Finally Home

[Madeline Speare]

It's feel odd to be here. It's as if I'm a stranger in my own home. I was in Azkaban a little over a month and it's already done it's damaged. I'm seriously fucked up in the head, no need for anyone else to tell me.
The lights are bright, and my eyes water slightly. I've not use to the light quite yet. Azkaban's pretty dark. And cold can't forget about that.
Though I'll doubt I'll ever forget.

Pushing a strand of hair back behind my ear, I glance around not sure what to expect. I'm not use to being on my guard in my own home. I should have nothing to worry about here.
Chewing anxiously on my bottom lip, I close the door behind me before hanging my coat up and wandering down the hall.
It feels like I'm in a dream, like I'm looking into someone else's life. This is your life though Maddie.
It feels odd to be called Maddie, even in my own subconscious.
I've grown use to Logan's arrogant call of 'Madeline' or the gruff voices of the guards murmuring 'Speare'
It's as if I'm sixteen all over again and back living with the Malfoys.
I repress a shudder at the thought, but subconsciously rub my left knuckle. I don't think I broke it when I punched Lucius but I'm sure i heard something click. I'm hoping it was his nose.

I feel out of place, like I'm standing in the middle of a crowd and everyone's eyes are me. That never use to bother me before.
That was before Azkaban though, so I guess a lot of things are going to be different.
I hate change. I hate the fact that it's part of human nature.
I hate a lot of things at the moment, and I just force it down reminding myself that I'm home. This is the place I wanted to be.

"Mum!"
My heart threatens to jump out of my chest and I whirl around.
Alex throws his arms around me, burying his head into my shoulder. I've forgotten how tall is is.
"Mama," He murmurs softly, holding me close.
I haven't been called that in years, and it feels like I'm much younger. Relaxing slightly, I move my arms around him, hugging him lightly back. I'm home now.
Yes, it's going to take some getting use to again but I'm home.
That's all that matters right now.

[Ian Hunt]

"You're serious?" Poppy is sitting dutifully next to me on the top stair, clutching Abby on her lap and persistently blowing a strand of hair out of her eyes.
"Serious," I manage a faint grin.
I've just been able to tell her Maddie's coming home.
She's insisted on coming out of school early, and has been hanging around for the past month or two when she should be in school, but I haven't had the heart to send her back as I needed her here, and now there's no point as term will be over pretty soon anyway.
She's really taken to this top step in that time though, and she doesn't often budge from it, so I knew where to find her when I got back in from Maddie's trial.

I left pretty soon after the verdict, because the ministry makes me anxious and now this is all over there was little need for me to stay.
Nathan, Jack and Charlie all seemed more than willing to see her anyway, and I didn't want to impose or be forced to witness that, so I thought maybe it'd be best to come home and round up the kids.
Alex was out in the garden, kicking stones about when I got back, and didn't respond when I called him in, so I decided to just leave him to it and came up here instead.

Poppy is still eying me doubtfully though, as if I might make this up or have finally gone mad. She seems to expect me to have gone mad and keeps looking at me like I might. She's also been sneaking surreptitious glances at my wrists when she thinks I'm not looking. She needs to work on that, but it's also very sad that she knows me that well.
However, when she hears Alex's yell from downstairs, she practically drops Abby on my lap and races down the stairs herself.
I can hear the muffled cry of "Maddie!" pretty quickly.

Hauling Abby up slightly, despite how difficult this is when she's trying to stand on my knee and reach upwards towards something I can't see, I stand up and make my way downstairs as well.
I can't help but grin slightly, even if it feels just a little bit hollow. I know things aren't going to go back to normal. We've been through things like this time and time again, and things always get worse before they get better, it's how it is.
The kids, however, have yet to pick up on that.
Abby's eyes instantly go wide the second she sees Maddie, and she's reaching out for her in desperation. I suppose a month is a very long time for a three year old.
This month has been a very long one for all of us.

[Madeline Speare]

"I've missed you so much Mama," Alex murmurs, blinking furiously to stop the tears that are threatening to fall from his eyes.
He's never been one for showing emotion, much like his father, and it's not something I'm use to.
I hate the fact that I've changed, and I'm not sure how to handle this situation.
Keeping my arms wrapped loosely around Alex, I gently brush his hair back off his forehead. He's going to need a haircut soon, I note.

This place hardens you Madeline, it's going to take a while a while for things to get back to normal. If they ever do get back to normal. Good luck on the outside world.
My brow furrows slightly and I regret talking to Liam about how things were going to be now that I'm out of Azkaban.

I nearly fall back wards as Poppy tackles me into a hug. I've really lost a lot of weight if she can knock me over that easily. Gently moving my arm around her, I hold her close to me as well.
I've missed my children so much.
Glancing up, I allow a brief smile, breaking away from Poppy and Alex moving slowly, guardedly, towards Ian, taking her gently into my arms as she reaches out for me.
"Abby," I murmur softly, letting her put her hands on either side of my face.

[Ian Hunt]

And so it begins.
Last month was long, but the next few are going to be even longer. I'm sure we'll end up fighting about everything, as we usually do after something like this.
It's so predictable. We're so predictable.

"Maddie," I murmur, putting my hand lightly on the small of her back, "You should go and sit down."
I don't like the way she moves so slowly, and the way she's almost skeletal and how Poppy of all people who is in fact a stick insect, can nearly knock her down.

[Madeline Speare]

I catch the glare Alex sends Ian's way the moment he touches me, and I'll admit the contact is odd and I wince slightly."I'm fine," I murmur softly, hoisting Abby higher into my arms, despite the fact it's a lot harder now. I don't remember it being this hard to pick up my own daughter.

I can tell already it's going to be hard readjusting, and I frown slightly at that. It's going to mean more fighting between me and Ian. God knows he can be over protective. Glancing briefly back over Alex, I can only thing what it'll do to him if he start fighting. I don't want to fight anymore.

Moving Abby onto my hip, I gently wrap my arms around Ian, burying my head into his neck."I missed you Tiger," I mumble softly.

[Ian Hunt]

Poppy immediately slips her hand round Alex's the second she spots his glare. She's always had a thing about grabbing people's hands, and over the past month she's been doing it even more often.
She's scared me several times by doing that when I'm not even aware she's nearby.

I try hard not to glance at Alex, even though I'm perfectly aware. I know I should think the it at or about my son, but sometimes I'd really quite like him to back off.
Especially now. He's not the only one that's missed her since she got taken away.
I wrap my arms gently round her back, murmuring, "I missed you too," against her hair as she buries her head in my neck.

[Madeline Speare]

I'm glad to be home now. Yes, it's weird and I feel like a stranger but it doesn't matter. The entire time I was away the only thing I could thing about it my family.
I'm home again, it's all that matters.

I can feel Abby wrap her hand around my shirt, burying her head into my shoulder. "Still not saying anything?" I mumble softly, brushing my lips over her forehead.
I lean up, moving Ian's hair out of his eyes. He looked a lot different, maybe that's just the fact I had seen him probably in a month. "You've got more worry lines baby," I mumble softly.

[Ian Hunt]

"Sorry," I murmur without thinking, whether it's approrpriate or not. I'm not really listening.
She looks like she's on death door, and I'm sort of concentrating on not telling her this.
"Maddie, please sit down. Rest."
I wish I could sound just little bit more persuasive rather than sort of weary and resigned. I'm not even sure if I should bother with this as she won't listen. At least I can say I've tried.

[Madeline Speare]

I dont even want to think about how I must look. God knows what Azkaban does to people.
"I'm fine," I murmur, hoisting Abby slightly higher in my arms, only know realizing that I'm slightly out of breath.
Alright, maybe I should sit down.

Setting Abby down, I nod weakly, keeping my hand on his arm. I can bet that if I let go I'll fall over. Making my way back towards the couch, I sit down, managing a weak smile up at Ian.
"There, happy?"

[Ian Hunt]

"Yeah," I smile slightly again, unable to manage anything better when she is how she is at the moment, "Much better."
It's not.
I still think she might manage to fall over, even if she is sitting down. She does not look well.
"Do you need anything?"

[Madeline Speare]

"I need you, to stop worring," I murmur softly, hoisting Abby back into my lap as she tugs on my leg. Alex and Poppy are both sitting on the edge of the couch, and are both looking as alert as Ian.
"I'm fine, really." I mumble reassuringly. This is much better then Azkaban.
"I'm not going to break Ian, it's okay."

[Ian Hunt]

I have to force my expression impassive at that, because I know she's probably not going to like me looking at her as cynically as I want to.
I'm not going to stop worrying, she's not fine, and she probably is going to break so it is not okay.
"Okay, fine," I murmur after a moment, more to reaffirm to myself in the vain hope that I can also force myself to stop worrying.
It's a lot harder than forcing my expression to change, needless to say.

[Madeline Speare]

It's going to be hard getting things back to normal, that much I'm sure of, and I know that of course things will get worse before they get better.
That's just the way things have always been.

Gently brushing Abby's dark brown curls off her forehead, I glance over at Ian."Can you get me an ice pack or something? I can't feel my fingers,"

[Ian Hunt]

"I'll do it!" Poppy jumps up and promptly trips over Alex's feet.
"Sit down," I mutter, shaking my head.
I need an excuse to leave the room for just a moment anyway.
Even though I'm not sure why, I feel sort of unjustly relieved the second I'm into the kitchen. I suppose, in the kitchen there's no son glaring at me, and I don't have to look at Maddie when she's so broken.

[Madeline Speare]

I manage a weak laugh as Poppy stumbles, offering her a hand up.
"I missed you Mama," Alex murmurs again, setting down next to me.
"And what?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at him,"Think I didn't miss you? Of course I did."
That was true, it was bad enough being locked away, but being away from my family for so long was torture.

[Ian Hunt]

"Everyone missed you. Lots," Poppy agrees feverently, brushing herself down as she gets back up properly and perching back on the couch again.
I take as long as possible in the kitchen, but as soon as I start to feel guilty about thirty seconds after I've gone in the first place, head back into the living room, holding out an ice pack to her.

[Madeline Speare]

"Well, I'm home now. I'm not leaving you lot ever again," I mumble softly, brushing stray strands of Poppy's hair out of her face. I remember before I was taken away, how I would always urge her to wear her hair up. So not to hide that pretty face of hers.
"You all behave for your Da?" I ask, pulling Abby closer to me, letting her tug gently on a strand of my hair, before putting it in her mouth.
Alex's face darkens instantly. "I hate him,"
"Lex," I scold softly, but stop short, reaching for the ice pack.
I wince slightly at my bruised fingers brush against his, but I nod weakly,"Thanks,"

[Ian Hunt]

I wince slightly as well as she takes the ice pack from me, but more because of Alex than anything else.
I really thought I might be used to it by now, as I've heard it sporadically over the past year and much more often over the past month, but no, still don't like hearing it, especially from my ten year old son.
"You shouldn't say things like that," Poppy snaps immediately, folding her arms across her chest and blowing upwards to push her hair out of her eyes.
I glance skywards briefly as I sit down on Poppy's otherside, but don't say anything in the hope that this won't become yet another spat. There's been a lot since Maddie got taken away, as they didn't really know what to do with themselves, and seemed to find that aggravating each other passed the time.

[Madeline Speare]

"Why not? It's true." Alex murmurs, keeping his gaze on his feet, which he keeps swinging back and forth. I wonder where he picked up this mannerism.
I can tell by his tone that this has been going on for a while.
You learn to pick up on certain things in Azkaban, tones, sounds, things you would really need to focus on in the outside world.

I don't know what to say and that's unnerving me a bit. I just keep my gaze on Abby, who's clinging to me and sucking on a strand of my hair.
Fin use to do that too. I'm reminded of him instantly and there's a pang of guilt. Some mother I am.

[Ian Hunt]

"Get over it. Everyone else did," Poppy mutters, so I put my hand dutifully over her mouth until she falls silent and let go again.
"Enough. We can be civil for five minutes, alright?"
I highly doubt that we can. But Maddie's home, and we're not supposed to carry on with stupid little fights right now. It's not important whether Alex hates me or not...well, it is, but not right now. And Poppy needs to stop jeopardising her relationship with her brother because of it as well.

[Madeline Speare]

"Well I'm not everyone else, now am I?" He snaps. I follow Ian's lead, putting my hand over his mouth,"That's enough," I murmur softly.
I feel like roles have been reversed and that I'm the pushover parent.

[Ian Hunt]

"Because you're special aren't you Alexander? God forbid you behave like everyone else," Poppy mutters sourly, sliding down against the couch and re-folding her arms over her chest, tighter this time.
"Enough," I repeat, slightly louder and with a brief glance at Poppy.
I've got more chance of her shutting up because I tell her to, than of Alex shutting up.

[Madeline Speare]

"And God forbid you stop acting like a freak for more then two seconds," Alex murmurs, crossing his own arms over his chest.
I'm not use to my children being like this to each other.
At the sound of raised voices, Abby bursts into tears causing me to look down at her as if she's grown another head.
She hasn't cried like that since she was one.

I have to repress a shudder at the sound of Abby crying, it's reminding me too much of myself in Azkaban. I want to forget about that place. Being here with everyone yelling is making that hard to do.

[Ian Hunt]

"Oooh, what wit," She shoots back with a glare, "Never heard that one before, arrogant little jerk."
I grit my teeth for a moment once Abby starts to cry.
I'm used to Abby crying now. I missed most of that when I was away, but much as it took me by surprise initially, I've heard it a lot in the past month.
I've heard the same argument phrased in different ways for the past month as well and I'm going spare.
"Can we have peace for five minutes? Please?"

[Madeline Speare]

Abby's crying too loud for me to hear what Alex's reply is, but
I can tell by the look on Poppy's face that it's not good. Or something I want him to ever repeat.
Abby's wailing is getting louder and it's making my head spin.
The room is spinning, either that or I've gone insane.
My eyelids are suddenly a lot heavier.

"Mum? Mum?" I can hear Alex, and my head is pounding.
Sitting up slightly, I glance around, only now realized that there's a wet cloth on my head.
"You fainted."
"Oh," I manage softly.

[Ian Hunt]

"I'm sorry!" Poppy's been repeating it for the past however long, and says it extra loud now that Maddie's awake so it can be heard over Abby's crying, who Poppy is dutifully clutching on the other side of the room so they're out of the way.
Alex was not so easily persuaded to getting out of the way, obviously, but it doesn't matter.
"Maddie, you need to lie down," I mutter, hesitantly putting my hand behind her just in case she suddenly decides to pass out again.

[Madeline Speare]

I wince slightly, and close my eyes again as the room starts to spin again."Yeah," I murmur, laying back down,"Lie down,"
I'm feeling to sick to agrue.
"Want me to get anything?" Alex asks softly, getting to his feet.
"Go upstairs," I murmur, pressing the cloth back onto my forehead,"Take your sisters, go upstairs, Da's got it,"
"No," He shakes his head furiously.
"Lex, please."

[Ian Hunt]

"Alex, go," I say sharply, "Now."
I don't quite have the patience to expend right now on trying to win him round nicely, as I've been attempting for the past year, because right now there are more important things going on anyway.

[Madeline Speare]

We've never really had to raise our voices to the children, unless it's the occasional row between Ian and Poppy but other then that..-I've raised my voice at Alex once. And that was when Ian had come back for the first time.

Alex glances at me, expecting me to help him out before grudgingly heading upstairs. I wince slightly as I hear his door slam.
I shift slightly, leaning back against the couch, before glancing back up at Ian,"Okay, maybe I'm not okay." I murmur softly.

[Ian Hunt]

I flinch slightly as I hear the door slam, followed by Poppy's much slower dragging steps up the stairs with Abby.
"Yeah, I didn't think so," I murmur, "Do you need anything?"