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Post by Arden Patricks on May 23, 2009 4:00:10 GMT
"You'll be all right," I say faintly, forcing the words past the massive wave of guilt that's just descended. "You'll all be all right."
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Post by Riley Pearson on May 23, 2009 4:03:00 GMT
I frowned a bit more, "How do you know?" I asked shaking my head faintly.
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 25, 2009 2:17:51 GMT
I don't answer, just shrugging. I'm sure it's rhetorical anyway - of course I can't know.
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Post by Riley Pearson on May 25, 2009 6:56:39 GMT
"For all you know I'll.." I paused for a moment shaking my head faintly, "Go drink again, or get hit by another car.. Or both." I sighed a bit and just looked away from her for a moment.
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 25, 2009 14:37:58 GMT
"Only if you're an idiot," I mutter. "I guess I have more faith in you than that." And it's not like I matter that much. All right? I'm telling you right now that I am not allowed to matter that much.
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Post by Riley Pearson on May 25, 2009 14:41:43 GMT
I sighed after a moment and looked back over to her. "Do you seriously not know how much you mean to me, Arden?"
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 25, 2009 14:54:53 GMT
I close my eyes again, shaking my head. "More than I should. Obviously. But if I really do then don't do anything stupid."
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Post by Riley Pearson on May 25, 2009 15:04:16 GMT
I sighed again. She had a point, I guess. But that wasn't going to get rid of that lovely alone feeling I'm going to have once she's gone... if we can't get her out. "I'll try not to.." I said quietly. "Though, it would've helped if you didn't do something stupid in the first place."
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 25, 2009 15:08:52 GMT
"Sorry, but I didn't want you to end up here, and I couldn't see any other way," I snap, then look away from him. "I've been trying to destroy myself for longer than I've known you," I add, quieter. "So in a way, this is all a dream come true."
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Post by Riley Pearson on May 25, 2009 15:17:24 GMT
I looked back at her at what she's said. ".. Sorry." I said quietly. "I know.. I just, didn't want you here... not that I really wanted to be here though." I added biting my lip slightly. "Thank you." I eventually said as I looked over to her.
"Never thought this could be a dream come true... I don't see why you're so ready to destroy yourself though..."
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 25, 2009 15:22:49 GMT
"I don't know either," I shrug. "But I look in the mirror and want to tear my face off. That's no way to live. And at least I can do something right." I shrug again, then pause. "You're welcome, by the way."
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Post by Riley Pearson on May 25, 2009 15:25:07 GMT
"I can't imagine that would be pleasant, I guess..." I replied quietly, watching her as she shrugged. I nodded faintly when she said 'you're welcome' and nodded faintly myself with a small rfown.
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 25, 2009 15:28:26 GMT
"Not as bad as here, but at least this has an end," I say quietly, then realize maybe I shouldn't have and change the subject. I've been wanting to ask this anyway.
"How... how's Logan, anyway? Did you tell him?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on May 25, 2009 22:14:06 GMT
"It just has a sooner end.." I said after a few moments, still quietly. "Everyone's gonna die, at some point."
I sighed and looked back over to her when I heard her question, still frowning a bit. "Um.. He seemed... mad, I guess." I said as I bit my lip. He didn't even read the letter.
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 26, 2009 1:08:49 GMT
I sigh slightly, shrugging. "Guess I expected that." It's not like he's ever been happy with me when I've done something like this. "... He say anything?" I add after a moment, caring only briefly whether I sound as pathetically hopeful as I feel.
I'm ignoring Riley's first comment. Doesn't require a response.
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Post by Riley Pearson on May 26, 2009 1:24:35 GMT
"Ah.." I paused for a moment, wondering if she sounded a bit hopeful, I didn't want to squash out any hopefulness but what could I say? He didn't even read it.. so there wasn't much of anything to really say about it. "He hadn't actually.. read it yet."
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 26, 2009 1:27:17 GMT
I frown slightly at that, a little bit annoyed but also hurt. It's a suicide note, dammit. The last thing I'm ever going to say to him, essentially - and he doesn't want to listen?
"Well, did he say anything anyway? Anything at all?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on May 26, 2009 1:42:57 GMT
I frowned a bit more. "I tried to make him.." I paused for a moment. "I'm sure he'll read it eventually though.. I can check back in a bit."
"Um.." I paused a moment, I didn't really like what he said and for a moment, I contemplated making something up. "He actually just said that he didn't need me to pass anything on.." I said eventually and sort of slowly. I think I definitely should have just made something up now though.
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 26, 2009 1:50:28 GMT
I half laugh at that, disbelieving. "What, is he going to stop by too? I'm not -" I close my eyes and bite my lip, cutting myself off. I'm not really entitled to be upset, really. I've as good as killed myself now - why should I blame Logan for acting like I'm already dead?
"Never mind," I say, quieter. "Doesn't really matter."
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Post by Riley Pearson on May 26, 2009 1:55:24 GMT
I frowned a bit more. "'Course it matters.." I said shaking my head faintly over to her. ".. It matters." I said again, now thinking about how I was probably going to go back there. She deserved something from him.
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 26, 2009 1:59:29 GMT
"I walked out of his life without any warning to save the guy he half-believes I love more than him," I say wearily. "What the hell do I expect?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on May 26, 2009 2:04:42 GMT
I didn't really like how she put that, but we'd already went over why she was here, so I just didn't directly reply to it. "You should expect something.. he loves you, you know he does.. he probably just doesn't want me to be the one to tell you."
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 26, 2009 2:08:34 GMT
"Well, it's not like he can come here himself," I shrug. "Yet another reason I shouldn't expect anything."
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Post by Riley Pearson on May 26, 2009 2:10:03 GMT
"He could at least... write something." I said shaking my head faintly.
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 26, 2009 2:13:16 GMT
That's true, but I wish he hadn't mentioned it because now I just feel more hurt that he didn't. I close my eyes again, not bothering to respond.
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Post by Riley Pearson on May 26, 2009 2:18:58 GMT
"I'm going back," I said after a couple moments of silence. "And I'm getting something from him." I honestly didn't care how long I had to bug him about it, I was planning on getting something.
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 26, 2009 2:22:23 GMT
"You don't have to do that," I say, shaking my head. "Really, it's not like it matters."
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Post by Riley Pearson on May 26, 2009 2:24:00 GMT
"I'm doing it anyway." I said with a faint shrug. ".. I think that it matters."
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Post by Arden Patricks on May 26, 2009 2:27:41 GMT
I shrug in return, not saying anything for a moment.
"Well, if you do... tell him again that I'm sorry. And that I love him. If he hasn't read the note...." I shrug again.
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Post by Riley Pearson on May 26, 2009 2:31:22 GMT
I nodded a little bit. "Yeah, I definitely will." I said, biting my lip again. ".. And really, if there's ever anything you want me to do.. just let me know."
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