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Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 5, 2008 5:25:41 GMT
I smiled back to her, probably the most I've smiled lately and shook my head at what she said. "Nah.. nothing else bad." I said, really glad at that fact. I didn't want anything else terrible to happen right now.
I smiled more at her second question and chuckled softly, "When have I ever minded?" I asked her smiling softly. It quite possibly made my day that she asked me that. She's never asked me that question before and honestly, I could really use a hug right now, so it was all the more better. I stood up and walked over to her, wrapping my arms around her.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 5, 2008 5:31:40 GMT
"No idea." I shake my head, then hug him back tightly and have to blink back tears, just like the last time I hugged him. But this time I'm not even certain what they're for.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 5, 2008 5:35:02 GMT
I smiled and returned the snug hug back when she hugged me back tightly. I really didn't think anything felt better than a hug. In my opinion, it was probably one of the most comforting things you could experience. I kissed the side of her cheek a moment into the hug before hugging her slightly more again. I probably shouldn't've done that specifically, but she just really made me feel better just then.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 5, 2008 5:43:28 GMT
I stiffen just a bit when he kisses my cheek, wavering between a sort of 'to hell with it' decision to kiss him back, and the more annoying but supposedly rational part of my brain that says I should pull away. I really don't want to pull away, and it doesn't feel right, but I do anyway. It didn't feel right to pull back from the edge of the astronomy tower after Andra died, but I did that as well.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 5, 2008 5:47:58 GMT
I felt her stiffen slightly after I kissed her cheek and once she pulled away, I knew that it was a mistake that I did that. A mistake I didn't really regret, so I guess it's good that I couldn't take it back. Even if I really would like to keep hugging her right now.
I let her pull away and but my lip a little bit, looking to the floor for a second before smiling a little more again as I looked back up to her. I tried not to feel awkward, even if it was slightly difficult. I had to get used to the fact that she didn't like me and it was probably weird to have me kissing her cheek.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 5, 2008 5:55:37 GMT
"Sorry," I say softly to the ground. He doesn't really love you, just a rebound sort of thing so you're not hurting him.
"Um...." I add helpfully after a moment, still looking at the ground and crossing my arms.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 5, 2008 6:00:38 GMT
I shook my head. "No, it's alright." I said, slightly awkwardly, giving her a faint smile as I looked up to her. Who knows.. maybe I didn't like her and I just thought that I did. Even though I was pretty much one hundred percent sure that I did quite like her, I guess there was always a small possibility I just thought I did. But considering that I seemed to like her before I ended it with Riyann, I'm more likely to think that my feelings are real.
I moved some hair from infront of my face and looked down the the floor for a second. "Um.. You want any tea, or something?" I asked her lamely, it being the first thing to come to mind.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 5, 2008 15:03:26 GMT
"No, I'm fine." I shake my head again. I think perhaps my heart hurts, but that's all right.
It occurs to me that in the past, if as many things were going wrong as they are now, I'd probably be a mess. Either I've gotten strong or just more apathetic about it; I really can't be sure.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 5, 2008 18:17:44 GMT
I nodded slightly looking from her down to the floor slightly. I didn't think I could make things that awkward that quickly. Maybe it's a new talent of mine. I stayed dquiet trying to think of something to say now, but having nothing coming to mind except this.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 5, 2008 18:37:39 GMT
Ah, christ. And now it's awkward again.
"Um, so...." I laugh slightly, then can't think of anything to say or that I haven't already asked.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 5, 2008 18:45:24 GMT
I laughed a little and rubbed the back of my neck. "Right.. So um.. You saw Riyann then?" I asked it being the first thing I thought of.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 6, 2008 2:35:55 GMT
Ha! Something to talk about! I can't help but think, even it isn't the most cheery topic out there.
"Yes... I did." I nod slowly. "I... stopped over at Azkaban to, um, get confirmation about Logan. And... well, she was there, as I guess you obviously know."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 6, 2008 2:41:20 GMT
I nodded slightly, now wondering about Logan and if he was still alive.. or if Arden was right in thinking otherwise. "Yeah.. No one even told me she was there for over a week.." I commented with a small sigh. "Um.. Was um.. he there?" I asked her slowly, then thinking maybe I shouldn't've asked.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 6, 2008 2:54:44 GMT
I frown very slightly, thinking that seems a little odd - but, then again, not really any lower than the Ministry's usual standards. But there's no time to form a comment to his statement because then he's asked a question and so I have to answer but when I open my mouth it feels like something inside has grabbed my voice and is holding it captive.
"... No," I manage eventually, barely breathing out the word, and shaking my head. "No, I was right. I finally managed to kill him."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 6, 2008 2:59:30 GMT
I watched her closely, seeing her open her mouth to speak, but not hearing her say anything for a few moments. I knew the answer as soon as that happend. Why else would she hesitate like that?
I heard what she told me about it and I just shook my head at her words. "You did nothing, Arden.." I told her softly after a couple of moments. "Please don't think that you had anything to do with it.."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 6, 2008 3:05:58 GMT
"Sure I didn't," I mutter, then sigh, looking down at my hands. "And I know that it's sort of ridiculous, possibly self-centered to think that I did... but we don't make sense, me and Logan. We never, ever did. And I know what I used to be like back when he still really mattered and would disappear or something. I was the only one who gave a - damn - that he was still alive. So he died because even I didn't care enough."
I let out a breath in what's almost aother sigh, after this, and shake my head. "Sorry."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 6, 2008 3:16:30 GMT
I had to admit that she did have a point; But I wasn't palnning on telling her that. I didn't want to make her feel even worse. Actually I would much rather do that exact opposite. I just didn't know what to do, or what to say.
".. You really don't have to be sorry." I said quietly to her, hoping that the pause I did make in between what I said and what she said wasn't as long as I thought it was. "You may have.. not visited in a while.. but I'm sure he still knew that you cared.. You don't usually just stop caring for someone."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 6, 2008 3:22:08 GMT
He doesn't say anything for a bit, and I quirk up one side of my mouth in a half-smile, guessing he can't argue... but still has a point with everything else he says. I think.
"Do you believe in soulmates?" I ask after a moment, probably seemingly at random. "You know, people meant to be together and such, whether as friends or... whatever?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 6, 2008 3:26:02 GMT
I see the side of her mouth move up slightly in a half-smile and I looked to the floor for a moment before back up to her. She asked me a question, which I thought seemed to be sort of random, but I nodded slightly for an answer anyway. "Yeah.. I do." I said with another slight nod. "Why do you ask?"
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Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 6, 2008 3:30:52 GMT
"Just... I don't know." I shake my head, half-smiling. "Sometimes I've thought maybe that's the case with me and Logan. I mean, just friends, obviously, but... I donm't know. Forget I mentioned it because I'm being weird now."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 6, 2008 3:34:25 GMT
I kept my eyes on her as she spoke and nodded slightly at what she said, letting out a small chuckle when she said she was weird. "Nah.. you're not being weird.. I completely understand." I said with a slight half-smile back to her.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 6, 2008 3:41:54 GMT
"Well, that's good to hear then." I shrug, shaking my head and smiling slightly.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 6, 2008 3:45:45 GMT
I smiled slightly back and nodded. I kind of always thought that was me and Arden. But now that I liked her, I wasn't really so sure exactly where I was standing on that. Unless maybe she was both? Or maybe I was just completely over thinking this whole thing.
"Yeah.." I said quietly with a small nod.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 6, 2008 3:58:14 GMT
And that topic died rather quickly....
"So have you thought about it then?" I ask cautiously, wanting yo keep it alive but not sure this is the right thing to ask. "I mean, since you said you believe in it."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 6, 2008 4:03:15 GMT
"Um.." I paused for a moment, but still nodded slightly, "Yeah, I've thought about it." I told her, trying to think about how I should, or if I should, continue speaking. Because really for the past years, I've always thought that Riyann was the one.
I really wasn't thinking that anymore though; especially now, considering that I just signed our divorce papers. And now that I was thinking about it again, maybe Adren, who I always thought of as my friend soul mate, was a little but more than that. Not that that's something I should be telling someone who doesn't like me.
"... Kind of always thought it was Riyann.. but um.. obviously I was wrong." I said lifting the papers slightly with my hand. I looked at them again for a few more moments studying both of our signitures before walking over to Arden and leaning against the counter next to her. Okay... now stop talking. "And now I'm thinking.. maybe it's possible that it's you.." I said quietly, knowing as soon as I said it, that I shouldn't have. Shut up, shut up, shut up! "I mean.. I thought that maybe you were my friend soul mate.. but maybe it's a little more than that."
I bit my lip shifting my eyes to the floor, now more than ever wanting to take back what I've said and just stop at the, 'yes, I've thought about it.'
This isn't something I should be thinking right now, is it? "... I don't think I wanted to say any of that out loud."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 6, 2008 15:10:21 GMT
As if his words are some sort of magic spell, I can feel myself going very still little by little as he speaks.
I have no idea what to say to that, or what I should be feeling. Is it possible I'm wrong, and it really is all genuine and in that case I've been hurting him?
Yes, of course it's possible. I'm rarely ever right, to be honest. And I can certainly understand how it feels to keep things inside for a really long time until you find yourself saying them and wish that you could just stuff them back. It kind of reminds me of that day at the lake, which is still embarrassing to think about, when I made an utter foll of myself trying to make him stop following me so that I wouldn't have to admit some stupid crush.
Which wasn't just a crush, was it? Was it ever just a crush, or did you really, really love him and Riyann was just kind of in the way?
But I don't want to think things like that, and I shake my head quickly. "Maybe we can pretend you just didn't then," I say quietly after a moment, looking at the ground without really thinking how he might interpret that.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 6, 2008 15:20:10 GMT
I stared down at the floor and nodded at what she said. I wasn't really sure how to reply to that. In a way, yeah, I do wish that I didn't say it and that maybe she should just forget it. I don't mean to keep saying and doing things like this, but I just do. Even though I know she doesn't have feelings for me, it just keeps coming out and I can't seem to stop it.
"We can try, but I can't just.. forget that I said it." I said after a small moment, glancing over to her. "I don't really think you'll be able to either."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 6, 2008 15:22:55 GMT
"No, probably not," I agree, shaking my head and not looking at him. "Did you ever forget, like you said you would and like I asked you to, the whole stupid thing about me having a crush on you way back when before the twins were even born and all?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 6, 2008 15:27:20 GMT
I'm all of a sudden very aware of how quiet it is in here as I move my eyes back down to the floor. I sort of wish that there was something in the backround to help distract me from all of this. I shrugged very faintly at her question, trying to remember if I really did forget about it and eventually I shook my head faintly. "Not really.. I just.. wasn't bothered by it.. kind of a hard thing to forget.."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 6, 2008 15:34:16 GMT
"... Yeah," I say, also quietly and to the floor. I honestly don't know how to be now - whether to say, 'well, contrary to how I might be acting, that hasn't changed, really,' or to continue acting how I'm acting. I wish, I really do, that I could somehow know for sure how he really feels here.
"But we did get along all right anyway...." I say slowly. "So maybe that's kind of like forgetting."
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