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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 3:55:51 GMT
I look away deliberately when Shelby walks in, trying to ignore her no matter what she's saying. My head snaps up toward Logan at the last bit, but then I shake my head. I don't care; I don't want to know. It's not like I can be any more betrayed.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 17:15:55 GMT
I make a deliberate effort to try and ignore Ruby, because I think I was right about her making things worse...if that's actually possible.
So I throw her a very brief irritated glance, before looking back at Arden and shaking my head because it's really not as bad as it sounds...sort of.
"It's not..." Anything, really, but I have some inhibitions about saying this, because it is something clearly. But like I said to Ruby however long ago, there is something but it's not enough...so really, it doesn't count and this should all go away and have never have happened and that'd be nice.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 17:26:34 GMT
"It's not what?" I ask, then shake my head again. "No, I don't care. I really don't. If you want to be with her, be with her, and if not... then I still want to fix this."
If it even can be fixed. Even if I feel kind of like my heart is cracking in two right now... and I'm also, inexplicably, not really fond of the fact I'm the only one sitting down here and feeling like child loomed over by the adults.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 18:05:24 GMT
"No, I don't. I don't want to be with her."
I glance at Ruby as I say this, because this would be a really bad time for her to argue or something and maybe she should just take the bloody hint and leave.
I do think it's the truth though, that I really don't want to be with her. It's alright occasionally, but she'd drive me crazy on a more permanent or stable basis.
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Post by Shelby Crescent on Mar 14, 2009 18:30:29 GMT
I stare at Logan and then Arden for a brief second before looking to the ground. "So you lied then... You lied about your true feelings because she's standing here in front of us. Arden he's lying to you."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 18:35:05 GMT
"I don't care," I shrug, speaking to Shelby and more or less ignoring what Logan just said. "Or... I do, but I'd like to know what the hell reason he'd have to do that."
Probably the same reason he'd have to apparently lie about or at least conceal whatever went on at the Leaky Cauldron... but I still have no idea what that could be. If he doesn't want to be with me, he hardly has to.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 18:44:58 GMT
"I'm not lying to her," I interject irritably, although whether it makes any difference or not is somewhat irrelevant because it's mostly just instinctual to deny that I am lying.
But then I have nothing better to add, because I'd also quite like to know what reasoning I have. Apart from the obvious, but I still don't want to acknowledge that and I'm really not going to...especially not now.
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Post by Shelby Crescent on Mar 14, 2009 18:50:51 GMT
"Yes he is. Probably because he's always been a liar perhaps? You know the moment you forgive him about this he's going to be back to me and it's going to happen again... or someone else even. Or the fact that he can't make up his mind on what he wants so he lies to the both of us in the process." I say with a shrug over to Arden before looking at Logan. "You shouldn't lie love. Especially your girlfriends."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 18:57:08 GMT
"Oh, shut up," I snap at Shell. I'm not really going to just forgive him unequivocally for this... I'm going to find out why, and if what she's saying is true then I doubt I'll be stupid enough to put myself through that... but she doesn't need to keep going on about it. "Just get the hell out of my house."
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 19:01:39 GMT
This is actually quite...ridiculous and Ruby is just making it very much worse and I'm about to say something to try and make her shut up, but then Arden does that so then I have nothing to contribute...at all and just keep quiet.
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Post by Shelby Crescent on Mar 14, 2009 19:06:42 GMT
"First off Arden, I'm not Shell..." I say with a sigh. I have no idea why she thinks I'm her but whatever. I just know Shell would never try anything with Logan. "And I'm not leaving until Logan tells us the truth. I think that's fair for the both of us, don't you?"
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 19:11:59 GMT
"Fine, Rubalyn then," I shrug, shaking my head. "But whoever you are, get out of my house."
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 19:18:52 GMT
"What truth? There is no truth...nothing to admit," I respond, shaking my head.
Nothing that I haven't already said anyway, because I think that I've made it clear who I'd rather be with...except I think that I've cocked that up now anyway, because it really was a stupid idea cheating in Arden's house.
And I'd really quite like to at least try and sort it out, or explain myself, but I can't while Ruby is here, so maybe she should just leave.
"So maybe you should just leave, Ruby."
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Post by Shelby Crescent on Mar 14, 2009 19:22:27 GMT
"I think there is but I guess I could leave. Just keep in touch love alright?" I wink at him before grabbing my black sweater jacket and nudge by Arden a little. "Nice kitchen by the way." With that, she apparates out of the house and back to the Leaky Cauldron.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 19:30:57 GMT
I shake my head again as Ruby's leaving, irritated but biting back any comments on the grounds that it's not worth it.
And now it's just me and Logan again, and he's gone and fucked up when we were in the middle of fixing things, but even though it's his fault I still want to know what I did wrong or what he's not getting from me that he had to go and cheat. And I want to know if he let her in or if she just showed up here. And whether he really does want to be with me or her or neither of us.
I open my mouth but then close it again, getting up off the couch to head... not into the kitchen. Dammit. For the first time ever, I wish I had a bigger house just so I'd not be left lingering in the hallway at times like this.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 19:38:17 GMT
"Arden..." I mutter when she gets up, but then she doesn't leave anyway so I hardly need to stop her, I suppose. "I'm sorry."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 19:44:56 GMT
"You should be," I mutter back, crossing my arms as I glance at him briefly, then look at the floor. "What in the hell was she doing here?"
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 19:46:01 GMT
"I don't know...she just came in here. The door was unlocked."
That much is true, at least. Thank God.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 19:48:42 GMT
"Oh... right." I glance at the door rather than look at him, then shrug. "Well, at least you didn't let her in then."
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 19:53:48 GMT
Does that really make a difference?
I think I've still messed it all up. After we made a bit of progress as well. I probably set us back several paces again, if this can even be salvaged. I don't know if she'll forgive me or not, but the chances aren't looking particularly optimistic seeing as she won't even look at me.
So I just don't say anything and wait for her to say something else.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 19:59:00 GMT
"On the other hand, of course," I say after a moment, talking mostly to myself. "Why in the hell were you kissing her like that?"
I can look at him again, but only because I'm kind of pissed off. And still, underneath, there's the highly uncomfortable feeling that I don't really have a right to be as outraged about this as I would normally, because it's not like I've never hurt him this way.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 20:07:26 GMT
"Ah..." I murmur, then shrug finally.
I don't know, actually. I've put a little bit of thought into it, of course. There's that affinity, the ability to be totally honest, and how hard it is to try and resist when she insists on being so close and asks me to kiss her, there's the nostalgia trip of course, and there's actually that I sort of like her. So there's a fair few reasons but none that I want to own up to, because it really sucked when she told me that she kissed Riley because she had feelings for him and I don't want to say it.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 20:11:58 GMT
"That's not helping, you know." I shake my head. "If it's nothing, you could say so. So... what? Do you, to any extent, want to be with her? Because it's not like I can condemn you for that. I just want to know why, and what's wrong with me that isn't wrong with her."
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 20:16:28 GMT
"...To an extent." I say eventually, nodding reluctantly. "And there's nothing wrong with you...really, there's not."
And I wish she wouldn't say that, because it just whacks the guilt up a few notches each time.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 20:18:56 GMT
"Well then why would you want someone else?" I ask, a little exasperated now. "Don't think of it as something 'wrong' then if you don't want, but what am I missing? What can I change to fix this?"
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 20:37:05 GMT
"It's not...there's nothing you're missing...nothing you can change." I reply adamantly.
I really don't think there is. There's really nothing about Ruby that I can pinpoint as anything that I'm really missing at the moment. Just that we have history, that we're both sort of useless now the war's over, and she's someone I can discuss my discontent with.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 20:42:29 GMT
"Well that's real helpful." I half roll my eyes. "Only option that leaves then is what? You were just bored?"
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 20:49:41 GMT
"No," I mutter.
I'm half-tempted to tell her that she's not a man so she wouldn't understand how hard it is to just ignore someone like Ruby when she's that close and asking to be kissed, but I just settle on saying, "I don't know...I don't know why. Sorry."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 14, 2009 20:52:03 GMT
I deflate a little bit at that, closing my eyes. "So how do we fix it, if you don't even know why it broke?"
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 14, 2009 20:58:26 GMT
"I won't do it again," I nod.
Although that's what I said to myself last time. Maybe now she's caught me out, I'll have more of an inclination not to cheat again.
I don't even know if that helps, or if the damage has already been done.
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