cursed

[Arden Patricks]

I keep staring down at my knees for a moment, mildly defeated by this bleak thought... but then, as always, find something else to say.
"On the other hand, you have had the semi-sane moments over the years, right? So that's something. Maybe... it'll stay, at least somewhat."

[Logan Andrews]

"Yeah, I guess so." I curl one hand around the other again in my lap to stop myself fidgeting too much.
"I hope it does." I say after a moment, nodding my head briefly.
It's somehow important that she knows this, that this is what I want even if it doesn't turn out that way.

[Arden Patricks]

Well, that's interesting.
I look over at him for a moment, then nod. "I suppose I don't really need to say it, but... same here."

[Logan Andrews]

I nod again at that, frowning again but this time at my hands instead because this is probably the strangest conversation I've had in a while.

[Arden Patricks]

And now I get to think again, because he's not said anything. Or, perhaps I'll just sit here and not really think at all.

[Logan Andrews]

"So," I say finally, after I can't take the silence anymore, but then I don't know what to say afterwards.

[Arden Patricks]

"No idea," I shrug, as if he'd asked a question. I suppose what he did say could be interpreted as shorthand for 'so... now what?' in which context my own response makes sense... but now I'm just rambling tiredly inside my own head.

[Logan Andrews]

"Ah, alright." I reply, nodding.
What does that mean? No idea, alright. I suppose it doesn't matter because I didn't make sense either.

[Arden Patricks]

"Sorry," I add after a moment, laughing slightly and ironing my face. "I'm just really... tired."

[Logan Andrews]

"Am I keeping you up?" I respond wryly, glancing out the nearest window just to check that it is still a sensible time of day.

[Arden Patricks]

"No, not really." I laugh again even more briefly, shaking my head. "Nottired as in I want to sleep... just tired mentally."

[Logan Andrews]

I nod at that, but I think I'm a little out of my depth already.
But I ask anyway, because I feel like I really should and I'm trying to be a normal person now. "You want to talk about that or...?"

[Arden Patricks]

It may be that I am, in fact, physically tired as well, but somehow this attempt to be normal... or whatever the hell it is... strikes me as amusing and I have to suppress another grin.
"I pretty much already have, I suppose. Just... all of the... everything that's going on, and then you show up here...." I shrug slightly. "Wouldn't you want to air out your brain a little bit?"

[Logan Andrews]

"I guess..." I shrug awkwardly. I've never really had that problem because up until Azkaban it wasn't often that things really bothered me enough.
"Sorry...about contributing to the brain thing..." I shrug again.
I think that's a little bit weird though, the whole airing out a brain imagery.

[Arden Patricks]

"Not exactly your fault," I shrug. "I mean, you would be even if you hadn't shown up here."

[Logan Andrews]

"Fair enough then, I suppose." I shrug in reply.

[Arden Patricks]

"Mm," I nod again, then shrug and lapse into silence for long enough that it doesn't feel mindless when I next speak, even though it kind of is. "I think I'm going to start up the Order again, or join it, if whatever the hell's going on isn't over with soon."

[Logan Andrews]

I hesitate before I reply to that because I don't know what I'm supposed to say.
"Why?" I settle on after a moment.
The Order didn't really come out of this so well last time. We came out of it worse, but still, how many were left of them?
And the threat will extinguish itself. Without Him, there's no order to it and they'll just end up killing each other with minimal damage to anyone else.

[Arden Patricks]

"Because if it isn't over with soon... then I'll have to try and change that," I shrug. "And if you're not a part of it, with Ian who knows where and Fitzy not quite so much an idiot as he used to be, I don't have an excuse anymore for being a coward."
I do half-wonder if I've brought it up because I'm trying to talk myself out of it or something, but I don't think that's it, really.

[Logan Andrews]

"It'll probably be over soon anyway." I shake my head.
It's not up to her to change it, she doesn't have to, and to me it sounds like a stupid thing to do. Wouldn't staying out if and being a coward be so much better anyway, not to mention safer and much more practical?
And anyway, it will be over soon. Because otherwise what the hell am I supposed to do?

[Arden Patricks]

"Hopefully," I shrug, which I guess kind of ends the discussion from my perspective. But if not, then I'm going to do something. Even if it is possibly silly to do so partly out of guilt that I never did before.

[Logan Andrews]

And now it feels like she's just ended the conversation when I'm not ready for it to be finished yet.
It's none of my business what she does or whose side she joins, but I have an opinion about it anyway and I'm not sure whether it's allowed to voice it or not.
"But what if it's not over soon?" I double back on myself. "And on the odd chance that they actually are organised...you're going to sign up to get murdered?"

[Arden Patricks]

"Well... preferably not murdered, but I'd like to sign up, yes," I shrug. "I'm not just going to sit and hope that someone else takes care of it this time, if it does get any worse."

[Logan Andrews]

"It's your life." I shrug.
It's also none of my business really anyway. Unless she does die, in which case I don't know what I'm going to do, besides be forced to find somewhere else to hide.

[Arden Patricks]

"True," I agree, tilting my head... and I can't help but analyze whether this is strange of him or not. I seem to recall a lot more 'no you can't because I say so' back when we were kids.

[Logan Andrews]

I still don't think it's a good idea though, so I frown a little bit but down at my hands.
And then I frown some more because I think that maybe I might have forced her to do what I want before, but now I don't really know how I would go about doing that anymore.
"So, don't get yourself killed or anything." I mutter.

[Arden Patricks]

"Wasn't especially planning to," I shrug, shaking my head. Not that you could stop me if I was. Or wait... didn't that happen once too?

[Logan Andrews]

I nod at that, once again running out of things to say.
This is appalling, I'll have to work on conversation as well I suppose.

[Arden Patricks]

I nod for no reason in the silence, then shrug and decide to get up to go... I don't know what... when I'm struck by a mildly panic-inducing thought.
"You know... people don't really come here very much, but when they do it's usually to drop off their kids to be babysat," I say slowly. "So I really do hope they don't do that anytime soon."

[Logan Andrews]

"Why's that?" I raise an eyebrow. "I'll stay out of the way."
My track record with kids isn't that great though. I think of Adalia's brats, Finley...and wince slightly, then shift slightly to cover it.