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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 20, 2009 16:34:11 GMT
It had been a day or two since I woke up here... I really couldn't be sure of exactly how long just because I was having some trouble keeping track of time. Plus, most the time I would rather just be sleeping.. If I was sleeping, I wouldn't have to feel like this. Feel like I got hit by a bus, I mean. Which was sort of true, except I'm pretty sure that it was car. I guess I don't have much luck with that sort of thing, do I?
So far the only ones who had been in to see me were my parents and my kids. They'd been back a couple times now, but I just didn't have the heart to tell them what the healers told me. That is, if the healers hadn't already told them... I was pretty sure that my parents already knew... but I didn't want to tell my kids.
Especially because there was still a small chance I would make it... but it wasn't exactly looking good and the healer let me know that. From what I'd heard and read off my charts, I had a couple internal injuries and more than a bit of internal bleeding... not to mention one or two cracked ribs. The bleeding wasn't getting any better and I was starting to wonder just how long I did have if it didn't somehow get better.
I also wondered if anyone else was going to show up to see me.. did they even know I was here.. or what happened to me?
If I was depressed before, I had to admit that I was even more so now.. but for different reasons. I didn't want to die.. and I definitely didn't want to spend my last days stuck in a hospital bed, in pain and miserable. I felt my eyes tear up a bit, but at the time, I wasn't really positive if it was from the pain or just the fact that I was just downright scared. I didn't want to die and I guess it took getting hit by a car to realize how much I did, in fact, want to live.
I could really use some company right now though. The last thing I wanted was to be alone. |
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 20, 2009 17:35:56 GMT
This isn't a very good week... for anybody, seems like. Maybe Lacey - because after Fitzy finished yelling at me and muttering that maybe Shell should just cease to exist because Ruby and Logan deserve each other, he managed to mutter in a less grumbling way that he and the mother of his child are mending their differences now - but that's about it.
And it's really not a good week for Riley, though then again I'm not sure when the last time he had a good week was. He does seem to have awful luck; I don't know whether to be exasperated or pitying.
Lillian told me he was here, and that he'd probably like to see me, so I took her word for it and showed up, wondering how bad off he is that he's still here, and what exactly happened. I hate this lace and can't remember why - just another of my silly, irrational prejudices stemming from an incident or two when I was seventeen, I suppose. But if Riley got hurt and wants to see me, I guess I'd go even to the Ministry if I had to. And at least Mungo's isn't as bad as the Ministry.
I knock very lightly on the doorframe to let him know I'm there, poking my head into the room they've told me is Riley's, and summoning a faint sort of smile. "Hey...."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 20, 2009 17:56:50 GMT
I heard a small knock on the door and I turned my head just in time to see Arden standing there. I smiled weakly over to her in return. "Hey." I said back to her, sort of quietly.
Other than hi, I really wasn't sure what I wanted to say to her. I didn't especially want to tell her what was wrong either.. but then again, maybe whoever told her I was here also let her know that I was pretty much going to be done for in however long.
I honestly didn't even know what I looked like right now, but I could tell that my hair was probably quite messed up, and I could feel a lot of scrapes and bruises over my body.. and I could definitely feel my ribs everytime I moved. But other than that, I doubt that she would be able to tell my internal injuries were killing me. Literally.
I would've made a move to sit up more or get up, but I definitely didn't think I could.. and even sitting up hurt quite a bit, so I just stayed where I was.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 20, 2009 18:00:06 GMT
I almost say it back again but instead just swallow and nod, taking a good look at him now and wincing internally.
"What in the world did you do to yourself?" I ask finally, moving closer and wondering if he'd mind if I sit on the edge of the bed. "Lillian just said you had an accident of some kind."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 20, 2009 18:04:24 GMT
"I got hit by a car.." I said with a sort of teary chuckle, almost finding it slightly funny just because I got hit again. How many times can that happen to someone? ...Well, two, I guess. I watched her walk closer to me and made myself scoot over slightly, causing myself to wince a bit. I should've known that Lilian told her I was here, I guess I'd have to thank her for that later.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 20, 2009 18:07:21 GMT
I wince again a bit, clucking my tongue softly and shaking my head. "That wasn't terribly brilliant of you. You okay?"
He looks like he's in a lot of pain at least.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 20, 2009 18:10:41 GMT
I shook my head very faintly. "No, definitely wasn't brilliant at all." I commented, keeping a weak smile on my face. I paused after her question and bit my lip for a second, feeling my eyes tear up a bit more. I was hoping someone else would have told her, so I didn't have to. I swallowed hard an shook my head faintly. "Not really." I said quietly.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 20, 2009 18:12:47 GMT
I frown slightly, biting my lip. At least he's being honest, I suppose. "How so?" I ask warily.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 20, 2009 18:15:19 GMT
I look up at her and hold out my hand so that maybe she'll grab it, staying quiet for a bit longer. "I, um.." I paused again, "I have some, internal injuries." I started off, stopping there for now, merely because I really didn't want to continue.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 20, 2009 18:19:11 GMT
"Ah," I nod, though I still don't really know how bad off he is. I take his hand anyway though, because something here doesn't seem right.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 20, 2009 18:22:04 GMT
I frown slightly, staying quiet for a bit longer. I didn't want to drag it out like this, but I didn't think it would be this difficult. After she took my hand though, I felt slightly better and thought I'd continue. "They don't think they can heal them.." I said in the same quiet voice, hoping that would be the basic point across.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 20, 2009 18:26:33 GMT
I'm still not really sure, even after he says that, that I get what's going on. I have a pretty decent enough idea to knock some of my breath out and make it impossible to say anything while I squeeze his hand harder... but I really hope I'm jumping to conclusions and so maybe I am.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 20, 2009 18:29:41 GMT
"They don't know how much longer I have..." I said knowing that if she didn't get it yet, that would pretty much confirm anything she was already thinking. She squeezed my hand harder and squeezed hers faintly back, keeping my eyes up on her. ".. If they can't fix it." I added as an after thought to the first thing I said. "But there's still a small chance..." That I won't die. "... That I'll be okay."
But in my eyes it wasn't looking so good. Especially with all the pain medication that they'd given me... I wasn't so hopeful.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 21, 2009 2:42:33 GMT
I feel like I've just been kicked in the chest for the second time in just over a week. The first thing that comes to mind this time, however, is denial, and I shake my head quickly without looking at him. "Wh-what do you mean? How small a chance?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 21, 2009 2:48:41 GMT
I wasn't positive what she asking about when she asked me what I meant, so I concentrated on her second question, even though I didn't much know the answer for sure. "I don't know... maybe.. ten percent... twenty, if I'm lucky." I answered watching her shake her head away from me. "I'm really not positive though.."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 21, 2009 2:57:16 GMT
No, that can't be right. You are not fucking dying.
I close my eyes briefly to try and get a hold of myself, shake my head again, and then open my mouth to speak but I don't know what to say.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 21, 2009 3:03:46 GMT
She didn't say anything and I looked up to her, waiting to see if she was going to. I thought she was for a second, but then she just stayed quiet. Which I guess, I should have been expecting. I opened my mouth to say something, but I honestly didn't know what I should tell her.
".. I'm sorry." I settled with, almost in a whisper, before coughing a few times in my hand, wincing as I felt my ribs ache.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 21, 2009 3:07:50 GMT
I laugh disbelievingly, shaking my head. "It's not like you did this deliberately; nothing to apologize for."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 21, 2009 3:11:47 GMT
I let out a small breath, closing my eyes for a few moments. "Does it really matter?" I asked looking back over to her. ".. It's still happening.." I added a bit quieter.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 21, 2009 3:14:57 GMT
"Well, you shouldn't have to say that you're sorry." I half-laugh again, bordering on crying. "... Dammit. This can't be real."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 21, 2009 3:19:32 GMT
I shrugged faintly, deciding not to comment on saying sorry. I wanted to say it, so I did. I knew I didn't really have to though.. It's not like I stood in the middle of a road waiting for that car to hit me.
I didn't much know what to say to the second thing she said either though. ".. I wish it wasn't.." I said eventually, frowning a bit more and looking away from her for a moment.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 21, 2009 3:28:43 GMT
Me too. I nod faintly, not sure what to say again. This has never happened before, having forewarning. Everybody else I've lost just up and died without any way to know beforehand they were going to. So I suppose this is a good thing, in a way, that at least I didn't just hear from Lillian that he was gone.
"... Is there anything I can say or do?" I ask after a moment, looking back at him.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 21, 2009 3:35:29 GMT
I paused for a few moments, wondering if there really was anything that she could do. I wasn't sure that there was. Not much could be done.. And as for saying things, I wasn't really too sure. So I didn't say anything for a couple more seconds and then looked back up to her. "Can you just tell me that you love me and everything's gonna be alright?" I asked quietly, holding back any tears I felt were ready to fall. I really didn't want to cry.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 21, 2009 3:39:02 GMT
I hesitate slightly, then shrug. I'm not fond of lying even at a time like this.
"Well, I do love you... and I hope that everything'll be all right."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 21, 2009 3:43:50 GMT
".. I didn't mean, love.. love.." I clarified a moment later, really when I said that I just meant friend love. One of the last things I wanted to do was annoy her, possibly one of the last times I see her. That didn't really matter now anyway.
But I nodded a little bit, realizing now I still had her hand. I didn't much want to let it go, but I didn't know if she'd rather I did. "I hope so too.. but can you just tell me that everything's going to be okay?" I asked again, frowning a bit, just wanting to hear her.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 21, 2009 3:49:26 GMT
"Not when I don't know it is," I say, shaking my head. "I'm sorry, I just can't. But I do love you, idiot. As a friend or a brother or whatever the hell you are now, but I definitely love you."
And I don't want to lose you, and I still don't think it's real yet... but I know that when it is it'll really fucking hurt.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 21, 2009 3:55:55 GMT
I nodded very faintly, looking away for a moment before shifting my eyes back at her when she says she loves me again. I guess hearing this was better anyway, but I still wouldn't mind someone telling me it was going to be okay.
I nodded a bit again, smiling very faintly up to her. She was still confusing me with that though.. if it wasn't as a friend or a brother, then what was it, if it wasn't as more than friend? But like I said earlier, it doesn't really matter now, anyway. "I love you too." I said after a moment.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 21, 2009 3:58:39 GMT
"... I know," I say after a moment, nodding slightly and biting my lip. Even after I've messed you around, yelled at you, not been there enough....
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 21, 2009 4:03:12 GMT
I nodded a bit again, staying quiet for a few moments. "This wouldn't have happened if I just apparated home.." I thought out loud, frowning slightly now. And it wouldn't have.. but no, I had to walk for a bit before I did that.. or well, before I intended to do that. Apparate, I mean. Or maybe if I just hadn't drank anything before that.. or if I'd stayed in the bar instead of leaving with Arden...
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 21, 2009 4:05:27 GMT
"Or if a lot of other things, probably," I shrug, not wanting him to start blaming himself.
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