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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Jan 17, 2012 2:05:10 GMT
It's been a long time since I felt this... claustrophobic.
No, that's not the right word, is it? Quite the opposite, really. Wide-open spaces make it hard to fucking breathe, the sky is so wide I haven't been outside in days, and I find myself hugging the wall as I walk down the hallways... fingers clenched tight around the Stone and jumping at every odd laugh.
It's been seven days since my deadline with Heightington was up. And I don't know if he's going to take the substitute.
I can't go through that again... but I can't keep doing this until my number's finally up. Pacing back and forth... skipping classes... preferring the darkness and dim down here in the basement to all that open brightness up above. 'Course, I can't go toward the art room without wanting to throw up, and I can't go to the first-fourth floors without running into people and not knowing if they know, if they see, if Heightington has sent them all to kill me.
And I can't go to the fifth without passing by that closet, seeing myself lock it and then Arden, trapped against the wall with a dawning understanding, shaking her head as I curl my fist on the sto-
I suck in a breath, sharp but shallow, and close my eyes to ward off the dizziness that comes of not breathing.
You didn't really kill her, you didn't - Oh, fuck. Does it matter, if I even fucking tried?
I press my palms into my forehead, willing myself to stop shaking and calm the fuck down.
Does it matter much, at this point, if Heightington still wants me dead? What kind of life am I living?
I tried to kill my sister and I failed. And now I'm walking dead because I failed.
Fucking hell.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Jan 17, 2012 2:31:46 GMT
Riley wasn't so sure if this was exactly the best thing he could be doing at this moment- walking around the school in places he normally wouldn't go becaue he though that Fitzy might be in them. Did he really want to find him? He felt the answer was mostly, yes, he did- on the other hand though, maybe he should avoid the guy at all costs. Afterall, he did not like him- not just for the moment- he really did hate him; how could he not after what he nearly did to Arden?
He wasn't exactly what you could call violent, so he didn't know what he was going to do if he actually did run into him. Yell at him? Make him know that, no- he wasn't friends with him anymore? It all seemed a bit stupid to him and yet there he was walking around the basement, his mind completely void of any plan whatsoever.
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Jan 17, 2012 4:05:31 GMT
Okay, screw this, I think finally, leaning back to thunk my head against the wall - utterly exhausted now by all of the pacing and thinking and forgetting-how-to-breathe. I debate momentarily the pros and cons of crashing in the Hunt Room - because Hunt was so utterly helpful and it might amuse me slightly - before deciding, with some trepidation, to just suck it up and return to my dorm for the evening. If I'm dead, I'm dead - there's no more I can do.
No sooner have I thought this, of course, and raised my head to walk down the hallway, than I see him. Pearson. And instantly the slight trepidation turns into full-blown weary anxiety, because if I'm not much mistaken - and I barely know the guy to nod 'hey' to, so I doubt I'd get our conversations mixed - he happens to be one of Arden's buddies, profoundly humorless, and kind of an obstinate moron.
Oh, goody.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Jan 17, 2012 4:20:21 GMT
It seemed that Riley finally struck gold. He had been walking around every slightly dark area on the grounds and on his last attempt- if this could even be called that- he finds him. And he was right earlier- he still didn't know what to do and he very much did not want to see him. He should just turn around and walk away. Surely Fitzy would rather have it that way.
"You." Riley said, taking a few more steps towards him. Riley couldn't say that he was exactly someone who had the appearance of being threatening, but he hoped that it would have been an adjective used to describe how he said that word. He hoped that Fitzy could tell he actually hated him.
Actually, shouldn't he be turning him in or something? Shouldn't somebody be doing this? I mean, he's basically a murderer- why is he still hanging around the school. Riley kind of thought that he should be long gone by now. "If you even think about touching her again, you are going to regret it." As if Riley could actually make someone regret something though- he could try, sure, but chances of him succeeding were probably slim.
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Jan 17, 2012 4:30:03 GMT
It's funny what a neverending barrage of semi-rational fear of getting murdered will do to you after a while. Makes it much more difficult to shiver or cringe at the sight of some pissed off yuppie boy trying to look menacing.
Granted, I've no doubt that he is seriously angry, and anxiety is close enough to surface at all times that I do feel fear for a second. But mostly, I'm just tired. And this kid is an idiot.
"Yeah, that would be me," I say dryly, leaning back against the wall again. "Kind of hard to be wrong with a greeting like that, isn't it?"
I'll respond to the threat in a moment, I suppose. Right now I'm too tired to compose a full reply.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Jan 17, 2012 4:42:25 GMT
Fitzy reacts so casually that it actually makes him dislike him a little but more. Is he not even remotely upset about what he tried to do? Actually, maybe that was a stupid question- maybe he wasn't actually upset at all- he just looked a bit apathetic to Riley. Also, maybe a bit tired.
He stared at him a moment and shook his head faintly to himself at the calm reaction, "What is wrong with you?" Riley didn't know what else to say... all he knew was that he wasn't quite so sure how long he could look at him.
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Jan 17, 2012 4:49:19 GMT
Well.... I chuckle silently, shaking my head. I guess if he is going to kill me, at least I've had some amusement before I go.
"Oh... poor breeding, childhood abuse, arrogance and contempt for authority figures stemming from said abuse...." I sigh, realizing that I sound too much like Logan or one of the others... playing with their food before they eat it and all that. I'm not going to hurt the kid unless I have to, but I don't have to act like a psychopath. "I don't know, Pearson, what would you say is wrong with me?"
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Post by Riley Pearson on Jan 17, 2012 5:06:04 GMT
He leaned against the wall that was to his left and crossed his arms in front of him as Fitzy replied. Wow, well that was a longer list than Riley was gong to give out. His mainly consisted of the whole killing-your-sister thing and maybe just being genuinely messed up.
"Well, you tried to murder your sister- so that's one thing." He replied, "There's a lot wrong with you obviously."
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Jan 17, 2012 5:09:38 GMT
"Only due to the above." I can't help but laugh again, this time audibly, but notice how close to hysteria it sounds and swallow hard, tightening my jaw. "You want to walk in my shoes, go ahead. Or fuck off with the judgment."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Jan 17, 2012 5:35:27 GMT
"No, I just want you to stay the fuck away from Arden." He answered, standing up again instead of just leaning there- toying with the idea of leaving and maybe going to see her. "What was going through your mind- Can I just ask you why?"
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Jan 17, 2012 5:47:12 GMT
"If you borrowed my shoes, you'd find out," I say dryly, shaking my head. "The fuck do you care, anyway? She's fine, right? Didn't take."
I tried to kill her using magic powers and when that didn't work tried to choke her for a minute before coming to my senses and fleeing. I can really hardly blame the guy for being pissed off. I'd like to kill him too if he'd hurt her like that.
Not that I've done such a bang-up job going after Riyann.
I swallow hard, remembering that little chitchat. The crazed slasher smile flickering in and out... the strange, sad calmness and conviction like she'd been some kind of martyr, done me such a favor -
I close my eyes and breathe again, very nearly missing his response.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Jan 17, 2012 5:53:29 GMT
"I care because she's my friend," He almost asked what was wrong with him again, but then they would end up going in circles. Fitzy would laugh at him and then Riley would very possibly hit him- which may be a stupid thing to do. "You should care too."
"If anything ever happens to her, you better know I'm going to blame you." Riley said, taking a few steps back. He should leave, he should really leave. What was this conversation even doing?
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Jan 17, 2012 6:02:42 GMT
Like I'm the only person who fucks with Arden's life? She's her own worst enemy, kid. Followed by half of her friends.
"You sure you don't want to blame your girlfriend?" I find myself asking instead. "She's good at -" And I can't. I just can't. We know each other's secrets... know the Chosi handshake. And she did it as a favor....
That is sick, you know that? You really going to bring her intentions into this, considering what the result was?
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Post by Riley Pearson on Jan 17, 2012 6:08:29 GMT
He was going to turn around and leave, but once Riyann was mentioned he stopped in his tracks and looked back at Fitzy. "What about Riyann?" He asked a moment later, the curiosity getting the best of him. "Why would I blame her?" That really made no sense.
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Jan 17, 2012 6:22:08 GMT
"Well, she sure has a better idea than you do what reasons one might have for trying to kill someone they care about." I give a bitter laugh, shaking my head. "Come on; you're an idiot, but I know you're not scholarship. At least I didn't succeed last time I tried to kill someone."
And there. It's out. And I'd like to take it back, because I am just that sick and I think I feel bad, in some weird way, for passing on the blame when I haven't been punished enough for what I did... but it's clearly too late for that now.
What exactly was I thinking, that Trisha'd be alive as long as no one knew?
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Post by Riley Pearson on Jan 17, 2012 19:25:38 GMT
Riley just sort of figured he didn't care about her- he didn't think about other reasons because he didn't think there were any. Someone threatens to kill you if you don't kill someone- well, he would probably just die or try to get rid of the person who threatened him. Riley could not live with himself if he killed someone he loved.
Riley felt sick at what Fitzy had just told him. "Riyann wouldn't do that." He replied, shaking his head. She wouldn't, would she?
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Jan 18, 2012 5:27:41 GMT
I snort faintly, shaking my head. "Swipe at her wrist with a washcloth next time you see her, will you? Then you try and tell me that she's never killed anyone."
Again, the twisted loyalty dukes it out briefly with my anger at her, aided by the feeling that maybe I should let the guy be... let him hang on to naivety while he has a chance... but the comebacks fly too quickly from my mouth to let that happen.
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