Here I go;;{{Logan

[Riley Pearson]

I really wished I could just leave. Not forever, but at least for a few days.. maybe a week. I just wanted to get away and stop having to worry about everything. Stop having to be reminded about everything that was going on, or already had went on.

But I knew that I couldn't do that. How would the kids take it? Even if it was only for a few days, I would still be leaving them. Right after their mum left them.. and after their aunt died. Even if it had been a few months ago. I didn't care. That still didn't change the fact that I would be leaving. Especially right now, in the middle of Christmas.

But even though I couldn't just pick up and leave. I could take a few hours to myself to get some alone time. If that would help me any, I didn't know. It probably wouldn't... It usually didn't. But yet, I was still doing it. Maybe it would actually work this time. Unless something which usually happens, happens.. which would be running into somebody I know and having to talk to them. Having them ask how I was, or if anything had been going on with me. I think that just right now, I decided that I was going to lie. They didn't have to know anything. And well, I don't know, maybe that would work okay.

Knowing me, I'll end up not sounding believable. That seems to happen a lot too. I can't lie for the life of me. So, I took these few hours to Diagon Alley, just walking around. Probably not the best choice, considering the amount of people walking around, doing last minute Christmas shopping. I probably should have thought through this decision a bit better.

Apparently coming here wasn't doing a thing for me, because as I was walking, Arden and Logan came back into my mind. I still couldn't really get over the fact that Arden actually chose Logan over me. I know that probably sounded absolutely horrible, but I mean, it's Logan. Maybe there was something about him that I was missing. But I was pretty sure that there wasn't much. I didn't really like him and I'm positive that he didn't like me.. and well, those two factors didn't really matter at all because there wasn't anything I could do to change this. But really all that I could think was that I felt like he was going to snap and do something to her. Even after she told that he wouldn't do anything.. that didn't really make me any less paranoid about it.

The fact was Arden was happy with him, so I was just going to have to live with this. I was going to have to get over her and hopefully just be able to let something good happen to me... and also hopefully have nothing bad happen to Arden. But needless to say, I was still preparing myself to have to pick up the pieces... either that, or have to sit through a wedding. Neither of which I really wanted to do.

[[ tis rambly.. and hopefully not crappy, cause it's late xD ]]

[Logan Andrews]

Playing with fire...yet again...
That is what I'm doing. I think it's getting closer to idiocy, rather than just taking deliberate risks like it was before.
I think I can remove the 'deliberate' also, because I don't think I have much choice anymore.
It's very strange really. I hate the idea that I might get caught and thrown back into Azkaban and I hate being in close proximity to other people, but I'm finding myself in situations like this increasingly often, wandering around busy wizarding streets.

I think in some way I like this. I like the sort of secret powerful feeling of knowing who I am and what I'm capable of and the fact that I'm surrounded by people who are ignorant of this fact. I like knowing that I could probably cause some serious damage if I wanted to. I like knowing that I'm not going to, because I'm choosing not to.
I also like to picture it, but that's sort of overstepping the 'reformed' line and back into 'unbalanced' territory.
There is still a submissive, nasty little part of my consciousness that really misses sadism and I don't want to push it more than necessary.

I'm a little bit surprised when I actually do see someone that I recognise and before I actually realise who it is rather than just the vague 'i know that face' feeling, I consider hastily ducking to the side and into the nearest shop and out of the way.
I still sort of feel that way when I do I recognise Riley. I still don't think I like him...so apparently it wasn't just that weird possessive jealousy that made me feel that way about him. Although I suppose it wouldn't have been, I really don't much like anyone.
Besides the one now blaring exception, whom I will not name even in my own thoughts because I choose not to think about that when I'm clearing my head because otherwise everything gets all cluttered again.

He doesn't look all that great, which I suppose I can understand, but this is a good thing because he doesn't look entirely like he's all there and in the present so maybe I can just head past without him noticing.
I'm not deliberately going to confront him. It was bad enough last time.
And I am trying not to push myself, after all.

(it's lovely dear. sorry mine's not up to scratch.)

[Riley Pearson]

I sighed eventually and just decided to sit down on a bench and people watch. I didn't know about anyone else, but doing this usually made me feel better. Around Christmas time, it was always the best. There were always the people who normally wouldn't be out shopping, out finding gifts, and usually last minute. Plus, people watching was just really interesting sometimes, which means that it would probably take my mind off things.

I picked a, surprisingly, empty bench and sat down on it, crossing my arms infront of me and looking at the groups of people who were wondering around. Some of which who looked a bit lost.
And even some who looked familar, but as I was looking, I saw someone who looked all too familar. Logan. What the hell was he doing here? In a busy and crowded street?
Then again, it had it's advantages.. I mean, even though there was a large number of people, meaning more people having a chance to see him, since there were so many, maybe there was more of a chance he'd be overlooked?

Despite my slight wanting of him, to leave and go back to Azkaban, I didn't really want that to happen. Mainly because Arden would more than likely be upset.. and then I probably wouldn't even be able to get her back. So no point in doing it. Plus, I think I would feel terrible for something like that. Even if I didn't like him.

Which is why, I stood up and after lookin around a bit, started to walk toward him. Probably not the smartest thing to do, but maybe I could help get him out of the way. He really shouldn't be out here.

[[ thanks you .. and nah, I quite liked yours ]]

[Logan Andrews]

I sort of half-sigh when I see him coming this way and decide to just stop, because continuing to walk away is quite childish even if I were to pretend that I hadn't seen him.
Why he's walking this way, I'm not entirely sure yet. So I suppose I'm a little bit curious as well as attempting to be mature.

Of course, stopping in the middle of the street is not a clever thing to do.
There's a lot of people here and they are walking in clearly streamed directions and by just stopping like this I've messed up the flow, and several people are already brushing past me and clipping my shoulder.

I don't really want to walk towards him though because that would be openly acknowledging that we're going to have to end up talking now, and I don't want to talk to him.
I shouldn't really be that reluctant...but still, I don't want to talk to him. So actually, I think I'm going to keep walking after all.
I start walking again sort of absently because now I can't concentrate on feeling as secretly, powerful as I did before because I'm very aware that he's there and he's seen me and it throws the whole thing off...which is probably a good thing because it is a very strange power trip after all.

(yay then )

[Riley Pearson]

[ ]

I watched him stop where he was, witnessing quite an amount of people brush past him. If I was him I think I would've just moved somewhere and stopped instead of stopping in the middle of people walking.

Did I want to talk to him? Definitely not. I'm sure that he didn't want to talk to me. But did I want him to get caught? Well, techinically yes, but right now the answer to that was no as well. I wanted to get him back to Arden's. Where he wouldn't be able to get caught. That was the ideal situation at the moment. But who knows, maybe going after him like this was worse and he'd be better off just by himself. Not mention, him getting caught with me next to him, didn't look so good for me.

He started walking again and I, for a moment, thought about just not bothering to go and get him, he more than likely didn't want me to anyway. But instead of listening to that thought, which is probably what I should have done. Listen, that is. I kept going and eventually made my way up next to him.
"What are you doing out here?" I asked, glancing to him for a moment. But really only a short moment, before I moved my eyes back to where they were before, in front of me.

[Logan Andrews]

"Trying to have a peaceful walk," I gesture vaguely in front of me, to show that I intend to carry on with doing this.
I only glance at him very briefly out of my periphial vision because I don't want to look at him face on. It only takes me a few seconds to realise he's doing the same thing.
It feels weird to conduct a conversation this way.

"I was suceeding until you came along, so..."
Fuck off?
I suppose I don't really have a right to be rude to him now, much as I would really quite like to. I don't know if Arden's told him or not...but I assume she has because it would obviously be the right thing to do and she tends to do that, I guess.
So he's the one that should be not wanting to talk to me. So he should not be talking to me. So he should still be over there and we wouldn't be having this really weird mobile conversation where we're not looking at each other.

[Riley Pearson]

It was pretty obvious that he wanted me to leave him alone and let him just walk around Diagon Alley. But I still wasn't so keen in letting him walk in peace. Maybe if I talked to him long enough, or well, bothered him, he would go back to Arden's. And then I would leave him alone.

"Do you have a death wish or something?" I asked him, looking over to him again, for a bit longer, but not much. I was finding it weird and actually quite hard to not look at him as I was talking to him. "What if someone recognizes you?" I asked, not really expecting an answer to that. It was pretty apparent what would happen. He would go back to Azkaban and possibly something worse too. "I'm pretty sure you prefer living with your girlfriend over going back there."

[Logan Andrews]

I snort softly, slipping my hands into my pockets and glancing at him very briefly again.
It doesn't feel quite to hold a conversation this way, especially this one.
"If someone recognises me, I probably go back to Azkaban," I murmur under my breath, being very careful to drop my tone further on the last word in case anyone nearby happens to hear it.
This is obvious, of course, we both know that, but I'm going to say it anyway in case he thinks that I've gone a bit wrong - well, more wrong - and am not sure of what I'm doing.
I understand perfectly well what I'm doing, and how risky my unnecessary behaviour is.

Ah, another mental cringe word. I think girlfriend and love both have a similar internal reaction.
It's just too surreal. Far too surreal.
I manage to remain impassive however, "Yes, I much prefer that. Can I help you with something or did you just come over here to point out the obvious?"
I have to change the subject quickly of course. I don't think I really want to rub it in his face, for once, or be too cruel if I can help it. He's never really done anything deliberately to piss me off after all, so there's no need to be deliberately vicious when he's not being overly hostile.

[Riley Pearson]

"Then why're you risking it?" I asked looking over to him, raising my eyebrows slightly. This was really bothering me. Arden was risking a lot with him staying with her. And this really was no way to thank her. By risking getting caught.
But at least he knew what he was doing. Which was a bit comforting to know that he hadn't gone mental or something of the sort.
"I came over here to get you back to her house. She's risking a lot letting you stay with her.. and this really is no way to return the favor." I said looking over to him again and putting my own hands in my pockets.
Though I do have to point out that he's being quite civil to me, which I'm thankful for. Especially because I haven't even done anything to him.

[Logan Andrews]

"I don't have to answer you," I mutter, shaking my head.
It's really none of his business. He raises very good points of course, and I think that if I were in his position I might have similar concerns.
And of course, I probably should answer him properly. I'd like to think that he has no power over me because I like to think that about everyone I come into contact with, but the truth is that anyone who knows where I should be right now has significant threat to hang over my head.
Also, I don't really want to explain to him that I like to do this. I like to take the risk because I like the thrill, and if I were to sit on my own in her house on a street full of muggles I don't know what that might do to me and what possible consequences could come of it.
"Just go back to whatever you were doing," I shrug, "I'll go back in my own time."

[Riley Pearson]

"I can't really say that I care if you answer or not." I said back to him with a faint shrug. I was still curious why he was walking around, but I guess that it wasn't really that important.
I sighed and shook my head a little bit. I didn't really want to leave him alone, but other than telling him that she should go back to Arden's, there wasn't much I could do. It was still up to him. I could threaten him maybe and tell him that I would turn him in, but I think that it was pretty obvious that I wasn't going to.
That wouldn't look good, being Arden's best friend and just being rejected by her, so she could be with the guy that I would be turning in. Not good.
"I'd really rather not.. If you love her, which you better, because I'm not sure you know how much I do, then you should go back."

[Logan Andrews]

Maybe I would go back. Maybe if he hadn't approached me and told me that's what I should do, I would have gotten bored very quickly and turned away or apparated or something.
Now he's said it, of course I can't.
I'm almost exasperated at a combination of myself and him, because now I can't go back, because now he's practically told me to.
"I will go back shortly." I say, forcing a light tone, still slightly confrontational.
And also don't say that word. Don't talk about loving her.
Again, that weirdly possessive bit, this time coupled with that mental cringe. Odd. Very irritating. I know that I don't like what he just said anyway.

[Riley Pearson]

I sighed again, "Fine." I said shaking my head faintly, looking down at the ground for a few moments. I didn't' really want to walk away, but I was thinking that it might be the best idea. I had a feeling I was probably starting to get on his nerves and well, that wasn't really something that I wanted.
"Do you though?" I asked a few moments later. "If you don't mind me asking." I added, wondering if he knew what I was talking about. If he did love her, that is. Or if he was just going to pretend that he didn't so I wouldn't question in any further about it. Which I probably would anyway. I really did want to know, because I still really did love her and I was pretty sure that she loved him.

[Logan Andrews]

I don't like that question either. It's pretty obvious what he's asking.
I guess we're not going to be able to just get around this. Well, if he's going to force us to talk, let alone to talk about this, then I guess we're going to have to.
"Yes," I answer stiffly after a moment.
I can't say it, of course, but I do. It's weird enough, without saying it out loud. It's weird enough knowing it.
It's also probably a little strange that if I had a choice I probably would not choose this, but it turned out this way and it's dangerously close to normal.
"Do you?" I counter after a moment.
He does. But if he's going to make me say it, I'm going to make him say it.

[Riley Pearson]

I nodded a little bit at his answer. I guess I could believe him. Especially hearing the way he said it. He apparently didn't want to talk about it, but he still answered me and for that, I felt a little better towards him. That and it good to know he wasn't just fucking around, or whatever else you could call that. Leading her on, I guess. Being a jerk. I don't know.
He asked the question right back to me and I looked over to him for a moment, giving a small nod. "'Course I do..." I said with a small shrug. "I have for a while."

[Logan Andrews]

And that's probably not good. I suppose she's already made her choice anyway, but it's probably still not good to know that.
I hate the fact that I spent so much time being so apathetic that I never really paid attention to these things before, because now I don't know how to deal with anything at all and am really not sure how I'm supposed to react to that.
I only asked because the question annoyed me and I hoped it would annoy him right back.
"Alright then," I say after a short pause.

[Riley Pearson]

The question obviously didn't annoy me. It just made me a bit more upset. So I guess if he wanted to do something to me, he did manage to make me fairly more depressed by having to say that outloud. Go him.
"And that's why you better not hurt her." I said eventually looking back over to him. Mentally, or physically, or whatever else could possibly happen.. because if he did something, I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't do something. Like turn him in, or either give an attempt at hurting him, which, let's face it, would end with me in Mungos.. or dead. So it really just wasn't preferable. "Because for some strange reason, she trusts you.. and I don't want to see her miserable." I think I'm miserable enough for the both of us, thanks.

[Logan Andrews]

I think for a moment thats sort of vaguely amusing, that it sounds like that's almost a threat.
It's true that he could probably get me shut back up in Azkaban, but I reckon that I could shut him up permanently before he got the chance to...if I needed to.
I'm pretty sure that I will end up hurting her somehow, sometime. I have a nasty habit of being destructive that way. I don't want to, but I will somewhere along the line. I won't be able to help it. Really, it's just selfish to hang around and wait for it, but I can't help that either.
And that thought is not amusing at all. Just the idea of him threatening me, which is definitely entertaining.
"I won't hurt her," I lie with a shrug, because it's true at the moment and I don't intend to.

[Riley Pearson]

So getting a threat from me, doesn't really have much weight... not to mention it's probably pretty entertaining. But he hasn't started to laugh, so I guess I feel a bit better about that. I nodded slightly when he said that he wouldn't hurt her. I don't think that I believed him very much though.
It was hard to believe Logan when he said something like that.. even if I haven't talked to him much. I just didn't trust him and I don't think I would ever be able to. But there wasn't really anything I could anyway.
Who knows, maybe he just didn't want to hurt and that's why he said it, but I was still thinking that he probably would end up doing it.

[Logan Andrews]

"Although," I reply slowly, "I would like to know what you intend to do, if I do hurt her."
I think I want to be amused again now, and him not replying has just made way for me to ask, and be generally immature about it by pressing it anyway.
Plus, just in case. It might be best to know, for when I slip up.

[Riley Pearson]

I shrugged, slightly wishing he hadn't asked me that. Not only did I not really want to tell him, but I didn't really know. "I don't know yet." I said eventually, shaking my head slightly. I was still trying to figure out what would be the least destructive for myself. Which meant, I wouldn't be confronting him because I may be a bit thick sometimes, but I'm not an idiot.
And I think that he could guess that I would probably just go and turn him in... either that, or I'd just go hang around Arden all the time.. and not do anything. Probably most likely.

[Logan Andrews]

"Of course."
Cue the smirk.
No.
I force my expression impassive again, and just nod as seriously as I can and hope he didn't see the temporary lapse just there.
"Well, I hope we won't have to worry about it then."

[Riley Pearson]

I looked over to him. "I know it sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?" I asked as I saw him smirk for a split moment. I sighed and shook my head a little bit. And well, it really was ridiculous, so I guess that it was alright hat he was amused by it, or whatever it was that he was.
"I'd really rather not have to... worry about it, I mean." I said with another slight sigh. "I just don't want you to hurt her, Logan."

[Logan Andrews]

"Yes," I admit, "It really does."
I think that there really isn't anything he can do, because if at this point he's still not turned me in he must be mentally impaired. But I don't know...I guess he could be lulling me into a sense of security and really he's either going to kill me or I'll suddenly find myself back in a cell somehow.
But I seriously doubt that.
And I don't respond to that last bit on the grounds that I don't want to be too repetitive. We've already established that I don't want to hurt her, and he doesn't want me to hurt her, and that hopefully I won't. So there really is no need to say it again.
I think I might actually turn around and just go back to Arden's soon, because he's really getting on my nerves now.

[Riley Pearson]

I nodded and sighed slightly. I didn't know what else I could say to him. He was obviously getting sick of talking to me, and probably getting sick of me following him as well. Hey, maybe if I kept this up he might go back to Arden's... or maybe he'd kill me. I wasn't too sure.

[[gah, i can't think -.- ]]

[Logan Andrews]

"I'm...going back," I mutter after a moment, because he's even more irritating when he's not speaking.
I really shouldn't sound so grudging either, as if it's the last place I'd rather go, because it's not. It's just that I still feel like he's winning if I do what he asked me to.

(ahhhh, me too, sorry.)

[Riley Pearson]

I looked over to him again, extremely glad that he said something.. even if it wasn't the most thought-provoking thing he could say.. it was still something to fill the silence. I just wished he had said more so I could have a bit more time to think about what I wanted to say myself. But I was still pretty happy about what he did say. He was going back and that's really the only reason that I came over here.
Remind me again why I wanted to try and save him from going back to Azkaban? It would be his own fault.. so I don't know how Arden could be mad at me about it... but then again, she'd probably be quite depressed, which is never very good. So maybe that was why.
I nodded, about to say something, but then realizing that I wasn't quite too sure what I could say to that. That's good?... Thanks?... Maybe you aren't as stupid as I thought? I said in my head going over possible answers fairly quickly. I actually kind of liked that last one though, but I don't think I was actually going to say it.
".. I appreciate it.." I said with a small nod and faint smile. "... Sorry for bothering you by the way... must be hell being trapped in that house.." I added, even though I was thinking that at least he did have Arden's company most of the time.

[[ 'tis quite alright ]]

[Logan Andrews]

Sorry for bothering you?
For fuck's sake. I think there's definitely something wrong with him. You don't just apologise for that, especially to someone that you don't like. Especially considering eveything else.
And it's not hell, really. He knows nothing of hell, not like I do. Maybe he should try being locked up in Azkaban, and then he can talk about hell freely without annoying me.
But now he's just really annoyed me and I think I might like to really hurt him and I have no idea where that came from because it was very irrational.
"Right...well," I force a small nod in his direction, before turning and starting to head back in the opposite direction, "I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing...and hopefully not see you around."

[Riley Pearson]

I was quite thankful that this conversation seemed to be over. I didn't really have anything else that I wanted to say to him that I haven't said already, and I was bothering him anyway. I shrugged faintly and gave a small nod back to him.
"Yeah.." I said, unsure of how to even reply to that, so I paused for a moment as he turned away. ".. Whatever." I said eventually, more of quietly to myself, just happy, to an extent anyway, that he was going back.