Can't Be [David]

[Madeline Speare]

This is a mistake. There's no way this is real.
I've pinched myself twice, and there's no denying that it's real.
My hands are shaking and I'd really wished they stop.
I always try to seem strong infront of my kids, and in order to that I need my hands to stop shaking.
I can hear Abby whimpering and that makes this so much harder.

The day had started off pretty normal. Alex charged into my room at a ridiculous time in the morning, I don't know how he's always in a good mood in the morning, but somehow he is. The only one in the family that's a morning person, who would have thought?
Abby started morning breakfast off normal as well. Another cereal fight arose, and after giving Abby a bath, and throwing a wet towel at Alex, I had heard the knock at the door.

It had been David so I hadn't thought anything of it. I had grown up with David so I thought he just stopped by to say hello, as usual. He had muttered something about the Ministry.
I wish I could say that worse things have happened but I'd be lying. The dish I held in my hands moments before lay on the kitchen floor in several different pieces.
My heartbeat is pounding so fast in my ears that I can hear it in my chest.
"Your kidding me, right David?" I ask softly, after finally finding my voice.
"Azkaban? Me?"

[David Saunders]

David shifted his weight awkwardly from foot to foot as he stood deliberately a few feet away from her, his eyes focused on the wall above her head.
He couldn't very well make eye contact with her, now could he?

He wasn't sure how things could get any worse at the moment. Emma was dead, his kids had practically gone mute apart from Josh who tended to cling to him even more to compensate, and now he was here...having to arrest one of his best friends.

It'd been about a week since Emma had gone, and he'd thought he might have despised the ministry, but no. He'd got even more involved than ever.
He left his youngest brother to watch his kids most days, because Isaac lived close by whereas the others were all back home. And he would spend everyday in the ministry, working tirelessly.
He'd always been dedicated, but it wasn't as if it was work every second of the time he was in that building. Now it was.

And then he'd been given this assignment. Bring a former Death Eater into Azkaban...no problem, he'd thought. He hated Death Eaters, especially after what they'd done to his wife. He didn't hate this Death Eater.
Maybe the one that he allowed as decent...was the one he had to bring in.
Perfect.

"I'm sorry Maddie," He intoned quietly, trying hard to keep his voice as level as possible, "Don't make this harder than it already is. I'm going to request that you come quietly so I can give you your dignity, but I will use force if necessary. What's it going to be?"

[Madeline Speare]

"Your insane," I murmur softly, angry tears springing to my eyes." I'm not going."
I've always been told that I'm over-emotional, that I wear my heart on my sleeve, so it's no surprise that tears are in my eyes.
I don't really know how else to react to the fact that I have to go to Azkaban.
Yes I've did my share of killings during the war but that doesn't mean I enjoyed it.

At the very thought of the war, I instantly put my hand over my Dark Mark. It would always be there, unfortunately. I've managed to block out a lot of memories from the war, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten everything. I doubt I'll ever forget.

"Mum?" Alex's voice sounds so small and so far away. I nearly forgot that he and Abby were still in the room. I wish Ian was here.
"Go upstairs baby," I mumble softly, keeping my gaze on David. "Take your sister and go upstairs, I'll be right there."
I want him to feel guilty. I'm a mother. I need to remind him that I'm not some criminal who's been on the run for ten years. I'm a mother, not exactly a wife but pretty damn close, I have a life, a family I'm not about to throw that away.

[David Saunders]

"Maddie," His voice broke slightly and he glanced away briefly.
He knew what she was doing. David wasn't a hard man to guilt, it happened a lot. Other people tried that one with him, but it didn't work. Of course, his conscience went into overdrive later, but David was good at his job, even when it was hard like this.

But his conscience was having some sort of attack right now. He was trying to send his friend to Azkaban, he'd grown up with Maddie and he thought of her as another sister, he couldn't quite belief that he would even go through with this.
The only reason he'd turned up here after knowing what he had to do, was the fact that it was him. He'd rather it was him that took her away rather than someone else. He'd be gentle, he'd make it as easy as possible if she let him, but he couldn't promise some of the others in his department would do the same.

He was trying to justify this to himself when it had no justification at all.

He didn't want to use any spell, any force at all on her, when Alex and Abby were still here either. He'd been around ever since they were born, watched them grow, he saw them as family too.
And no child should have to have their mother taken away from them - he'd learnt that the hard way recently from watching his kids - but let alone in front of their eyes.

"Maddie," He took hold of her wrist lightly in one of his fists with no effort on his part, half-wondering whether he should be addressing her as something more formal, "Come with me now. There's no need to make a scene."

[Madeline Speare]

"I'm not going, I don't deserve to be there." My voice is shaking, and I can tell that my hands are going to start as well. This is a nightmare, it has to be.

"Mum," I can hear the urgency in Alex's voice and it's making my heart break.
Keeping my gaze on David, I don't turn around as I address Alex. I can't let him see me like this. "Go upstairs Alex, please baby,"
I wait patiently as I hear Alex head upstairs, before turning my attention back to the nightmare.
"Let go David," I murmur softly as he takes hold of my wrist. Laughing dryly, I shake my head, moving my bangs out of my eyes."Thought you knew me better then that David,"
I had a nasty habit of causing scenes. That was one of the main reasons I always got detentions at school.

[David Saunders]

"Come with me to the ministry," He murmured as soothingly as possible when his voice kept persistently cracking, "We'll talk this out. I'll call in the head of department, I don't know. It's probably a misunderstanding."

Please let it be a misunderstanding.

He shouldn't offer her this, he shouldn't try and help her. He should do his job, he should just take her to Azkaban straight away. His instructions had been clear, no trial. There weren't trials for people when they were sure, when they had evidence, and they did, a lot of it.

Tightening his grip ever so slightly on her wrist so she couldn't slip away from him, he shook his head slightly, "This is your last chance to come quietly, Maddie. Please, please don't make me hurt you."

[Madeline Speare]

"Misunderstanding?" I ask, my voice already on the edge of hysteria."I can't take risks on this David, Azkaban means life for me."
It's only now that I realize that it does mean life for me. I've managed to keep my Dark Mark hidden from my family, but that doesn't mean that I've hidden it from the Ministry. The fact some of my family works at the Ministry doesn't help me at all.
My stomach drops at the very thought. God, who else is gonna know about this?
Jack, Charlie, and Nathan all work at the Ministry. I thought my heart was breaking with Alex, I don't know what I'll do if my cousin's find out.

Or if Ian does. My heart skips a beat, and I'm tempted to cry even more. Ian, i nearly forgot. God, this is going to fuck everything up. We just got everything back to normal, we don't need this.

His grip tightens slightly, and the urge to pull away is growing.
"I'm not going." I doubt I'll ever be able to look at David again after this.

[David Saunders]

David sighed slightly, reaching into his back pocket with his free hand and drawing his wand.
He really didn't want to hurt her, he hated hurting anyone. Let alone people that he knew, let alone people that he liked.
He was so bitter at the moment though, and he simply didn't have the patience anymore to stand around and negotiate this.

"Stupefy," He murmured it so reluctantly that he was almost surprised his wand even co-operated.

[Madeline Speare]

I see him reach for his wand, but I make no move to stop him. At least not until the last minute, I'm still too late, and the spell hits my arm, causing me to drop my own wand.
Azkaban means life for me.

[David Saunders]

Accio wand.
He summoned her wand into his hand then pocketed it, feeling no need to say the spell out loud this time because it wasn't common courtesy any more.
"I'll come back and get the kids somewhere safe," He spoke softly under his breath, quite unable to look at her, "They'll be alright. Don't you worry."
Yes, don't you worry. I'm condemning you to a lifetime's nightmare, but your kids will be fine, don't worry.

[Madeline Speare]

Fuck you David. Fuck you.
That's all I have left to say, but I won't actually say it. I can't let myself.
This isn't happening. It's a nightmare and I'll be awake any minute now. Any minute now.
Fuck you.