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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 21, 2009 18:03:26 GMT
Back to normal. Again. Whatever the hell 'normal' even is.
Because actually, if normal is how things were originally then I don't think it's that. And I don't think it's quite how it has been at any time since, either, so... really, whatever it is, it's certainly not 'back' anywhere at all.
So I really don't know what I meant by that. Just a random, slightly tired thought that drifted through my head while reading the newspaper, signaling to me that I'm not really reading at all because I'm not comprehending what I'm looking at.
Things are... better, though. Better than they've been for most of the past week or so. I think, what with the murder followed by my suicide attempt, messing about with Riley's head and finding out that Logan cheated on me too, this past... ten days or whatever it's been can officially go down as some of the worst in my life. But now it's pretty much past, other than the little repercussions like having to tell Riley sometime soon that I'm sorry about the confusion but I've changed my mind back; and of course the little... potential ongoing problem with Shell.
But other than that, everything is good and there's surprisingly little bad news in what little of the paper I actually took in today. That's... unusual, but nice.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Jan 21, 2009 18:18:09 GMT
I think that after wandering around for however long it was without going 'home' has successfully quietened down the excessively restless part of my nature.
Wandering around is growing significantly less interesting and is also not helping as much, or at all, with the clearing of my head business.
I don't think it helped at all, on hindsight, just pushed me closer to snapping and killing that woman. It's much healthier not to spend so much time walking around like that, I think.
So it's another day just...here, doing precious little.
I really should find something to actually do during the day, because as it stands my options are only going out for a walk, sitting and doing nothing or talking to Arden.
And I'm already getting bored of sitting around doing nothing, so after a brief pause I get up and head through to the other room. Just to check on her, just because I can, because it's okay to do things like that, I suppose.
"Hey," I say after a moment, not sure whether to interrupt her reading or not.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 21, 2009 18:24:16 GMT
"Hey," I say without looking up, until I realize that the only reason I'm no looking up is that I've basically fallen into a trance so I really should break out of it... and do so, looking over to smile faintly at him while folding up the newspaper absently. "Tired of just sitting there doing nothing?" I ask, because that's what he was doing last I was in there, when I just glanced at him briefly but didn't much feel like attempting conversation.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Jan 21, 2009 18:30:01 GMT
"Mm," I answer, "Sorry to interrupt your reading. I can fuck off again, if you want."
Probably wouldn't actually, lest I die of boredom, but might as well offer.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 21, 2009 18:33:56 GMT
"No, I wasn't really paying attention to it anyway," I say, shaking my had. "Besides... I kind of prefer having you around than the alternative."
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Post by Logan Andrews on Jan 21, 2009 18:35:48 GMT
"Alright then," I reply, which sort of works for both things she said, "You alright?"
Don't see why she wouldn't be, but at least it's something to say.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 21, 2009 18:37:30 GMT
"Yeah, fine," I say, a bit surprised. Then I remember the two repercussions... but fine other thn that. "Why wouldn't I be? Are you?"
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Post by Logan Andrews on Jan 21, 2009 18:39:00 GMT
"It's a way to start a conversation, isn't it?"
But I don't know much about normal conversations, actually, so I could be wrong.
"I'm fine, yeah."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 21, 2009 18:42:22 GMT
"True," I shrug. "But most people just say fine whether they really are or not, especially if there's something om their minds but it's not necessarily making them miserable... so a better, broader question is something like, 'anything going on with you?' or 'how have things been?'"
I manage to say all of this with a perfectly straight fce, but can't stifle a slight grin once I've finished.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Jan 21, 2009 18:44:47 GMT
I half-grin wryly back at her, shaking my head slightly.
"Right, terribly sorry. Anything going on with you? How have you been?"
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 22, 2009 4:24:48 GMT
"Much better...." I laugh very faintly, then shrug and look down at the table. "I've been... quite all right, and... no, nothing much going on. Not really. You?"
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Post by Logan Andrews on Jan 22, 2009 10:34:36 GMT
"Thanks," I answer with a brief wry smile, then shrug in response, "Same here, pretty much."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 22, 2009 18:09:31 GMT
"Hm...." I nod vaguely, then shrug. And... let's see now. Potentially awkward silence, or guaranteed uncomfortable topic?
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Post by Logan Andrews on Jan 23, 2009 10:37:31 GMT
Maybe coming in here was a bad idea.
I probably should have known by now that conversation usually proves a bit of a problem and maybe we should just stop trying or something.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 23, 2009 15:29:09 GMT
"Hm," I say again, when, naturally, he has no reply to that. I sigh faintly. "So... would you rather go back to whatever the hell you were doing, or... should I expand on why it's 'nothing much not really' going on, rather than just nothing?" I ask. "It's not going to be terrific fun to talk about."
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Post by Logan Andrews on Jan 23, 2009 15:36:46 GMT
I pause, although it's probably strange I actually have to think about that, then shrug, "Expanding would be good. Even if it's not going to be terrific fun."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 23, 2009 15:40:22 GMT
"All right then...." I nod, taking a breath. "Well... Shelby stopped by the other day, to tell me you're a menace, that she's in love with my brother, and also that she's pregnant but not sure whose it is."
Ugh. Definitely not fun. Just saying all of that felt like... pulling out a sliver or something.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Jan 23, 2009 15:47:21 GMT
For a few seconds I actually have to wonder why she's telling me any of that, because I already know that I'm a 'menace' and I don't care if she's weird enough to be in love with Fitzy, and I knew she was a whore anyway.
Then I actually catch up and stop being so slow and recognise the significance and grimace slightly.
Then when this fails to make me feel any better at all, I shudder slightly and shake my head.
Not again.
I've already been through this with Madeline, I don't need to do it again.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 23, 2009 15:52:22 GMT
"Right...." I mutter under my breath to the table after I get tired of eying him. "So I said I'd let you know, and there you go. Now I have."
And I'd like to immediately stop thinking about it now, because as much as I deserved it and don't have a right to be hurt by what he did to make it any business of his that Shelby's pregnant... I still am. And so not only is this topic quite uncomfortable for both of us I'm sure, but it's also rather painful.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Jan 23, 2009 15:57:58 GMT
"It's probably not-..." I say after a moment, shaking my head, "I mean, it's unlikely that-..."
That this situation is anything to do with me.
There's probably dozens of potential fathers who slept with her more times than I did, because it was just the once.
But then again, fate hates me. Could be karmic payback, if it is.
And I also have to wonder why Arden's telling me this anyway, and come to the conclusion that Shelby/Rubalyn was a bitch to tell her.
"Fuck," I mutter, "Sorry."
Already said sorry, of course, but just in case...this would probably call for more apologies.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 23, 2009 16:04:17 GMT
I shake my head at the apology, which somehow seems out of place but really probably isn't. He's already apologized for sleeping with her, so... I don't know. It somehow seems like overkill that he's also apologizing for... this? Which is only a possibility anyway.
"So... what if it is then?" I ask, shrugging, and looking more at the table than anything else. "Does it really even matter much?"
I think I'm asking myself as much as him, but funnily enough I don't have my own answer.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Jan 23, 2009 16:30:07 GMT
"Who cares if it is? She can-...I don't know, pretend it's not or get rid of it or...I don't even care," I mutter, shrugging.
I'm not bothering with this again. Taking in Finley was enough of a mistake. He would have been better off wherever Madeline abandoned him.
So, I don't care if it is anything to do with me, honestly don't. And it wouldn't matter, but it's still messed up.
And I think I'd prefer not to think about even the possibility, so I'm just going to shut up.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 23, 2009 16:33:31 GMT
"Right... exactly." I nod. So... nothing to be bothered about then.
It occurs to me suddenly, now that we're talking about potential offspring of Logan's, that I never did try and find out about Finley like I said I would. Dammit.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Jan 23, 2009 16:39:23 GMT
"Right," I nod, deciding to examine the floor now instead.
It's very messed up that this is even possible. Should probably be more intelligent in future.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 23, 2009 16:41:46 GMT
So... that was quite the short-lived topic, uncomfortable as it was.
"You probably should have picked the going back to whatever you were doing," I say after a moment. "Since that was pointless anyway yet still quite... awkward."
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Post by Logan Andrews on Jan 23, 2009 16:44:47 GMT
"Probably," I agree, with a small shrug, "But...I'm probably going to die of boredom if I go back to sitting around doing nothing."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 24, 2009 3:12:38 GMT
"Hm... wouldn't want that," I say absently. "We need to get you a hobby, clearly."
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Post by Logan Andrews on Jan 24, 2009 9:18:43 GMT
"Apparently so," I shrug.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 25, 2009 2:55:02 GMT
"Mm," I nod, then lapse into silence again.
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