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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 2, 2009 4:30:07 GMT
"It's fine," I nod, closing my eyes briefly. "We're both a bit of a mess right now, I guess, and given our history...." Maybe this isn't such a good idea and I should just go now. But no, I don't want to say that.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 2, 2009 4:32:52 GMT
"Yeah, I understand." I said with a faint nod. I slightly wondered, though, if she realized that almost every time she's said something along those lines, she was rejecting me anyway. A slightly different type of rejection, but still rejection.
"I was stupid to even say anything in the first place." I added, before picking up the box again and walking back over to the closet, pushing the box onto a top shelf.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 2, 2009 4:36:30 GMT
"Not stupid," I object, shaking my head. "Just... not thinking. Not exactly the same thing."
And I wonder if it's his fault now that I suddenly do want to kiss him... more than just a little bit, like before. I'm pretty sure that I'm the one being stupid now.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 2, 2009 4:41:17 GMT
I shrugged a little bit, shutting the closet door. The musty smell of the clothes that I left in there was sort of getting to my head.
"I guess so." I said, trying to remember if I was thinking when I said that, but I couldn't really recall.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 2, 2009 4:44:40 GMT
I shrug again faintly, glancing at the floor again before shaking my head and standing. "I - I should go. I'm sorry."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 2, 2009 4:48:57 GMT
That was sort of sudden. I looked up her her a bit quickly, seeing her stand up. "I.. um.. this isn't about.. I really, I wasn't going to do anything." I said, shaking my head faintly. ".. You don't have to go." I added, wondering just how desperate that sounded. Hopefully not too much.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 2, 2009 4:52:40 GMT
"I should, before I do something stupid," I say, shaking my head again. "Before either of us do something stupid, or before this gets any worse."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 2, 2009 4:57:32 GMT
I shook my head faintly, "Even if something did happen, I don't really see how it would be stupid." I said after a moment, biting my lip for a second afterwards. If she's that threatened by the possibility she might do something, then maybe it wouldn't be bad anyway. Maybe it wouldn't be bad to do something she wanted to do... even if she might change her mind about it later.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 2, 2009 5:05:33 GMT
"Because I'm not thinking clearly right now... not that I usually am around you... and I don't know." I shake my head. Honestly, half of me's wondering if it really would be so bad. He'd be happy, I'd be... all right, and it's no longer wrong because neither of us is with anyone. But I'm still pretty sure that I'm right about it not being a very good idea.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 2, 2009 5:09:19 GMT
"Wouldn't that usually be considered a good sign?" I asked, shaking only slightly for a couple seconds. Well, I thought it was a good sign in some circumstances anyway.
"I'm not.. trying to convince you or anything.. I just, do you really want to go back there, right now?" I asked, looking up to her.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 2, 2009 5:20:10 GMT
I shake my head confusedly, not sure how that's supposed to be a good sign but just ignoring it anyway.
"No... I really don't. I'd rather not go home for quite a while, possibly ever, because I know it's going to hurt. But it should hurt, and I should go home... and as much as I might want to at the moment, I really shouldn't kiss you again because it won't help either of us in the long run."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 2, 2009 5:25:56 GMT
I couldn't exactly explain what I meant, either. It was just one of those things. Like when you're with someone and you just can't quite think clearly because you're too close to them.. and I don' t know, you're just too pre-occupied to think. Something like that. I relate it to liking someone, so that's what I was getting at.
"But can you handle that?" I asked, not so sure I want her to go home if she isn't stable enough. "I know it'll hurt and that's why I don't think you should go back just yet."
I shrugged, knowing that she had a point, but not really wanting to agree outloud. Plus, it was only a partial agreeableness anyway. "How do you know?" I asked instead.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 2, 2009 5:34:47 GMT
"I will," I shrug, shaking my head. "I'll handle it just fine. Not like I didn't agree to this." I swallow hard, then shake my head. I know because I don't think that I love you quite the way that you possibly love me... so any sort of pretending that I do is just asking for disaster.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 2, 2009 5:39:53 GMT
"You're sure?" I asked again, watching her shake her head. I guess she seemed stable enough... but the whole situation with her going back there alone just sort of scares me anyway.
She just shook her head and I bit my lip for another moment again. I felt like I was starting to get annoying. And I really didn't want that, but I just didn't understand. She wanted to kiss me, I wanted to kiss her, so we should just kiss and get over thinking about how it was going to be a mess.
I wasn't even wanting to convince her to kiss me, I just wanted to understand. "I just.. I don't understand." I said eventually shaking my head faintly.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 2, 2009 15:53:55 GMT
"Sure as I can be," I mutter, shaking my head. "And I don't... what don't you understand? Why I shouldn't kiss you? Do you honestly like being messed with? Because I don't like doing it to you. And... to be honest...." I close my eyes briefly, preferring not to look at him while I say this. "To be honest, you're just... a replacement. Second best. And if there was any chance I could have Logan back, I'd take it. And I'm pretty sure you know that. So I don't see how on Earth you're still okay with... all of that."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 2, 2009 17:23:08 GMT
I guess it was different hearing that aloud and even though I was pretty sure I knew that somewhere in the back of my mind, I found myself choosing not to look at her as she was telling it to me.
Now now I was left feeling a bit more depressed and slightly more clueless on what I should be saying back to her. I think maybe somewhere I was starting to think that maybe after a while, the second best replacement could get somehow moved up to whatever Logan is now.. but after hearing that, I doubted that any of that would happen.
Actually, come to think of it, Arden was second best to Riyann... and right now, especially after seeing those pictures, I was almost wondering if Arden was more than second best right now.
"I guess um.." I shrugged a little bit, coming out of the few moments of silence, "Just that maybe because you used to be second best.. and you're not really anymore." I shrugged again, speaking a bit quietly as well, letting myself glance up to her.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 2, 2009 17:30:02 GMT
I close my eyes again, lowering my head and biting hard on the inside of my cheek. I really don't know what to say to that... whether to give him any hope or not. But I suppose I may as well continue being honest.
"At the very least, I need some time before that could ever happen," I say finally, glancing up briefly. "I... I don't want to get things any more mixed up in the meantime."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 2, 2009 17:36:30 GMT
I nodded faintly, unsure of whether I should be hopeful by what she said or not. "Yeah.. That makes sense." I said after a moment, bit my lip for a few moments again. "Um.." I paused again. "Sorry."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 2, 2009 17:38:04 GMT
"Not your fault." I shake my head, then bite my lip again. "... I really should go."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 2, 2009 17:42:19 GMT
I shrugged a little bit. "Whatever." I said a bit quietly, ".. Why do you think you should leave again?" I asked a moment later, not being able to remember after that conversation because really the only thing I was thinking about was what she'd said before.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 2, 2009 17:44:14 GMT
"This... is awkward and strange now and... I don't know." I shrug, shaking my head. "You really think I should stay?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 2, 2009 17:46:40 GMT
I nodded faintly. Yeah, I guess it was sort of awkward and strange. "It doesn't matter... If you want to leave, leave." I said biting lip for a moment. I didn't really specifically want her to go, but I couldn't really stop her.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 2, 2009 17:51:06 GMT
Well, that's helpful.
"... For the best," I say finally, half-under my breath, and turn to go.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Mar 2, 2009 19:51:04 GMT
At this point, I was slightly wondering if I said that I wanted her to stay if she would have. But I guess it didn't matter really.. I was just going to do some cleaning... maybe get rid of some things.. I wasn't really sure. I wouldn't have minded the company.. but then I had to go and make it all awkward. Sometimes I really think I fail at life, or something.
".. See you around then." I said a bit quietly, as she turned to go.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 2, 2009 19:54:18 GMT
"See you," I nod, smiling briefly at him.
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