From Italy~Riley

[Riyann Servansikk]

I promised Lil.

I looked up at the house that I hadn't seen for a matter of months now, the house I've missed so much, and really I shouldn't. It was Riley's parents.

Riley.
God did I miss him. I've messed so many things up I'd be surprised if when Lilian came back he'd given me a second thought other than, 'She didn't kill my sister afterall.'
Shaking my head I stepped up to the front door of the house and gingerly raised my fist and pulled it down against the door. The contact startled me some, I guess I'd locked myself in Italy for too long. Not that that had anything to do with knocking on doors. No, just the isolation I'd caused myself.

Char Lottie and Ella.
I missed them more than anything in the world. They probably hated me more than anything in the world.
That's okay though, I still love them.
Their laugh, missed that a lot, along with many other things.

Justin.
My poor baby, I was barely there for him to start with.
Maybe I should just go back to Italy, or someplace else.
It was too late for that though, I've already knocked and I can hear footsteps behind the door and I put my hands deep in the pockets of my jeans.

Since Azkaban I looked a lot better, sure not all of my clothes fit me yet, but they did more than before.
You can't tell though.
My clothes are all new, I don't have many, but I've got enough. What was great was coming back from Italy I had an actual Jacket to wear. It fit snug, was slightly puffy, and was a deep blue color, and I moved my hands from my jeans to the pockets of my coat, finding that more comfertable. Looking down at the ground briefly as I cleared my head, and then I looked back up at the door as it opened.

[Riley Pearson]

I hadn't felt like this for a long time. The majority of the morning went by just as it always did. I got up, took a shower, took care of Justin and then made my daily travel down the stairs to the kitchen to make breakfast.. not really thinking about anything than what I was doing at that moment. That's how it seemed to be for the past month or so. It was just easier that way. No thinking about Arden.. or Charlotte.. or even Riyann. Nothing except what was going on at that exact moment. Which was generally how I was trying to carry out my days. Was it smart? Probably not. But it was a hell of a lot less painful.

And actually, it tended to stay like that. That was, until today when I got to the kitchen and started to make breakfast. I got out the ingredients for pancakes, like I had countless times before this, and instead of thinking about nothing, I had the most random memory come to me. Why in the world I was thinking about that one day ten years ago, I have no idea. But I was.. It just sort of came to me and I couldn't help but to just stare at the container of flour as I remembered. There was flour all over Jay's apartment and I don't think I ever had much more fun making a mess in my life.

I think most of the anger toward Riyann had subsided by now.. and now this was just making me miss her. Making me miss times like that.
Crazy as it seemed, I really did miss her. In fact, I think this was the first time I even thought about her in who knows how long. I didn't even think of the horrible things that usually came along with her.
No cheating, no leaving.. no pretending people are dead.. including herself.
It was only thoughts about how much I had loved her.. and thoughts about where she might be.. and how she was doing... if she was even alive.

Seriously, was there something wrong with me? I shouldn't be thinking about that. If she showed up at my door today, I shouldn't have any want whatsoever to get back together with her. I should just want to say thank you for not killing my sister and move on.. think that I was better off without her.
But for some reason I had a feeling it wouldn't be that easy. Nothing ever was.

"Dad." I snapped back from my thoughts and took my eyes off the container of flour, shaking my head faintly when I heard Lottie's voice from behind me. "Dad, what's wrong?"
I shook my head again. "Nothing." I said with a faint smile over to her, "Everything's fine." I added before turning around again and deciding to just finish making the pancakes. It's not like she was just going to show up. In fact, I doubted she'd be back for a while, if ever, so there wasn't any rush to think about things like that.

It was during breakfast though when I heard a knock at the door. Lottie and Ella made a quick move to get the door but I was already on it. I told them to sit back down and eat as I walked out of the kitchen, which they thankfully did. I didn't want them to get the door.. that just made me nervous. They were eleven, but still.. Who knows who was at the door. It's not like we were expecting anybody.
Or maybe I just worry too much about nothing. Yeah.. Probably way more likely in my case.

I opened up the door and I think I literally felt time stop. Speak of the devil, there she was... Riyann standing right infront of my eyes. Funny how the first feeling that comes over me is guilt.. shortly followed by quite a large ache I wasn't expecting to be feeling.
I just stared at her for a few moments, speechless. How was I supposed to know what to say to her? Where was I supposed to start? Thank you? I'm sorry? I think I might still actually love you?

".. Hey." I ended up say in a quiet voice, still feeling pretty surprised that she was standing right here. Was saying what I did lame? Yeah, probably a bit, but that was all my brain could really handle at the moment, so it would have to do until it caught up with what was going on.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I just want to start over.
The moment that thought crosses my mind I wonder if it's even possible for that to start to happen. I mean, Riley couldn't possibly want to. Too much has happened, but if you think about it, and you ignore what has happened, we were pretty great.
Was that enough though?
For me, it was.
I looked up at the door, raising a hand and brushing the few strands of hair that had fallen into my face back.
Another thing different. I'd gotten it cut. Short and spiked in the back, the rest layered and none of it longer than my chin. I'd even changed the color, now it was a light chesnut brown. So brushing my hair from infront of my eyes probably didn't do much since it wanted to only fall right back into my face again. I left it and smiled faintly towards the door.
God I was so nervous, butterflies stormed angrily in the pit of my stomach, reminding me of where I was and the possibilities of what might happen or not. The face that showed up behind the door made my blood freeze, made me catch my breath, and made the butterflies stop for a split second.
He looked so much better than I remembered, so much better in person, but nothing about him surprised me, was different. He was still that same old Riley Pearson that I'd fallen so deeply in love with when I was seventeen at Hogwarts.
He was everything that I couldn't live without, yet I'd tried to.
"I'm..." I stopped for a split second after he quietly said hey. A smile was pressed firmly, yet loosely on my lips, and I didn't finish what I was going to say. I wouldn't say sorry, I can be sorry all I want, but I say it all too often. My nerves didn't seem to quiet, I felt like a fourteen year old standing next to her lifelong crush attempting to make a conversation.
I felt foolish.
"Hi." I said.
It was almost like everything that had happened between us had disappeared, and I was willing to accept that and start over, it just wouldn't be completely true until Riley was willing to try that.

[Riley Pearson]

She looked much different than the last time I'd seen her. She actually looked healthy now.. really a lot better than before. I guess that time away had actually done her good.. She said hi back and I kept my eyes on her, watching as she smiled. I didn't know why, but it felt kind of weird to smile right now. I was happy to see her, yes, but it just sort of felt strange. I couldn't really explain it.
And now I was standing here, probably looking like an idiot.
So I ended up smiling a little bit anyway and moving closer to her, pulling her into a slightly tight hug.
".. Thank you." I said very quietly, wondering even if it was okay that I was doing this.

[ gah, that was terrible ]

[Riyann Servansikk]

I watched as he smiled a bit at least. So I doubt we'd just be over everything, but I could try, and if Riley didn't want to I could deal with that too, not that I'll ever want to. Sometimes, though, maybe it'd be best to just let it go and go from there.
I shook my head faintly and huged him back, resting my forehead against his shoulder as he huged me slightly tight. Was this awkward for him or was it not like with me? Did he like this hug as much as I did?
I heard him say thank you but I pretended to not have heard it and kept hugging him.
"I've missed you Riley." I said softly, meaning those very words so very much. He might not believe me, but I did, and that's one reason to why I was back.
Does he love me like I love him?
Or...
No, I didn't want to think about that. I couldn't think about him possibly finding someone else that could take my place, couldn't think about my kids being raised by some other woman.
And what if that's happening?
I pulled gingerly from the hug now and smiled a faint bit less, but it was just as strong as the other, only less big.

[Riley Pearson]

I closed my eyes for a few moments as I hugged her, finding it hard to believe that she was right here in front of me after so long.. and that I wasn't upset with her over anything.. somehow. This hug did actually feel quite good and I smiled a little bit more when she said that she missed me.
"I've missed you too.." I said softly back to her. I knew I shouln't let myself do this.. let myself even close to getting back into a relationship with her.. but yet, here I was. I probably would let her back into my life right now. I would try to forgt about my feelings for Arden.. and break off whatever I had going with Charlotte.. and just be with Riyann again.
I shouldn't, but I couldn't garentee I wouldn't let it happen.
She pulled away from me and I smiled a bit toward her.
A few moments passed and I looked down toward the ground for a moment, biting my lip a little bit. "I'm sorry, Riyann.." I said, looking back up to her now, locking my eyes with hers. ".. Just for.." I shook my head faintly, "Everything."

[Riyann Servansikk]

This was something that I wasn't sure if I could count as real. I knew I was here at least, but I hadn't thought that it would be this easy. I know that when I came here I hoped for the best, but I hadn't exactly expected it. Not quite like this at least.
"I've missed you too.."
It surprised me to hear that, here I'd been expecting him not to have even thought about me besides the fact of 'She didn't kill Lilian.' This was.... too good to be true. Well, in my mind.
I watched as he smiled a little more towards me and I bit my lip softly. Really I was quite glad to be back home, even if I had almost lost my head to Riley's mum last time I was here and she was. Visiting then had really been a dumb option.
Riley's head dropped some and he looked at the ground. The words he said as he looked back at me, they surprised me some too. He's never really had much to be sorry for, and here he was apologizing for everything. I would've asked what for, but he beat me to that now. I parted my lips some to say something, but I couldn't find words to actually say. For a moment I just stood there and looked at him.
"Okay." I said softly after another moment, casting my eyes downwards because I felt like a fool now. The only difference between this time and others was I accepted the apology, I didn't point out the obvious by saying he had nothing to apologize for. "S'alright." I add, glancing up at him with a smile.

[Riley Pearson]

I definitely didn't miss her at first.. and actually, I had only just started to miss her, so it was funny that she showed up today. I really hadn't done much thinking about her since I found out that she didn't kill Lilian and even then it was just the intial, 'Oh, so she didn't kill her afterall' feeling mixed in with a large dose of guilt.
She seemed to not object to my apology and I was glad for that. I did have a reason to be sorry.. I mean, sure she's done a fair share of things to be sorry for, but even though I thought she killed her, the fact was that she didn't and I divorced her.. and broke up with her in a not so nice way. I felt terrible.. and I was so happy that she just let me apoligize and accepted it.
I smiled a bit and nodded faintly. "Thanks." I said biting my lip for a second afterwards. I wasn't sure what I should say now though.. so I did pause for a few moments to think about it.
"I, um.. Y-You seem like you're doing good?" I asked a moment later, looking back up to her, tripping over the word at the beginning of the sentance for a second.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I nod faintly towards him as he said thanks, though there wasn't much he was thanking me for, unless he was referring to other things. Like, thanks for dropping by, thanks for not killing my sister, or something else. "You're welcome." I said softly, still smiling a bit towards him. I missed everything about him and I can't even begin to believe how I gave all of it up, how I gave him up that easily, how I just let him leave me.
"Oh, uhm. Me?" I asked and laughed softly. "Yes, I spose I'm doing good." I say with a nod. "At least a lot better than I had been. Needed to sort things out, you know?" I asked softly. I tried not to wonder why he stuttered slighlty when he said you and pretended it meant nothing like it probably didn't.
Of course it should seem like I'm doing good, doesn't look much like I came from Azkaban not that long ago. "You too." I tell him with a small grin. Considering your 'dead' sister came back not too entirely long ago.
"How're you doing? Everything all okay?" I ask even though this probably is kind of odd looking considering we're having a conversation in the doorway, middle of February with the front door wide open.

[Riley Pearson]

I laughed softly too and nodded, "'Course you." I said with a smile to her. I nodded at what she said next. "Yeah.. I guess that's for the best sometimes.." I said quietly, still smiling faintly. Especially since if she didn't say away this long I don't know if I would be this happy to see her.
I smiled again and nodded faintly, "Yeah.. I'm pretty good." I said leaning a bit more again the doorframe as I stood there. "Everything, um.. Yeah, everything's good." I told her, at that moment thinking about how I was sort of dating someone.. maybe she should have come back a week or two ago.
It was then that I realized we were basically standing outside. I gave a short laugh and shook my head a little bit, "Sorry, come in." I said looking up to her again, backing a bit away from the doorway so she could get in the house.

[Riyann Servansikk]

"Course me." I repeat with a laugh, smiling a faint bit more. "Yeah, I'd think so." I said softly with a small nod. It was true because I no longer wondered if I loved Riley more than anything, or if I loved Shelby. Riley was the only one that I'll ever want. So what if things happened before, if he had broken my heart a few times like I'd done his. I still loved him, and it shouldn't have taken me this long to figure it out. Then again, better late than never.
Then there was the whole hating muggles and wanting to kill them, well I didn't anymore. Thankfully.
"I figured." I say and laugh, watching as he leaned a bit more against the door frame. "Is it?" I asked softly, wondering if he was telling me the truth, not entirely sure because he had to interrupt his sentence with an um. I look at him, waiting to see if he said that it was or that it wasn't.
He laughed and I raised an eyebrow slightly before laughing for a moment myself. "It's alright." I said and steped in when he moved away slightly for me to get past. "The kids home?" I ask as I turn to look at him still by the door. I wanted to see them, but at the same time I was scared.

[Riley Pearson]

I nodded when she asked if it was, "Yeah, it's good." I said with a smile. It was confusing, yes, but it was still good. The only reason I had really paused was because I thought about Charlotte and I didn't know what I was going to have to do. I didn't want to hurt her.. but if I got back with Riyann, I knew I was going to have to. But I guess it's a bit early to think of anything like that right now anyway.
She asked if the kids were home as I shut the front door and I nodded a bit, "Yeah, they're in the kitchen actually." I said as I looked over to her again. "Sort of surprised they haven't come in here yet.." I added, glancing over to there the kitchen was, hearing them and the few clinks of their plates.