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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 18, 2009 14:16:24 GMT
Actually, there really was no reason to ask him that, not if I'm going to be honest rather than diplomatic.
"... Well, actually, I don't know," I say finally with a slight shrug. "I'm not going to make any promises when I've no clue how well I can keep them."
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Post by Logan Andrews on Apr 18, 2009 14:45:48 GMT
I guess this is the point where I get frustrated and argue, try and make her promise even though she's probably right and there's no point if she's going to do it anyway.
But I can't be bothered to argue and I'm sort of sick of being frustrated, so I just shrug mostly indifferently, "Fair enough. You do whatever the fuck you like then, Arden."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 18, 2009 14:52:51 GMT
"Thank you," I say just a little bit coldly/stiffly, tilting my head in acknowledgment. And I'm not certain why, but somehow that comment has me feeling defeated. It makes no sense at all of course, but there it is.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Apr 18, 2009 14:57:26 GMT
I suppose there really is no right response then. Arguing is mostly troublesome, but agreeing is apparently worse because then I get that lovely cold response.
So I just shake my head briefly in a vaguely resigned sort of way. There's not much a reply to that anyway so I'm not really obliged to say anything.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 18, 2009 15:04:29 GMT
I shrug very slightly, deflating a little and letting out a breath while I shake my head. As per usual, now that I'm done arguing, I can kinda start to see things from his perspective. And I think I might be a bit alarmed/annoyed if I came home to find him doing something like this. And I wouldn't be terribly pleased with the sort of answers I've been giving. Which doesn't change my answers, I don't think, but it is... something to think about, I suppose.
"I really am sorry if this is... worrisome to you," I say eventually, speaking more to my hand than anywhere else.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Apr 18, 2009 15:14:16 GMT
"...'If' this is worrisome?" I laugh very briefly, far from genuine, and then have to bite back the incredulous follow up 'Now why would it be worrisome that you're off your rocker?' because I don't suppose that'd be incredibly tactful.
I guess she's not aware of how much fucking practice I've had worrying by now, but then again I don't suppose this really makes a difference. I'd still be sort of worried anyway, still check the house whenever it appears she's not home just to make sure she's not holed up somewhere with a plastic bag. I'm not sure if it's normal that a suicide attempt made such a lasting impression, but maybe it is.
So it's also worrisome that she's decided she's going to start carving her own hands up and I would have thought that went without saying.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 18, 2009 15:17:31 GMT
I grimace slightly, then shrug, looking up at him. "Well, it shouldn't be. Really. I'm not suicidal again and it's nothing to do with you. It's all just perfectly fine."
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Post by Logan Andrews on Apr 18, 2009 15:24:14 GMT
"Well it's clearly not healthy, whether it's suicidal or not."
I don't think I'm the best advocate for mental health exactly, but...I do need to say something, I suppose.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 18, 2009 15:36:31 GMT
Healthy or not.... I shrug. "How would you know? And who are you to talk?"
This is basically the equivalent of me walking in when he was scrubbing the blood off, and just because he hasn't done anything like that in a while doesn't mean he won't. Once a psychopathic murderer, always a psychopathic murderer.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Apr 18, 2009 15:45:44 GMT
I half-want to shrug at that and half-want to roll my eyes, because it's a semi-decent couple of a questions but neither are questions I want to answer.
"Does that matter?"
I've sort of run out of momentum on the argument again, lost track of whatever it was I was saying because I don't think I was making any progress.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 18, 2009 15:48:20 GMT
"Probably not," I shrug in response, sighing. "Hell, if anything, all it does is prove you right. So... fine, all right? You're perfectly correct. It's messed up. I'm completely fucking mental because only someone mental would slice open her own finger. But there you go. It worked, so I don't regret it."
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Post by Logan Andrews on Apr 18, 2009 15:58:18 GMT
"Well I'm glad you acknowledge it, at least." I mutter before absorbing the 'don't regret it' part and the borderline relief ebbs away again. "Oh fucking hell. You're being incredibly antagonistic. If you feel you deserve it, then go ahead because I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to say to you."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 19, 2009 1:35:22 GMT
"You don't have to say bloody anything," I shrug in response. "Look, if it helps... I don't know what to say to you either, if you honestly think I'm just trying to annoy you or something. But I don't intend to do this again anytime soon, and... again, you're right. I'm mental. But you already knew that, didn't you?"
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Post by Logan Andrews on Apr 19, 2009 10:10:37 GMT
I think I do have to say something, actually. It's hardly acceptable to acknowledge she's slicing her fingers on purpose and then just leave it be. Although I am slightly appeased by her saying she doesn't intend to do this again anytime soon, so maybe it is alright to drop it now.
...And then say what?
And then just shrug, because at least it's something.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 19, 2009 14:37:36 GMT
Okay, fine. Don't reply to any of that.
"You know, I didn't really mean that quite so... literally," I say after a moment. "I still prefer when you talk more so than otherwise."
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Post by Logan Andrews on Apr 20, 2009 9:01:27 GMT
"I've run out of things to say. Unless you want me to tell you that you're mental again." I shrug slightly.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 20, 2009 14:15:09 GMT
"Go ahead. At least it would be something." I shrug slightly.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Apr 20, 2009 14:20:28 GMT
"You're mental." I reply, with a vague shrug.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 20, 2009 14:21:31 GMT
"Thank you. So are you," I shrug back. It's just an offhand comment, automatic, but he certainly can't argue with that.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Apr 20, 2009 14:27:40 GMT
I roll my eyes at that, because I can hardly argue with that...but it's not the sort of comment that there's much of a response to unless there is a valid argument.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 20, 2009 14:34:57 GMT
I shrug again after a moment, sighing silently.
"... So where were you, anyway?" I ask, expecting his usual shrug and 'out' or something of that sort, but wanting a distraction from the burning in my finger.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Apr 20, 2009 14:39:52 GMT
"Out." I shrug.
I don't know why she asks that still, considering the answer is generally the same.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 20, 2009 14:49:36 GMT
Hm. To the letter.
But then you never know. Occasionally he says something slightly different. I shrug in return, staying silent.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Apr 20, 2009 14:54:07 GMT
I don't really want to be silent right now, so I add, "...Don't know why you ask."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 20, 2009 14:57:19 GMT
"In the ever-fainter hope you might say something interesting someday?" I shrug slightly. "I mean, you know, occasionally things happen to you, right? Getting tortured, kissing people. So... well, why not ask?"
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Post by Logan Andrews on Apr 20, 2009 15:13:54 GMT
There's not much of an argument against that either, so I shrug slightly in agreement, "Only very occasionally."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 20, 2009 15:16:13 GMT
"Still, it's something," I argue. "It's better than silence. I know that you're trying and I appreciate that, but still... there's still a lot of silence."
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Post by Logan Andrews on Apr 20, 2009 15:33:54 GMT
"Yeah...I know," I acknowledge with another small shrug. "Still working on it."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Apr 20, 2009 15:36:06 GMT
"'S'fine." I shrug again, offering a smile. "Like I said, I know you're trying."
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Post by Logan Andrews on Apr 20, 2009 15:41:16 GMT
I nod briefly, grateful for the smile though I can't summon the motivation to return it, "Anything happen to you lately?" Besides deciding it's a good idea to cut up your hand because you 'deserve it'?
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