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Post by Riley Pearson on Dec 12, 2008 1:02:18 GMT
The past couple days have been unpleasant to say the least. And it's basically all I've been able to think about. The fact that Arden chose Logan over me. I really shouldn't be making such a big deal out of it. It was what she wanted.. so I need to just stop thinking about it, get over it and over her, while still being her friend.
Maybe I could actually do it. Maybe something would actually go okay for once and maybe Logan won't end up hurting her. Though I had to admit I sort of doubted that last one.
The girls were in their room, doing who knows what and I was in mine sitting on my bed and staring at my guitar, which was sitting on it's stand, gathering dust. After running into Hayley the other day, she got me thinking about it and I wouldn't mind picking it up for a bit today. But I had to admit that I was a bit scared that I didn't know how anymore. It'd been so long that I felt like I probably wouldn't be able to play. I sighed and eventually just stood up and picked up my guitar before sitting back down on my bed.
I played a few chords and smiled a bit a moment before starting to tune it.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Dec 12, 2008 1:23:09 GMT
I drew the hood up so it covered and shadowed my face, there really was no need for me to go out and walk with it down in my old neighborhood, someone would recognize me, and after 'killing' Lilian, there was bound to be atleast one auror watching over Riley and the kids, at least, that was my take on it. Then again having a sweatshirt on and a hood darkening my face wasn't conspicuous at all. No.
Well I could always say I was simply cold and drug the hood up, I mean, the wind was blowing, snow billowing around my body.
Pulling the thinning sweatshirt closer around my body I crossed my arms and held the cloth tight against my thin form.
I've been out of Azkaban for a while now, but my appearance hadn't changed a bit since. My bones still stood out prominently against my skin, it felt like I was slowly disappearing, only since being out that time had frozen and I was stuck like this, half alive.
Stepping up to the door that I really didn't want to be at, because of the last run in, I raise my fist and knock lightly on the door, hoping no one heard and I can be on my way again.
It's for the girls.
I promised them I would come back, even if they didn't want me to now, I had to keep my promise, I wasn't going to break it.
Although I didn't have anything for them, no gifts, no pets. Nothing. I needed to see them. That one time was nowhere near enough.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Dec 12, 2008 1:39:04 GMT
I lifted my head up from my guitar when I heard a muffled knock coming from the front door. Wonder who's here.. I thought to myself before standing up and leaving my room, for some reason, still holding my guitar. I had meant to set it down before I left, but now that I was already close to the stairs, I decided to just set it down, downstairs.
I made my way down the flight of stairs and when I got to the bottom, set down my guitar in a nearby chair. I went to the door and opened it, seeing Riyann standing on the other side.
I blinked a few times, frowning slightly. I wasn't expecting to see her there. Definitely not expecting that. "Um.. Come in." I said in a slightly surprised tone. Luckily my mum wasn't home, which is why when I moved over, I motioned for her to come in.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Dec 12, 2008 1:49:17 GMT
The door opened, much to my dismay, and I looked up, breathing a sigh of relief when I saw Riley. Really, if it was going to be his mum I swear nothing would keep me from hitting her if she continued to verbally assult me like she had last time.
"Hey." I said softly when he said come in, surprise dripping from his voice. I guess it had been clearly obvious that he hadn't expected me to ever show up again.
Never.
Did he really expect me to just abandon the girls and Justin? Even if I had, I mean, burning pictures, especially our wedding pictures and such had made me think I'd just disappear completely, like Azkaban had been making me.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Dec 12, 2008 1:56:32 GMT
"Hi.." I said back to her, staying where I was, waiting to see if she was going to come inside or not. Cause she wasn't really moving from where she was standing. "So um.. you coming inside then?" I asked her a moment later when she still didn't come in.
I guessed she was here to see the girl's again, but I was starting to wonder if they would want to see her.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Dec 12, 2008 2:05:12 GMT
I smiled weakly, not entirely sure why I smiled though, I mean, really after last time.
"Is your mum here?" I asked, still not moving from where I was in the doorway. If she was I wasn't going to step foot in the house. Then again, would Riley really invite me in if she was? Especially after last time?
Probably not.
But still.
I stood there and waited for an answer, shivering slightly as the wind picked up and whipped at my back some.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Dec 12, 2008 2:07:59 GMT
I shook my head at her question. "Do you really think I would invite you inside if my mum was here?" I asked her with a very faint smile back, still standing where I was by the open door.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Dec 12, 2008 2:13:07 GMT
"I never know anymore." I said, shrugging faintly. I was already trusting him keeping my visiting a secret, didn't mean I had to trust him completely though, now did it? Just as I spoke I moved through the doorway and past Riley, not wanting to be out in the cold any longer than needed. "Sorry for showing up again." I said, though I was still mad at him. The things we said, well, they weren't exactly that great and I wasn't going to get over them. As for wishing he'd rot in hell, I still did a little.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Dec 12, 2008 2:26:57 GMT
"Considering I haven't turned you in, I can see why you wouldn't trust me." I said, shutting the door behind her once she was in the house.
"No need to apoligise.." I said shaking my head slightly. Sure a lot of.. terrible.. things were said, but I wasn't going to keep her away from here.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Dec 12, 2008 2:38:08 GMT
I shrugged a little at what he said and brushed past the topic of trusting him or not. Why should I have to? I really didn't, in fact I really shouldn't. I shouldn't be trusting anyone at all. "Why should I trust anyone?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. Why I had spoken up, why? I had decided to brush away from the damn topic. But I came right back.
"Alright."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Dec 12, 2008 2:44:38 GMT
"I didn't say that you should.. I just said that you don't have much of a reason to not trust me." I said shaking my head a little bit. I didn't want to argue, I wasn't in the mood to argue, I just wanted to go sit in my room and play guitar.
Am I sure I'm twenty-eight?
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Dec 12, 2008 2:48:22 GMT
"Asides from the fact that, you know, you work for the ministry and such, and I really shouldn't trust anyone that even goes a foot towards the direction of that place." I rambled and then shook my head a little bit.
It was true. He worked at the ministry, and if they thought he wasn't telling the truth or something I wouldn't doubt that they'd slip him a truth potion or something.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Dec 12, 2008 2:52:28 GMT
I turned around to look at her. "You don't have to trust the Ministry.. but you can trust me that I won't tell them anything.. it wouldn't be my fault if they slipped me a truth potion, or were watching me or something, okay?" I said looking over to her, feeling a bit more stressed out now. I sighed slightly and picked up my guitar, leaning it against the wall and sitting in the chair it was in.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Dec 12, 2008 2:58:15 GMT
"I can trust who I want." I said, shaking my head. I wasn't going to trust him. Not, not after everything. That would be like, oh I dunno, maybe idiotic. That's all I can come up with. Idiotic for trusting him. Shouldn't it be the other way around?
Well, maybe? I mean him and Arden had done something at least once, then again we were divorced, hey, before that he and Arden had.
Okay, so I didn't have much to go off of to be an idiot to trust him. Well, I could just take our fight from the last visit, but that doesn't prove much. "And your an idiot to trust me." I said, glancing at the guitar he moved and biting my lip faintly. I could really only jump to the conclusion that it was my fault he had stopped playing in the first place.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Dec 12, 2008 3:06:03 GMT
I nodded. "I know you can." I said in a slightly dismissive tone as I rubbed my forehead a bit and pushed some hair from my eyes. She really didn't have a reason not to trust me though. The only thing that I could think of that I did was kiss Arden a few times. And I don't think that that as enough to not trust me.
"Yeah, I was an idiot." I said looking over to her, frowning slightly before staring back down at the floor.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Dec 12, 2008 3:18:46 GMT
I let that drop now, deciding maybe I shouldn't continue, especially since he had used a tone that was slightly dismissive. Why I was listening to him, I don't know. But I was, so that was that. That and I didn't want to fight all that much right now.
"You still are an idiot." I said, rolling my eyes.
I killed your Lilian, cheated on you numerous times, and even more. Why you trust me now is beyond me.
Moving from where I stood I went over to the wall and just leaned casually against it, borried and tired of just standing where I had been.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Dec 12, 2008 3:25:11 GMT
I was slightly surprised when she let that drop, but I definitely didn't mind that she did. I didn't want to fight. Maybe she didn't either.
"Thanks for that." I said shaking my head a little bit, watching as she moved over and leaned against the wall. "So why're you here then?" I asked a moment later, looking over to her.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Dec 12, 2008 3:31:34 GMT
"You're welcome." I said after he said thanks when I'd commented on how he was still an idiot.
It was true, he was. Didn't he hear about Arden? Or maybe he hadn't. It wasn't like I killed her though. Might've wanted to, but I wasn't going to do that. No.
"I came to visit, you know, bring a bit of news, whatever I've got." I said and shrugged. "Ran into your friend a little while ago." I add with a nod, looking over to him. Maybe he'd kill me now, or just try and strangle me. You really should save this for after you see the kids.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Dec 12, 2008 3:41:29 GMT
I looked over to her again with a small nod. So she had news for me. I couldn't imagine what kind of news it could be, but she had my attention. And when she continued she had even more of my attention. I frowned a bit more toward her and stared over to her.
"What do you mean?" I asked, wanting to get more information from her. She hadn't went to see Arden. Arden told me that.. but then again, she could have went today.. or yesterday. I hadn't spoken to Arden since a couple days ago. But today or yesterday didn't really seem like a while to me.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Dec 12, 2008 3:46:00 GMT
I laughed softly when he asked what I meant. Was I not clear enough or something?
Shaking my head softly I looked up at him, locking my eyes on him. "Was I not clear enough?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "Actually I knocked on her door and she sort of let me in really. So, really, if anyone's more idiotic, it'd be here. That's putting it lightly." I laugh.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Dec 12, 2008 3:51:19 GMT
I stood up out of my chair, probably looking extremely worried now.
"Please tell me that you didn't do anything to her." I said shaking my head a little bit, knowing who she was talking about now that she said a bit more.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Dec 20, 2008 1:00:16 GMT
He stood up from where he was sitting and I giggled faintly to myself, shaking my head faintly before looking at him with a straight face again.
"Hm, can't quite do that Love." I said, shrugging faintly.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Dec 20, 2008 1:08:05 GMT
I felt myself get very sick just then. That must've happened fairly recently because she said nothing happened and that she never showed up there. Why wasn't Logan there? Maybe he was out on another one of this walks.. Or something else equally as stupid.
"What'd you do Riyann?"
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Dec 20, 2008 1:24:05 GMT
"Don't look like I killed her Love." I said with a laugh, shaking my head a little with a small smirk. This could be quite fun, or entertaining. "Well, I didn't leave her alone. I did make sure she knew not to cross me. I taught her a little bit of a lessen. I didn't play nice." I said with a wide grin.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Dec 20, 2008 1:29:35 GMT
I relaxed a bit when she said that she didn't kill her, but I couldn't... didn't want to... imagine what she did actually do to her. "Riyann just tell me what you did." I said a bit louder, as I continued to stare at her.
And just so you know, she doesn't even love me, she loves Logan, so you should really just leave her alone now.. I don't know why I kept that to myself, but I knew I'd probably end up mentioning it eventually.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Dec 26, 2008 17:39:40 GMT
I really did hate how he loved her soo much more than he loved me. Well, maybe I wouldn't know if he loved her more than me, he still did.
Was this the only reason I was doing this? Maybe, I guess it was possible.
That and because she loved him back. Least that's how it had been going.
"Well there was this really nice looking knife so I was just going to borrow it, but she had to insult me a few times, so you know." I said and shrugged faintly. Really, the topic of Lovely Arden just made me mad, more so at Riley. Because he had to care for her so damn much. Me, no. I didn't matter, not anymore.
I looked at the floor, now it was bothering me to have him stare at me, it really wasn't comfertable. And usually I'm never one to back down.
Unless of course I know I've done something horrible wrong. Such as this.
He's going to hate you you know.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Dec 26, 2008 20:16:46 GMT
Even though I knew that Arden was alive.. at least, I hoped that she was. I guess I would just have to go and find out once Riyann left. I still felt extremely anxious. Mostly becuase of the word knife. Not just a spell or something, which, yes, is really no better. But there was something about the word knfe that just set off panic mode in my mind.
I knew that somewhere in me, I still loved Riyann and I knew that I did, but there were some things that I just couldn't believe she was doing me. Cheating on me was one thing. Leaving me, another. But killing my sister and then stabbing my best friend? That was going way too far. How could someone who loved me manage to hurt me so much?
I didn't know what to say to her, and I just kept my eyes on her as she looked down to the floor. "Why do you keep doing all of these things, Riyann?" I asked shaking my head and taking my eyes off of her for a short moment before moving them back. "Holding a knife to Arden? My best friend.." I added, pushing some hair out of my face. "Stabbing her? Haven't you hurt me enough yet?"
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Dec 26, 2008 20:43:56 GMT
Did I really care if he hated me? Well I knew I did, just I didn't want to care. I didn't want to love him so much. I didn't want to have to think about him. I didn't want any of this. At all.
He asked why I was doing all of this and I let a small sigh pass my lips, letting some hair fall in my face and then looked up at him slowly, only a very faint glare showing in my eyes. Why did I do these things?
I didn't have an answer. For any of his questions so I only stayed silent.
I did stab her, but that didn't matter.
I have hurt him enough.
I think.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Dec 26, 2008 20:51:04 GMT
"And I think you should know that she only loves me as a friend." I said with a small shrug, once she didn't say anything. Maybe that would make her back off Arden some. She rejected me. Rejected me for Logan. "So you should just back off her, okay?" I asked, picking up my guitar by it's neck and walked it over to it's case, which was sitting on the couch, and putting it away.
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Post by Riyann Servansikk on Dec 26, 2008 21:01:01 GMT
Oh. Then he knows what it feels like. Least, what I feel, because really it feels like he started only loving me as a friend and loving Arden more. Then this all happened and I really couldn't care anymore. I still didn't know what to say. What was there to say?
"You still love her though." I said and watched as he grabbed his guitar to put away and I felt a little ping of jealousy. Why? I wasn't sure. Maybe because he just stopped playing when I was around and so it'd have to be my fault. And that he's started playing again and it was probably because of Arden.
Do you care that he's hurt about Arden not liking him? Course I do. I love him.
"I l-" Love you. I couldn't say it all.
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