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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Jan 18, 2012 5:53:07 GMT
It's been a long time since I felt this... claustrophobic.
No, that's not the right word, is it? Quite the opposite, really. Wide-open spaces make it hard to fucking breathe, the sky is so wide I haven't been outside in days, and I find myself hugging the wall as I walk down the hallways... fingers clenched tight around the Stone and jumping at every odd laugh.
It's been seven days since my deadline with Heightington was up. And I don't know if he's going to take the substitute.
I can't go through that again... but I can't keep doing this until my number's finally up. Pacing back and forth... skipping classes... preferring the darkness and dim down here in the basement to all that open brightness up above. 'Course, I can't go toward the art room without wanting to throw up, and I can't go to the first-fourth floors without running into people and not knowing if they know, if they see, if Heightington has sent them all to kill me.
And I can't go to the fifth without passing by that closet, seeing myself lock it and then Arden, trapped against the wall with a dawning understanding, shaking her head as I curl my fist on the sto-
I suck in a breath, sharp but shallow, and close my eyes to ward off the dizziness that comes of not breathing.
You didn't really kill her, you didn't - Oh, fuck. Does it matter, if I even fucking tried?
I press my palms into my forehead, willing myself to stop shaking and calm the fuck down.
Does it matter much, at this point, if Heightington still wants me dead? What kind of life am I living?
I tried to kill my sister and I failed. And now I'm walking dead because I failed.
Fucking hell.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Jan 18, 2012 6:12:47 GMT
Riley wasn't so sure if this was exactly the best thing he could be doing at this moment- walking around the school in places he normally wouldn't go becaue he thought Fitzy might be in them. Did he really want to find him? He felt the answer was mostly, yes, he did- but on the other hand, maybe he should avoid the guy at all costs. Afterall, he did not like him, in fact, he would go as far as to say that he hated him; how could he not after what he nearly did to Arden?
Riley wasn't exactly what you could call violent, so he didn't know what he was going to do if he actually did run into him. Yell at him? Make him know that, no- he wasn't friends with him anymore? Were they even friends to begin with? It all seemed a bit stupid to him and yet there he was walking around the basement, his mind completely void of any plan whatsoever.
Of course, as soon as he saw Fitzy a few short feet from him, the part of his brain that thought he wasn't violent was gone. Now he was realizing just how angry he actually was at him. His brow furrowed slightly and next thing he knew he had quickly moved forward, pushed him to the ground and firmly planted his fist on Fitzys face- a couple times.
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Feb 13, 2012 3:06:08 GMT
Okay, screw this, I think finally, leaning back to thunk my head against the wall - utterly exhausted now by all of the pacing and thinking and forgetting-how-to-breathe. I debate momentarily the pros and cons of crashing in the Hunt Room - because Hunt was so utterly helpful and it might amuse me slightly - before deciding, with some trepidation, to just suck it up and return to my dorm for the evening. If I'm dead, I'm dead - there's no more I can do.
No sooner have I thought this, of course, and raised my head to walk down the hallway, than I see him. Pearson. And instantly the slight trepidation turns into full-blown weary anxiety, because if I'm not much mistaken - and I barely know the guy to nod 'hey' to, so I doubt I'd get our conversations mixed - he happens to be one of Arden's buddies, profoundly humorless, and kind of an obstinate moron.
Oh, goo- what the hell? I'm trying to push him off me before I've fully registered that yes, the little twat just fucking punched me, and I'm torn between a sort of admiration and my natural response to getting punched - pushing him off and rolling away and standing up again with my arm now up to ward off blows, panicked and hurt and pissed off and trying my utmost not to feel like a child getting punished again.
"... the fuck?" I finally manage when I've regained my speech. I think that about sums it up.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Feb 13, 2012 3:30:48 GMT
He got a punch in and he couldn't help but note to himself just how good it felt to hit that guy; his hand kind of hurt, but he could honestly say that he didn't care. Fitzy pushed Riley off of him a moment later, standing up and sheilding his face. Riley was sort of suprised that he wasn't hitting him back, maybe the element of surprise threw him off.
Riley stood up and grabbed onto Fitzy's shirt, pushing him against the wall of the area they were both standing in. He probably wasn't going to hit him again unless Fitzy decided to punch back- honestly, Riley thought he looked a bit helpless standing there with his arms up.
As his back hit the wall with a bit of force, he said, "You are lucky she's alive." He hoped he came off a bit threatening, but let's face it, the threatening vibe wasn't something that he was ever very good at, "Touch her again and," and what he'll kill him? Riley didn't think he could ever kill someone- even if they did happen to murder someone he loved; or maybe he could, he'd never been in the situation, "you'll regret it."
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Feb 13, 2012 3:42:23 GMT
Oh, fuck this. A punch or two? Fine. I don't like it but I'll live; god knows I've been through worse. But the kid does not get to just shove me this way and that without being reminded - I'm a fucking Chosi. You don't mess with us for a reason.
"Will you fucking stop making threats and fuck off?" I snap, shoving him back and reaching quickly for the stone even if it does induce guilt-infused illness - for a second. "Or you want to be the one I really kill?"
I'm only half-listening to him or myself, too caught up in self-protective violence to care if he does have a point.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Feb 13, 2012 4:35:14 GMT
Fitzy shoved him away and Riley stumbled back a couple steps. He watched his hand go for something and he could only imagine that it was his stone, which automatically made Riley tell himself to calm down a little bit. Of course, Riley had a stone too; it wasn't like he used it often enough to need it with him, but he kept it in his pocket anyway because he felt strange leaving it behind.
His hands instinctively went into his pockets and he wrapped his palm around his stone- as if he actually knew what to do with it though...
"Just leave her alone, okay?" He couldn't even understand why he did what he did. Riley was sure there probably was a reason, but even if it had come to someone threatening to kill him, Riley was pretty damn sure he would rather be killed than be the cause of a death of someone he loved.
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Feb 13, 2012 4:45:47 GMT
I shake my head, tensing again as his hand goes to his pocket but then relaxing slightly as he gives such a feeble reply.
"Wasn't really planning to go after her, personally. But I'm sure now I know she has a bodyguard I'll think twice before I do." I snort faintly, laying on the sarcasm to drive home my point. I'm still a bit annoyed that he had to come along and use up some of the energy I'll need to try and fend off real attackers.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Feb 13, 2012 4:57:52 GMT
He squeezed his stone a little tighter at the reply he was just given. Riley found it more annoying right now than Fitzy probably found Riley to begin with. He was sure that he probably could do at least some damage, but he was trying to dwell on what was going to happen if he did and stay away from the how great it felt to hit him.
On a more serious note, he hoped that he could protect her. If Fitzy wasn't the one who wanted Arden dead (why else would he not finish the job?), was someone else going to go after her? Honestly, he didn't understand what was going on- he just knew the basic details of what happened.
"I don't see why anyone would want her dead." He commented, wondering if he could get any information about the situation from him.
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Feb 13, 2012 5:06:54 GMT
I start to reply before realizing that I've no clue of that either, then remembering that the only real reason Arden's wanted dead is because of me. Teach me a lesson.
"I guess you don't run with my crowd then," I shrug, not wanting to admit this. "Arden is a decent but exasperating person. People like that tend to die." Especially when their big brothers fuck up and get them killed.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Feb 13, 2012 5:30:55 GMT
"Obviously," He replied, knowing that probably sounded bad- like he was saying he was better than him, but well, Riley kind of felt he was. Maybe that was wrong to believe, but it was difficult not to with the circumstances.
"There is nothing wrong with Arden." He shook his head, "Except maybe that she has you for a brother." And that really isn't her fault, is it?
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Feb 13, 2012 5:41:32 GMT
I half-laugh at that, an incoherent jumble of rebuttals flying through my head - something about how she's no picnic as a sister, either, but then again I don't want her dead but just maimed - and none of it makes sense so I just shake it off.
"What's it to you, anyway? In love with her or something?"
It's only when I say this that I remember he has a girlfriend. Riyann, to be specific. Which might be almost funny if it wasn't so damn... bitter. Riyann.... Hell, I hope he is in love with Arden. It'd serve the bitch right, and be deliciously ironic, and... really, not in the slightest - okay, maybe slightly - help make up for what she did.
At least it would be funny.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Feb 13, 2012 17:50:42 GMT
"We're friends, of course I love her." Yes, he sort of avoided that question. One, he wasn't planning on having that conversation with her brother, and two, he wasn't too sure himself. He had a girlfriend, true, but he was recently starting to feel like there was something between himself and Arden.
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Feb 13, 2012 18:22:19 GMT
"Not what I was getting at," I say dryly, rolling my eyes. And not that I exactly want to get into this either.... "But hey, that's good. As insane as your fiance is, I'd hate to see what happens if you transfer your affections."
I'm only half-listening again, concentrating moreso on the progress of the stone as I flip it in the air and then catch it. Probably shouldn't do that more than once; my reflexes aren't so fantastic. And I think I'm starting to remind myself of one of those psychopaths I generally try not to be like.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Feb 13, 2012 18:41:46 GMT
Riley was well aware that wasn't what he was getting at and he was going to leave it at that, but his next sentence pulled him back. Riyann wasn't insane and he wasn't positive why Fitzy was saying that. "What are you talking about?"
Did Fitzy know something that he didn't know? This would be a good thing to find out if he did happen to have feelings for Arden- second thoughts were kind of an easy thing to have, which probably wasn't a good sign.
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Feb 13, 2012 18:53:40 GMT
I eye him for a moment, still clutching the rock and wondering if I should stop talking. We've done the Chosi handshake, Riyann and I - I-know-your-secret-you-know-mine - and it seems that ought to come with some loyalty. On the other hand, she did sort of murder my sister, even if she did - and I know it's fucked up to even think this - mean well.
Not to mention that I'm tired as fuck, completely worn out and not thinking as much as I ought to before I run my mouth, so maybe I ought to shut up and leave well enough alone....
I shrug again, looking away. "If you haven't noticed yet you might be too dim to save," I say finally. "Forget it. She's lovely. I'm sure you'll make some dim crazy babies or something."
This last part is muttered, half under my breath, as I start to turn away and head back down the hall. I brace myself anyway in case he heard and wants to hit me again, but mostly that's because I don't like to turn my back on people. Not literally.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Feb 14, 2012 3:33:22 GMT
He didn't speak for a short while and needless to say Riley was confused by how Riyann was now brought into this conversation and what Fitzy was going on about.
Once he spoke, he had Riley's attention and then he turned and walked away. Riley caught up with him and stopped him by putting a hand on his shoulder, "What haven't I noticed?"
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Feb 14, 2012 3:42:12 GMT
He's lucky I'm so tired and my reflexes suck, or I might've bashed him round the face. As it is, I only flinch, turning back quickly and hunching my shoulders uncomfortably at the touch.
"Will you not fucking do that?" I snap, then shake my head. "Gosh, I don't know, Pearson. What possible secret could your lovely girlfriend have that I would be aware of and you aren't?" I throw him a look of disgust and snort faintly. "You have such a problem with murderers, try and take it up with the ones who succeed."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Feb 14, 2012 3:58:15 GMT
Riley's hand released its grip on Fitzy's shoulder, but he didn't make any move to apologise. He was kind of over that for this guy.
He listened to his response and felt sick by what he was hearing. Had Fitzy just implied that Riyann had murdered someone? Because that's really what it sounded like and it wasn't something Riley felt could be true. But what if it was true? Every one had secrets- Riley figured that each of them were probably hiding something, but being a murder is this monumental thing and how was she hiding that and still acting perfectly fine?
"Riyann wouldn't... she couldn't kill someone..." He glanced at the floor a second- maybe she could. He didn't know what to believe- but a large part of him was wanting to think he was lying.
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Feb 14, 2012 4:04:54 GMT
I start to reply again without knowing what to say - "Tell that to Trisha," maybe, but my throat closes up and I have to swallow hard and shake my head.
"Try taking a washcloth to her wrist next time you're together," I say finally, too bitter now to put much venom in it. "Just saying."
It occurs to me that I've just betrayed her after she just... 'did me a favor,' and also that I still haven't answered for my sins, really, so maybe it's not right to throw him off track... but screw it. I never wanted any of this.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Feb 14, 2012 4:33:10 GMT
Riley stayed quiet after hearing this information- of course he didn't want to hear that. Now all he had to do was wonder if Fitzy was lying to him to, I don't know, get back at him and ruin his and Riyann's relationship? Honestly, that didn't sound much like Fitzy- Riley didn't think he cared enough to do something like that or to be bothered with it.
So that just left Riley with a feeling of dread of what he was going to find if he did what Fitzy said. Maybe it was better to pretend he never even found out about this...
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Feb 14, 2012 4:44:17 GMT
I twitch my shoulders uncomfortably when he says nothing in response, just staring into space like I've hit him with a mallet. Exactly what am I supposed to do now, anyway? Tell him I was lying so he'll feel better? Forget all this vagueness and spill all the details - how and when I found out she's a Chosi, what that means, and exactly what she did to Trisha...? I need to stop feeling so sick whenever I think of Trisha.
I sigh finally, shrugging, and lean back against the wall. "We're not all crazy murderers, granted," I say in an attempt to be friendly. "I did see her opt not to torture a pregnant girl once."
Christ, that was helpful.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Feb 14, 2012 4:52:26 GMT
He looked over to Fitzy after what he thought may have been an attempt at making him feel better. He couldn't say that it helped, but he guessed it was better than the alternative of her thinking it was fun to torture somebody.
"That makes me feel so much better."
Riley had a feeling he didn't want Riyann knowing he knew- it would be nice to see the validation on her wrist, but if he already knew it was there...
He knew he could sometimes be too trusting, but was him being 100% positive on the situation better than her knowing he knew? What was she going to do if he broke up with her?
"What's better? Her finding out I know or just breaking up with her?" He obviously would like to stay living through this- though he also truly did not think she would ever actually kill him.
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Feb 14, 2012 4:59:28 GMT
I shrug briefly in response to the sarcasm - I assume that it's sarcasm, anyway - and look away... at least until the second bit surprises me into raised eyebrows. It hadn't quite occurred to me he'd break up with the girl, or actually do anything at all. Now I really am feeling guilty.
"For her or for you or the world in general?" I ask, only half-stalling.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Feb 14, 2012 5:05:23 GMT
He paused a moment and shrugged, "All of the above," He stated simply. Honestly, Riley wasn't really too sure of how he should be feeling about this- he still loved Riyann, but he was pretty sure that this was a deal breaker.
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Feb 14, 2012 5:17:03 GMT
Well. Now I have to actually think.
"Well, she'd probably prefer you not break up with her... or, come to that, reveal that you know. Can be kind of nice to have people around who understand it, of course - know what you are and accept you anyway. You, on the other hand, might be better off not going out with a psycho... and I definitely wouldn't recommend telling her you know and then breaking up with her. Just for safety's sake." I shrug briefly. "Personally, I would prefer you leave me out of it regardless, and for the love of god, if you do break up with the chick and then decide that you're into my sister.... Don't do that. I don't need another sibling dead this week."
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Post by Riley Pearson on Feb 14, 2012 5:31:55 GMT
He nodded a bit- that was basically everything that he had been thinking summed up within a nice little paragraph. He didn't know what to do- funny what this conversation was turning into. "... I kind of am into her. It obviously doesn't matter now anyway though." No matter how he thought about it, things were turning out terribly as a result. Stay with Riyann, go out with a psycho killer (even if it felt strange thinking of her that way), break up with Riyann and be forced to stay away from Arden out of fear she was going to do something stupid- it was all a lose/lost situation. "I won't mention you."
He felt bad that this wasn't something he felt he could understand and look past- accepting someone you thought of previously someone else, but who turned out to be somebody you normally wouldn't even associate with? Part of him felt he didn't even know her anymore.
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Feb 14, 2012 5:38:05 GMT
"Much obliged," I mutter dryly, resisting the urge to let him know that I really don't need to know that - it's one thing to say it half-jokingly, offhand, but I don't need anybody declaring romantic intentions toward my sister. Certainly not to me.
"... So you are going to tell her you know then?" I ask cautiously. I kind of hope he won't; she may well guess that I'm the one who let it slip. But I can't even imagine sitting on a secret like that.
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Post by Riley Pearson on Feb 14, 2012 5:45:29 GMT
"Sorry," he mumbled. Honestly, he probably should have kept that bit to himself. He was her brother- he obviously didn't want to know about that. In fact, he probably found it to be gross. But Riley did hope he knew he wasn't going to do something stupid and having Arden end up dead- at least he knew Fitzy may actually care that she was living still, which was something.
He paused a moment after hearing his question as to think about it. "... No. I'd rather her not know, I think." He would just have to find other reasons.
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Post by Fitzy Patricks on Feb 14, 2012 5:52:17 GMT
I nod, relieved but still frowning. "So you're going to just break up with her without saying why?" Or stay involved with a lunatic who's killed people?
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Post by Riley Pearson on Feb 14, 2012 6:02:12 GMT
"I'll just have to think of another reason," He would have it be about him, but we all know when someone says that it generally means it is not in fact about themselves, so perhaps that wouldn't work. "If you've got any ideas, let me know. Maybe I'll just tell her I don't feel the same way about her anymore." Could it be that simple and actually work?
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