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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 10, 2008 23:11:11 GMT
"I can't make you do anything." I whispered, shaking my head a little, not really answering his question as much as he had wanted. I sighed softly, I had to give him something, even if I didn't want to answer who she was or what she had threatened them with or anything. "Juniper." I said softly before moving a little so that I was laying back down against the bed, my back to Riley. "You should get some sleep." I whispered, avoiding the topic now.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 10, 2008 23:17:03 GMT
"Yeah, but if I do the wrong thing you're going to be mad at me and something horrible could happen," I started after I heard what she whispered to me. "So it'd be great if you filled me in a little more than this Riyann." I said, feeling faintly irritated. Whoever this Juniper was, I wanted to know why she was threatening us. What she said. Really, it was that that would make me decide whether or not to leave the house or not.
She moved and layed down on the bed, her back toward me. Hearing what she said I sighed slightly, "Are you gonna sleep too?"
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 10, 2008 23:23:19 GMT
I shook my head slightly. "I won't get mad and I'm sure you know when enough is a enough." I murmured softly, biting my lip a moment later. Riley really did know when enough was enough, more than I did. I overreacted. Riley was always cautious. He said it was enough when I'd told him that I was going to be a spy, well he basically said it was enough and told me not too. Riley said that I shouldn't go out of hiding as Payton, I probably shouldn't have.
What he said next, with slight irritation in his voice, made me almost want to just get up and leave right there. "Riley, there is a war going on again, you can deal with information I give you." Half of the reason I wasn't giving him information was because I was a supportor now, and the other half was because if Riley was getting to know too much, they'd find out, and they'd come after me, and the kids, and Riley.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 10, 2008 23:30:31 GMT
I listened to her and stayed quiet for a moment after she was done speaking. "It'd be great if you could remember you said that." I mumbled quietly back to her, deciding to just lay down already, closing my eyes for a moment or two.
I heard what she said next and paused again, trying to get the best of myself right now and not the worst. ".. Fine." I said back to her eventually.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 10, 2008 23:35:05 GMT
Hearing what he said made me shut my eyes because I knew like he did that I'd probably find my own way around what I'd said and end up getting mad anyways, and it hurt that he had to say that, because I had to realize it more and it made me realize that he knew it and hated that. Makes me feel like we keep falling farther and farther apart. Of course it'd help if you were ever here with him.
His fine made me bit my lip against another comment and I just curled into a ball, scooting faintly away from Riley as I did.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 10, 2008 23:42:19 GMT
She didn't say anything back and I honestly started to feel bad about what I had said now. I didn't want to hurt her feeling, or anything close to hurting feelings. And I felt even worse about this now because I really did sort of feel like we were falling more apart everyday. Everyday that she just happend to not be here, or the days when she comes back and we somehow either get in a fight or something wrong happens.
So I just laid there in silience, hoping that maybe the next time she came home things would be different.. better maybe. I didn't want us to fall apart, I'm sure she knew that and hopefully felt the same way. This whole situation was just tearing me apart.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 10, 2008 23:46:16 GMT
I wanted to say something, tell him that I loved him, but I couldn't bring myself to speak or do anything of the sort. I couldn't bring myself to turn over and hug him, or anything and that right there told me things were getting worse each time.
And it's all your fault.
I could feel a tear or two silently roll down my cheek but I ignored it as I opened my eyes and stared blankly at a wall.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 10, 2008 23:51:58 GMT
I wanted so badly right now to just hug her.. move closer to her. Do anything really that wasn't just laying here apart from eachother like this. But despite how badly the want nagged at me, I just couldn't get myself to do it.
"If I fall asleep, you'll still be here when I wake up, right?" I asked her quietly after another few moments of silence. The last thing I wanted was for her to leave, have something happen to her and then having that feeling of regret when I realise I could've at least hugged her before it happend, or said that I loved her. Because I do want to hug her and I do love her and I want her to know that.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 10, 2008 23:56:35 GMT
Slowly I could feel another hot tear slip down my cheek, leaving a streak mark against my cheek as I heard him speak into the quiet room. "Yes." I whispered, though I wasn't sure if I should be anymore. I wasn't sure if I could promise anything to him anymore. What if my mark started to burn and I had to leave.
Then wake him up before you leave. Then he wouldn't let me leave.
And what if he does? Then we've definitely started falling apart.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 11, 2008 0:05:53 GMT
I nodded faintly, even though she couldn't see it and sighed very faintly too. She said she ewould be and I was really hoping that she was telling me the truth. Actually, now that I was thinking about it, knowing Riyann she wouldn't wake me up if she had to leave. Probably because she was thinking that I would stop her from leaveing. But I think it was pretty clear that I couldn't stop her from leaving anyway.. so why try?
I also had a horrible feeling as soon as I thought that becuase I never think that way. I always try to stop her. That probably wasn't a very good sign.
So thinking that she might not be her when I did wake up, I scooted closer to her and rested my arm over her stomach, my head resting close to hers.
".. Love you." I said quietly near her ear as we laid there, immediately feeling a bit better as I said it.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 11, 2008 17:17:56 GMT
The silence was really starting to get to me, but I tried my best to ignore it. I couldn't tell if Riley believed me when I said that I would be there or if he didn't. I wasn't even sure if I believed myself about it or not. Everything was already falling apart, really he shouldn't care if I was gone when he woke up, maybe he'd be happier. Maybe things would be better.
Another tear slowly slipped down my cheek and I shut my eyes tight again.
Feeling Riley scoot closer and then feeling his arm over my stomach I bit my lip a little, glad that we were now closer, but that didn't mean much really, or did it? I took a deep breath after a moment, trying to steady my breathing and to try and clear my head of everything. "Love you too." I whispered even quieter than Riley had spoken, now having thoughts of what if Riley didn't mean it and was just trying to make this all better and make it work.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 12, 2008 5:42:31 GMT
I didn't 100% believe her when she said she was going to be here when I woke up.. but I really did love her and I hoped she believed me when I told her that. If I didn't love her, I don't think that I would've just told her now that I did. Then again, for all I know she's thinking that maybe I don't love her and that I'm just saying that to make her feel better.. or because I feel bad that I don't love her?
Either way though, I didn't want her thinking that, because it just wasn't true. If it was I think I would've try to tell her already. But when I heard her say that she loved me too, I almost felt like she did think that I didn't, or something around that. Mainly just because of how quietly she said it.
Really, I had no clue whatsoever.. I just didn't want to wake up to find her gone and then never see her again, having the last time I did see her, be holding some kind of grudge that made me not what to say I love you or be close to her.
"You believe me, right?" I asked after a moment, my voice pretty quiet. "That I love you?"
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 12, 2008 14:40:18 GMT
I didn't want to answer the question, I didn't even really want to hear the question, because of the answer. I didn't entirely believe him when he said that he loved me. Nothing used to make me think that, except when the whole Arden and Riley thing happened, though that wasn't even much to sway me from the fact that he loved me. Now, what was so different that made me think he didn't love me?
Staying silent and keeping my eyes shut I let a slow breath out and tried to focus on my breathing for a while, at least until I could either answer Riley or this would all just go away.
I could feel a small sob catch in my throat as I made the attempt to not let Riley know I was crying. "Not really." I whispered softly, trying to shut my eyes even tighter against the tears and everything else.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 12, 2008 14:44:41 GMT
I wasn't sure if I expected to hear that or not. So after she said it, I didn't say anything right away and just blinked a couple times, trying to think of what to say to her. ".. I.. Why not?" I asked quietly to her, unsure of what else I could say or ask her.
[[ blah, crappy post. lol.. sorry ]]
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 12, 2008 14:51:15 GMT
[[Eh, tis okay!]]
This time I wasn't planning on answering him, I didn't think I needed to and the fact that I didn't have an answer was playing a part into that. Silence fell over me and I felt another few tears start to fall past my eyes and shut them tighter, knowing that it wasn't going to help, but I could just as well try.
Right now I didn't think that this was the time for this conversation to go on, or even the place really. Who knew if the girls were sleeping or evesdropping, or what they were getting from this conversation if they were listening to us.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 12, 2008 14:54:59 GMT
She didn't say anything and I moved some, sitting up against the back of the bed. I didn't understand. "Riyann.. I mean.. I, I don't understand.." I said quietly shaking my head a little bit. "I love you.. I mean.. Don't you love me?" I asked glancing over to her for a moment.
[ yay, lol ]
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 12, 2008 15:00:25 GMT
I felt Riley move back away from me a little, the bed moving slightly as he did, but I didn't turn to look at him or anything. Really what wasn't there to understand? I didn't entirely believe him when he said he loved me. I loved him more than anything though. "I already said that I loved you." I muttered, not saying anything else, not understanding why if I loved him would mean that he loved me. It doesn't always work that way.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 12, 2008 15:02:23 GMT
"And I already said that I loved you." I said back to her, shaking my head a little bit. "I just.. What'd I do to make you think I don't love you?" I asked looking over to her again, still just not understanding.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 12, 2008 15:06:08 GMT
This was all making me wonder why I should be here in the morning when he wakes up, though I kind of have too since they have to go somewhere else to stay. Or you could let him keep his jobs, do whatever he wants, take the kids and go somewhere with them yourself.
"Goodnight." I murmured softly, not saying anything to everything he'd said and asked. I really shouldn't have to as it was, so I didn't. I wasn't sure why I didn't think he loved me, I just didn't know if I believed it or not.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 12, 2008 16:35:35 GMT
"If I didn't love you, I wouldn't be putting up with all of this." I said shaking my head a little bit a few moments after she said goodnight. Of course I loved her. I still couldn't see why she thought otherwise. As soon as I said what I did, I realised that it probably wasn't the best thing to say. Who knows how she would interpret that. Then again, who know if she's even going to keep talking to me. I should probably just stop talking now because I really don't feel like fighting with her now. The funny thing about that is that I seem to be the one who's initiating something that could start a fight. Believe me when I say that that really is the last thing I want to do.
"Just.. nevermind.. when you figure it out, let me know." I told her quietly with a faint sigh, a slightly sad tone in my voice. "... Night."
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 13, 2008 1:10:26 GMT
That hurt. Saying that he didn't even want to stay and put up with this, except that he was because he loved me. "Sorry for being so fucking intollerable. Sorry for not believing if you love me or not." I hissed, not being able to stay silent after his comment. I wasn't going to give him the chance to tell me that that wasn't what he meant, because really, that was what he said.I scooted faintly closer to the bed's edge while Riley was still off and sitting on the otherside and leaning on the headboard.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 13, 2008 1:17:47 GMT
"That is not what I meant, Riyann." I said shaking my head some, talking a little louder than I was a second ago, as she moved and scooted closer to the edge of the bed. "You're not being intolerable.."
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 13, 2008 1:20:49 GMT
I let a small sigh past my lips and opened my eyes to stare into the dark room. "Then what is it Riley? What am I being?" I asked, almost positive that he wouldn't have an answer for it. Almost positive that I was just going to be right and that was going to hurt even more and give me more reason to just not be here in the morning.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 13, 2008 1:22:46 GMT
"You're being confusing." I said shaking my head a little bit. "I don't know why you're being like this." I added, as soon as I said it, shutting my eyes faintly, knowing that was a mistake. Maybe I should think about things before I speak.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 13, 2008 1:27:03 GMT
Right, confusing really makes a person get pissed off to the point that if they didn't love that person they'd already be gone. Right. I shut my eyes again, glad that I didn't have to argue, but wishing I didn't have to argue for another reason. Maybe I should go sleep somewhere else. "Whatever." I muttered, knowing that if I wasn't this tired I'd have gotten up and gone to another room.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 13, 2008 1:31:17 GMT
"Fine." I said shaking my head slightly, letting her drop this. Everything was getting twisted around and now I can't even remember what I said or what she thought it meant. I didn't know what to say right now so I just shut up and stayed where I was.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 13, 2008 1:36:17 GMT
I let out another sigh and stayed where I was, not opening my eyes, not trying to sleep at all. Really this was just making me want to not come back whenever I could or thought I should. Even if the twins, and Justin. This was just getting...
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 13, 2008 1:38:06 GMT
Intolerable. Maybe that was the word for it. Not all the time, but at least part of time. Like right now. I kind of wanted to say it now, but I knew I shouldn't and I just stayed where I was, keeping my mouth shut, taking a glance over to her.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Oct 13, 2008 1:41:14 GMT
Is this ever going to get better? I shut my eyes slightly tighter and slowed my breathing as a mimic to as if I was sleeping, hoping that he'd fall asleep and I could think on my own and leave if I wanted too.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Oct 13, 2008 1:44:10 GMT
I glanced over to her, seeing her breathing slow down. I looked like she was asleep... maybe she was. Now I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't really want to go to sleep. You know the phrase. Never go to bed angry. She apparently just had, but I didn't really want to. I sighed faintly, lookng over to her, ".. Sorry.." I whispered quietly before moving some and laying down.
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