reconnecting (open)

[Will Andrews]

Wonderful, beautiful Diagon Alley.
This is where I find myself today.
It really is glorious. I never noticed before when I would come here all those summers ago to pick up school books or on lazy orders from one of my siblings to pick this up or drop this off or check the price of this. Because it is a well known Andrews policy that shit rolls down hill and I was at the bottom of the hill.
Of course, it brings a smile to my face now but at the time I probably found it highly unjust, how unfair it is indeed to be the youngest, the weakest, the most accommodating.
Unless...of course...my brain is addled completely and I remember everything all wrong and that's not how it was at all, but I can recall that feeling very clearly and sharply...so I think I have it right for once.

But of course I can never be sure.

I wasn't sure of my sanity, even when I claimed that I was and demanded to be released and pestered until the point where I was.
It was very hard to be completely sure that this is all real when I was positive that I was a wizard but was surrounded by muggle doctors who instead assumed I'd descended deeper into madness and fabricated it as a coping mechanism or something. Who knows?
It's such a complete sense of relief though...so wonderful to know that this glorious, beautiful place truly does exist and I'm not mad after all and I really am a wizard and it all does exist and I didn't make it up and I remember right.
It's fantastic to reconnect with reality.

Probably where the sudden burst of optimism has come from.

That, and I am currently engaging in one of my favourite, favourite, favourite all time hobbies.
I think I've always been one of those strange individuals who enjoys just sitting and watching people for hours on end.
Except I'm not really sitting right now, more like leaning nonchalantly against a wall where I can clearly see the entrance to the street from muggle london beyond so I can watch the traffic come in, go out and then all I have to do is turn my head to watch the huge pressing bustle on the street the other way.
I am coolly detatched, aloof and distant and out of the way. An outside observer.
People watching has always been one of my favourite hobbies. I'm a little worried that it will grow boring because I have so much time on my hands to indulge in it...but for now, I am reconnecting with this reality and I am reconnecting with all the people I'm watching head past and I like it.
I really do.

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[Madeline Speare]

"Come on babygirl," I murmur softly, hoisting a very sleep Abby up into my arms as she starts to stumble.
I suppose staying up past her nap time is a very difficult thing for a three year old.
My eyes are focused mainly on the crowd, that seems to have grown in the past sixty seconds that I've looked away. Honestly, it shouldn't be this hard to spot Poppy, her red hair is highly inconspicuous.
I'm spending a little quality time with my girls.
Well at least I was until I lost sight of Poppy. It really doesn't worry me much, she is thirteen after all.

God, I'm getting old. I think to myself as I hoist Abby higher in my arms so she can rest her head on my shoulder.
At least I'm finally fitting into my role of mother, you'd think after ten years I'd be use to being a mother.
Not a chance. There are still days that I doubt my mothering skills.
Hopefully it doesn't happen today.
It's too much of a wonderful day.

[Will Andrews]

I'm still smiling all round in a 'aw, this is the best thing ever' sort of way when someone familiar flashes into my line of vision.
I frown vaguely, still smiling at the same time, so the expression probably comes off as just a little bit on the very strange side.
I like to think that my memory is pretty good nowadays, but I don't think it'll ever be as good as it was. I remember large parts of what's happened in my life, people who played an important role in it, things that happened that changed it...but the smaller details are a little more elusive. They're harder to pin down and when I do latch onto something I'm never sure if it's right, because there's more room for error.
I'm much less likely to remember a summer holiday for instance, as opposed to something major...like...oh, getting a dark mark.

So it's feasible that people, if they weren't majorly important, could just disappear, isn't it?
So it's feasible that this blonde with her todder in tow were people I knew once? Maybe. Or maybe I genuinely am loopy and should just stop second-guessing myself.
Snap out of it man!
My inner voice slaps my metaphorical face quite vigorously and I shake my head, taking a cautious step forward and away from the safety of the wall I was leaning against, then proceed to tap the sorta familiar blonde on the shoulder.
"Hey, s'cuse me, this is gonna sound really weird...but have we met?"
Yeah, that did sound really weird. Ah well.

[Madeline Speare]

I turn my head to see who it is tapped me on the shoulder.
I'm kind of annoyed by this and I really have no reason to be so. It's not like I'm heading anyway important.
"Be home before dark okay?"
"Relax Ian, I'm not a teenager, my rebellious years are over alright? Don't worry."
He worries enough as it is, and I guess I can listen to him just this once. I mean, it's only around...-well I don't know the exact time but I do know it's not dark so I'm technically not breaking any rules.

I glance over my shoulder once last time, just in case Poppy has been following in my footsteps the entire time. I do mean it literally of course, seeing as Poppy is a little on the 'not normal' side. Turning my attention back to this man again, I hold Abby closer to be out of instinct.
"No sorry, don't think...-" I stop half way through my sentence, my eyes widening slightly.

[Will Andrews]

I half-nod triumphantly when I see her reaction, because you don't just stop in the middle of a sentence unless you're surprised and I knew that I knew her from somewhere.
But then I realise it's very strange to just stand here and nod triumphantly while she stares with her eyes all wide and frightening like that and I should probably try and remember her.

I sift through a mental list of places I might know her from.
Did we go to school together? Was she a friend of my sisters? Was she a friend of Row's? Was she one of Logan's...ah...playthings?
Or God forbid, was she my friend and I forgot her?
It hasn't happened so far and I'm fairly sure that I have remembered all the people who did play an important part in my life...but maybe, maybe she actually was my friend somehow and I just completely forgot her all together. Maybe there's a big gaping hole in my life and I didn't even notice it.

I don't know why I assume 'friend' like that. She could be an enemy...
But I doubt it. I don't seem to remember having many enemies at all. I don't think I was the sort who made and kept enemies...I'm too inclined to apologise and forgive for that.
And I think that maybe there is a little bit of fondness drifting around which I connect with a very loose, tenuous string to a blonde who-...who-....was going to have my best friend's baby.
Yes! That's it!

I realise I've been frowning at her as I strain to remember, but only after my expression clears again and I grin widely.
"Ma-..."
Ah.
Glitch.
I know she's Ian's girlfriend! Or at least she was...ten years ago, so probably not anymore...and I know she was going to have his baby...or at least she was, ten years ago. I somehow doubt that she's been pregnant for ten years so she must have had it...or maybe it died because Ian does have awful luck. And she's probably nothing to do with him anymore, because he's not very good at playing that he's a normal person and thus probably can't hold a relationship.

I remember all this...but I can't remember her name. Logically, from trying to form it I've got that it starts with a 'Ma' sound but what comes after the M-a? Mandy? Mary? Marilyn? No...but it's something like that...Madison? Madeline?
Yes! Ding, ding, ding...!
So many breakthroughs in as many minutes!
I'm so proud of you, William, now stop looking like a fool and acting like you're a crazed maniac or some such...
"Maddie-...is that-...Maddie, right? Maddie?"

[Madeline Speare]

His name is barely above a whisper as it passes my lips.
"Will."
There's no way. It's been ten years, there's just no way...-well there is a way actually. I mean, Ian came back after being 'dead' as did Charlie, Gideon, Jack, and a couple other of my friends and family.
The shock is still the same. It's completely over-whelming.
I nod weakly, hoisting Abby higher into my arms.
"Maddie, yeah."

Abby's never been fond of being left out, seeing as it happens a lot being Alex and Poppy's younger siblings. She just grins, before announcing to Will, "I'm Abigail Claire Hunt-Speare!"
At least she's gotten past being cripplingly shy.
"Yes baby," I murmur softly to her, "I know that."

I still can't get over the fact that William Andrews is standing right in front of me. Ian's gonna flip.
My stomach jolts unpleasantly.
So will Row.

[Will Andrews]

"That's me!" I agree enthusiastically.
Maybe she has memory problems as well and she's just remembered who I am, in which case I should encourage her.
Memory issues really are awful. It's very very frustrating to remember something and then have it slip through your fingers, and then it's even worse not to have anyone to ask to see whether it really happened or not.
A lot of things have come back to me, but I don't know whether or not they're real. So, obviously, it's also rather disconcerting because I don't know if I'm plugging into the right reality or not.
I think I nearly cried with relief when I found my way to Diagon Alley after I got let out of that psychiatric ward, because it really was incredible to know I'd not imagined it and I really was a wizard and I wouldn't have to go and check myself right back into the ward again.

I'm just about to say something else - although I'm not quite sure what it is yet - when the toddler speaks up and I grin down at her instead.
"Are you now? Well, I must say that is a very beautiful name," I respond, still grinning happily.
I note the surname, of course. Hunt-Speare, is it now? And she's little, so maybe they stayed together and had more kids and such? Maybe everyone is all happy and settled. That's a rather nice thought. I like it.
"You've got your dad in you, little one," I tell her with a nod, not really caring if she understands me or not, "Can see who's baby you are. But you're lucky you got your mam's pretty face."
And also, I apparently talk far too much to infants who probably won't understand me anyway.

I don't think I'm usually too rambly or anything, but I'm a little bit nervous.
I've not really done the whole coming back from the dead trip. I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to explain that I really don't know what happened, sorry, but whoever cast that curse obviously wasn't as callous as they thought they were and that they just wiped my head clean instead so I ended up in some muggle mental unit somewhere while they waited patiently for my memories to return, and then profusely told me that I could not possibly be a wizard when I did remember, and that is where I've been for the past ten years...so, sorry about disappearing like that, but nevermind, how are you?
I shake my head slowly, not quite sure why.

[Madeline Speare]

There's no stopping the uncertainty that's in the back of my head.
"There's no way your here." I mumble softly, putting Abby down as she tugs on my jacket. Always fussy, just like her brother and sister.
It's been ten years, there's just no way.
There's always a way.
"You look good Will," I say softly, pushing a lock of hair back behind my ear.

I glance down at Abby as he says that, and she just grins in response. So much for her talking this time around.
She does look a lot like Ian, Alex does too. The resemblance between father and son is almost identical.
Minus the eyes of course. I'm proud to say those are mine.
"She's three," I murmur softly, pushing her brown hair, her father's hair, back off her forehead as well.
"Alex just turned 11," It only now hits me that Will wasn't around when Alex came into our lives either.
Or for Erin.

[Will Andrews]

"Don't go crazy on me or anything, please," I shake my head, murmuring the plea under my breath.
Logan, to his credit, got over the surprise very quickly even if I didn't like anything else he said. Still, at least he didn't deny the fact that I was real or anything.
Not that she's done that yet. I hope she doesn't. I don't need more paranoia.
"Thank you," I smile, as is only natural to do when given a compliment, "You look good too, Maddie. Barely aged a day."

"Quiet one, aren't you?" I grin teasingly, shaking my head.
I like kids. They're great. I can't wait to track Addie down and see her kids, because that was one of the few precious details I gleaned from my confrontation with my less than helpful twin.
I like that everyone has kids now, it's pretty cool. I'm on a similar mental level, so we get on great. Unless they're quiet, but still I can talk at her, right?
"She's three? But she's so little!" I exclaim, shaking my head, "And eleven? Oh Lord. I can't believe I've missed this. How many more have you got?"

I never got to meet Alex. I remember Ian telling me about this but I didn't really think it was going to happen, not in my lifetime.
It nearly didn't after all. But hey, I'm back now. Brilliant and all the rest. And I don't want to talk about why I was gone or where I was, but I do want to catch up on what I've missed.

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