the girls giggling in their room, I didn't hear anything, I was just too focused on bringing the knife back down on the mark in hopes of making it disappear, but it just wouldn't. It was still there each time I brought the knife back. Then out of practically no where I couldn't bring the knife back against my forearm, instead someone's hand had grabbed onto mine, and it scared me, I almost instantly thought it could be the person who'd put the blood on the door and made it into the mark, but then I heard Riley's voice just after the knife was pulled from my grasp. I could feel even more tears falling down because I was unsucessful, in pain, and Riley had to see this. My bottom lip quivered a little as I stared down at my arm, not seeing the cuts I'd added to it, but rather the dark mark. I shook my head a little, not even looking at Riley yet, not doing anything other than keeping my attention on the mark.
Finally I started to be able to form sentences.

"I-I ca-can't." I said, shaking my head a little, almost going into hysterics now, really freaking myself out. "Something. . . I can't." I whispered, finally turning around and looking at Riley, sure that he could already see how freaked out I was. If we hadn't lived in a muggle neighborhood I'd have said it was a silly prank and not even blood, but it wasn't. It was real and something was going to happen.

I could feel my body shaking slightly as the tears continued to come and I moved my arms to my arm again, watching as drops of blood fell to the floor, almost in a frantic fasion and I could feel tears falling slightly more as I thought about everything that was going on.

Voldemort couldn't be back, Voldemort wasn't back, that was the thing. He would've just made the mark burn, he wouldn't have sent someone out to put a mark on all death eaters doors to tell them he was back. The loyal would come to him and the rest would be killed off eventually. This wasn't him, not in the least.

"R-Ruby." I said finally, my eyes getting slightly bigger. She couldn't do this, she would've told me and had me in on helping, she would have warned me. What if her plan was being put through, only this time she had help. I made a move to leave, my feet starting to carry me past Riley, and I was sure that if he was going to grab my arm to stop me it was going to be the one cut up because it was the closest to him. I had to go find out what was going on, I had to find away to keep my family safe. I had to be the heartless death eater once again, only this time I really don't think I could risk being a spy.

[Riley Pearson]

I was holding the knife in my hand and nearly as soon as I did get it, I threw it slgihtly to the sink, away from the both of us.
She turned around to face me and I watched her for a moment before setting my eyes back on the cuts on her arms, seeing the blood fall to the floor. I hadn't realised just how bad it was until now and I panicked a little bit more when I noticed, hoping that the girls would stay in there room.
I shook my head a little, not understanding what she was saying. "Shh.. Riyann, calm down." I said, trying to keep my voice steady and calm.
She fianlly said, Ruby and I just nodded a little bit. "What about Ruby, Riy?" I asked her quietly, watching her eyes getting bigger. She started to leave and I wrapped both my arms around her, not wanting to grab her cut up arm, keeping her with me. she wasn't going anywhere, at least not right now. Until she was okay and until I knew what was going on.

[[ sorry is ick, lol ]]

[Riyann Servansikk]

[[Nah, it's fine lol]]

I heard the knife clatter into the sink and it was only safe to guess that Riley threw it in there, which I wasn't sure if I was happy about or not, but it wouldn't matter, it was alread done. I was slightly mad that Riley just took the knife away from me, I mean, I needed it to fix this, if anything I'd just cut off my arm to get rid of the mark, though I doubt that would work either.

I watched as he shook his head and then told me to calm down, then I blinked a few times to keep the black dots from coming into my vision. "R-Riley, s-s-something and I c-can't." I shook my head, knowing that I had to try and make this make sense, but I couldn't find the right words, so I shook my head a little, feeling tears still rolling down my cheeks and then looking down at my arm and the blood as it dropped, my tears mixing in with it.

He asked what about Ruby, but could I really have both the time and the vocabulary at this moment to explain it, I shook my head a little. Riley stopped me when I was walking, which was slightly surprising, because he hadn't just grabbed on to my arm, instead he wrapped his arms around me.

"S-she ca-can't." I shook my head a little. "I've got. . . Riley." I said, my voice sounding slightly more demanding when I said his name, though probably not much because I was just scared out of my mind at the moment, and I tried pulling away from him.

[Riley Pearson]

"What can't you?" I asked, shaking my head a little, not knowing what she meant. This wasn't making any sense. But from what I was gathering, Ruby was causing all of this and there really was a new war she was starting.
"Riyann, no.. please, you're not going anywhere until you let me heal your arm." I said shaking my head a little bit hearing her voice sound slightly more demanding when she said my name, but not much becuase of how much fear was showing through her tone.

[[ yay llol... but sorry again ]]

[Riyann Servansikk]

"N-not again." I said, shaking my head, some more tears starting to fall. "I ca-can't." I hated being this freaked out, I hated showing that I was this freaked out, but really there was nothing I could do about it and only Riley has seen it so far, unless you count some of the muggles that might have seen me hacking at the door with a butcher knife. I could feel myself shaking lightly with small sobs as I shook my head a little more because this really couldn't be happening. Ruby had already made me join up with her, why would she do this? Why was she basically calling all the old deatheaters? Some unloyal?
Hearing what Riley said I shook my head even more, trying to pull away some again. I didn't want him to heal my arm, because if he did then that would mean the mark wouldn't look so bad, that would mean there would be no blood to cover it up, that would mean I would just have to be able to see it and I'd probably keep staring at it. Holding my arm close to my chest, cuts towards it, I did my best to ignore the sharp pain that was darting up my arm and shook my head again, wanting to sit down now.

[[lol, and nah, it's fine]]

[Riley Pearson]

I held onto her a little tighter as she started to shake slightly, hearing her sobbing and wishing that I could just make this stop and make her feel better. I needed her to calm down and tell me what was going on so I knew for sure and I wasn't just guessing.
"No, Riyann. You need to heal your arm. You're losing too much blood." I said, still with a calm voice, trying to think of what I could do if she refused again. "Please give me your arm."

[[ lol yay ]]

[Riyann Servansikk]

I felt him hold onto me a little tighter when my body started to shake. Just calm down you bloody idiot. I shook my head though, I didn't want this, I really didn't. I was just some stupid seventeen year old who thought that she knew what she wanted and now it's come back to slap me in the face again. Really I had been stupid for getting the mark in the first place because now I was putting the kids and Riley at risk, though not really if I'm dead.
I could feel the blood soaking into my shirt the longer I held my arm to it and I kept shaking my head, now just trying to find a way to get away from him so that he wouldn't heal it. "N-no." I said, really wishing my voice could be controlled the way I wanted it to. "No." I said through a sob.

[Riley Pearson]

I shook my head, "Please, Riyann, we'll cover it up. The cuts aren't hurting it, they're only hurting you." I said, my voice sounding slightly more demanding than it was before. "Now let me heal them." I said again, listening to her sob and trying to only think about how I could get her arm.

[Riyann Servansikk]

"I d-don't care." I said, wanting to yell at him for telling me to let him heal the cuts. "I d-don't hav-have to see it." I said, shaking my head, feeling more tears falling now, I didn't want to fight with Riley, I didn't want to do this to him, but I really did at the same time. There wasn't a way to hide the mark really, not until I basically covered it up with blood. I held my arm tighter to my chest now and I shook my head, ignoring the stabbing pings of pain being sent at every touch to the cut.

[Riley Pearson]

"And the cuts are helping how?" I asked feeling very worried and annoyed with her at the same time. "Riyann, let me heal it. I'm not asking anymore. I love you and I'll do what I have to in order to heal it. I don't need your consent." I said sternly, wanting her to just give me her arm.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I shook my head at his question, if he couldn't already tell then why exactly did I have to explain it to him? He spoke up again and I shook my head slightly until I heard the rest of what he said, causing me to freeze slightly. Really I should be sane enough to let him heal the cuts, but I guess I wasn't. "No." I said finally breaking free of the momentary paralasis and starting to fight against his hold on me, struggling to get out of his arms. "Let me go." I said before hearing Justin crying out again and I struggled slightly more because I wanted to see him and make sure he was alright.

[Riley Pearson]

Justin started crying in the backround and I sighed slightly, then hearing Riyann say no again. I didn't want to result to this. There were a couple options, either just forget about it and let her go, use the imperius curse on her, or just a freezing spell or something.
"I'll let you go when you settle down." I said shaking my head a little bit. "I'm giving you another chance Riyann, just please let me heal it."

[Riyann Servansikk]

He still didn't let me go, he didn't make a move to go see Justin, he didn't make a move to force me to let him see my arm, and at the same time I was greatful but then I wasn't. How could he just ignore Justin. "Let me go." I said, still struggling against his arms. "I hate you let me go see my baby." I said, knowing I really shouldn't have said that I hated him or 'my' baby, I shouldn't have but I already did.

[Riley Pearson]

I wanted to go see Justin, but honestly, he'd be fine or a couple minutes. I didn't feel like I could trust Riyann with her sanity right now. She was completely freaking out and I feel like this was for her own good.
When I heard what she said next she almost dropped her right on the spot. I actually thought about just leaving.. even if the thought only lasted a second or two. I knew that she didn't mean that, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.
"I'll let you go if you let me heal you." I said calmly, shaking my head a little, about having enough of this.

[Riyann Servansikk]

What I had said didn't even really faze him, not that I could see, and I knew I really shouldn't have said it. I wanted to say that I hated him again because it was getting to the point that I was getting pissed with him. He wouldn't let me go see my son, he wouldn't let me go, he wouldn't go see Justin, not until he healed my arm. My body relaxed slightly in defeat because Justin's crys were getting to me. I didn't want him to heal my arm, but he was going to get what he wanted.

[Riley Pearson]

She relaxed slightly and I let out a small breath, mumbling her a thank you and moving her arm away from her chest. She could hate me if she wanted, just so long as her arm wasn't all cut up.
I cleaned up around the cut a bit with my wand before healing the cuts. I finished a few moments later and after conjuring a wrap for it, I warpped it around the dark mark and I let go of her.

[Riyann Servansikk]

Hearing him mumble a thank you I didn't say anything, just stared at the kitchen doorway, waiting impaitently for him to finish, even if he had just taking my arm from my chest. I could still feel myself shaking slightly, though the sobs weren't as many, the tears weren't falling so fast. I felt slightly better that he wrapped my arm, but that didn't mean anything really. As soon as he let go of me I was already starting out of the kitchen and then going for Justin. I smiled weakly when I saw him and picked him up as he kept crying and started rocking him a little in my arms.

[Riley Pearson]

She didn't say anything else to me and just walked out of the kitchen, walking to Justin's room. I was still slightly shaken from what happend and I looked a bit at the floor and my clothes. Both with which were sprinkled in blood. Not really the best thing to see, especially if you're a ten year old girl. So I cleaned it all up with my wand and then walked over to the sink, taking the knife and then taking the rest of the knives from the drawer, putting them in another draw and locking it.
When I was slighty more satified than before I walked over to Justin's room, and went inside, seeing Riyann holding him with a weak smile on her lips.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I didn't pay any attention to the blood that had soaked into my white tank top, and I only tried to not hold Justin against it. His crying wasn't as much anymore and I smiled a little more, barely noticing that Riley was now in the room. "Shh, s'alright." I murmured softly, moving a finger and tapping his nose very lightly.

[[sorry it's short, brb]]

[Riley Pearson]

[[ is fine ]]

Justin's crying lessend and I walked a bit closer to her, watching as she spoke to him quietly and tapped his nose lightly. Eventually, I walked up to her, standing next to her. "You okay?" I asked her quietly, feeling sort of bad for how I was acting in the kitchen. I just really wanted to heal her cuts before she lost any blood. If I hadn't gotten home when I did I probabaly would've found her passed out on the floor, or worse than just passed out, and I didn't want to think about that certain possibility.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I noticed Riley was in the room when he started walking a little closer but I didn't say anything to him. I did blame him, but then I didn't. I could see where he was coming from, but I was still more than freaked out. "I'm fine." I said, still not looking up at him, just looking down at Justin, trying not to snap at Riley. I moved slightly and kissed his forehead lightly when he started to stop crying. "Love you baby." I murmured softly.

[Riley Pearson]

I really doubted that she was fine, but instead of voicing my opinion, I just stayed silent giving her a small nod, watching as she kissed Justin's forehead, saying that she loved him. I didn't know what I should do now that I was standing here. It didn't seem like she wanted to talk to me and I was weary about asking any questions considering the state she was just in only a few minutes prior.
"Would you rahter just me leave you alone?" I asked her quietly.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I pulled away from Justin slightly and shut my eyes for a moment and then shook my head a little. I didn't want him to leave, I just didn't want him to force me into doing things either. It seemed like I was the one always giving something up for another thing, even if this time it was probably for the better. I still did sacrifice things for him, but I suppose that's fine. "I'm sorry." I murmured, talking about the whole I hate you thing, finally opening my eyes and looking up at him.

Holding Justin had started making me settle down slightly, but I was still scared out of my mind. "I-I'm scared out of my mind Riley." I whispered, feeling tears start to slowly fall down again and I moved my eyes to looking at Justin, seeing a small smile on his lips as he looked at me and then over at Riley.

This shouldn't have happened, it shouldn't be happening, but it was. A few more hot tears found there way past my eyes again as I thought about it, and I shook my head a little, trying to force a small smile on my lips as I looked at Justin.

[Riley Pearson]

I shrugged faintly at her apology. "It's okay.. I'm sorry too though.. Just thought it was best. You were losing a lot of blood.." You really scared me..
I saw a few tears fall down her cheek and shook my head a little, hugging her lightly from behind, kissing her cheek softly. "It's gonna be okay.. You can get through this again.." I whispered back to her.

[Riyann Servansikk]

And I was scared of what Justin was crying about, if something was happening. "S'alright." I whispered, shaking my head. I was guessing that he saw the tears falling down my cheeks as he hugged me from behind and kissed my cheek softly. "What if I can't?" I whispered, doubting he'd want to think about it, but really maybe he did, because what if it would be the better turn out of what could happen?

[Riley Pearson]

I shook my head slightly, "Don't say that.." I said quietly. "You can.. we can." I added with a small nod, kissing her cheek again.

[Riyann Servansikk]

"What if though." I whispered, shaking my head. There was always going to be the possibility that this wasn't going to work out and he didn't want to think that.

[Riley Pearson]

"What if what exactly?" I asked her quietly, not positive exatly what she was getting at here. What if what? What if she died? Or maybe if something happend to me? Or the girls? Or even Justin? I didn't want to think about that.