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Post by Logan Andrews on May 30, 2009 4:02:14 GMT
I wasn't really expecting that. I probably should have been, dimly at least, but no.
And it really doesn't even warrant an answer, beyond a very brief irritated glance in her direction, because no, I won't be killing her.
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 30, 2009 4:18:46 GMT
I guess I was expecting as much, even though I've got an ironclad reason for asking.
"Logan, please. We both know I'm not getting out of here... and starvation isn't fast enough in this place. You don't have to snap my neck, just bring me something I can use to die. Please."
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Post by Logan Andrews on May 30, 2009 9:58:24 GMT
"No."
It's probably a very reasonable request actually, but I'm still not going to do it. Mostly for myself, because I definitely don't think I could deal with it...but also because it's really not right, really not fair, and if she's going to insist on killing herself eventually, she can do it somewhere else and not die in here.
"You are getting out, so don't...don't fucking say that."
And apparently I've just become a fan of delusions.
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 30, 2009 14:57:33 GMT
I shake my head in something like disgust, disbelieving.
"You know... of all your faults, I really don't think you've been an idiot before. I'm not getting out of here. You know that."
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Post by Logan Andrews on May 30, 2009 20:15:28 GMT
"Yes, you are. You don't belong in here and you're not staying in here and I'm going to get you out."
I just don't know how, but I know it's not impossible. It's really not very likely, I suppose, but now we've established that it's my fault and it's not fair to just accept that and then help her kill herself.
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 31, 2009 2:45:54 GMT
"How?" I ask, then shake my head. "I mean, sure, you escaped, but do you think that's a feat that's repeatable?"
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Post by Logan Andrews on May 31, 2009 13:27:08 GMT
"Possibly not..." I concede reluctantly, "But there's got to be...something."
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 31, 2009 14:18:31 GMT
"Now you're just sounding like Riley," I mutter, shaking my head. "And as much as I love both of you,. that's not a compliment in this context."
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Post by Logan Andrews on May 31, 2009 14:24:58 GMT
I might find that insulting at any other time, but it's too much effort right now.
"Well, fuck then." I reply, but then fall silent again because there's not much more to this argument...apart from the abstract conviction that she has to get out...what else is there to say?
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 31, 2009 14:34:29 GMT
I shrug, guessing this means that I've won but not finding much triumph in it. All I've proven is that I am going to die here... which makes my earlier anger at him seem kind of petty. Fine, he killed Travis. I've known for quite a while that he's a twisted psycho on occasion, so it isn't worth making a fuss.
"Is there anything you want from me?" I ask after a moment. "Anything you want to hear? Anything that I can do?"
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Post by Logan Andrews on May 31, 2009 16:26:56 GMT
I shake my head after a moment, because I can't quite manage a verbal response. The realisation that she's as good as dead just hit me again and after that brief burst of idiot optimism it feels even worse.
"What about you? Is there anything I can do, short of helping you kill yourself?"
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 31, 2009 16:33:10 GMT
"That's the only thing I want right now," I say, shaking my head. "Or at least the only thing I've got a chance of."
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Post by Logan Andrews on May 31, 2009 16:45:30 GMT
I suppose now I have to reconsider it, now I've partially realised she's right and she's not getting out of here...in which case it wouldn't be fair to let her suffer.
"And...do you have any preferences, on how'd you like to off yourself?"
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 31, 2009 16:51:37 GMT
I twitch a half-smile, half-grimace... grateful that he's reconsidering, but still not thrilled that this is what it's come to.
"Anything quick," I say, shaking my head.
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Post by Logan Andrews on May 31, 2009 16:56:30 GMT
"Well, that's helpful." I mutter.
I think I'm going to need direct instructions if this is going to happen, but I'm doubtful that it will. I don't want to be any more of a part in killing her, even if it would be a mercy at this point.
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 31, 2009 16:58:59 GMT
I shrug slightly. "It's fine. You really don't have to. I don't think I could. And, knowing me, all I'll do is fail and somehow make this worse for myself."
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Post by Logan Andrews on May 31, 2009 17:13:56 GMT
"Alright." and please don't change your mind.
I'm off the hook now, don't have to help her kill herself and don't have to feel like I'm leaving her to suffer unncessarily. Just have to know that I got her here in the first place...so I guess it doesn't even make a difference.
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 31, 2009 17:20:58 GMT
I nod, not saying anything, and finally summon the energy to move over to the bars of my cell. I hope I don't look as bad as I feel - like I've been in here for weeks rather than probably days, and probably don't need to bother asking him to help kill me anyway. By the time he'd get back I'd already be dead.
I hope that I don't look that bad, but even if I do I just want to touch him. I want to be held, more precisely, and I also want to kiss him, but I know that isn't possible so maybe at the least I can touch his hand.
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Post by Logan Andrews on May 31, 2009 17:35:23 GMT
"You look awful."
Fuck, I didn't mean to say that...but it slips out as a result of genuine surprise, because now she's closer to the bars and I'm not sure if it's my imagination or if she looks like she's half-wasted away already.
"Sorry."
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 31, 2009 17:43:08 GMT
I laugh slightly, because even if I didn't want to look awful because I don't like it when he sees me hurt or weak, it is a bit amusing. Not that I can really feel the amusement, making the laugh slightly hollow, but I know if I could I would find it funny. "Thank you. You're looking pretty ugly yourself."
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Post by Logan Andrews on May 31, 2009 17:53:14 GMT
I twitch a very brief smile in response, despite how really hard it is to exhibit any signs of amusement in this place. "Thanks. Good to know."
Then I have to pause before I add, "Are you sure there's nothing I can do, at all?"
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 31, 2009 18:01:28 GMT
"No. Of course not." I shake my head, then pause for a minute. "... I should've written notes to my brother and sister as well. Probably told Fitzy not to kill you. Dammit."
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Post by Logan Andrews on May 31, 2009 18:12:40 GMT
I raise an eyebrow at that briefly, but then offer, "I can pass on a message...if you want. Although maybe that wouldn't be a sensible idea."
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 31, 2009 18:19:07 GMT
"Obviously not, since having you tell him that I said not to kill you...." I shake my head slightly, then hesitantly reach though the bars to take his hand, having almost forgotten that's why I came over here in the first place. "I just... realized that I should have told them, that's all."
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Post by Logan Andrews on May 31, 2009 18:33:58 GMT
"Possibly, yes..." I shrug in response, because I guess she could have told them but does it really matter now?
I take hold of her hand in return though, even though it feels a little odd in the situation, through a set of bars.
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 31, 2009 18:39:05 GMT
I shrug slightly. It doesn't really matter, I suppose, but then again does anything?
"... I'm so sorry," I say softly after a moment. "I think I can easily say this is one of the stupider things I've ever done."
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Post by Logan Andrews on May 31, 2009 18:46:42 GMT
"It was incredibly stupid," I agree under my breath, then add, "But you wouldn't have had to if I didn't-...I'm sorry."
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 31, 2009 18:52:17 GMT
"I still don't understand why you did," I say, shaking my head. "Why him? Why Riley? Were you trying to hurt me? Some sort of revenge for being fickle?"
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Post by Logan Andrews on May 31, 2009 18:58:16 GMT
"Of course I wasn't trying to hurt you." I mutter, but I suppose it's a legitimate question. "I didn't set out for that to happen...it just fell into place, alright? And he was there and Riley's wand was there and there were too many reasons to do it and not enough to abstain and that's it. It wasn't about hurting you, or revenge for being fickle."
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 31, 2009 19:01:58 GMT
"Well, what were the reasons then?" I ask almost pleadingly. "If you want to do anything for me, just tell me that. I just want to know why."
By rights, I suppose I should let go of his hand since I'm more or less arguing with him, but I really don't want to do that.
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