|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 21:04:14 GMT
My first thought is to say that doesn't cut it, but then I recall that that's about the only thing I ever promised after I cheated on him, so there can't really be a double standard. Except that he won't even tell me why.
I bite my lip slightly, shaking my head. I hope he doesn't take that as a rejection, as the equivalent of saying that it isn't good enough, because I don't know if it is or not.
|
|
|
|
Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 21:09:28 GMT
What the fuck does that mean?
I'm not sure if her shaking her head like that is a dismissal or something else.
I wish she would say something instead, because it's not really up to me to say something.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 21:12:47 GMT
"I really wish it wouldn't be hypocritical of me to say that doesn't cut it," I say after a moment. "Because I'd like to but I can't."
|
|
|
|
Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 21:17:01 GMT
I nod briefly, "You can say that, if you want. If it doesn't cut it...I don't know, what do you want me to do?"
I can leave if that doesn't cut it, or she can present me with an alternative, or we can just have a bit more roundabout conversation and hope that suffices as a solution.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 21:22:41 GMT
"I don't know." I shrug slightly. "Why did you forgive me?"
I've never thought to ask that before, and I doubt that his answer will be terribly insightful, honestly... but it just slips out, and I am kind of curious now, I guess. Now that I'm on the other side of things.
|
|
|
|
Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 21:26:11 GMT
I shrug.
Because I love her, I think was the general thought process at the time, helped along by the fact that I find it remarkably easy to remove anything that might have been her fault and instead focus it all on Riley.
"Because...I just blamed him instead, so I had nothing to forgive you for."
That's probably not healthy, I suppose.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 21:39:11 GMT
"Well, that makes sense," I sigh, shaking my head. Because really it doesn't, because it was my fault, all of it, so therefore... I don't know. Therefore he never should've forgiven me in the first place?
|
|
|
|
Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 21:41:45 GMT
"About as much sense as anything else I do." I mutter, shrugging slightly.
But really, this isn't the point and I wish she would just either tell me to go away or tell me that we can carry on trying or whatever she's going to decide.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 21:46:53 GMT
"That... this is just... ridiculous though," I say, not really having any specific arguments for or against his. "You never should have forgiven me then, if that was your reasoning."
And I don't know why I'm arguing this. I really, really don't.
|
|
|
|
Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 21:49:22 GMT
"I'm sorry...I'll just take it back then, shall I?" I reply, bordering on sarcasm but not quite there because I don't think now is the time.
I still don't particularly want to talk about this.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 21:54:41 GMT
He has a point, and I don't, because I don't know what the hell I'm even saying, so I turn around a moment to collect my thoughts, then take a deep breath and look back at him again.
"I'm sorry... and I love you... and I forgive you and I want to fix this." Pause. "There, is that any better?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 21:58:54 GMT
Maybe it would have been better if she hadn't added that on the end. It makes it seem insincere.
So I just shrug, "If that's what you want."
It's also probably strange that she's apologising, although at least it's not as if I haven't said sorry already, multiple times.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 22:04:55 GMT
I nod, not saying anything, and bite my lip again. "Are you sure that it's what you want? Because if you want to change your mind at all... now would be good rather than later."
|
|
|
|
Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 22:08:10 GMT
"I'm sure that it's what I want...and I'm really not going to change my mind."
She's the fickle one after all. And really, I can't see any way that I'm going to change my mind, for Ruby or anyone, actually.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 22:12:47 GMT
"All right." I nod, biting my lip again.
This still isn't fixed, and I don't know what to do to make sure it is... but that's better, reassuring, etcetera.
|
|
|
|
Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 22:19:06 GMT
"I fucked it up, didn't I?" I sigh lightly after a moment.
Because we actually were getting better, not normal or anything...but better, and now I don't know...but it feels somewhat awkward and uneasy again.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 22:24:33 GMT
"Bit," I shrug, wanting to say otherwise but preferring to be honest. "We can fix it though, we'll figure something out." This is said more pleadingly than confidently, but that doesn't make it less sincere.
|
|
|
|
Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 22:26:52 GMT
I nod, finding that reassuring, and replying because it sounds like she needs a response, going by the tone she used just then. "Yeah...I guess so."
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 22:30:51 GMT
I nod again, looking away and not saying anything for a moment before glancing back at him.
"Can I just ask... whatever happened at the Leaky Cauldron... was it like this or... the last time?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 22:34:55 GMT
"Like this," I nod fairly quickly.
I don't suppose it makes it that much better, to be honest, but at least it's something.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 22:37:07 GMT
"All right." I nod. "And at least it wasn't just out of spite again, even if you don't know why it was."
|
|
|
|
Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 22:43:49 GMT
"Mm," I agree vaguely, unsure of how else I'm supposed to reply to that.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 22:50:12 GMT
And I can't really see how continuing to talk about this is going to be of help... or how to change the subject... so it's looking like we're just going to wind up going our separate ways for a bit and I don't know if that's a good thing either.
|
|
|
|
Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 22:58:30 GMT
After a moment of silence, I decide that I don't really want to stand here and talk about this anymore or not talk at all, as the case may be, and instead head over to the couch as if a change of scenery might somehow help.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 23:07:04 GMT
I glance at him a moment, half thinking about heading into the kitchen to be alone and half about sitting beside him. It's a pretty even split.
|
|
|
|
Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 23:17:32 GMT
I look over at her after a moment when she's still standing there and shrug slightly.
It's sort of annoying if she's just going to stand there, and she should either sit down or go somewhere else...I don't mind which, but she should definitely do something.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 23:20:45 GMT
Sighing after a moment, I shake my head and head toward the kitchen. Being with Logan is almost like being alone anyway, except with added frustration.
|
|
|
|
Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 23:22:34 GMT
Well, I guess that settles that one then.
Now I can sit here and stew in my own immoral...mess.
Lovely.
|
|
