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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 18, 2009 2:43:43 GMT
"She told me that, um.." I paused for a moment, "She told me that no one would ever want me.. not even my kids, that they probably hated me. That it was my fault everyone left me.." I shrugged faintly. ".. Compared me to Shelby too. And said that if I wanted, she could just kill me now because eventually I was gonna want to end it." I said it all a bit slowly, feeling like I just said quite a bit, but the more I spoke the more I remembered her telling me.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 18, 2009 2:53:44 GMT
"... Jesus Christ, no wonder you wanted to go drink yourself into oblivion." I shake my head, moving closer to him. "Though you realize only the tiniest sliver of that's true, right?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 18, 2009 2:58:04 GMT
I nodded a bit, glad that she could see why I wanted to. "... Do you mind if I ask which part of that is true?"
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 18, 2009 3:02:38 GMT
Dammit. I knew I shouldn't've said it like that.
"No bit in particular," I say, shaking my head. "I just thought you might object if I said none of it's true."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 18, 2009 3:08:55 GMT
"Oh.." I said pausing for a bit now. I guess that's good then.. and she has a valid point there. "Okay.. So um.. You don't think any of those things are true then?"
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 18, 2009 3:16:54 GMT
"No, not at all." I shake my head, trying to remember them all so I can dispute them individually. "I don't think no one wants you or that you should go off yourself... the girls might be mad at you right now, I wouldn't know, but they'll get over it 'cause they love you... and... well, at the very least I know it's not why everyone left you because there were no other factors I would be with you right now. So there's nothing inherently wrong with you or anything like that."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 18, 2009 3:25:15 GMT
I nodded at the first few things she said, but for some reason the last couple sentences she sort of lost me. "What do you mean, there were no other factors I would be with you right now?" I asked, frowning slightly, wondering if I missed a word or something.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 18, 2009 3:41:48 GMT
I sigh slightly, shaking my head and looking at the ground a moment. "I just meant that... you said that Rubalyn said it was your fault everyone left you. And I would've thought you knew this anyway... but I'm just pointing out that it wasn't in our case."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 18, 2009 3:47:00 GMT
"Oh," I said with a faint nod. "Well, I didn't really know." I said with a faint shrug. "I thought I at least had something to do with it.." I paused again. "Makes me feel sort of better then."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 18, 2009 3:54:16 GMT
"Good... because you really didn't. I thought I made that clear." I shake my head again.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 18, 2009 3:56:36 GMT
"You probably did and I was just too busy being an idiot to really listen." I said shaking my head faintly
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 18, 2009 4:01:26 GMT
"Very likely," I agree, tilting my head. "But is it clear now, at least?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 18, 2009 4:03:43 GMT
I shrugged faintly, "I guess it is.." I said sort of quietly. ".. So it's not that there's just.. something wrong with me, then?"
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 18, 2009 4:08:33 GMT
"No, not at all... of course not." I shake my head again. "Why would you think there' something wrong with you?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 18, 2009 4:11:10 GMT
I shrugged again. "You picked a murderer over me.." I said after a moment. "I'm bound to think I've got some.. huge flaw, that you can't stand, or something."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 18, 2009 4:24:43 GMT
"No, I picked... someone I love, over you. I know that he's flawed but that didn't really figure into the 'decision,' so neither did your good points." I shrug slightly. "It wasn't even really a choice, honestly. If it was I'd pick you any day."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 18, 2009 4:37:21 GMT
I stayed quiet for a few moments after hearing what she said. It was slightly confusing just because at one point I thought she did love me.. I mean, I was the reason she left.. because she loved me and she didn't want to. But I guess she was just confusing love love with brotherly love? Or something?
But the second thing she said did put a faint smile on my face. ".. Thanks." I said looking over to her. That really did make me feel a lot better.. for some reason.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 18, 2009 4:39:17 GMT
"Anytime." I smile slightly back, even though I have to wonder how that really made him feel better. It was supposed to, but I didn't think it would succeed.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 18, 2009 4:44:31 GMT
I think it was just the fact that she said if she had a choice, she would've picked me. Of course, it wasn't the best feeling to know that she still wanted him over me.
".. Can I just ask though.. what about when you left? Wasn't that because you.. loved me?" I asked, sort of cautiously, glancing over to her.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 18, 2009 5:00:53 GMT
I wince a little, inwardly, and grimace on the outside. "I thought... that it might be," i say slowly, then shake my head. "Honestly, I thought I really did. And... I love you as a friend, and I'm attracted to you, and I really do care and so I thought that I loved you. Hell, I do love you, sort of. Just... not as much. Closer to a crush than the real thing. And if he hadn't come along I doubt I'd ever've noticed the difference."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 18, 2009 5:07:39 GMT
I nodded faintly, staying quiet for a bit longer this time. I found that all of this was really good to hear, becuase all along I've just really been wondering exactly what she was thinking about this, and before tonight, I felt like I was just getting the same information everytime. This was new information though.. and even though it was sort of.. bittersweet to hear. I was glad that I was hearing it.
I also now sort of wondered if she really did know what love was though. How did she know if maybe she was getting what she had for me confused with what she had for Logan. I wasn't planning on bringing this up though, so I just nodded again. "Okay.. Thanks for telling me, then.. I think I needed to hear all of this."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 18, 2009 14:08:41 GMT
And I really could've sworn that I've told him all of this... but maybe not. Maybe I just thought it because I didn't think he'd want to know.
"Well... good then." I smile faintly.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 18, 2009 14:13:32 GMT
I honestly couldn't remember if she'd told me any of this before. She probably had and I, once again, wasn't listening, or something to that effect.
I nodded slightly, now kind of wondering what was going to happen once something did happen to Logan. But that wasn't exactly a cheery topic.. and asking that sort of felt like it would be bothering her, so I just stayed quiet.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 18, 2009 14:18:22 GMT
Hm... silence. I wonder if I should go home now.
"So are you going to be a little more okay?" I ask, biting my lip.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 18, 2009 14:22:41 GMT
I shrugged faintly, "Maybe a bit.." I replied with a faint nod of my head. In the end of it though, not much has really changed.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 18, 2009 14:27:15 GMT
"Hm...." I bite my lip again, not wanting to say 'good' again.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 18, 2009 14:30:13 GMT
"So um.. I still don't know I'll be showing up at your house anytime soon." I said after a few moments, reaching for something to talk about it and this being the first thing I caught.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 18, 2009 14:38:02 GMT
"I guess I can't blame you for that," I shrug, after the initial surprise of having a topic again. And I really don't need the temptation anyway.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 18, 2009 14:42:08 GMT
I shrugged a bit with a slight nod. "Yeah.. but um, if I ever do need to talk to someone.. It's alright for me to come by?" I asked a moment later.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 18, 2009 14:46:08 GMT
"It's perfectly fine with me," I shrug. "And he can damn well deal with it."
Which isn't nearly as bad, 'revenge'-wise, as what I briefly thought about half an hour ago. So... well, there you go then.
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