Babysitting

[Arden Patricks]

"Sorry," I say again, shaking my head. "I'll shut up now."

[Ian Hunt]

"Yeah, I think that would be best," I agree under my breath.

[Arden Patricks]

I shake my head again, letting go of Isobel's hand again to better hold Melody.
Brilliant conversational topic there, Arden.

[Ian Hunt]

I remain silent, taking a slightly tighter grip on Abby's hand without really thinking about it. Now this has been brought up it's sort of darkened the tone of my thoughts and I don't really have the will to think up something to encourage the conversation.

[Arden Patricks]

I'm really not liking this silence and I wish I could eventually learn to just keep something to myself for once instead of insisting on saying it to somebody. I should have by now, after all the trouble it's caused in the past, but clearly I haven't. And now we're just walking along in dead silence that gets harder and harder to break the longer it goes on. Isobel looks up solemnly, first at me and then at Ian, and even Katie seems to notice the lack of voices and look behind her once.

[Ian Hunt]

I exhale through my nose in a way that's almost a sigh, deciding that the silence probably has to be broken now if even the children are noticing it.
But now I have nothing to say and not much to ask that I haven't already, so I just stick with a rather inadequate silence breaker.
"So..."

[Arden Patricks]

I tilt my head slightly as if conceding a point, and search around for something to say. "Um... how's Poppy?" I shrug. "Anything new up with her?"

Katie looks back and smiles at us with a sort of satisfied nod at the fact we're talking again.

[Ian Hunt]

"She's..." I shrug, "Fine, I suppose. As fine as she ever is."
It's hard to pinpoint what exactly is wrong with her without saying simply that she's unbalanced, so 'fine' will have to do.
I also don't really feel the need to add that we had another row last week, and she stormed off in the middle of the night not to come home for a day and a half and is still throwing filthy looks at me on occasion.

[Arden Patricks]

I raise my eyebrows at that, not saying anything for a moment before finally shaking my head. "'Fine' is right up there with 'been better, been worse.' It generally means, 'not really okay but I won't say that.' I mean, it's basically a non-answer."

[Ian Hunt]

"Well, you know what she's like," I shrug a little awkwardly, "She's...derranged, really. It's hard to tell how she is unless she's acting out, which she isn't any more than usual. And she's perfected the art of disappearing acts. That's about it, really."

[Arden Patricks]

"Mm...." I nod slowly, then find I have nothing else to say to that, really.
"You seem bothered by it though," I add after a moment.

[Ian Hunt]

"We had another row," I mutter with another shrug, "Same one as usual actually. The one about Erin, I mean."

[Arden Patricks]

"Mm," I say again, nodding. I am almost positive I know what he's talking about. "You know, there's got to be something you could tell her about."

[Ian Hunt]

"There must be," I agree, "But I don't-...want to. I'll tell her everything when she's older, when I've sorted it all out properly in my head. But I can't...now," I shrug as if this disjointed sentence has made sense, then cast around for a different topic of conversation.

[Arden Patricks]

"And why not?" I ask after a moment of frowning. "I mean, obviously don't tell her the really awful things 'til she's older, but... just anything, some random bit of trivia or something. That's probably what she wants."

[Ian Hunt]

"Because I-..." I stop, and shrug, "Because I've gotten to the point where I've blocked most of her out and I can hardly even remember anymore. I don't want to go and...bring anything up until I have to."
I don't care if this makes sense out loud, because it makes sense to me to the point where it's become rule, where even if I can't remember my reasoning all the time, I know that it's something I can't do, no matter what.

[Arden Patricks]

I shake my head at that, eyes closed briefly. You would think, somehow, that he might learn not to do that, blocking things out, but apparently not.
"You need a bloody psychiatrist, you really do."

[Ian Hunt]

"Uhm...thank you?" I reply cautiously after a moment, as if she's going to turn into a bloody psychiatrist if I don't extert a certain amount of alarm at these words.

[Arden Patricks]

I raise my eyebrows at him again, trying but failing not to crack a grin. "I never said I was a psychiatrist, so I don't know what you're thanking me for."

[Ian Hunt]

"The advice," I tell her, struggling to keep the temptation to grin back at bay, "I mean, it's not as if people have been telling me that for years..."

[Arden Patricks]

"No, I suppose they haven't," I mutter dryly. "So, seeing as it's a fresh, new piece of advice you ought to follow it, right?"

[Ian Hunt]

I tilt my head as if considering this, then shake my head, "No, I shouldn't think so."

[Arden Patricks]

I shake my head. "And what if people had been telling you that for years? Would you follow it then?"

[Ian Hunt]

"No," I shake my head again.

[Arden Patricks]

I shake my head again, then shrug. I've never gone to a psychiatrist either... not that my head's ever been as much of a mess as his, and I probably haven't been told quite as often as he has that I should.
"Well... maybe you should tell that to Poppy then," I shrug after a moment, remembering what we're actually talking about. "Tell her something anyway, you can't just... I don't know. You have a mildly infuriating habit of not saying anything at all when you don't like what's been said, and I hope that you've not been doing that."

[Ian Hunt]

"I'm aware I have that habit, yes," I nod, unwilling to admit that's precisely what I have been doing, "It's not as if I'm denying her information. She's free to ask Morgan, and Morgan is more than willing to tell her anything and everything. If she would stop being so stubborn, then it would all work out fine."

[Arden Patricks]

"Well, I don't know, maybe she's just a bit upset that she can't just ask her father, of all people, about her mother," I shrug, hoisting Melody up slightly as a sort of substitute for crossing my arms like I normally would at this sort of point. And I'm suddenly very aware of the fact that I'm probably going to be tackling this problem from another angle in another several years, if Melody's mother never shows up again.

[Ian Hunt]

It does make a lot more sense when put that way, I suppose, but I don't really want to admit that.
Poppy has also got the habit of remaining silent when something is said that she doesn't like and will promptly shut up when I ask her why it's so important to ask me anyway so it just appears that she's being stubborn and immature. It does make a lot more sense when phrased like that.
So I just shrug, "I suppose."

[Arden Patricks]

I shake my head again, not responding. Thinking about Melody has reminded me of child abandonment, and so now with the addition of what we're talking about now it's really quite easy to be a bit annoyed with him again.

[Ian Hunt]

I really don't know what I've done now, but I get the feeling I'm pretty disliked right at this moment of time, so I just remain silent not wanting to provoke whatever it is that I've done further.