No more.. ;;Riyann

[Riley Pearson]

I sat in the kitchen of our house. My eyes red and puffy from previous hours. The girls were in their room, Justin in his with the baby monitar turned on sitting next to me so I knew if he started to cry or not.
I've never felt more angry, mad, upset, sad.. betrayed.. you name it and I was probably actually feeling it.
I didn't think I would have to go through this again. First it was Justin, who of course I was close to, he was my brother. But Lilian? I've grown so much closer to her over the years. She wasn't my step-sister anymore. It just didn't feel that way. She was my sister and I love her more than anything. I wiped away some tears that were on my face, letting out a large shakey breath as I sat there.
I just found out that morning. Four in the morning to be exact. Lilian was dead. Killed by a death eater. Killed by my wife. My sister was gone. I couldn't even remember what I last said to her, she was only twenty and Riyann killed her. I just couldn't grasp my mind around those words. I couldn't understand.
And now all the thoughts that I had about Riyann before. The ones wondering if I really wanted to be with her. The ones wondering if I really loved her as much as I thought I did. I didn't have any doubts now. I couldn't love her, not now and I doubted ever.
This was over. If this was true, that she really did kill Lilian. I couldn't be with her. I didn't want to see her.
I let out another sob as I leaned my head in my hands on the table, tears falling down my face again, not being able to stop them. Lilian was gone and there wasn't anything I could do about that.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I could feel myself shaking slightly. This could all go terribly wrong, or it'd be all alright. Really I've already killed a quite a few muggles, and things were starting to get worse, I just couldn't risk it. Yet here I was, standing infront of the house, stopping by to just pick up a few things.
After opening the door there were a few things I noticed, first of all, the girls' shoes were there which only told me that Riley and Justin were here as well and I bit my lip softly, wondering if Riley had heard, if Riley knew what exactly had happened or not.
Swallowing the small knot in my throat I turned around and shut the door behind me before locking it, out of habit because I'd been doing so for the past weeks, walk into the house, lock the door behind you. Nothing new.
There wasn't much that I heard after I'd locked the door, the girls were pretty much silent in their room, I heard nothign from Justin, and only some noises from the kitchen.
If Riley heard about the fact that it was me, he shouldn't have a problem, for several reasons, but mostly because back when I'd first gotten the mark he told me to do whatever I needed to to stay alive, and I could bring that up, even if it wasn't true in this situation.
Biting my lip softly I heard a few sobs and shut my eyes tight, it was obvious he'd heard about Lil.
"Riley?" I asked softly, peering through the kitchen door and seeing him at the table and I moved towards him. I didn't want to put him through this, I always did something so stupid. Standing behind him I knelt down on the floor and put my arm around his back as he was leaning forward, head against the table.

[Riley Pearson]

I heard the door open to the house and I quickly wiped away a few tears, still leaning on the table though. It didn't really matter that I wiped a few tears away now because more were already falling and I just left them there now.
I heard her come up behind me and feeling her hand on my back, flinched slightly. I didn't want her to touch me, but I also didn't want to straight out say that she killed Lilian. What if it wasn't true and she really didn't do it? That someone else did? I wanted to think that but I was really having troubles doing so.
I shook my head a little bit, not saying anything, not feeling like I would be able to do so just yet.


[ick... this post = crap ]

[Riyann Servansikk]

"S'only me." I whispered after he flinched slightly, pretending to think he'd only flinched because he was startled, but I really thought he knew that it was me and that he'd already heard the full story, or most of the full story, enough to know that he should hate my guts.
Looking at him I saw him shake his head a little and I bit my lip softly.
"W-what's wrong?" I asked softly, my tone full of worry, feeling my blood run cold, hoping that he'd heard about something else. "What happened?" I asked, this time in a quiet whisper, moving my other hand lightly to his arm. "Riley? Is, is it the kids? Are they okay?" I asked, feeling my breathing speed up slightly, my chest tighten a little, hoping that maybe he had only heard about Lil because then I had nothing to worry about unless he had heard I'd played a part in it too, then I'd have a little to worry about. "The twins? Justin?" I asked, pulling my hands away from him, making a start to get up and go check on them.

[Riley Pearson]

"It's not the kids." I mumbled quietly when I felt her hand move off of me. I didn't look back at her yet and stayed where I was, trying to grasp myself around the right words. ".. I think you already know." I said a few moments later, frowning deeply as I sat there, letting out another shaky breath. I wiped away more tears from my face. The way I said I was assuming that she might have a pretty good idea at what I was talking about. What exactly I was getting at. I doubted that she was actually going to admit to it and I was wondering if I should just come out and say it. I looked down at my hands twisting my wedding ring around a few times, getting ready to take it off, but not doing it yet.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I let a small sigh of relief pass my lips as I relaxed a bit at his answer, though I still was worried about what was wrong, for the moment I didn't even bother with wondering what it was though, instead I was just happy the kids were alright. I didn't ever get to see them as it was so it was hard not to worry, even if a few times not seeing them was my own fault. Hearing him say that he though I already knew made me shake my head in slight confusion. I had no idea what he was so torn up about. Well I did and I was sure Riley knew all of it, and I was sure he figured that I wasn't going to come right out and say that I did know. Wouldn't that make it worse to lie about it? I stayed silent for a minute longer, trying to think of something to say, because now that I thought about it I wasn't going to lie about this, maybe my part in it. Then my eyes moved down to Riley's hands where he was twisting his wedding ring around his finger. He'd done that so many times, but now I could almost guess that it was him getting ready to say fuck this and take it off each and every time that he did it.
Moving back I stood up, my eyes still locked on the wedding ring, a few tears falling down my cheeks. He really would rather that I'd be dead. I felt a sob catch in my throat but I choked it back, making sure to just not cry, and held back the rest of the tears, quick wiping away the ones that had already fallen. "W-what?" I asked softly, crossing my arms across my chest and squeezing my hands into hidden fists behind my arms.

[Riley Pearson]

I noticed her stand up behind me, closing my eyes slightly as I heard her sob. I was actually surprised at how hard this actually still was. This should be easy now shouldn't it? But now that she's asked me what was wrong, I didn't know how to respond. I had no clue whatsoever what I was going to say.
I let out another small and shaky breath as I closed my eyes again, letting another tear slip down my face. I let go of my ring, not taking it off, at least not yet and leaned my head in my hands as I rested my elbows on the kitchen table.
I shook my head again, "Please tell me you didn't do it.." I said very quietly, shaking my head again as I sat there.

[[ hiiiiiii ^^ is at the school library.. lol, so that's why I'm not on msn xD ]]

[[[ probably gonna head home soon though.. so if i disapear, i'll be back in about 15 minutes or so ^^ ]]]

[Riyann Servansikk]

"R-Riley." I whispered after he pleaded for me to tell him that I didn't do it. It shouldn't matter, I should just ruin it all and tell him, we'd be alright. We would, we really would. Of course, though, something I did would have to finally make him hate me and want to leave me. I didn't want to answer him, afraid of what would happen next, that shouldn't happen next. There goes another one of my plans horribly wrong.
My eyes stayed on him, he was no longer playing with the ring, but rather holding his head in his hands. "I-I, I can't." I whispered even quieter, taking another step back until I hit the wall lightly with my back, knowing that if I didn't get out of there now he probably wouldn't let me see the kids, not now that I've killed his sister. He's going to take everything from me because of this.

[[YAY FOR BEING ON! and tis okay ;D]]

[Riley Pearson]

I frowned a bit more at what she said, staying where I was. The longer I sat there the less and less that I wanted to leave, but I knew that it was what I was going to do anyway. If it was a mistake, then I guess I wouldn't know until later. I ran a hand through my hair slightly before wiping the tears off my face even though more were falling siliently down it anyway.
That pretty much said it then, she couldn't tell me that she didn't kill her and unless she was completely off base as to what I was talking about, she did it. I know that I told her she had to do anything she could to stay alive, but my sister? I had complete mixed feelings on this and I felt like there could have been another way to handle it. Any other way that it could've been handled would be better. Both of them should be alive.
I finally stood up, wiping my cheeks again before turning around and looking at her. I wanted to take my ring off right then and there and get it over with, but I just couldn't get myself to do it. I didn't know why, but I just couldn't even though I so wanted to right now.
"Why?" I asked quietly, looking up at her this time. I wanted to know why she did it, why there couldn't have been another way. Something. Even if I was planning on leaving her no matter what she said. I wanted to know.

[[ ;D!! I think I am gonna head home though.. lol... do you think you'll be online in the next 20 minutes? ]]

[Riyann Servansikk]

[[Maybe only for the next half an hour I'll be on.. =/]]

I couldn't even bring myself to leave the room now. Riley hated my guts, and now he was standing up and just looking at me, making me look down at the floor. I'd never felt like this before. He probably felt betrayed, but I felt like he was about ready to just kill me and be done with me, I felt betrayed.
I wanted to speak, but I didn't say anything, I wanted to point out the fact that he didn't love me, he'd rather I'd be dead instead of Lil. Hearing him ask why I wanted to answer with the full truth, but I couldn't, I wanted to tell him some silly little lie, but I couldn't. I wanted to say something, even if it didn't pertain to this topic, but I couldn't.
"I love you." I whispered under my breath so he couldn't hear it as I slid down the wall so that I was sitting on the floor, knees against my chest, head burried against them.

[Riley Pearson]

[[ aw, okay... maybe i'll just stay here then until you have to get offline, lol ^^ ]]

I didn't hate her, but I definately didn't like her right now. At all. But despite the fact that I didn't like her at this moment, I knew that I still loved her now that she was standing here infront of me. Which is what made this all the more difficult for me. I thought that maybe this whole thing could be in and out. She came here, I gave her the right and then I left. But it definately wasn't that easy.
She whispered something that I couldn't understand as she slid down the wall and I stared at her waiting for an explanation of some kind. But the longer I waited the more sure I was of the fact that she probably wasn't going to give me one. Unless she already did and it was whatever she said quietly as she sat there.
"Do you have anything to say?" I asked her looking at her for a few more moments, as she kept her head burried against her knees.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I wanted him to hit me for being so stupid, I wanted him to hate me, I wanted to argue with him, fight with him because this wasn't my fault, but I couldn't. I should be dead and everything would be all better for him, he'd still have Lilian, the girls wouldn't have to hate me because if Riley knew that I killed Lil, didn't that mean the girls would too, they'd be able to figure it out no matter what. They were smart enough.
More than anything I wanted him to leave now before this got even worse. I hated the fact that he had to go through this again, just like with Justin, only this time it was worse because now I'd done it. I should've told him that I was a supporting death eater this time around, then maybe he could have killed me himself, or then he'd have up and left a while ago and I wouldn't have to deal with this. Or he could've just done whatever he wanted. I should've told him everything that was going on, every exact detail, but I hadn't, and now, this is where we were at. Him hating me because I'd just murdered his sister.

[[Mkay\\

[Riley Pearson]

[[ ]]

She didn't say anything again and I didn't know how much longer I could stand here waiting. I wanted her so badly to say something, anything, but I just didn't know what I should do.
She stayed where she was, not really making any since that I even asked her something and I looked back down at the ring sitting idlely on my finger. I told her that she had to do anything to stay alive, but I guess I never thought about this situation. Actually for all I know, she didn't even kill her to stay alive. I hated thinking it, but it could be true.
I twisted the ring a couple more times before pulling it off my finger and letting it drop to the floor with a few clinks as it hit.
"I don't hate you." I said quietly after it did, feeling my tears falling a bit faster now as I stood there. "But I can't do this anymore." I continued shaking my head faintly, feeling a small knot form in my throat. "I can't."

[Riyann Servansikk]

[[Has to go.. =/]]

I had stayed silent for longer than I really had expected to, even though I had nothing to say, and I don't know if I had said anything if it would've helped Riley make up his mind or not, but the next thing I heard was a few clinking sounds as something hit the floor. Afraid to look up and see what it was I could only figure that it was Riley's wedding ring and I felt tears now starting to fall down my face. I couldn't beg him to stay, I couldn't bring myself to doing that, no matter how much I loved him.
I don't hate you, but I can't do this anymore. I'd never felt so horrible before, but I could understand why he couldn't do this anymore.
"I love you." I manged through a small sob, hoping he'd believe me, hoping that maybe those words would be able to haunt him.

[Riley Pearson]

I wiped the tears off my cheek again as more continued to fall down them. I took in a deep breath a few moments later and let out a shaky breath a moment later. I knew this was probably my turn to move and leave her here, but I just stayed where I was for a few moments. Eventually I heard her speak up through a small sob
'I love you.' I heard her say causing a few more tears to fall down my face. I nodded faintly, biting my lip slightly harder than I thought I would for a second before letting it go. I took another look at her, taking in and letting out another breath, "I'll always love you." I told her quietly back to her, hearing my own voice crack slightly as I spoke.
With that I looked at her again before starting to walk away, leaving my ring lying on the floor. I stopped a few steps later, wiping my tears away again. "We'll be at my parents.. I'm not keeping the kids from you."

[[ aw, okay.. hopefully tlak to you soon! ]]

[Riyann Servansikk]

I'd finally done it this time, finally pushed him over the edge, even if he was telling the truth when he said he'd always love me, he didn't want to be with me. This time I wasn't even trying to leave him or get him to leave me for the better. This time I just wasn't thinking. In truth I'd never really thought the other times either, but this time was completely different.
And what are the girls going to think?
He's still taking them though. He doesn't trust you with them anymore.
I wanted to say something, but I couldn't find my voice, couldn't find the words that I could say, so I stayed silent.

[Riley Pearson]

She didn't say anything agian and I looked over to her again. "Is that okay?" I asked looking at her still, wondering why I was even asking her, but oh well. I already asked, so if she had something to say, she should say it now.

[Riyann Servansikk]

Why he even asked that was beyond me, but he already had. I couldn't believe that he really loved me either, he'd rather I be dead then to have killed his sister. I shouldn't have to stay around to hear him go on about how he'd be somewhere and that he wasn't going to keep the kids from me. It wasn't all always up to him.
"You'll be doing it anyways." I muttered, the words coming out muffled against my knees.

[Riley Pearson]

I shook my head a little, "What'll I be doing?" I asked her curiously not sure of what she was talking about.

[Riyann Servansikk]

"Taking the kids to your parents with you." I whispered. Even if he didn't think so he would be keeping them from me. Because even though he didn't hate me, his parents would, his family would. My daughters would. I would not be wanted there and that was that. "Keeping them from me." I added under my breath, feeling more tears fall, not wanting to look up at him, not wanting to look up and see the ring on the floor, not wanting to believe this was happening because my stupid choice.

[Riley Pearson]

"Would you rather me leave them with you?" I asked her quietly after a few moments, noticing that she wasn't looking up at me.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I really didn't think he'd do that, so I didn't answer, he probably wouldn't, at least wouldn't want too. That and he wouldn't know if they'd be safe with me or not.

[Riley Pearson]

"If you think they'll be safe.." I told her quietly, when she didn't say anything.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I still stayed quiet, knowing he was trying, but that didn't matter. He shouldn't be trying. He was already killing me by saying he couldn't take this anymore. He already murdered me when he had pulled the ring off his finger and dropped it to the kitchen floor. He was only killing me more the longer he stayed.

[Riley Pearson]

"Riyann, you have to talk to me." I said shaking my head a little bit when she didn't say anything. ".. I didn't tell anyone about it. They don't know you did it." I added quietly, "If I take them, please visit them."

[Riyann Servansikk]

"I do not have to talk to anyone like you." I hissed, pulling my head up to glare at him, tears streaking my cheeks, slightly red from the crying I'd only recently started. Right now, saying things like I just had weren't a big issue, because he wasn't ever going to come back as it was. Even if he planned on it, I wasn't planning on letting him back, not after this.

[Riley Pearson]

I stared at her, pausing for a few moments. "Anyone like me?" I asked as continued to stare at her, wanting to know what she was talking about. Did that mean she was just going to ignore everyone? Ignore our kids.?

[Riyann Servansikk]

"Yes, I don't have to talk to you or anyone like you." I said. "I don't have to deal with you saying you can't take it anymore and then trying to be nice to me. I don't have to deal with it and I won't. I don't have to talk to you." I finished, turning my eyes away from him and to the floor where the ring was lying, wanting desperatly to pick it up and throw it at him.

[Riley Pearson]

I stared at her for a few moments, not sure of what to say to her. I shook my head faintly, looking to the floor for a moment. "Fine." I said shaking my head again. "I'll just leave."

[Riyann Servansikk]

"Good." I said, really wanting to take that back, wanting to make it so he wouldn't, couldn't leave me here alone. I didn't want him to leave.