Final Thoughts;;{[Arden

[Riley Pearson]

I nodded a little bit at what she said. She was right about that, we did get along, so who knows, maybe it was some type of form of forgetting. "Yeah.. I guess that sort of seems forgetting.." I said quietly, agreeing with her.
This was starting to bother me though and I sort of wonder if this is what it was like for her when she liked me.

[Arden Patricks]

I nod again, and don't make any move to try and correct the implication that that's what I like now. Just a minute ago, I found myself comparing how I felt about kissing him to how I used to feel about jumping off of buildings. Maybe that doesn't automatically mean it would be a mistake, but it does make me want to stop and think a fair bit.

[Riley Pearson]

She stayed quiet now and I folded my arms infront of my body, keeping my eyes on the floor. "I'm, um.. I'm sorry about all of this.. I don't mean to keep bringing it up." I told her shaking my head faintly, glancing up to her again. "It's probably starting to bother you.."

[Arden Patricks]

"Ah -" I start to say, then stop. It is starting to bother me, but for different reasons than he's probably thinking. "Um... not... it's fine." I shake my head. Maybe I should leave so I can go and figure this out.

[Riley Pearson]

"I promise that I'm really trying to shut up." I said almost slightly desperately, glancing over to her again. I don't like the awkward moments we keep having and I would rather just forget that I liked her, becuase the more I mention it, the more I'm reminded of the fact that she doesn't like me. So being quiet would be preferable for my own sanity right now.
".. Like you always say, least said, soonest mended.. right?" I asked biting my lip a little bit. Maybe if I didn't talk about, it would go away and I wouldn't have to be bothered with it.

[Arden Patricks]

"Yes...." I sigh. "Although I'm starting to think that's all bollocks." Because maybe if I said more in this case you wouldn't be getting the wrong idea and it wouldn't be so awkward.

[Riley Pearson]

I looked over to her again, "Why's that?" I asked letting out a slight sigh too, keeping my eyes on her this time.

[Arden Patricks]

"Just a random thought," I say half under my breath, shaking my head.

[Riley Pearson]

I nodded a little bit again, "Alright.." I said quietly back to her before moving my eyes off her again and biting my lip a little bit. I had to forget about this.. it shouldn't be this difficult. I mean, I just signed the divorce papers, isn't there somekind of unwritten law that says I shouldn't be allowed to like somebody?
".. You're sure, um.. that there's no chance?" I asked a moment later, once again, wishing I didn't ask. I think I mainly did just because this silence was really bothering me.

[Arden Patricks]

I bite my lip at that, because I don't know what to say without either lying or breaking my vow to think it over first.
"Of?" I ask, deliberately misunderstanding.

[Riley Pearson]

I almost wonder if she deliberately asked that in hopes that I wouldn't ask, but maybe she didn't. I wasn't really specific in my asking, so just becuase I think it's obvious doesn't mean she does. Now I wasn't sure if I should finish, maybe I should just say nevermind and be done with it. Plus, I was pretty sure that the answer was going to be something I didn't want to hear.
"Um.. of.." I paused again, looking over to her again. "You maybe realising you still have feelings for me.."

[Arden Patricks]

I have to bite my lip again, harder, and wish very hard that... I don't know. That I knew what I should say, without lying.
"... I don't know," I say finally, which I guess is true enough, sort of. I already do realize that I do, but at least I'm not saying no.

[Riley Pearson]

I think that was a much less painful answer than I was expecting. In fact, I was okay with that answer. It's not like I was in a rush. Even if I really did want to kiss her right now and it had actually run across my mind to actually ask her if I could, just to see if what I was feeling really was real and not just some illusion. But I don't think she would go for that, so why bother asking? Then again, it was already awkward.
I nodded at what she said, "Okay.." I said, still thinking about asking her. "... Um.. This's gonna sound.. I'm not sure how it's gonna sound actually.." I started shaking my head faintly and looking over at her. "Can um.. Can I just kiss you, once?" I asked finally, keeping my eyes on her now. "I just want to see if whatever I'm feeling is actually real or if I just.. think it is.."
Asking this, I felt completely horrible, not to mention that I felt like I was being more than annoying. So much so, that I was starting to bother myself.
"I promise that whether you say yes or no, this's the last time I'm going to bother you with this.." I added a moment later, glancing to the floor before looking back up to her. Least I'll try to promise that.

[Arden Patricks]

I'm so taken aback by his question that I nearly laugh, but instead I just bite my lip hard. Frankly, I would love to know if it's real or not... but I'm not sure I could take it if he kisses me and then decides it isn't. So I only half-answer the question, like usual.
"I don't know if you've noticed this, but you're really kind of bad at keeping promises like that," I say kind of softly. "So... and personally, I think it's probably the latter."
I wish there was someone I could talk to about this... someone I trust to help me figure out if my head is on straight or not and if I'm doing the right thing. But without Ian and Maddie, my third choice would probably be Riley himself.

[Riley Pearson]

I nodded slgihtly, biting my lip a little bit. "Yeah, I do suck at it.. I do try to keep them though.." I said looking over to her. I let out a small breath. She said that it was probably the latter and I took that as she meant it was a no. Really, I wasn't expecting a yes, so it wasn't much of a surprise.
I nodded a little bit again. "Sort of figured you were gonna say that." I said quietly. ".. Not that it matters or anything.. This's just kind of hard because I don't really have anyone to talk to about this.. and I just.. don't know what to think."

[Arden Patricks]

I laugh very faintly, shaking my head. "Yeah... same here. I'd really like to clear out my head."
But I probably should'nt've said that, I realize quickly. Why the hell would I need to clear my head?

[Riley Pearson]

I chuckled a little bit, at the same time, wondering just what exactly she needed to clear her head about. She already told me that she didn't have feelings for me, so it couldn't be that. And honestly, that's the only thing I could really think of at the moment. But if it wasn't about me, why couldn't she just talk to me about it?
"Of what?" I asked a moment later, looking over to her, "I mean.. Can you talk to me about whatever it is?"

[Arden Patricks]

"No." I shake my head quickly. "No, it... it's stupid." See, I can't decide if I should tell you or not that the whole having-feelings-for-you thing hasn't ever gone away.
"But what about you?" I ask in a bid to distract him. "Are you sure... I couldn't help anyway?"

[Riley Pearson]

"I'm sure it's not stupid." I said shaking my head a little bit, looking over to her with a small half smile. She asked about me and I shrugged a little bit. "I didn't think you would want me talking about it with you." I answered her with a small shrug. "Maybe though.. I don't know."

[Arden Patricks]

"Me neither," I shrug, sighing slightly. "But we're all we've got, remember? Which is why I think this is just... not real, just in your head, out of gratefulness you've still got a friend left." I shrug again slightly, crossing my arms. Amateur psychology isn't generally recommended as a good thing to practice or listen to, but I do like to think I'm pretty good at it.

[Riley Pearson]

I noticed that she completely dropped whatever she was talking about before and I just let her. She obviously didn't want to talk about it with me, but that didn't mean that I still wasn't curious.
I nodded slightly, folding my arms tightly infront of me again, listening to what she was telling me. I wasn't going to deny that it was a possibility. I had thought that it could've been that a little while ago; But what if it wasn't?
"I guess that might be it.. but I just.. that's not what it was before, so maybe it never really went away and I just stopped thinking about it because you weren't here.."

[Arden Patricks]

I look up at him now, somehow taken by surprise. I mean... yes, he was claiming previously as well that he had feelings for me, but I guess I just forgot... as ridiculous as that kind of sounds.
"So... what then?" i ask after a moment. "We've really both liked each other since... the beginning, pretty much, but what with Riyann and Travis and everything else we just forgot about it?"

[Riley Pearson]

I see her look up at me, somewhat surprised looking for some reason, though I'm not sure why. I shrugged a little bit at what she said, taking notice of how she was speaking in plural. Then again, it could just be a.. hypothetical plural? If that makes sense I don't know, but it could be. Or she likes me and she's just not telling me?
"I guess.. sort of sounds plausable to me." I said looking back at her. "At least I think that was my case.."

[Arden Patricks]

I pause for a moment, trying to decide how I feel, in that case.
"Sounds awfully stupid in our case, then," I say finally, forgetting that supposedly I don't feel anything for him so it can't be plural.

[Riley Pearson]

I think that I got a somewhat puzzled expression for a moment after what she said and I looked back over to her, pausing for a short moment. ".. So you do think you have feelings for me?" I asked her curiously a moment or two after she spoke, wondering if that's what she meant, or if I was just misinterpretting something.

[Arden Patricks]

I'm not really sure how to answer that, and so I feel rather frazzled and decide to look over at the wall for some help.
"Um... I was planning to, ah, think it over a bit...."
But I guess I just admitted it, so never mind.

[Riley Pearson]

I paused for a moment and shook my head very faintly as I looked over to her. "So instead of just.. telling me that, you told me that you didn't have any for me at all?" I asked her after the short pause, wanting to make sure I was getting this right. I just didn't see why she couldn't've have just told me that.

[Arden Patricks]

"No." I swallow once, looking at the ground because suddenly this is very nervewracking and it's easier to not look at him. "I... ah... I told you that I didn't because I figured you really didn't so there'd be no point. It's not whether I do or not that I planned to figure out, but whether I should tell you. I already know...." I shrug slightly. And here you go then, jumping off of buildings. Hope you're bloody happy when you hit the ground.

[Riley Pearson]

I watched as she looked to the ground and listened to what she was telling me. So she just didn't know if she should tell me or not.. and if she figured that I didn't and that there was no point, my guess is that she does have feelings for me. That makes sense to me, at least right now it makes sense.
".. So um... Are you thinking of telling me then?" I asked putting my eyes back on her. I pretty much already knew the answer, but I wasn't going to force it out of her if she didn't want to tell me.

[Arden Patricks]

"No." I shake my head. "If you haven't figured out yet what I'm trying not to say, I'd rather not make it any clearer."