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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Aug 19, 2008 0:59:21 GMT
Blame. Blame is when you put the fault on someone's shoulders for some problem. That's what I was doing, though I was blaming myself because Shell's now dead, acording to Ruby and the death certificate and it was my fault. My fault because I had Shelby's wand and she was defenseless and just gave into Ruby's torturing and sat there, which I didn't entirely believe. Whatever happened was my fault, because I had her wand and I hadn't shown up a few days earlier to stop that from happening.
Sitting in the middle of the bed, the same place I'd been the week before this, door shut and locked, shades closed on the windows and the light off, and I was staring ahead of me on the bed, a few tears falling down my already flushed face. Ahead of me was the death certificate that I couldn't entirely believe was real, and Shell's wand was right next to me.
"I'm sorry Shell." I whispered, hugging the pillow that was suddenly in my hands tight against my chest, hoping that would make the sick feeling go away.
Lately I'd been wanting to kill someone, anyone, and lately I couldn't remember doing certain things, like going into the Hogs Head and drinking half a firewhiskey. I didn't remember sitting in the middle of the Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts, or at least getting there. Each thing I couldn't remember doing, when I finally realized it was like I was waking up from a deep and dreamless sleep. Which was kind of scaring me because I could end up doing anything in these blank spots of my memory and Riley probably really should send me off for someone else to watch and take care of me. Maybe he could convince Arden to stay after that, do a better job then I'd tried to do. Maybe Shelby could somehow come back and it would all be fine. Maybe but doubtful.
More tears started to fall faintly faster than the past ones because I'd already lost Shelby, possibly my sanity, and with that my family, because Riley really shouldn't keep me around after all of this. I half burried my head in the pillow, but not enough so that I couldn't see over the top of it, and with that I kept my eyes on the certificate. Why was it called a death certificate? Hey, if you want a certificate all you have to do is die, yeah, funny.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 1:16:04 GMT
I was genuinely surprised when I walked into the front door. Work was over for the day and I finally made it through a whole day. Somehow.. Especially thinking about how it was my fault that Arden might be leaving. Or that she doesn't know if she loved me or not. Did I even love her? I had no clue anymore and I was just as confused as ever.
On the bringt side of things, I don't think I've been showing any signs of going insane.. at least the past couple of days. But then again.. maybe that didn't mean anything it all. I sighed slightly and started up the stairway, just assuming that Riyann was in my.. or our.. room. I walked up to the door and turned the handle, going to walk inside.
But it didn't open and I scrunched my face slightly in confusion. Why did she have the door locked? I tried to turn the knob again and then knocked on the door. "Riyann? Are you in there?"
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Aug 19, 2008 1:23:09 GMT
I was so focused on staring down at the death certificate and hoping that the name would change that I hadn't noticed Riley getting home from work, or heard him coming up the stairs, or walking to the room for that matter, I did hear his voice though. Hearing his voice caused me to throw my head up sharply to the door, drop the pillow over the parchment and wipe furiously at my eyes. Until I realized that I had Shell's wand right next to me, and I did a quick and silent spell to cover the tear stains on my cheeks. "Yeah, just a minute." I said softly, biting my lip a little.
Why are you trying to hide it, he should know. it is his cousin. I just shook my head slightly and moved the wand under the pillow as well. I suppose a pillow isn't one of the greatest hiding places either.
Getting up from the bed I made my way towards the door. I could just tell him I'd come home not feeling the greatest. Biting my lip again I unlocked the door and opened it, wincing faintly at the light coming from outside the room, but smiling weakly towards Riley. "Hey." I murmured softly.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 1:31:41 GMT
I heard her call from inside the room and after a few moments, I heard her footsteps near the door and then saw her in the frame, smiling weakly to me. "Hey.." I said back to her kind of quietly, observing the room behind her for a moment, seeing she had all the lights off and the shades closed. I shifted my eyes back to hers and smiled a bit, placing a hand on the side of her cheek for a moment. "Are you alright?" I asked her with concern coming through my voice. Something was off and I could tell, now I just wanted to know what it was.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Aug 19, 2008 1:37:34 GMT
I watched as his eyes looked around the room and I knew I should have quick opened the shades or something. Instead I just tried to hope he wouldn't ask about it and took a step back into the room so he could come in if he still wanted too. Watching as his eyes came back to mine I shifted mine away, feeling his hand on my cheek. "I-I'm fine." I whispered softly, still looking away. I was fine, really it was Shell that wasn't alright or fine or even living. I bit down against my lip so that I wouldn't let a few tears slip.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 1:50:35 GMT
I watched her closely and shook my head a little, looking slghtly worried now too. "You don't seem okay Riyann.. Are you sure?" I asked watching as she bit her lip, walking some into the room after her. "Are you feeling sick.. or something?"
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Aug 19, 2008 1:56:54 GMT
"I-I'm fine." I whispered, walking towards the bed now and crawling onto the bed again, sitting in front of the pillow again, pulling another pillow onto my lap instead of the one covering the parchment and wand up. "Or something." I whispered, knowing that I really did have to tell him that Shell was dead. Shouldn't I wait though? Incase Ruby had been lying to me again.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 2:03:49 GMT
She walked towards the bed and I followed her, sitting down next to her, putting an arm around her gently as she hugged a pillow close to her. "So then what's the something?" I asked her softly, feeling slightly more worried every minute. I hated not knowing what was wrong. "I hate seeing you like this.."
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Aug 19, 2008 2:07:45 GMT
The more I thought about it the more that it seemed real she really was gone and the more that happened the worse I felt because it was my fault. Feeling his arm around me I felt a tear or two slip past my eyes now as I turned and burried my face against his chest, a few more slipping now. "S-s-she's dead." I whispered, though I wasn't sure if he understood me, my words muffled against his chest and through the tears. Then there was the fact that I could have specified, I mean, if he hadn't seen the girls or his mum while coming in he could think I was talking about them, I just couldn't bring myself to say that Shell was dead. More and more tears started slipping soaking my face and the spot on Riley's shirt.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 2:15:05 GMT
Some panic rose through my chest and my eyes widened faintly when I thought I heard what she said. Someone was dead? Who was dead? She didn't say who and I honestly had no idea. I hadn't been contacted, or anything like that. I hadn't seen the girls yet, or my mum and for that matter, I haven't see Lil in weeks. I couldn't speak for a moment and I swallowed a knot in my throat so I could try to speak clearly. "W-who's dead?" I finally asked, feeling her crying aginst my shirt as I hugged her now, both my arms wrapped tightly around her.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Aug 19, 2008 2:22:27 GMT
"S-Shell, she c-can't be gone." I whispered, moving my fingers from clutching the pillow to move and clutch his shirt tight between them. I wanted him to tell me I was wrong and that she was just fine and that the parchment was wrong, was just a complete lie, that maybe Shelby had just gotten away somehow and that she was just fine and Ruby was trying to cover it up, but that couldn't be true. Shell was dead, I had her wand and her death certificate.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 2:26:17 GMT
I heard her say Shelby's name and even though I was still slightly panicky I had calmed down a little bit, due to the fact that it wasn't my mum, sister or the girls. "W-What?" I asked agian, just to make her that I heard her right. I just couldn't imagine Shelby being gone. I mean, I know we never got along, but I never actually wanted her to die. She was still my cousin.. and we did get along at some point in our lives.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Aug 19, 2008 2:33:43 GMT
I just shook my head a little against his chest, finally just letting the tears roll freely, different from earlier when I tried to keep them from coming so fast. It really hurt because I really was still in love with her and it was my fault that she was gone. My complete and entire fault.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 2:40:09 GMT
I shook my head again, holding onto her tighter and feeling a few tears fall down my cheek too. I wasn't nearly as much as a mess as Riyann, but I was still upset. I may have disliked her but I wasn't completely cold-hearted about her. "It's gonna be okay.." I told her very quietly, almost in a whisper, wishing I knew what I culd do.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Aug 19, 2008 2:44:05 GMT
"How?" I asked in the same small and muffled whisper. This couldn't be okay, I was losing it, missing parts of what was going on in the day and Shelby was dead because of Rubalyn, Arden was trying to disappear while I begged her to stay, everything was falling apart, how was it going to be okay?
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 2:47:19 GMT
"Everything gets bettere eventually.." I said quietly, closing my eyes lightly, feeling a couple more tears fall down my face. "I know it's not now.. but it will be. Even if it doesn't feel lke it."
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Aug 19, 2008 2:50:24 GMT
I just shook my head a little bit, hating that this was my fault. You should tell him that, maybe he'd do us the favor of sending you to St. Mungo's. I just shook my head a little bit again, maybe I could tell him later.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 2:55:15 GMT
I felt her shake her head again, but not saying anything else. I smoothed down some of her hair on the back of her head softly, still hugging her close. I moved slightly on the bed, laying Riyann down now and lying next to her, not letting go of her any as I did.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Aug 19, 2008 18:56:36 GMT
I could feel myself shaking a little in his arms, the tears still coming as he smoothed some of my hair. Why did Shell have to die? I felt Riley move a little and apparently he moved me too because I was laying down on the bed with Riley next to me, my head still burried against his chest and his arms still around me.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 23:51:57 GMT
I felt her shaking and kept holding onto her, kissing the top of her head after another moment or two. ".. What happend?" I asked her quietly after a moment, then thinking I probably should've saked.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Aug 19, 2008 23:55:04 GMT
Now do I lie or not? Seriously I didn't know what I should do. Truth? To many lies lately. "Ruby." I whispered, the name coming off quite muffled, hoping he wouldn't ask how I knew Ruby did it, that would lead to either more lies or finally telling him everything.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 19, 2008 23:57:35 GMT
I shook my head a little when she said Ruby. Weren't they one person and I was just thinking that they weren't? Now, I was slightly confused on top of the rest of it. "They had their own bodies?"
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Aug 20, 2008 0:04:25 GMT
I just nodded a little, really not wanting to carry on with this conversation, not right now at least and just let more tears fall as I hugged myself slightly closer towards him.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 20, 2008 0:11:48 GMT
She didn't say anything thing and I didn't repeat it again. If I was her, I wouldn't be probably be answering anything either. I felt her hug herself slightly closer to me and did the same back, smoothing down some of her hair again, wanting to calm her down.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Aug 20, 2008 0:13:42 GMT
"S-she can't be gone." I whispered, feeling him smoothing down my hair again, though I wasn't sure if it was helping me calm down or not, still, it let me know he was there.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 20, 2008 0:21:40 GMT
I nodded sligthly, "I know.." I whispered quietly, as I tried to remember the last time I spoke to her that wasn't when she "talked" to me in the mirror. Right, I punched her, and then she threatened to kill me. Really, that's not the best way to leave things. Hopefully she won't be haunting me anytime soon. ".. me either."
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Aug 20, 2008 0:23:53 GMT
Things were far from getting better it seemed, and I shut my eyes tight, trying to hold back more tears, but they seemed to find their way out no matter why. "I-it's my f-fault to-too." I whispered, my fingers holding his shirt even tighter now that I had said that.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 20, 2008 0:34:52 GMT
I shook my head as soon as she said that. "No honey, this isn't your fault." I said back to her in a little more than a whisper.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Aug 20, 2008 0:37:38 GMT
I realize that I really can't explain on how it really is my fault so I stay silent, just keeping my arms around him, my head against his chest, and my fingers wrapped tight in his shirt.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Aug 20, 2008 0:42:49 GMT
"This was all Ruby's.." I added quietly, pushing some of her hair back gently, feeling her fingers wrap tightly around my shirt.
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