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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 24, 2009 1:42:03 GMT
"How is she, by the way?" I asked about Mell. I hadn't seen her in quite a while. I nodded again, "Yeah, I'm.. quite surprised." I chuckled.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 25, 2009 3:50:10 GMT
"Who, Lacey or Melody?" I ask, then shrug. "They're both all right, as far as I'm aware. Lacey's doing the whole glowing mother thing and Mell is smiling more than usual. At things other than the ceiling, no less."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 25, 2009 4:05:27 GMT
"Melody." I said before nodding slightly, "That's good.." I smiled. "Is she talking yet?" I asked her curiously.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 25, 2009 4:11:29 GMT
"Hasn't been mentioned," I shrug, shaking my head. "But she's only a year and a half. She's got time."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 25, 2009 4:45:42 GMT
I nodded faintly, "Yeah, I guess so." I said with a faint smile, "Let me know if she does though."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 25, 2009 4:52:42 GMT
"Yeah." I smile faintly. As if you'll be around that long.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 25, 2009 4:57:40 GMT
Not, of course, that that would be very likely.. Unless it happened fairly recently, which I sort of doubted. But, either way, I smiled a bit back, sort of at loss of words again. "... Bet Logan will be happy." I said quietly after a a little while. Though I had meant to think it, I don't think I was that lucky.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 25, 2009 4:59:09 GMT
"About?" I ask, swallowing hard. I have a fair guess, and I'm pretty sure it's nothing to do with Melody talking.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 25, 2009 5:02:31 GMT
I didn't say anything for a couple moments, just looking over to her. ".. He won't have to bother with me anymore." I eventually ended up saying. I guess that wasn't the most cheery statement I could have made, and I wished that I could come up with something somewhat happy to talk about. I really missed those conversations and I wouldn't mind having one last one.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 25, 2009 5:06:25 GMT
I bite my lip hard, looking away before eventually nodding. "Guess not. Probably be thrilled, right?" I add, voice shaking slightly. I really wish he hadn't said that. For at least a very short while I think we almost forgot, until he said that.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 25, 2009 5:09:39 GMT
Now I was quite wishing I hadn't said any of that outloud because all it did was push me back to square one of feeling scared and depressed. I never thought I was scared of dying, but apparently I am. I wasn't ready to, and I doubt that I actually ever would be.
".. Yeah, probably." I said a bit more quietly than a few moments ago. A couple moments passed and I shook my head faintly, "Sorry.. I didn't really mean to.. bring it up again.."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 25, 2009 5:13:00 GMT
I shake my head, not quite saying it's fine but not getting angry with him either.
"Are you all right?" I ask quietly after a moment. I suppose it's understandable he'd be focused on this.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 25, 2009 5:18:27 GMT
I always hated that question. At this moment especially though because for some reason the first thing I think of if hearing my mum say that to me back when my dad died. Not such a good feeling, combined with everything I was feeling now wasn't making things any better. But nevertheless, it was a plausible question and for all I know saying everything outloud might help.
"... Besides the obvious..." I said quietly. "I'm just.." I paused again, "... scared... upset... mad I'll probably never see my kids grow up.." I paused again. "Those sort of things..." I added quietly.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 25, 2009 14:56:07 GMT
I nod understandingly because even though I've never really been there I think I can at least sympathize. "I think you can still most probably watch people from the afterlife," I say thoughtfully, trying almost to think of it more as one of our hypothetical conversations because it's easier to keep a steady voice then. And I don't really know what to do about the rest of it except squeeze his hand again, so I do.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 25, 2009 16:26:57 GMT
"Yeah," I said quietly. ". Probably... I would just rather be here.." I commented, my voice getting only slightly quieter just because I was trying not to cry. I really didn't want to, especially now. A moment later, she squeezed my hand and I smiled very weakly for a few seconds.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 25, 2009 21:09:10 GMT
"I'd rather you were here, too," I say, nodding. "But what's the chance again?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 25, 2009 21:27:33 GMT
".. Ten." I said again, frowning a bit. "But to be fair, it's just a guess.."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 26, 2009 3:19:26 GMT
"Still not very good, guess or not." I try to smile shakily but then don't really know why I'm bothering.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 26, 2009 3:24:23 GMT
"Tell me about it.." I said quietly with a small sigh, looking over to her. "So um.." I stpped again and shrugged faintly, unsure of what else to add to that.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 26, 2009 3:31:24 GMT
I nod in agreement, looking down, then back up when he speaks again. "Hm?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 26, 2009 3:35:04 GMT
I shook my head faintly, "I dunno.." I said sort of quietly. ".. I miss our conversations." I ended up saying, meaning the conversations that actually ended well and were happy.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 26, 2009 3:38:16 GMT
"Yeah...." I nod again, shrugging and tracing little curlicues on the blanket. "I've been missing them for a while though, actually."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 26, 2009 3:44:41 GMT
"Me too.." I said with a faint nod. ".. I just had to kiss you and mess it up." I added with a weak chuckle, even though it wasn't that funny. "I'm pretty sure that's what did it.."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 26, 2009 3:48:08 GMT
"Mm... that was it," I agree. "But did you kiss me first? I don't recall."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 26, 2009 3:51:25 GMT
I nodded slightly, "Yeah.. I kissed you first." I said with a weak smile, that only lasted a couple seconds.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 26, 2009 4:02:57 GMT
"And I kissed you back, and started this whole awkward awful stupid mess." I shake my head, smiling very faintly but a little sadly. "Wish we could do some of it over again?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 26, 2009 4:06:38 GMT
"Not your fault though." I decided to say after a moment before nodding a little bit. "Yeah, I wouldn't mind doing things over." I said with a weak slightly sad smile back.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 26, 2009 4:10:13 GMT
"No, I guess it's neither or both of our faults," I shrug, smiling faintly. "... Would be nice, but I guess it would fuck up some other things."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 26, 2009 4:13:50 GMT
"I guess.." I said with a faint shrug back to her, smiling weakly. "What other things?" I asked shaking my head weakly. I really couldn't think of anything not kissing her would solve.. unless I was just blanking on her.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 26, 2009 4:18:21 GMT
"I don't know," I shrug. "It would certainly be different though."
I'd not have gone to Canada, for one... and then, I'm not really sure but I'm not sure if Logan would have gotten out of prison. So I would be alone and maybe Riyann would be here and maybe there'd still be unacknowledged feelings between Riley and I, and maybe it really would not be that much better.
But maybe, or perhaps very probably, he wouldn't be lying here now.
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