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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 7, 2009 1:20:44 GMT
"I know." I shrug slightly. "And it was, just like there was about an eighty or ninety percent chance that you'd be dead by now. I didn't let myself even think about the other ten or twenty percent chance that you'd survive, and it was the same way with us."
I don't have any reply to his 'I didn't stop you.' Of course he didn't stop me; never has. I should have stopped myself.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 7, 2009 1:26:38 GMT
"I just mean that ninety was good enough at the time." I said shaking my head, trying to get rid of whatever I was feeling right now. I didn't want to be mad at her, but I was.. and I didn't want to fight with her, so I was trying to shut up. Actually, I wasn't even very sure that I liked her very much at the moment.. I definitely loved her, but liking her was a different story.
I'm sure that would go away though... and if she will let it be, maybe we can just be back to normal in a bit... Maybe.
I nodded faintly what she said. "I understand."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 7, 2009 1:31:18 GMT
I'm being very conflicted at the moment. On the one hand, I really do want him to understand... but on the other I want him to be less accepting and a little more angry. Why in the hell can't he be angrier?
"... Do you want me to go?" I ask after a moment.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 7, 2009 1:36:21 GMT
I didn't say anything for a few more moments again, all of a sudden very aware of just how quiet it was in here.. it was making me sort of uncomfortable, actually. I sighed, "For fuck's sake." I mumbled to myself, rubbing my forehead for a moment, which was more over directed toward myself. I didn't know if I wanted her to leave.. I did, but then I kind of really didn't. "I dunno, Arden." I said frowning a bit.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 7, 2009 1:42:20 GMT
"All right...." I stand there awkwardly for a moment more, then glance toward the door. I can't really say whether or not I myself want to leave. It might be the last time I see him for a while.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 7, 2009 1:48:00 GMT
A few more moments passed and I knew I should say something.. I wanted to say something.. but I didn't know what. I didn't want to be mean.. or yell.. or anything like that, but I couldn't think of what to say to her and I was pretty sure, for some reason, I didn't want to see her walk through the door and leave.
"Arden.. next time.. if there's a next time, please don't do anything unless you're positive." I said quietly, mostly looking at the floor, but taking a glance over to her a couple times.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 7, 2009 1:51:11 GMT
"Trust me, if there's ever a next time you have permission to hit me," I say almost bitterly. "I really don't intend for there to be."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 7, 2009 1:52:46 GMT
"I'll never hit you, Arden." I said shaking my head, finding that completely ridiculous. I paused before that last thing she said and just nodded, trying to decide if that hurt or not.. though I'm pretty sure that it did. "... Good."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 7, 2009 1:54:09 GMT
"Well, dammit, why the hell not?" I ask, half-meaning it. Then a shrug.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 7, 2009 1:57:13 GMT
"I may not like you right now, Arden, but I will never hit you." I said finally lifting my eyes and looking over to her. "You could do this to me ten more times and I wouldn't."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 7, 2009 2:12:09 GMT
"No, I guess I expected no different." I shrug slightly, shaking my head. "But are you at least angry with me this time?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 7, 2009 2:17:25 GMT
"Thank you." I said glancing away from her again. I think I would've been insulted, as well as angry, if she actually would have thought I would ever hit her. I looked over to her again, not saying anything for a moment or two, "I think that's fairly obvious." I said quietly, frowning a bit again. That wasn't really a completely straightforward answer but I think she'd get the point. "You said you loved me." I added, more of just an after though to the last thing I said.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 7, 2009 2:24:50 GMT
I wince slightly, opting not to answer rather than argue that I do, just not enough.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 7, 2009 2:30:21 GMT
It occurs to me at this moment, that I can never remember being angry with her. Not even when she said that I should be, or when she's insisted that I shouldn't be her friend. I guess I've just finally been pushed to the limit.
I do catch her wince though, and I do feel bad about that, but I can't help what I'm feeling right now. ".. I do love you, you know." I said looking over to her again. "I just don't like you very much right now."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 7, 2009 2:35:32 GMT
"Quite understandable," I murmur to the ground, shrugging slightly.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 7, 2009 2:41:01 GMT
"I fucking hate this.." I mumbled to myself again, putting my head into my hands for a moment before running a hand through my hair a bit, probably messing it up more than it already was. "I hate not liking you.. but I can't help it. I don't know what to do." This has never happened before and I was more than confused.. even though there really wasn't much to be confused about.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 7, 2009 2:47:57 GMT
"I'm sorry," I say again. "And I don't really imagine that I can be much help."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 7, 2009 2:53:48 GMT
"You're right, it doesn't." I said nearly automatically, without thinking about it much at all. Feeling a bit worse because she's just said that she was sorry again and for some reason I can't get myself to say that it's okay.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 7, 2009 2:55:39 GMT
"... Are you sure you don't want me to go?" I ask again.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 7, 2009 2:59:35 GMT
I shook my head, feeling sort of sick as I sat there, unsure of what to do. Slightly unsure as well if I was feeling sick because of the situation, or if something was wrong and this was some kind of weird side affect. "Not unless you want to."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 7, 2009 3:01:53 GMT
"I guess I'll stay then." I shrug slightly. Even though you've just admitted you disliker me right now, so I can't see what you're getting out of this.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 7, 2009 3:05:23 GMT
What I wanted right now, was for her to stay here long enough for me to apologize. It sounded sort of ridiculous, but that's why I hadn't told her to leave yet. So I nodded when she said that she would stay.
I wanted to say something else, but everything I went over in my head seemed to sound insulting...
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 7, 2009 3:15:17 GMT
"... Is there anything that I can say or do?" I ask finally when I'm tired of the silence.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 7, 2009 3:16:46 GMT
I shook my head faintly, "If you could please never kiss me again, I'd appreciate it." I said frowning a bit towards the floor.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 7, 2009 3:20:53 GMT
"All right," I nod. "That should help." I'd never have kissed him in the first place if I didn't know he wanted it, so as long as I have that ultimatum, I feel slightly less worried about the possibility of future infidelity on my part.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 7, 2009 3:24:35 GMT
Of course I want her to kiss me. But not if it's going to end like this. So I figured telling her this was the easiest thing to do. So I nodded faintly, "Thanks." I said shortly, biting my lip for a second. "I'm sick of being played with for now I think.."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 7, 2009 3:30:06 GMT
"Again, that's... quite understandable," I agree, trying not to wince again.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 7, 2009 3:32:44 GMT
I nodded faintly again as I bit my bottom lip slightly harder than I normally would. I rubbed my forehead again, letting out a small sigh. "Fuck... I'm a bastard." I said looking over to her again. "I'm sorry, Arden."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 7, 2009 3:40:42 GMT
"What in the hell are you talking about?" I ask, head snapping up and unintentionally raising my voice because that was just ridiculous. "How are you a bastard and what do you have to be sorry for?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on Apr 7, 2009 3:43:13 GMT
"I'm talking about how I'm being.. rude." I said back to her, shaking my head some as I looked over to her again. "I'm being rude and you're apologizing to me.. but I can't just seem to.. not be like this."
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