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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 14, 2012 1:05:32 GMT
I wish I could stop feeling cold.
I'm sitting in the home ec test kitchens as usual, wrapped up in a sweater overtop a long-sleeve shirt, said sleeves pulled over my hands as I slowly sip hot chocolate.... It's my own hot chocolate, honest - from Greg and Mer for Christmas. I'm just drinking it in here because it's quiet, and cozy, and... well, frankly a lot more cheerful than most of my usual hangouts.
I shiver yet again and, paradoxically, blow on the chocolate to cool it before taking a gulp, near scalding the roof of my mouth and still so cold, always cold....
I smile wryly down at the table, though nothing I can think of is amusing. I guess the fleeting thought that I'm so cold because I'm dead has come to mind, but that isn't actually funny....
Sighing, I set down the mug but don't move my hands away from it, staring into its depths. I'm not dead. I just had a near experience, followed by a massively unsettling conversation, then the news my long-lost sister Trisha is now dead....
I swallow hard, wrapping the sweater tighter around me and sipping more hot chocolate. I do not feel guilty, I do not feel weird, I do not feel mildly disgusted with how far I've fallen morally....
I just feel very cold.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 14, 2012 1:33:00 GMT
Riley had just walked away from speaking with Fitzy and he wasn't really sure of what to think of anything. All he knew is that he wanted to avoid Riyann as much as possible until he figured things out and he wanted to talk to Arden as soon as possible. There was something about almost losing someone that makes you want to talk to them more- of course, he kind of always wanted to talk to her so maybe that hadn't changed all too much...
Eventually, he found her in one of the test kitchens looking rather cold and drinking something out of a mug- he imagined something hot, probably cocoa. He slowly walked into the doorway, not wanting to startle her, "Hey," He replied, stepping inside the kitchen and making his way over to her. "How're you doing?" He vaguely wondered if telling her he hit Fitzy would make her feel any better.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 14, 2012 2:09:51 GMT
I tense up despite myself as I hear the door crack open, relaxing again only when I see it's Riley. I calm down so much, in fact, that I have to tsk at myself internally. Haven't I just gotten heaps and heaps of evidence that no one should relax you so profoundly, make you feel safe and relieved to be around them? No one can be trusted quite that much.
But despite this inner voice of paranoia, I do feel relieved, and I do feel like smiling - if only faintly - and to hell with any logic. Anyone can see he's not a danger....
I shake my head quickly to stop my thoughts wandering further, sipping my hot cocoa while I backtrack to what he's just said.
"Oh.... ah, fine. G- fine." I smile weakly. "You?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 14, 2012 2:26:02 GMT
He nods slightly and pulls up a seat next to her. Maybe he could believe that she was actually fine- but he wasn't really going to push out a different answer- mostly thought, he was thinking something along the lines of, 'how could you be fine at a time like this?'. Instead of saying that though, he studied her for a moment and then shrugged. "I'm alright."
He wasn't going to be mentioning Riyann anytime soon- he didn't think that was going to do any good in the current situation... or ever really. If he could figure out a way to not give all the details, then maybe- but for now this was best kept silent. Was keeping something like this from her being a bad friend or a good friend? He really wasn't sure.
Other than that though, his hand kind of hurt- that goes to show how much punching he actually did in his lifetime. "I'm just glad that you're okay." Honestly, he could be way better, but whatever- this really wasn't about him right now.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 14, 2012 2:33:25 GMT
My mouth twitches upward into not-quite-actually-another-smile, and I have a sudden urge to pull him into a hug. Sudden displays of affection tend to worry people more often than not, of course... coming from me, at least... so instead I clench my fingers and take a deep breath.
"I'm okay," I say again, nodding this time. "Honest." I drink some more cocoa and find it's going cold - or at least not piping hot - so I think I might reheat it. "Are you - " No, I already asked that. Hm.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 14, 2012 2:46:19 GMT
He smiles a small smile back to her, a hint of shyness showing through for a reason unclear to him. Really, he just wanted to hug her. He felt like the occassion called for it, but he also recalled briefly that she didn't like the sudden rushes of affection and touching and whatnot- this meeting was going well so far and he didn't want to make her uncomfortable. "You look like you're freezing." He comments, wishing there was something he could do to help.
"So, I ran into Fitzy." Riley decides to say after Arden nearly asked him how he was again. Might as well say something.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 14, 2012 2:56:04 GMT
"Oh.... yeah." I shrug. No big deal. I think I will microwave this cocoa now, though, and I'm on the point of asking if he'd like some - halway to the microwave but turning back to face him - when the second thing he says catches up with me and I freeze, my throat and veins so full of icy dread that I shiver despite myself and have to swallow hard so I can try and seem normal.
"O-Oh...." I manage finally, swallowing again and turning back to the microwave, but my hands are shaking now and I can't... jesus. Calm yourself, Arden.
I really can't believe I'm this scared... of Fitzy? Ha! Laughable.
Or it was before he trapped me, sucked the life out and I couldn't get away, couldn't breathe and I trusted him, dammit. I - he bought me a Christmas present.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 14, 2012 3:03:15 GMT
Riley notices her reaction and immediately felt a rush of guilt for mentioning him at all. He shouldn't have said a thing, but it was a bit too late now, wasn't it?
He stood up and walked over to her, taking her mug from her and placing it in the microwave- he was fairly certain that's where she was headed anyway. "I sort of hit him- a few times." He wished he had gotten more carried away actually when he noticed how she responded to hearing his name. "Believe me, I held back."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 14, 2012 3:08:28 GMT
I can't help but smile faintly, even as I kind of want to tell him it's fine, I can do it myself... but maybe I should stop being so independent.
I can't quite think of a response to this, however, so I instead I reach up and give him a hug. I still haven't looked him in the eye.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 14, 2012 3:22:55 GMT
He was a little surprised at the hug, but of course welcomed it and wrapped his arms around her in return. Riley let out a small sigh, "I wish I could tell you that I broke his nose." Actually, he didn't know what he did- that would be pretty great though. "If he ever touches you again..." He stopped his sentence- he didn't know what he would do honestly, so he was just going to have to not let that happen- as ridiculous or impossible as that sounded.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 14, 2012 3:26:49 GMT
I let out a brief 'huh' of laughter, before tensing up and hugging him more tightly.
"Don't do that," I say softly, pulling away. "Don't need him mad at you, now do you?"
It's hard for me to imagine Fitzy on a personal vendetta or anything, hard to even take him that seriously... but clearly he should be taken seriously. So I'm torn between fear and amusement, which frankly is exhausting, and I sit back down with a sigh.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 14, 2012 3:34:13 GMT
He let her pull away, but really he would have rather kept hugging her. Riley shook his head faintly, "I'm not scared of him." Then again, maybe he should be- it's obvious that Riley is fairly harmless, so it's not like he would be a difficult target. "I don't think he sees me as much of a threat anyway." Even after the hitting.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 14, 2012 3:36:57 GMT
"Even though you punched him?" I raise my eyebrows briefly. "Don't be an idiot."
Harsher than I meant, but I won't take it back; the sentiment stands.
My cocoa is going to get cold again before I ever make a move to get it.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 14, 2012 3:44:51 GMT
"Alright, then I'm more of a threat than I was before." She did have a point there- but he did feel like threatening after having a conversation with him. That bit wasn't something he wanted to mention- he kind of felt like a traitor for sitting there and talking to him for so long. He should have just left.
"... I can take care of myself." This didn't of course mean that Adren couldn't take care of herself. Riley just thought that he would be okay- even if Fitzy tried something- which he doubted he would.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 14, 2012 3:51:25 GMT
I scowl at him but say nothing, not wanting to have one of those lovely circular arguments where you forget why you're even fighting. "... Fine," I sigh. "Just... be careful, is all. You shouldn't be going about punching people."
Okay, so I'll argue a little.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 14, 2012 3:56:33 GMT
"It's not like I was running around trying to find him so I could punch him," Riley replied- though, then again, maybe that's what he was subconsciously doing... "I just saw him and reacted. I promise that I'll be careful." Even Riley knew that he could be an idiot sometimes.
He glanced over at the microwave and put a bit more time on her cocoa now that it had been sitting there for a bit- hopefully he would hear the timer go off next time.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 14, 2012 4:06:48 GMT
I open my mouth to argue further... then sigh, deflating slightly. "Fair enough. Sorry I called you an idiot." I glance at what he's doing and smile again faintly. "You want some hot chocolate? I have a box...." I nod to where it's sitting on the counter.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 14, 2012 4:37:41 GMT
"It's okay- I am an idiot." Riley replied with a small shrug. He looked over to see her smile and then glanced to the box sitting on the counter. "That actually sounds pretty good right now." He smiled back, "Thanks." Taking out a mug, he opened up a packet and made his own cup.
When the timer went off, he took out hers and walked it over to her.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 14, 2012 4:40:50 GMT
"Only sometimes." I smile back, then turn my attention to the cocoa. So....
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 14, 2012 4:56:39 GMT
"Thanks, I guess."He smiled back to her at the comment and unexpectedly felt his face heat up a little bit. It was ridiculous the things that caused him to blush sometimes- hopefully it wasn't noticeable. He sat down with his cocoa, but for the most part his mind was blank on what they could talk about- the only things he could think of were things he didn't want to say. All he could think of was to ask if she was okay again and he thought that might be overkill so soon.
He looked down at his cocoa and up to her again, momentarily thinking about how pretty she looked, "... I like you." Wow okay, he shouldn't've said that. He had been trying so hard to not say everything else that he said that instead.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 14, 2012 5:08:00 GMT
I hate it when this happens... sitting here in awkward silence. We've established we're both fine, so now what? 'How about them Timberwolves'?
I shake my head and look down at the table, tracing random patterns... until my head bolts up and I give him my best deer-in-headlights, and for the third damn time I've gone rigid, trying not to breathe or make another sudden movement.... He did not just say that. Did he? Or did he say it, and I'm reading into it wrong, like a crush, which I so don't really have except I'm thinking of kissing him now and - no, don't bite your lip or he'll read your mind and think you're crazy because oh, now you're blushing oh hell.
I stare down at the table again, still trying not to move, and praying that he says something else, one way or another, so that we can laugh this off or - no. Not going to think about the other option. God, my heart is pounding.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 14, 2012 5:19:47 GMT
Oh God, the silence, the staring, the blushing. He swallowed nothing as he felt himself get much warmer- this was a lot worse when the person you said it to didn't reply. Riley really was an idiot. Sure, he liked her, but he really shouldn't have said anything... even if it was kind of nice to get that off of his chest.
"Maybe I shouldn't have said that-" He said sort of quietly after another moment, swallowing again and shaking his head faintly, "Just forget I said anything." A thing that is virtually impossible to do, but it would be nice if life had a rewind button. He still felt warm and now was wishing he had something cold to drink and not scalding hot.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 14, 2012 5:25:57 GMT
I shake my head quickly, before I've found my voice or made any conscious decision to do so. "No - " And I have to clear my throat, laughing faintly at the ridiculousness of this and promptly second-guessing what I'm saying. "No, I... right. Never mind. Forgetting... good... yes."
God, I sound insane. But even if he meant it the way I kind of want for him to have meant it... which he didn't, except he might have... but no. Better not to start. That's the ticket. Now we can just be hideously awkward around each other 'til the end of time.
Also... he kind of has a girlfriend. Remember?
Ah, yes. Right. So he couldn't have meant it anyway.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 14, 2012 5:32:15 GMT
Riley looked up quickly at her no and wanted her to continue, but she stopped and continued to say she was forgetting. "Wait," He replied, "Don't forget just yet. No what?" Yes, he did kind of want her to continue...
Riley of course, did have a girlfriend- a slightly crazy one at that, so this situation was even more idiotic than he had previously thought, but he was being honest- he did like her. It was just really stupid of him to admit because now there was that small hope that was going to make him want to pursue something that was very possibly dangerous for not only him, but Arden too.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 14, 2012 5:40:14 GMT
Oh, damn. Does he have to ask that? Press the issue?
Not that a part of me doesn't want him to.
I look down at the table again, tracing the edges of my mug this time for variety.
"No... because I maybe like you too," I murmur, so quietly I'm not sure that he'll hear me. "And now you've fucked everything up," I add, quite a bit louder, looking up now.
Didn't quite mean to say that either, but as long as we're being all... super-super honest with no filter between thought and word....
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 14, 2012 6:30:22 GMT
He wasn't positive what he should declare this situation. In one way, she seemed to like him back- so that was a win. In another way, she seemed to be upset, not a win. And yet again, there was the crazy girlfriend, also not a win. Also, don't forget her saying that he fucked everything up. All around he could admit this was a mistake on his behalf- he should have let her forget and let them be painfully awkward the rest of the lives.
Despite that he could agree he did mess everything up- he didn't see how he did from her perspective- that didn't make sense to him. Riley didn't know how to reply and he felt like the mood changed dramatically after she spoke.
"Do you mind me asking how?" Though if it was what he was thinking, the answer was fairly evident. "I'm sorry I think you're pretty and fun to talk to and interesting and..." He trailed off again, "Sorry. I guess it was better left unsaid. I just wanted to tell you and it was stupid." He would still like to know her perspective on how he fucked everything up though- he hoped she wouldn't ignore it just because he went on a small rant after asking.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 14, 2012 15:57:58 GMT
Okay, so I'm being kind of a bitch. I wince, hunching my shoulders, and stare down at the table yet again. Quite a few rebuttals are flying through my head - that people should notice my flaws, dammit and not... whatever he said; that we can't do anything anyway so now it's all just awkward; that he has a girlfriend so that's all rather bad....
I sigh deeply, closing my eyes. I hate when I get all hysterical. "I just... I was just going to keep crushing on you in peace, and not say anything, because it's better that way and... you know you have a girlfriend, right? You're not supposed to...." ... think I'm pretty, or interesting. I'm too self-loathing for compliments.
I sigh again, ironing my forehead. "I'm sorry I'm being a bitch. Just... you can't just spring that on a person."
And I never, ever, ever should've said it back.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 15, 2012 15:47:27 GMT
First, he vaguely wondered just how long she had had a crush on him- but the thought was pushed to the back of his mind at the girlfriend being brought up. Now it was his turn to look at the table. She was right about that- he had a girlfriend, who he very much liked, but who was also kind of crazy and unstable and quite very possibly killed someone. This was all really really stupid of him and for a moment he wished he didn't like either of them- that would be really nice considering the circumstances.
"I'm sorry for interrupting your peace," He started out with a slightly crooked half smile over to her, "And I know- I shouldn't have acknowledged it...." He looked down to the mug of cocoa he had already forgotten about- he definitely didn't feel like drinking this anymore.
"Sorry- I guess it was kind of out of nowhere." Riley said before letting out a small sigh. "You aren't being a bitch, you're just being honest."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 15, 2012 23:03:01 GMT
"They tend to kind of go hand-in-hand." I smile faintly, then sigh again. "I really do - ... I mean... I don't want us to be weird, you know? Why... what made you bring this up?" And how long have you liked me for anyway?
I bite at the tip of my thumb just for something to do with my hands, then think better of it and grasp the lukewarm mug instead. At least I'm feeling calmer instead of so hysterical. There must be something wrong with me that that's how I'd react.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 17, 2012 3:39:56 GMT
Riley nodded faintly, "Me either." He really didn't want the awkward and he hoped that they could get over this small bump in the road and just forget it happened- even if part of him really didn't want to forget it.
"I just... I'd been thinking about it and, just kind of slipped out, I guess." Right, slipped out while trying not to say other, more important, things. "And there's the whole, pretty thing." He added a moment later with a hint of shyness in his voice and smile.
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