First Met;;Riley

[Riyann Servansikk]

Who knew working at Hogwarts was actually making this whole situation, that's what I was calling it, a situation, worse for me. Everywhere I went I'd think about how we did something there, or over there, that's where we had our first kiss, the main reason of avoiding Professor McGonagal's classroom as of lately.

Instead I found myself climbing the stairs to the owlery, sighing softly. This is what I needed, to be in the place where we first met and started this whole mess. Basically I'd been naming everything between us. Our whole relationship from the start to now was a mess. Riley kissing Arden and me walking in to find them, a situation that I wasn't sure if we were going to figure out or not. Not knowing how to tell Riley that I was bloody pregnant with triplets a problem I couldn't solve. Yesturday I stressed myself over trying to figure out how I could tell him when I didn't want to talk to him because of everything. Even though I knew I loved him more than anything, forgave him, didn't even come close to hating him.

He didn't have to see anything between me and Shelby. For all he knew we were just lying to him and have been for the past ten years because he wouldn't ever know for sure. I have to believe this. Feeling a few tears fall past my eyes I wiped them away hurriedly.

At home I cried whenever I wanted, though I tried not to around the twins, they knew something was up though. In class I didn't cry until I gave the students their instructions for homework and was behind the door of my office. Though on occasion I let a few slip here and there in the hallways. I tried to keep my tears hidden from the school though, I didn't want people paying any attention to me, though I'd run into Shelby.

Which was amazing, seeing Shelby after she said she wasn't coming back and it was supposed to have been the last time I'd seen her.

Shelby. She'd been one to comfort me and tell me that Riley didn't love her, he loved me.
She'd been the one to try and make me feel better and not hate Riley while she was still busy in love with me. So she was sacrificing it.

Moving around the owlery I went and sat on one of the windows looking out at the grounds, really wishing I could just fall out, or get a firewhiskey in the least. But this 'situation' had to come up while I was pregnant. It was laughing in my face for having to suffer through this 'situation' on my own.

[Riley Pearson]

I didn't know waht I was going to do. I really should've tried to talk to Riyann more than I have been trying. Actually, I haven't really tried to talk to her at all about it. Which probalby wasn't the best thing I could be doing.

I was here at Hogwarts, filling in for Pomfrey again. At least that's the reason I was here today, she just came in a little while ago and after a small talk. Even though I wasn't much in mood for talking to her. And then I left the Hospital Wing and decided to take a walk around the grounds, around the castle. I wasn't really sure it was a good idea though. I had memories with Riyann in nearly every place and before I knew it, I found myself climbing up the stairs to the owlery. The owlery which I thought to be empty. That is, until I pushed the door open and saw Riyann sitting in one of the windows. Making me automatically remember the first day we met.

"Hey.." I said quietly, shutting the door behind me, wanting to say something about how she should be careful not to fall out, but deciding agaisnt it. I really did have to talk to her. I had to explain what I at least thought, was going on. And I was hoping that when she heard my voice she wouldn't just get up and leave.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I could feel a few tears hit my eyes and moved to wipe them away when I heard the door open, hoping it was at least a student who didn't much plan on being nosey, that's all I was going to need. I turned my head to look at them, at least acknowledge the fact that I knew they were there. I was on my free hour, so if they needed any help, well then I could spare a few minutes, though I didn't exactly plan on turning to see the face of the person I hated, loved, trusted, and didn't trust.

I turned my head away from him again, a hand instinctively laying lightly on my stomach as I looked out the window, really tempted to just fall out on 'accident'. So far there's the situation, the mess, the problem, and now the almost 'accident'.

Really I wanted to rewind ten years and possibly push myself out the window, or make it so that I made it up here at a different time than Riley, just so that he could have his run with Arden and this wouldn't hurt so bad. But I knew that I couldn't do that. There is a difference between going back a few hours so you can make it to a new class and going back years to just alter history, or a little bit of it at least.

I heard him say hey and was wondering he was talking to me, or thought I was going to answer. I'd apologized to Arden, basically forgave her, not Riley. Not when he said that the kiss hadn't meant much and went and did it again. Secretely it made me wonder how long they'd had this going on, though I doubt that it had been going on. Just happened twice.

[Riley Pearson]

She didn't say anything and I just nodded a little bit. "You don't have to say anything..." I said quietly, sliding myself down the side of the owlery wall with a small sigh, trying to gather my thoughts and play some stray straw through my hand which was resting on the floor. "Just listen to me.. please.." I said glancing over to her. I'd been thinking about this conversation for a while now and I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to be my best to not compare our situations, to not bring up Shelby, or anything else for that matter. I didn't want to upset her anymore than she already was.

"You have the right to know what's going through my mind right now.. even if you don't want to listen I'm gonna say it anyway.." I said, looking back down to the dirty looking floor and thinking about how someone should really clean up here more often.

"I do have feeling for Arden.." I said softly glancing over to her again. "But I love you more than anything.. and anyone.. I didn't want to hurt you. I never did want to. And I definately didn't plan on kissing her that time.. I just did." I said as I started to explain it to her, wondering if I should've said I had feeling for Arden first. "I-I really don't even know what exactly my feelings for her are.. I'm just.. confused.." I said shaking my head a little. I didn't want that to sound like I was thinking about choosing between them. Because I was 99% positive that I would choose Riyann. But I had to admit that that last kiss with Arden really got me thinking. There was definately something there.. even if I wasn't sure what exactly it was. It was something. "I hate myself for what I've done.. and I'm sorry."

I knew saying these things were more than likely not going to fix a thing between us, but they might help.. maybe. If they didn't help at all I was going to suggest that she hit me.. or maybe if she really did hate me, push me out of the one of the owlery windows. I gotta say that I wouldn't mind it at the moment.

"But um.. You're probably sick of hearing my voice.. so maybe I should just leave you alone..." I added quietly after telling her most of what was going through my mind, leaving a few of the things out that I would hopefully get to if she decided to talk to me, or even acknowledge I was there.

[Riyann Servansikk]

"I know I don't." I mumbled after hearing him speak and then slide down one of the walls, though I still wasn't looking at him, he at least got me to say more then one word to him, though part of the time he wasn't even graced with that much, and I have a feeling that since he wants to talk, that I'm either going to be yelling or talking back or staying silent and never letting this situation be resolved, then again I think I'm good for another few weeks of this.
When he said to listen and then said please, I didn't respond, not words spoken, no nod of the head to acknowledge the fact that I know he's there, that I know he's speaing. I don't do anything, rather I sit there and stare out the window, wondering what it'd be like to fall down there.

When he spoke again, he was saying how I had the right to know what was going through his head, this time I simply nodded, nothing else, hoping he wasn't going to get used to me answering him or nodding to him for something.

And then hearing him admit that he had feelings for Arden, I had to let a shakey laugh pass my lips. That much was obvious. Moving a hand I wiped away a few more tears, wanting to turn and look at him, not sure if it'd be just so that I could see him or to make him see how this is all really affecting me at the moment. I smiled slightly when he said he loved me more than anything, though now I'm not sure if that's true, he kissed her, obviously it canceled some bit of it out. I wish you could know how badly you really hurt me. I thought, feeling a couple more tears fall down my face as I turned to look at him. "How many more not planned out times I'm I going to have to go through?" I asked in a very small whisper. If he didn't plan on it but it still happened that sort of says that it's only going to happen again and again.
Great, he's confused. I moved so both my shakey hands were resting on my stomach, watching him carefully, afraid to let a few more tears slip.

It got quiet for a few moments after he said he was sorry, my heart dropping the slightest bit more when he said he hated himself for what he'd done. I've hated myself, but you tell me not too. I can't even tell him not to hate himself.

I almost told him to not leave me, I know he wouldn't if I did, but I didn't want him to think that it meant I forgave him or whatever, that and I still wanted him to stay away from me, though I don't want it to happen. Say something. "I don't want to be alone." I whispered softly, biting my lip a little as I turned and looked out the window again, not wanting to show him how torn up I was, not right now.

[Riley Pearson]

I was surprised to actually hear her speak and nodded a little bit to what she said even though she still wasn't looking at me. I watched her sitting up in the window sill as it looked like she stared down at the grounds. It really was sort of making me nervous that she was sitting on that and I really wish that she would just move and sit somewhere else..

She laughed slightly as I said that I had feelings for Arden and I looked back up to her again. I really didn't think it was too funny to be honest. But then I thought that maybe she was laughing just because that much was obvious. But I still wanted to say it, just say that I wasn't lying to her. I wasn't telling her that it meant nothing. It did mean something, so I said it.

She asked me how many more unplanned out times and I felt a small tear run down my face before I wiped it away. "Hopefully none... I'm planning on none.." I told her quietly. ".. I'm just confused.." I said, almost leting something about Shelby slip, but saying that instead.

After I said I hated myself, I really didn't even think about the fact about how many times I've told her she shouldn't hate herself. At least, I didn't think about that until she didn't say anything back. When I didn't hear anything, I took that as an answer meaning, yeah, you should hate youself.. and really I believed it. I should and what I did was horrible.. what I was thinking was still horrible. I did sort of want to kiss her again.. but I wasn't planning on saying that.. then agin, I wasn't planning on lying to her either, so if she asks it, I might just answer with it. Then she can hate me even more. But after thinking about that I realise saying something like that would just hurt her even more and I didn't want that to happen.

I stood up when she didn't respond in anyway and walked back over to the door before I heard her whisper. "Then I won't leave.." I said quietly back to her, before sitting back down where I was. Surprised that she would want me to stay really.

[Riyann Servansikk]

Really I wanted to say 'you hadn't been planning on this either', but I didn't, I was glad he said he was planning on none, I didn't want him to correct that and say I don't know, because right now I don't know how much more of this bloody Arden thing, which made another tear slip down my face. He'd dealt with so much more from me and I can't even take the fact that I walked in on them kissing. "I've been stupid." I whispered, hoping he wouldn't take it as I've been stupid enough to trust you, because I didn't mean it that way, I meant with everything I've done and everything between us, and I didn't care to explain that.

Maybe all of this had to happen when I was pregnant just so I wouldn't do something stupid. It wasn't to laugh in my face, but so I wouldn't give up on everything, at least that's what I'm thinking now. It wasn't to laugh in my face. Since the time it had happened it's been me being the one hurt, but really it was hurting Riley too. "D-don't hate yo-yourself." I whispered. I didn't want him to feel any better than he was now, I really didn't which made me feel kind of selfish. I almost did want him to hate himself, but what if he leaves because he thinks I hate him, or if he goes and just offs himself because he really feels that bad and thinks I hate his guts and there won't be any way of me forgiving him. I wouldn't be able to deal with that.
I can't lose him.

I want to yell at him, make him feel worse, get him to admit to me that he loved her, that he didn't want to stop whatever you want to say it was. That he wants to kiss her, but I can't, not without it hurting me some more.
That's why I've been quiet, to keep from getting hurt. Really I wanted to tell him that, rather then only think it, but it wasn't going to happen.

I heard him say he wouldn't leave and turned to look at him as he went and sat back down, smiling weakly to him. I want to tell him how much worse this feels after not being able to lie to yourself and saying it didn't happen, how much worse it probably is than what he went through, but I stayed silent and looked out the window again, letting more tears find their way down my face.

[Riley Pearson]

I looked up at her again when she spoke. She said she'd been stupid and at the moment, I was trying to figure out just exactly how she said it, just exactly what she meant by it. It really could be taken in more than one way, others better than some. Right now I was leaning more toward the thinking she was stupid because she could actually trust me in thinking that I wouldn't kiss Arden again. The second time that is. But I guess it could've been something else that just wasn't coming through my mind at the moment. Which was why, at the moment, I had no clue how to respond by that. "You didn't do anything..." I said quietly, just deciding on that even though, depending on what she was talking about, maybe she did. I really wasn't sure though, but if it was what I was thought she was thinking about, then she really had done nothing but trust me.

I looked up to her again when she told me not to hate myself and shrugged faintly. "I want to." I said quietly to her. But I had to admit that it was nice to hear her say that. I really did want to hate myself though and I wish it wasn't that way, but it is. I still want to kiss her, I may even like her a little more or a lot more than I originally thought. And all of that was just hurting Riyann. Not that I really had much control over it, but I knew what I should be doing; And that was ignoring my feelings for Arden and just thinking about how I love Riyann. Especially becuase I felt like I'd always love Riyann more than anyone else.

I finally saw her look back at me after I sat down again and smile very weakly back to her with a small sigh. I didn't think that she hated me.. At least, not right now. I don't think she liked me though. But even if she did hate me. I had too much to live for. I had kids and I knew I wasn't going to do anything stupid as long as I thought about them and how I knew I wanted to be there for them.

[Riyann Servansikk]

He stayed quiet for a moment before saying I didn't do anything, but I shook my head a little, more than sure he thought I was saying I was stupid to trust him, and I wanted to tell him that's not what I meant, but I didn't, I stayed silent and let my tears fall. Good things always come to an end. I couldn't help but think it, and it seemed like it was true, whether we were going to get through this, I didn't have a clue.
Never thought I'd ever feel this hurt, never because of Riley.

I'm starting to wonder if I can ever trust him again, I hope I can, I really do, I mean he didn't do much, unless you count breaking my heart into tiny little pieces a lot, I didn't, he only kissed her. Maybe it was going to go further than that though. I started to open my mouth but I shut it anyways, really not wanting to ask if I ever meant anything to him.

Hearing him say he wanted to hate himself anyways made me almost want to get up and just walk away because really it hurt to hear that he wanted to hate himself. Letting out a soft sigh I made it so one hand rested on the window edge and kept the other on my stomach. It was difficult trying to speak to him, trying to keep him from hating himself, that or I really wasn't supposed to manage either of those things. Probably not.

He smiled weakly back to me before I turned my attention to the ground that was waiting below me, and I was tempted to convince myself that it wasn't going to do anything if I fell, that I'd be alright, and I really want to believe that and 'fall' out the window anyways. "I'm sorry." I whispered, not entirely sure what for, but I still said it.

[Riley Pearson]

She shook her head and I gave a slightly confused look before just shrugging faintly, looking back down at the straw covered stone floor. "Did I misunderstand something?" I asked looking over to her again after a moment or two.

I thought she was going to say something and I kept my eyes on her, waiting for her to. She didn't and I wondered if I should ask her about it. "Were you gonna say something?" I asked her quietly.

I didn't know what to say about this anymore. I didn't know what I could add, at least that I wanted to add. I didn't want to hurt her anymore and the only things I hadn't told her was what would hurt her.
I knew how annoying it was when someone didn't agree with you when you said somethng like, don't hate yourself. It was horrible and I always ended up saying it more than once, but I wasnt' expecting her to do that. I wouldn't want her to. "Sorry.. It's just hard not to want to.. I-I mean.. look what I did to you.." I siad quietly, looking down at the floor agian.

"You don't have any reason to be sorry.. I'm the one who has to be sorry." I said back to her after she whipered to me.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I bit my lip softly and shook my head again, even though he did, I didn't want to speak, which probably wasn't a good thing. I should be talking to him, or yelling at him, and I was sure he wanted me too, though now he was going to have to deal with me being silent, hopefully.

Yes, I thought, but I shook my head no, because I didn't want to say it anymore. It was either going to make him get hurt for me even thinking of asking, or I was going to get hurt by one possible answer. If I went and asked him if I meant anything to him he was more than likely going to say yes, and then I was going to say I couldn't, not if he did this again.
It was different, though not really. I told him about Shelby, I said that I thought I loved her, I told him I loved her. He said he didn't have much feelings for Arden, he hadn't been thinking, that he was sorry, and he did it again anyways.

I-I mean.. look what I did to you.. The words went through my head as I shook it. That really couldn't work for him when it never worked as an excuse for me. At least I didn't want it to work, I didn't want him to hate himself either. Look what I did to you.. It was true, I was acting like a zombie, empty inside when I was in class, crying my eyes out in my office. Though now I'm not sure if it's because of the 'situation' or because I couldn't have a firewhiskey.
"I-it's triplets." I whispered, going a little off topic. It sounded even more unreal, fake, as I said it, more than when I'd been thinking it. But now that I said it I didn't have to worry about how I was going to tell him that. "I was going to tell you, uhm, sooner, but yeah." I whispered even softer trailing off, not telling him that sooner meant when I walked in on them kissing.
So much for staying quiet.
I will now.

I shook my head a little when he said he has to be sorry. He didn't have to be, he should be, and I did. I was still bloody well apologizing for everything else I'd done, and I was quite surprised he hasn't yet brought any of it up.

[Riley Pearson]

I just nodded a little bit, wishing she would say something, or do something or... something, anything really. Almost anything, I guess. She shook her head and I just sighed a little bit, feeling worse than before now. She trusted me and I just blew it.

She shook her head again and I just nodded again, hitting my head against the stone wall once and just leaving it there for a moment, resting against it and staring up at the ceiling. "Well, if you change your mind.." I said quietly.

She shook her head for a third time and just stared at her now. "Are you gonna say anything?" I asked her softly, watching her as I lifted my head from against the wall. All the nodding or shaking her head was driving me insane and I didn't know what to say to her if she didn't say something to me first.

I sighed slightly before she spoke and looked up at her, "W-What?" I asked, my eyes slightly wider I'm sure than before. I could swear I just heard her say triplets. I'm guessing that's what she was going to tell me when she walked in on Arden and me.

"Why're you shaking your head at me being sorry?" I asked her softly, shaking my head a little bit.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I stayed silent, not wanting to reply to the silence he gave me after I shook my head, not wanting to reply to when he said 'well, if you change your mind', I just wanted to hate him, so bad, and I knew it wasn't ever going to happen, though I'm pretty sure he thinks otherwise. Though I did look at him before he spoke, after hearing him hit his head on the stone and I felt a tear fall again and just looked away, not wanting to watch him fall apart too. If he was going to say anything.

I almost opened my mouth to say that I wasn't going to say anything, but that would be counted as speaking, so I shook my head again, looking at him as I did, seeing him look at me and lifting his head from the wall.
I didn't want to say anything, didn't want to talk to him really, I just wanted to either make none of our stupid mistakes happen or else go back ten years and either never drink the potion, or to have killed myself after leaving him the first time, or to have let the deatheater that was coming to meet with Fitzy find me and kill me as well.

I looked away when he looked at me, more than sure he heard what I'd said, more than sure he knew what I had said and meant when I'd trailed off, and I was tempted to just flat out say I wish I wasn't pregnant. I didn't want to be the first time I'd found out, but then I got over that, and now with this going on and the fact that it's not one, not twins, but triplets, I didn't want to be pregnant.

Biting my lip softly at his question I shook my head again, wishing he could read my mind so that I didn't have to talk, so that all day, every day from now on I wouldn't have to talk, or explain myself.

[Riley Pearson]

I didn't know what I should say, and now I don't think I was going to say anything because she wasn't saying anything.

I was guessing I had heard her right and I stood up walking over to the window she was sitting at. "We're having triplets?" I asked her again, a little softer this time, keeping my eyes on her as she looked out the widow. ".. Are you positive?"

I sighed again when she shook her head and just shook my head a little bit too, looking to the floor.

[Riyann Servansikk]

He stayed silent just like I was and I was wondering if he was doing it just because I was or if he had nothing to say to me for now, which I'm not sure if I preferred either one or which over the other. Then again, for now silence is good. For now in our current 'situation', silence is fine, especially since I don't want to nor plan on speaking, hopefully for a while.
Not speaking was always a challenge for me. Sort of, unless you count the times when I was younger and shut myself in my room for days on end, sitting and reading books. Then I ended up not having the attention span for it. Like I do now. Nor do I have the attention span for not talking.

I heard his footsteps and bit my lip softly, not sure if I really wanted him that close to me, but I nodded to both questions. I hadn't really believed it myself, asked the doctor, I went to a muggle hospital, to double check, and sure enough, triplets. Though I didn't want the sexes. That could wait.
Especially now.

[Riley Pearson]

It was mainly bothering me that I didn't know why she was being so silent. Did she hate me? Did she just not feel like talking? Or was it something like she just didn't have anything to say and the only thing she could think of to say was something that would just make things worse. Or more awkward.. or just not nice.. There were so many options and I didn't know which one was which.

I let out a small breath, looking down at the floor for a moment. I couldn't believe this. Triplets. How did things like this keep happening to us? Could we even afford triplets? One baby, sure, that's doable. Two, maybe. But three, that's just ridiculous to think we'd be able to afford that. "Wow."

[Riyann Servansikk]

Wow as in, wow we're never going to afford that, especially since one of us will have to quit, or take a lot of time off to take care of them. Wow as in that'll be me, giving up my job yet again, I had quit the other, didn't get fired. Wow as in I'm scared to death and I can't do anything about it. Wow as in the new professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts barely lasted a few months. But it was more a Wow as in I'm scared to death.
So we've got one job to support Riley, the twins, me, and now triplets, and to fix up our house, I'm pretty sure that it won't ever work even though we've come out through a lot of things. I don't think it'll work this time.

Silence, maybe it was a new thing with me, maybe I'd stay silent for the rest of forever, cry when things go bad, smile weakly when they're fine.
Maybe I'll be sick of it in a week or so.
But I nodded, deciding to at least give some sort of response to him, even if I wasn't on speaking terms with him. Well, some of the time at least.
We're screwed.

[Riley Pearson]

"I.. I don't know what to say.." I said quietly, shaking my head a little bit. "We're gonna get through this... and it's gonna be okay," I said nodding slightly, wanting to believe it myself too.

I really didn't like silence. I never really did. It always bothered me. Especially when I feel like my wife hates me. It wasn't very pleasant.

"Riyann can we go for a walk?" I asked her quietly as I stood infront of her, leaning lightly against the stone wall as I watched her. I didn't really want to stay in here right now.

[Riyann Servansikk]

"I don't want to be pregnant." I whispered under my breath, practically praying he didn't hear it or understand it. This is why staying silent is good, you don't say stupid things. I nodded slightly when he said we were going to get through this and it was going to be okay, not sure if I believed him or not. I wanted to and at the same time I really didn't want to.

Silence is Golden. I had to smile inwardly at that thought instead of letting it show and making me look like an idiot. In this case, for me it was, for Riley I really doubt it. Even though he was probably most used to silence, he wasn't with me. I don't think I stayed silent around him much, either that or the girls were enough to make it so it wasn't silent really, or it never seemed like it, unless they were at his parents, which was actually where we all were.

I nodded simply, not much wanting to, though I didn't much want to stay here either. Really what I wanted to do was ask how Arden could replace us all. Charlotte was at a friends, and Arden got to be with him when she didn't. Ariella had been missing and she was blown off for her. I was married to him.
I really want to hate him still. To bad I don't think I ever can hate him.
I can hate the fact that I can't hate him though, it'll be good enough for now.

[Riley Pearson]

I frowned at what I heard her say, even though I couldn't really blame her for saying it right now. "It's my bloddy fault so you can just use it as another reason to hate me." I said under my breath slightly, looking to the ground, immediately regretting it after I heard myself. I didn't want to say that aloud, but it was too late now and the words had already left my mouth. It was like one of those situations, where you're watching yourself talk from outside your body and you're just watching unable to do anything but watch the train wreck take place and then see if it blows up after it's crashed.

"... I-I know that um.. silience is probably nice for you now.." I started after a moment, frowning slightly stil. "But if you have something to say.. I'd really appreciate if you just said it.. I don't care if it hurts me." I want it to.. plus I doubt you even care if you hurt me. "I just want to know what you're thinking.."

I nodded a little and held my hand out to her, to help her get down from the window sill. I doubt she'd take it, but I wanted to at least offer it to her.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I felt a few more hot tears fall down at what he said, barely hearing it, feeling my heart break a little more. I didn't want to hate him, I didn't want to think any of this was his fault, I really don't think any of it is, but I didn't want him to think those things too. The only problem was, that even though I wanted to stay silent, I would've spoken there, except my voice was caught in my throat and I wasn't going to be able to say anything that I wanted. Not able to say it wasn't his fault. Not able to say I don't hate him. Not able to say I don't want you use that as an excuse to hate him. I felt sick at just thinking about everything again, my face warm and red from the tears, my stomach hungry, sick and pissed off at me.
Nothings ever going to be right. It doesn't seem it will at least.

I did stay silent at what he said, until he said he didn't care if it hurts him. "I do." I whispered. I still loved him, he was still my husband, I'd have to be heartless to not care. He was and would always be the last person I'd want to hurt.

I hesitated at seeing his hand, not sure if I should grab onto it. I didn't want anything to do with him for the time being, but I did at the same time. Grabbing his hand lightly I let him help me down, wondering if whatever we did, if he was thinking about Arden, if he was like this with her, sending another stab of pain through my heart.

[Riley Pearson]

I looked back up to her a moment later, seeing a few more tears fall from her face, watching her face seem to get a little redder. I watched her carefully as she stayed silent. "Riyann, are you okay?" I asked with some concern in my voice, wiping a couple tears from her face and feeling her forehead lightly with my hand, having it feel sort of warm.

I heard her and stayed quiet for a moment. "I want you too.." I whispered back, a tear falling down my face shortly after I said it. It was tearing me up inside how she was acting. How she seemed to be everyday. I hated that I did that to her and I wanted her say something to me, horrible or not. I didn't care which.

I smiled faintly as she grabbed my hand and got off the ledge, before squeezing it slightly and letting go of it. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable and I didn't think she wanted to hold my hand right now.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I nodded a little, though I didn't really think I was. Nothing that could be cured at least, not at the moment, maybe not ever. I didn't even register the concern in his voice and barely noticed him wipe away some tears and then feel my forehead. In all aspects I was fine except for our 'situation'. I nodded again though, when it registered what had happened, that he thought I was sick or something.
Nope I was just a walking Zombie.

"I love you too much." I whispered, shutting my eyes for a moment, trying to ignore the fact that I just told him why I didn't want to hurt him. Though I'm not entirely sure why it matterd. It was true, it was the reason I hadn't walked out, the reason other than the twins, it was the reason why I didn't hate him. It was the reason for why I wasn't yelling at him or asking him why Arden could replace us for the few stupid moments. The reason why I was still here and not locked up in my office because I ran into him, or he found me.

I tried to ignore the faint smile that went on to his lips and felt him squeeze my hand before dropping it. I was tempted to reach back and grab onto his hand again, but now I wasn't sure if he'd only dropped my hand because of me or not.

[Riley Pearson]

She nodded a couple times and I nodded faintly, pulling my hand awway from her forehead. She still didn't look like she was okay, but I believed her for the moment that she wasn't sick. "Tell me if you start to then, okay?" I asked, still watching her with concern on my face.

I heard what she whispered and felt my eyes burn slightly. That was why I didn't say a lot of things other times we faught. I didn't want to hurt her anymore, or at all.
"I just want everything out in the open.. I want for this to get better and not just covered up." I said quietly, watching her, wiping another tear off my own face. "All this is doing is ignoring everything."

I really did only drop her hand because I didn't think she'd want to hold it. But even if I didn't want to hold her hand, cause I did, I would stil hold it either way if she wanted to, but I didn't know how to tel her that.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I simply nodded again, though I wasn't sure if I was going to. I looked at him and saw the look of concern and just looked away again, nodding faintly.

I didn't answer, didn't nod, didn't shake my head, didn't show any more tears falling, I only stayed silent. Wanting this to get better and not get covered up would be meaning that we actually had to talk about and I was fine with not talking, besides there wasn't anything that I had to put out in the open, unless he meant that I should tell him everything I was feeling, all my thoughts, why I wanted to hate him. I'm sure he meant that. I'm sure this will only get covered up because I don't want that.

Silently I looked up at him, waiting for him to lead the way, shoving my hands down into my pockets.

[Riley Pearson]

I frowned a little bit when she didn't respond in any way and just looked ahead, starting to walk forward toward the door. I really just wanted her to answer me. I wanted to talk about this. I wanted to make things okay, not just get covered up again.
I reached the door and opened it, waiting for her to go out first. I wasn't really getting along with her at the moment, but that didn't mean I was going to be a jerk.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I was tempted to grab onto his hand again, but I didn't, instead I stayed silent and to myself as I followed behind him to the door, not saying thank you as I would have when he held it open for me to go first, and I felt bad about doing so. Then again, I suppose I didn't know what he expected me to do, be pissed like I was or fake it. He did say we shouldn't cover it up, so I don't plan on it, though I don't plan on speaking much either.
Though I was starting to wonder where the twins were, hoping he didn't get a babysitter, we sort of needed the money.
Maybe his parents are back. That's all I need, his parents to be back and for them to probably assume that whatever was wrong between us to be my fault like it recently, to their knowledge, and before this had been.
After I walked through the doorway I stood there and waited for him, wondering where he wanted to go, if it was somewhere specific.

[Riley Pearson]

She waited for me outside the door and I walked out after her, looking to her and then the ground again. I couldn't remember what else I wanted to tell her now and really, maybe that was a good thing. But something I didn't see as a good thing, was that she wasn't speaking to me. Not much at least. And the words she did say to me weren't much.
I sighed, shutting the door behind us. "You can choose where to go.. I don't really care.." I said quietly.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I heard him sigh before shutting the door and bit my lip softly, not wanting to speak, even after he said I could choose where to go. Though I didn't want to, I'd gone to the owlery and that was enough memories of us, but I'd have to deal with it, just like he would. I nodded faintly though and started walking, not really able to care if he followed or not, though I think I'd want to hate him more if he didn't.
"W-where are the girls?" I asked in a small voice, feeling bad as I remembered that I had asked him where my daughter was not that long ago and I was sure that it had hurt him just as much if not worse, as it hurt me to believe I'd said that to him.
I was over-reacting though.

[Riley Pearson]

She started walking and I didn't do anything just follow her, shoving my hands in my pockets because I wanted to grab onto hers and I didn't think she wanted that.
"My parents came home today." I said quietly, "Explained the fire to them and everything.. left most of the rest out actually.." I added, looking down to my feet for a moment. "Anyway.. Mum's watching them." So I guess maybe they're ours again