daring (Logan!)

[Arden Patricks]

((Gosh it's fun to rp again. ... So, I'm thinking this takes place on the quidditch pitch / soccer field, but I feel weird posting it there since this site is in a different era. And also, it is January. And the lead-up to this thread is here:
marauderess.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=forbiddenforest&action=display&thread=1358 ))

It's been a long time since I was out here on the bleachers. The last, I think, was back when Logan tortured me. Funny - knowing me, you'd think I would spend a lot more time here after that. I do tend to be a bit morbid.

In this case, though... I think I'm much more normal. The forest and the Hunt room are okay places to be. Good things have happened there too. But the memory of my last encounter on the bleachers still leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I'm only here today because I'm feeling melancholy (like that's a new experience) and also somewhat restless. Nowhere else is good enough; I have to be up high.

It's cold and it is breezy, even with my coat on. Not so very cold I need a larger one, but still I saw a few bits of ice clinging stubbornly to the wood seats as I made my way up here. The weather has been playing jumprope with itself - warming up enough to melt the snow, then dipping down below freezing again, before all the puddles can evaporate. So if I'm not real careful... well, it's a pretty long fall.

I eye the edge doubtfully, and take further stock of my current mental state. I'm not really feeling suicidal - just a little daring. Maybe I'll just walk along the second highest row this time around.

[Logan Andrews]

It's been... I don't know, an indiscriminate amount of time since Fitzy had the audacity to come and seek me out. Honestly. I'm not sure what he was thinking when he decided that would be a good idea. Things are just that much better - for both of us, I'm sure - if we never, ever have to interact. Self-righteous little prick. Although I can't deny that I was interested in what he had to say. Mildly. Not too interested, not in the sense that it bothered me.

Arden Patricks does not bother me. Her well-being is only on my list of priorities at all because... well, because I'm human and thus I'm guilty of being a sentimental idiot on occasion. Not often, though. Just today, maybe. Yes, today is a sentimental day. Today is an affectionate day. Today is a day where I feel compelled to act out of the kindness of my heart and try and save the life of a silly flighty girl who probably shouldn't be saved at all. Ha, I feel rather heroic all of a sudden.

Anyway. I'm busy at the moment. Playing puppet master with a certain Mr Hunt is sapping a lot of my time and energy, although it is fun. He makes a particularly good marionette, just the right amount of fierce resistance but ultimate resignation. I think tomorrow, or maybe the next day... sometime soon he can kill the little Row brat.

In other words, I'm keeping entertained and I don't have too much time available to spend seeking out Arden to play the hero, and the soccer field is the last stop before I call it quits and just let the chosi descend. Screw Fitzy and his plea's, screw my own silly attachment to the fickle little bitch, I'm not putting too much effort into this. I've already looked around the sparser parts of the forest, the tower where we last spoke however many weeks (months?) ago and if she's not here... well, too bad. Too bad.

Fortunately, I'll never have to find out if I really would have been able to give up that easily, because I spot a lone figure pretty high up on the bleachers. Small, female, walking along the bench with the vaguely familiar tight rope walker-like gait; as if balancing on the bleachers is dangerous and daring (although maybe it is, in this weather). I'm sure immediately that it's her, but don't waste breath on calling out until I'm almost level with her, maybe two or three rows below.

"Little slippery to be doing that." I say finally, just loudly enough for my voice to carry. "Are we feeling suicidal again?"

(woah, that was rambly and terrible. apologies.)

[Arden Patricks]

It's a measure of how self-absorbed I am that I don't notice Logan 'til he speaks. Naturally, I am a bit startled - and naturally I turn around to quickly, losing my footing for a split second of terror and promptly deciding to just sit down. Good thing I wasn't on the highest row, hm?

"Yes, I guess it is," I say finally, swallowing hard. I forget the suicidal bit at first, pausing to long until it wouldn't be natural to mention it, and finally shrug. It occurs to me I don't know how I feel about seeing Logan, and I almost have to wonder if he's just a hallucination of some sort, because what are the chances I'd see him again just as I'm thinking about him?

I snort inside my head at that, inwardly shaking my head. If I'm going to be honest with myself, I think about Logan nearly every day. I've not seen him or heard much since - since that one day I'd not like to think about - and I think I've kind of... missed him. Stupid as that is. Because now that he is here... I don't know if I should yell or just ignore him, or jump up and give him a hug again. Logan does strange things inside my head.

((No more than mine. ))

[Logan Andrews]

The moment where she almost loses her footing is bittersweet. Bitter, of course, because I'm irrationally opposed to a world wherein she doesn't exist... for reasons I can't even begin to fathom. Sweet because... good God, wouldn't it be easier? For both of us, I mean. If she were gone I wouldn't have that annoying tug of a conscience every now and again, those stupid inhibiting moments of sentimentality. If she'd fallen to her death then instead of just sitting down, at least she wouldn't have to worry about what happens when I fail to convince her and she gets to suffer death by chosi a couple of days from now. From what I understand - and I know quite a lot on the subject - death by blunt force trauma is preferable to death by chosi.

I shrug in reply, as there's really not a lot to say in response to that, and then wonder what I'm supposed to say now. Shouldn't I have prepared an argument before I got here? At least a vague idea would have been nice. "Well, are you still feeling suicidal?" I ask after a brief pause, doing my best to just sound mildly exasperated that she didn't answer the first time. I guess I'm kind of hoping the idea of death is still appealing, so I won't ever have to feel guilty about not doing anything to stop it.

[Arden Patricks]

I think about that one for a moment, deciding that since I really don't know how I feel, I may as well just play along and see where this takes us. I mean... I haven't been given any particular reason to hate him of late. No reason not to be friendly.

"Not today," I say finally, shaking my head. "Not for a while, I guess."

Cue awkwardness. I wonder if I ought to mention something about the last time I ran into him. Apologize again, or make a lame joke, or... maybe just ignore it and let the silence deepen.

[Logan Andrews]

"That's a shame." I reply vaguely, then promptly realise that I probably should have just thought that instead of saying it out loud. I shake my head dismissively, hopefully indicating that she should just ignore than, and then press on.

"I spoke to your brother..." I pause to try and gage how much time has passed. A day, maybe. Probably. There was a definite sense of urgency about the whole thing, so I'd imagine I wouldn't have left it too long before I came looking for her. Just long enough that he would think I was ignoring him, just long enough to enforce that I really don't care. "... Recently. He's awfully concerned about you." This calls for a hybrid expression of an exaggerated grin / smirk, just in case it's not clear how not-seriously I'm taking this. Clearly, I am getting really good at bullshitting myself.

[Arden Patricks]

I look up at that, startled, then go back to staring at my hands. I'm not really sure how to take that, so I think I'll just assume he wasn't listening to me, or wasn't quite listening to himself, or something.

Or, perhaps he's just insane. I look up again, puzzledly, at the second thing he's said, and try to figure out what universe I'm living in.

"You... spoke to Fitzy," I repeat, assuming he'll pick up on my skepticism. "And he told you he's concerned? Fitzy hates you." And me.

[Logan Andrews]

Oh, so that's nice. She doesn't seem to believe me... Does this give me license to continue speaking, saying whatever I want and knowing that she'll likely ignore it? I certainly hope so. That would be easy.

"I'm none too fond of him either." I remind her with a long suffering sigh. "So I hope you appreciate that he apparently meant business, considering he was desperate enough to recruit me to try and save you."

[Arden Patricks]

Now I've wandered into a play. "Save me from what?" I ask, half-laughing involuntarily. "What the hell are you talking about?"

I feel like I'm missing something here. You can't just walk up to someone totally out of the blue and announce this sort of random nonsense.

[Logan Andrews]

Oh... right. I forget that she's behind the times on this one. I forgot that I would have to inform her that her days are numbered first. "Oh, I got ahead of myself. They want you dead."

No prizes for guessing who, of course, although I give the hollow of my wrist a brief tap just so there can be no confusion. I would also like to be very clear about the distinction of 'they' rather than 'we'. Nobody asked my opinion on this one, not that it would matter if they did. It's not like I would say 'Not her'. Not out loud. Not even to myself. So... this is about the extent of my involvement in the matter, passing on a warning. It's probably better that way.

[Arden Patricks]

I stare at him for a long moment, wrapping my brain around that.

My first thought is to wonder what the hell I did - not that it frequently matters. But no, that's just with random deaths. Usually I don't think they target people specifically unless there's a reason.

My second is to wonder why he's telling me this, and why Fitzy would go to Logan of all people just to pass on the message. As far as Fitzy knows, Logan would be only too happy to kill me himself, if he gets bored.

Though I guess I might not have believed it if Fitzy had told me. I'm not sure I believe it even now.

"Why would anybody want me dead?" I ask finally. "I'm not in the Hope. I don't get in anybody's way. Why should they care?"

[Logan Andrews]

I throw her a skeptical look. Really? It hasn't occured to her lately that she's a Patricks and she's not behaving in a manner befitting a Patricks and that this might annoy certain people? They / we tend to get annoyed by that kind of thing. To really add to the poetry of the thing, I believe it's supposed to be Fitzy that kills her. Sororicide; lovely.

"Something to do with blood, I would imagine." I reply dryly, then shrug as if I know nothing other than that. I can't be bothered with this. Standing here and having this conversation is rapidly becoming more depressing than beneficial.

[Arden Patricks]

Oh. Right. Yet another benefit of being disowned, I suppose. Evidently I used to be pretty mouthy about the whole 'chosi are idiots' thing, and someone's decided to put a stop to it... albeit a little bit late.

"Well... thanks for telling me, I guess." I shrug, and stand up abruptly because I've only just realized how very, very cold it is sitting on the bleachers. And also, this talk is now over. How very, very bleak to discover my life has a countdown, just like Andra, and there's nothing I can do but now I know bout it anyway. "I don't - I really think I'd rather not know, but I suppose you either meant well or just thought it would be a nice laugh, but either way it really doesn't matter so thanks but I'll be going now."

It occurs to me that I might be scared, and that's why I'm talking so fast. Stupid to be scared of something you can't change... something that you never could change and something that's not even new, most likely.

But I really, really don't want to die. And I saw what happened to Andra... heard about that Jake kid and Rowan and oh-so-many others. When a Chosi wants you dead... there's nothing you can do but put off the inevitable.

[Logan Andrews]

I back up a little as she stands up abruptly, prepared to... stop her, or something, because although I'm getting tired of this I'm not finished yet and I really should tell her that there's a way out. It's okay, it doesn't hurt and it only costs your soul...

But that was, I guess, the fatal flaw in Fitzy's grand master plan. Arden doesn't listen to me unconditionally anymore. She doesn't obey without thinking anymore. I might have pointed this out to him at the time, but I don't like to admit it. If I told her to swear her loyalty, would she actually do it?

Maybe. She seems scared, almost childishly scared. Still, it seems unlikely. The fear of death is rather compelling, but that compelling? Then again, if she gets that desperate to prevent the inevitable, she'd be able to figure it out for herself. She's a smart girl, can put two and two together and get four, so she'd be able to figure out what they wanted her to do and make her own decision.

Fuck. This is all getting too complicated anyway, what with caring and pretending not to and denying it inwardly and outwardly and hating her and not hating her at the same time. Maybe it would just be easier if she were wiped off the face of the planet and I should be glad about it happening, but that doesn't stop a very infantile part of me wanting to tell her to please not die, because I don't want her to die, I really really don't...

Which is so insanely difficult to articulate that I won't even try. Instead I'll shrug and vent my frustrations on her by saying brusquely, "I hope it doesn't hurt too much."

There. That's the only parting line I can think of. She deserves everything she gets, considering how awfully dangerous it is up there on the moral high ground. I refuse to be perturbed by something that's happening because of her own stubborn self-righteous idiocy.

[Arden Patricks]

I have to stop at that, for a very long moment as I debate whether I should reply... and ultimately shake my head.

"Probably not. I mean, why should it hurt to be murdered? You're all so very caring and sweet about it." I sigh, and shake my head again, turning back to face him. "Why are you telling me, anyway? Got some way to help me, or just thought I should know?"

[Logan Andrews]

I bite back the instinctive response. Of course it won't be too bad. Has Fitzy ever even murdered anyone in his life? Probably not. He doesn't know the first thing about making it really hurt. But I don't think I mentioned that fact and I'm not going to now. Plus, she's asked me a question, a fairly pressing one.

"Thought you should know." I reply, shrugging. "Maybe you can run away and hide, or make a pact with the devil. It doesn't matter to me." Except it does. But at least I made the suggestion without trying to convince her. That's something.

[Arden Patricks]

He does have a point there, I suppose. Of course I can run away and hide. Where, I've no idea... but if I really do want to save my life, shouldn't I try?

I'm not even going to acknowledge the bit about a deal with the devil. Sure, I could just appease them by getting a pretty tattoo... and I already know how to torture....

"Guess I'll have to do that then," I say cryptically, just thinking aloud.

[Logan Andrews]

I force myself to wait three or four seconds before I succumb to the urge to question that. This is not a great time to be cryptic. "Do what?"

[Arden Patricks]

"Run away." I shrug slightly. "Or maybe just kill myself preemptively. I haven't decided yet."

Or, I suppose, I could take this whole conversation with a grain of salt, and not do anything yet.

[Logan Andrews]

"I would think running away would be the healthier option." I remark, folding my arms so I have something to do with my hands to keep from fidgeting. There's a small twinge of something like pain or discomfort at the mention of preemptive suicide, but I can ignore it. In this case, it actually might be the best thing for her.

[Arden Patricks]

"Theoretically, but you know me." I shrug slightly. "That's assuming I believe you, in any case."

[Logan Andrews]

Huh, now that's just annoying. Do I lie to her... often? I'm not sure that I do, but alright. If she doesn't want to believe me, she'll find out I was telling the truth much to her own peril. Either way, if she doesn't believe me here this conversation is effectively over. I wasn't planning on providing much, or in fact any, help but if she's too stupid to recognise a genuine threat on her head, then so be it.
"Alright." I say curtly, shrugging as I turn to make my leave. "Well, good luck to you. And like I said, I hope it isn't too messy."

[Arden Patricks]

"Long as you're not the one who kills me I should be all right," I shrug in return. This isn't strictly true, obviously, but I feel like getting in a dig at his hypocrisy. I hesitate slightly before heading down the bleachers, and even then wonder if I've handled this correctly.