act your age (finley)

[Madeline Speare]

The halls are empty, and I can't help but find it very odd. Back when I was a student the halls were always jam packed out students. Guess things can change over time.
Then again, I still almost managed to kill myself on the moving staircases. Pushing a stray lock of hair back behind my ear, I glance at the few students that were still in the halls.
I feel really old now, it's been almost ten years since I was last here, hell I didn't even finish school.
Maybe I should just write 'failure' on my forehead. I think that's the main reason I push Finley and Poppy so hard to work on their grades. I want my kids to graduate, not just give up like I did.

I'm here today to see one of them, even if I'm not sure who. I'm guessing it's probably Poppy again, seeing as she's following my rebellious streak. It could be Finley, though I really doubt that. He's a good boy, yes he may have a mouth on him sometimes but he's an alright student.

I'm starting to get bored, I swear my attention span is the same as when I was a teenager. Chewing on my bottom lip, I brush the stray lock of hair back behind my ear before looking around.
Well no one's around.
"SLUGHORN'S AN OLD GOAT!" I bellow down the halls, grinning wryly. I'm aware that he's no longer a professor here, but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to announce it to the world.
Or whoever is in the hall at least.

[Finley Andrews]

Finley was, yet again, not having the best of days. It seemed that he rarely had what could be construed as a good day. There was always something wrong.
Even now, when his life seemed to have peaked for the first time, there was something wrong.
So, okay, the worst thing that had happened to him today had been that he'd dropped his books then managed to successfully trip over them, regain his balance only to stumble again and fall down the stairs. It all seemed so much worse because of the pathogens coursing through his blood stream.

He was starting to seriously consider going to the hospital wing, for the first time in his school career, but whenever the thought entered his head he'd push it out again.
He hated hospitals. He hated the white sterile cold feel of them. He hated the fact that there were no secrets in those places.
So no, one thought of the hospital wing made his blood run even colder and he knew instantly that he was not that sick.
His head hurt and he felt nauseous and dizzy and kept alternatley shivering so violently that he dropped whatever he was carrying and flushing so hot that he was tempted to dive head first into the lake, but he was not sick enough to go to the hospital wing.

He was too ill for the library though. He was quite annoyed about that.
Everytime he sneezed or coughed or anything, someone would throw him a dirty look for disturbing the silence. Glared out of his own refuge; how bleak.
So now he was trudging miserably down corridors with the book he'd been reading held tight to his chest, his bag dragging on the floor next to him and his eyes practically swollen shut.
Today was wrong just like every other day.

After a moment, he swung his bag at the wall and then slid down next to where it'd fallen. Pulling his knees up to his chest, he balanced the book on them and let it fall open in the vain hope that here it might be okay to read in peace.
The halls were pretty empty as most people were enjoying the weather outside, so he should be safe here.

He winced violently when he heard yelling from round the corner, revising his decision involving safety almost seconds after he'd come to a conclusion.
Apparently, it wasn't safe here.
Slamming his book shut again, he dragged his sleeve over his face frustratedly, inhaling stuffily and miserably.
Yeah, bad day. Bad year. Bad life.
He was tempted to just fold his arms across his chest and just sit here sulking until things picked up again and he felt better, but decided against it and just re-opened his book.

[Madeline Speare]

Alright, maybe yelling out random things in the hall is not the best way to prove that I'm an adult. I'm not though, well at least not mentally. That's what Rose tells me anyways.
I don't like to think of myself as an adult anyways, that just reminds me that I'm old.
My children like to remind me that enough.
Speaking of children, I think that it's Fin I see stumbling down the hall.

Grinning I skip over to where he is, I kneel down nudging him lightly in the shoulder,"Hey there kiddo, not skipping class are you?" I tease.
It's only now that I'm close to him that I realize the lack of colour in his face. Yes, he's always been pale but he's never been this pale.
"You feeling okay Fin?" I ask softly, as not to startle him. He's always been a jumpy one.

[Finley Andrews]

Finley chanced one glance up at his mother and had instantly shot back to his feet again, hastily shoving his book back into his bag, mumuring furiously fast under his breath, "I'm fine. How are you? Good? Brilliant. Lovely to see you."

Slinging his bag back over his shoulder, he pushed past her stiffly to continue with his plight of finding some peace to read in.
Now he had the added problem of trying to forget that had happened.
Finley had always been bitter towards her. Always. There were times when he could be polite, times when he didn't mind and in fact looked forward to seeing her.
There were other times, like now, when he hated everything about her and wished she'd never even bothered giving birth to him.

He'd been silently hating her long-distance wise for the past few months. Ever since He had finally been locked away and Finley had been free.
That was about when he'd come to the realisation he didn't have to be 'Andrews' anymore and had discarded it. And then his middle name too because he didn't know where 'Dean' had come from. And his first name because it was ridiculous.
And then he'd been an 'it' all over again and he didn't want to be and he hated the people who'd made him that way.
So it was only logical to walk away from them, surely.

[Madeline Speare]

Sighing softly through my nose, I push myself up off the wall.
Alright, maybe time doesn't heal all wounds. Yes, I had fucked up my son's life quite a bit, but for the past three years I had been trying to fix the rift I had caused.

"Fin come on," I murmur, hating how my stubbornness seemed to be passed down onto him as well. "Talk to me, how you been? School be going alright?"

[Finley Andrews]

"Why are you even here, Mum? Grow up and go home," He replied sharply, refusing to do her the courtesy of even looking at her as he spoke.
He didn't want to look at her, and he wished she would just stop.

It'd been okay when she'd just stopped by to see him every now and again when he was growing up. Well, not okay, but it'd been sort of alright.
He hadn't really had to think of her as his mum then, just some distant relative that he barely saw but was still family.
Then even when he knew what she was to him, it still felt like that. Adalia had looked after him, and she'd done pretty well until she cleared off and left him with Logan. And then Adalia had come back and just done nothing, while Finley was punished for his existence and it wasn't fair.

And where was his mother? Still just popping back in and out of his life and doing nothing about anything. So, he didn't need her.
She could have her other family, her real family, because he didn't need one. He was quite content on his own.

[Madeline Speare]

I nearly wince but I manange not to, instead shake my head so my bangs would fall over my eyes and continue my slower pace behind him.
It's easy to see that he's bitter, hell a blind cat would be able tp figure it out.
Trying to fix a ruined realtionship is hard, I'm starting to see why Ian's getting so frustaded with Alex. I'm not giving up though, chewing on my bottom lip I glance around the empty hall.
"Shouldn't you be in class right now Fin?"

[Finley Andrews]

He shook his head, fists clenching around the shoulder strap of his bag that he was clutching as if it was a lifeline. His knuckles turned white.
His teachers were being pretty lenient with him at the moment anyway, because they assumed he might care about Logan being locked away. He didn't and he still stubbornly went to class most of the time. But right now he was supposed to be having care of magical creatures and he thought that he might kill the creatures by accident and he didn't really want to do that, so he'd gone to the library to finish his potions essay instead. And then been glared out anyway.
So yes, he probably should be in class, but he didn't see why that would concern her.
He remained very silent, still determinedly carrying on his way down the hall and ignoring her. If he ignored her enough, then she would go away.

[Madeline Speare]

I'm being to hate the fact that I'm stubborn, therefore my children are as well. I'm sliently praying that Abby takes after..-well someone that's not so stubborn. I don't think I can handle it anymore.
Chewing on my bottom lip, I let my eyes wander the halls, still following Finley in silence.
Or at least for a brief silence. I never could take being quiet for too long.
"I'm not going anywhere Fin," I say after a moment. I've left you enough as it is.
"And plans for summer?"

[Finley Andrews]

Ha.
He scowled a little as she said that. Not going anywhere, rich coming from the master of child abandonment.
Then his scowl deepened further at her next question.
Plans for the summer? What plans would he have for the summer? He couldn't even be sure if he would make it to summer, he couldn't be sure summer would even come anymore.
His world had been turned upside down and now he had nothing to be sure of, but of course why would she know that?
He supposed his plans for the summer would be going back to the flat to stay with Adalia, who was probably knocked up again by now. He was twelve, but even he knew what his aunt was like, and he knew she was a slut by all definitions. Hence why he would spend the summer trying to stop her illegitimate bastard children from getting into too much trouble, punctuated by those awful visits to Azkaban so he could witness the visible decline of his own personal demon.
No, he couldn't say that.
No, why shouldn't he say that?

"Actually, I plan to spend the summer trying to stop Adalia's illegitimate bastard children from getting into too much trouble, punctuated by those awful visits to Azkaban so I can witness the visible decline of my own personal demon. So my schedules pretty full. Thanks for asking."

[Madeline Speare]

He's turning into Logan. I can see it and it makes me sick.
If he turns into anything like Logan I will never forgive myself. It'll probably be because of my anyways.
"Finley," I mumble softly, gently putting my hand on his shoulder, despite the fact he's walking away from me.
"I know, I suck. I bad mum let me change that,"

I've talked to Adalia and I've mentioned it to Ian despite the fact he doesn't want to hear it. "You can stay with us,"
I don't see why he can't. He really doesn't have anyone with me.
Ian can complain all he wants, Vi's been over a couple of times and I've managed to hold my tongue. Besides, it's different with Fin, Vi has another family, a good family. Fin doesn't.
As his mother I want to..-I need to change that.

[Finley Andrews]

"Don't-..." He shrugged away from her violently, turning to face her with the scowl now firmly in place.
He hated being touched, and she should know that. He despised being touched, no one was allowed to do so, and she of all people should know that.
She was supposed to know things like that.

"Stay with you?" He repeated with a short laugh after a moment, "Quite frankly, mother, I would much rather die."
Finley was usually very polite to people, he was even polite to her most of the time. He didn't have the will to pretend about it today.
He had to bite his tongue from saying all that he wanted to.
From telling her that yes, she was a bad mother, an awful one and he didn't want her because she'd betrayed him and she'd not wanted him. He'd not been good enough for a name or a home or a decent shot so he wasn't interested in giving her any chances when she'd not given him any. She had her other family, and he had himself and that was just fine.
He didn't wany sympathy, least of all from her.

[Madeline Speare]

I instantly draw my hand back, knowing all too well that he didn't like to be touched. He had always been a jumpy one, than again I'm not surprissed, living with Logan your entire life could do that to you.

"Fin come on," I mutter, trying hard to keep the desperation out of my voice."Yeah, I get it. I'm horrible, I have no right to even be in your life, but I'm still your mother. I'm sorry and you have every right to hate me, but please, please, give me a chance."
I don't want you to turn out like Logan.

[Finley Andrews]

"That's right, you have no right at all to be in my life," He snapped, voice steadily rising, "I don't want you. I do hate you. And you're not my mother. You forfeited that claim and now you're nothing."
It felt good to be able to say that to someone else. He'd had it said to him for years, so what if he was nothing? So what if he was an 'it' rather than a 'he'? To someone, it appeared he did matter, and she was nothing to him, and it was so satisfying to be able to tell her that.
"You don't deserve a chance," He finished softly.
You never gave me one.

[Madeline Speare]

Words hurt, god do they hurt. It's like I've been slapped across the face, and the fact it's been by my own son, well that just makes it sting even more.
He's right of course, of course he is. I'm very tempted to hang my head, and just turn around. Of course my stubbornness won't let me do that.
"I don't want you to turn out like him," I whisper softly,"I'll never forgive myself if you do Finely,"

[Finley Andrews]

"I'm nothing like him!" His voice instantly rose again and he practically shouted for the first time in years.
He knew exactly that he was acting very much like he was. Somewhere during this conversation his intentions had changed from getting away to making her hurt, somewhere along the line he'd changed from him into someone else, and he knew exactly who it was.
"I don't need your help," He muttered, "Just stay away from me and stay out of my life, and I'll turn out just fine. I've got this far without you, right?"
He turned and started to carry on down the corridor.

[Madeline Speare]

Now I'm just getting annoyed, and I'm done with playing nice.
"That's enough Finley, yeah I get it I sucked, what you don't realize is that I'm trying to make up for it," Tucking a loose strand of hair back behind my ear, I stand slightly straighter to get my point across, though I really doubt that'll work seeing as he's already my height, hell he'll pass me in a couple of months.
"I get it, childhood sucked, doesn't mean the rest of your life has too. I can stand here and say sorry all I want but it obivously won't make anything better, but that's not gonna stop me, I need a second chance,"