sense

[Logan Andrews]

This is my favourite time of day.
I like it when it's just getting really black out. Evening is sort of alright, higher visibility and all, but then there's that annoying period of time where it's sort of dark but not completely dark, and then there is this...when everything becomes all muted and heavy and black.
It's good for skulking around in, sure, and it's very unlikely I'm either going to be seen or recognised, which is also a plus.
I like it better because it's easier to disappear into as well. No one knows where I am, I don't know where I am, I might not even exist for all I'm aware.
And now would be a really good time to not exist.

I hate this.
I hate how new to this all I am. This is why I don't bother with friendships, let alone relationships. But I suppose the longer I put it off, the more inevitable it was that I would get caught up in one someday and the worse it would be.
It's worse, of course, because relationships really are needlessly painful and there are so many hiccups and so many issues and I don't even know if it's worth putting up with all of that just for the good moments in between.
It's even worse, of course, because I'm new to it all so everything is new and fresh and frighteningly intense and I can honestly say that I've scarcely felt much of this before.
Two things I'm definitely not new too, however, are hate and anger. And there's certainly enough of that buzzing around at the moment.

It's been a funny sort of day. Funny as in 'odd' naturally.
It started off with that hollow feeling that's been with me for days, since the suicide attempt, that little hole which refuses to be filled and occasionally nags at me that something is missing and I don't know what it is yet. So I sat and contemplated that for a while.
And then there was that nice however long it was with Arden on the couch. Definitely the highlight of my day, no matter what way I look at it.
Besides the fact that it preceded that lovely little 'I sort of cheated on you' bombshell.
And then I wandered around a bit, contemplating that one while trying not to let it hurt as much as it did, because I've never been susceptible to that sort of hurt before.

I suppose it's really fate that I'm here now.
Fate that I ran into Riley's sister and after a subtle little line of questioning she let it slip where I might find him. Thank you Lilith...no, it's not Lilith is it? Lilith is Arden's sister...Lilian is Riley's sister. I think. Why do the damn names have to sound alike?
I do so very hate being wrong.
Like I was wrong to trust her. I never even consciously decided that I would trust her at all, I only realised when I realised she'd stabbed me in the back.
With him.

But trust is a funny old thing, isn't it?
I think to a certain extent I even must have trusted him a little, unwillingly of course, but all the same. I knew he loved her, didn't I? I didn't do anything about it. I assumed he'd have the sense to stay away.
Some people just have no sense though. I already did sort of assume that he had nothing between his ears, but I thought at least he would have a little bit of common sense.
Well, I'll fix that, I suppose. Or at least satisfy myself.

What kind of man would I be if I left this be? A peaceful, calm, rational, sensible, good man probably, but I'm not really any of those things.
I can hardly let him get away with this. It's her fault as well of course...but I don't know what to do about that. So I suppose I just have to take it out on him.
Maybe. I'm still not decided whether I'm hear to talk about this or to just hurt him...my intentions change with every damn step.
I'm still fairly undecided when I'm actually on the doorstep, still fairly undecided when I hammer the door with my fist for about ten seconds, still undecided when I rock back on my heels and wait for it to open. I'm even still undecided when I grip my wand in my pocket.

[Riley Pearson]

[ blah... sorry... this's terrible :-P <--- at self ]

I really needed to go back to my own house soon. I'm getting really really sick of my parents. It's great having them around once in a while to watch the kids, but I mean, I really don't think I can take much more. I never realised how much I liked my space and having my own place to live.
And if Riyann hasn't done something stupid like burn it down, or something, then I think I'm going to go back and maybe move out of here. I'm pretty convinced it's safe anyway. Not to mention I was sure my parents were sick of having us live here. Especially for as long as we've been.

Tonight, when I got home from work, my parents decided that they were going to head out and for some weird reason the twins were actually tired. So they went to bed and I put Justin to bed to. So it was technically like, I was home alone. Felt like it at least. It was quiet for one thing, which was hard to come by in this place and for once I actually wished that it was loud.. or that there were distractions or something.

I really didn't want to think about Arden. Or about what happened. I thought that maybe she'd changed her mind about Logan or something and maybe she realised she would rather be with me. But I was apparently quite wrong and I really hoped that she wasn't going to tell Logan about the kiss. Cos I was pretty sure that I'd be dead.. or maybe nearly dead because of it.

Before I could think about much anything else, there was a knock at the door and I looked over to it wondering who it was. I eventually came to the conclusion that it was probably just my parents and they locked themselves out. Or maybe my sister. Something like that.
But when I got the door, it was definitely neither of those becuase there was Logan standing right infront of me.
That's definitely not good...

[Logan Andrews]

I'm thinking I probably should have thought this through a little better.
I'm still fairly unsure about what I'm actually doing here, just that I've been wandering around feeling really quite pissed off for a long while now and I don't intend to go back to Arden's until I am no longer pissed off.
I guess...confronting him seemed like a good idea, but...now what?

"Hey," I say slowly after a moment, inclining my head in a brief, stiff nod.
Hm, that was a bit too civil a greeting.
Fuck. I wonder if it's obvious that I don't know what I'm doing here.
I do know that I'd still really quite like to hurt him, but I did say I wouldn't kill him. Although maybe I will. I don't need to keep my word, do I? Hm, yes, probably actually, unless I want to end up in Azkaban.
Maybe I'll just maim him.
Or maybe I won't hurt him at all. Maybe I'll just turn around and walk away before I regret it. Or something.
Fuck.

[Riley Pearson]

That was probably the most civil greeting that I've ever gotten from him. Which was making me think that he didn't even know about me kissing Arden.. Then again, why else would be show up at my house for no apparent reason in the middle of the night.
No, he had to know.. but then why wasn't he doing anything but standing there?
Maybe I'll just pretend like nothing happened and see what he does?
"Hey." I said back after a moment. "Um.. What brings you here?" I asked a moment later. Great question to ask there, Riley. Because you must really want to get the shit beaten out of you.

[Logan Andrews]

I shake my head, frowning vaguely to show just what I think of how stupid a question that was.
I'd think it was fairly obvious that I've not stopped by for a friendly chat or anything, particularly at this time of night.
"What the hell do you think?" I reply irritably.
Although I don't really know what the hell he would be thinking. I'm probably not especially acting like I know. I think that maybe I calmed down a little bit during all that wandering and maybe I'm not especially in the right frame of mind to kill him, exactly. Still quite pissed off though. Definitely.

[Riley Pearson]

I am being very stupid right now. Why am I just standing here like an idiot? It's obvious now that he does actually know and I have no idea what he's planning to do.. and I'm just standing here, looking at him. Shouldn't I be locking him out or something? Actually nevermind, I don't see how that would make any difference whatsoever.
I realized I hadn't said anything yet but I didn't know what to say. It's not like anything I said was going to help my situation at all anyway.. So I just gave a slight nod, and stood there.. like the idiot I seemed to be lately.

[Logan Andrews]

"You-..." I stop, and then nod briefly to myself as if this really does confirm something.
What it is...I don't know. That I have trouble forming sentences maybe, or that I'm too angry to speak properly, or maybe I just still don't know what I'm going to do or say and that's it.
"If-..."
Hm, apparently I want to just stand here and say the odd disjointed word and shake my head occasionally. I really am being an idiot lately. If I'd been smart I wouldn't be in this situation anyway. I don't know where I'd be, just that if I'd been smart about the whole thing Arden and Riley would be none of my business. But I wasn't, I was an idiot, and it is my business and I'm still being an idiot and not knowing what to do about it.
"You thought it'd be a good idea to make a fool out of me, did you Riley?" I ask after a few more moments pause when I've finally got a handle on articulating again.
I suppose it's not all his fault. They both made a fool out of me, if I was going to be fair I'd acknowledge that. But I don't think I will be fair.

[Riley Pearson]

I wondered what he was trying to get at, at first. He said a word.. and then stopped. And then another another moment did it again. Either he doesn't know what he wants to say, or he's just really angry and can't form sentences. My bet is on the second one.
He finally asked me a question and I shook my head. "I, no." I said eventually as I stood there. I didn't even have my wand at hand. I mean, seriously? What kind of terrible luck is that?
"We just kissed once and it was a mistake.. It's not like we've been going behind your back or anything." I added, then realizing once I said that, that it didn't really sound the best.

[Logan Andrews]

"I would say that was still going behind my back," I manage to mutter.
But I still don't know...I really still don't know what I'm doing here, or what I'm angry enough to do to him.
Nothing, really. I just don't...I guess it's sort of turning into exasperation and weariness more than real anger or anything anymore.
"If you touch her again," I warn quietly, "I'll kill you. Clear?"

[Riley Pearson]

I nod slightly, he was right there, it was behind his back. But it was in no way potential and it just sort of happened.. So now I just stood there, waiting for him to speak again, but I didn't want to say something stupid and make the whole situation worse.
I heard his threat and nodded. "Yeah." I said when he asked if he was clear. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna stop talking to her.. I won't kiss her or anything.. but I definitely won't stop seeing her. Now I was wondering if he was even going to do anything to me.. sounded more like he just came here to threaten me to stay away from her.
"I'm still gonna talk to her though." I added a moment later.

[Logan Andrews]

I pause, frowning briefly because I'm not sure whether that is still allowed or not.
I could never actually make sure that he didn't talk to her, so forbidding him would be stupid. But I don't think I like the idea of him being anywhere near her. I don't like the way that he's a superior person to me and that if she had any sense at all she'd be with him instead and that sooner or later she'll probably realise that.
"Fine," I say shortly.
Then I go back to wondering what the hell I'm doing here.

[Riley Pearson]

"Good." I said back to him after he said fine. This was really going no where but him telling me to stay away from her.. Not that that wasn't a good thing. It was great. I guess I just figured it would be a lot worse and that I'd probably end up seriously injured in Mungos or something.
But now since it doesn't seem like he's gonna do anything else, it sort makes me wonder if he's gonna start now.. or maybe change his mind? I really have no clue.

[Logan Andrews]

"I think that I might leave now, before I do kill you," I say after a moment, nodding again.
I don't think I actually will kill him, although the curious lack of motivation for doing so could be seen as sort of worrying...as in, I'd take myself by surprise by going ahead and doing it or something.

[Riley Pearson]

"Yeah, that might be good." I said back to him with a small nod. I can't say that I really wanted die tonight, so it would be preferable that he left before he did, in fact, kill me. A lot more preferable.

[Logan Andrews]

"Right," I agree, turning away from the door and heading back away from the house.
And that was thoroughly pointless and strange and I didn't really follow much of it, and it's now the middle of the night and I have nowhere to go, so really, everything is brilliant all round.

[Riley Pearson]

I nodded again watching him turn away and when he was a bit away, shut the front door and leaned against it, letting out a small breath of relief. He did seem quite sane.. or civil.. or whatever you want to call it, but I still thought he was going to at least hit me.