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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 28, 2009 20:48:17 GMT
"... You don't have to stay here, you know," I say after a moment when the silence is starting to get awkward. "I just meant... don't disappear, don't go kissing someone else... I don't know."
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 28, 2009 20:53:31 GMT
I shrug. I don't think I'm going to leave anyway, because I don't like the idea that she's just going to end up crying again or something.
But then mutter, "I'm not going to go kissing someone else," because I feel like that needs a bit of defense. Even though I don't want to fight with her right now.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 28, 2009 20:59:08 GMT
I wince very slightly, shaking my head. "I know, it was just... I really don't think that you're going to, but if so... well, now would not be a good time, that's all." I laugh very faintly, then stop because there's really no humor in it.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 28, 2009 21:05:16 GMT
I glance at her oddly for a moment as she laughs, because I don't find that particularly amusing at all, but decide not to reply because I don't know what there is in that to reply to.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 28, 2009 21:12:34 GMT
I shrug again after a moment when he doesn't reply, looking down at my knees. Just don't break my heart right now, because it's close enough already. That's what I meant.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 28, 2009 21:20:08 GMT
This is really fucked and I hate feeling as absolutely clueless as this. And I also hate the silence that I have no idea how to break, but that's nothing new.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 28, 2009 21:24:35 GMT
I almost say again that he just go if he likes, but maybe twice in five minutes is just a little much. But we can't just sit here like this indefinitely.
"I think... maybe I'll go and not sit here or talk about this any more," I say after a bit, standing up slowly but not letting go of his hand.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 28, 2009 21:29:07 GMT
"Alright then..." I say in response, keeping hold of her hand when she doesn't let go, "And am I coming with you or do I get my hand back?"
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 28, 2009 21:31:17 GMT
"Would you rather have your hand back?" I ask in return, smiling weakly.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 28, 2009 21:39:56 GMT
I smile briefly when she does, standing up because it's weird to be sitting here while she's standing up, "I don't mind."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 28, 2009 21:45:29 GMT
"Good." I smile briefly back, then paradoxically let go of his hand as I turn to leave the room because I think I'll head into the kitchen now and we're just not the sort of people who can keep holding hands from one room to another. It's all right when we're sitting, but too strange otherwise.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 28, 2009 21:57:01 GMT
I head after her after a moments pause, feeling sort of like I'm supervising her. Given her tendency to hang out of windows or put plastic bags over her head, maybe this is justified but it still feels weird.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 28, 2009 22:06:35 GMT
I head to the stove to make a cup of tea once I reach the kitchen, questioning the practice once again and wondering if it will make me cry in the future. Right now I'm a little too numb and all cried out, but it is a possibility being as it's something I associate with Riley. But then there's quite a lot of things I tend to associate with Riley. Monkeys, for example. Anything to do with baking. Golden retrievers, though I really can't explain that one.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 28, 2009 22:09:51 GMT
I lean against the wall by the doorway to keep out of her way and also so I don't feel so much like I'm watching her.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 28, 2009 22:14:13 GMT
"I'd like to apologize in advance for any crying or unreasonable anger I display the next few weeks," I say after a moment, speaking to the dials on the stove because I know he's there anyway so I don't need to look. But then I do anyway, briefly. "I've kinda had a habit in the past of trying to drive off everyone else after I lose someone."
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 28, 2009 22:17:44 GMT
Which I'm sure will be great fun, considering how strained everything is usually.
"It's...understandable, I suppose. I'm sure it'll be fine."
I don't know what I'm referring to, just quite what will be fine or not, but I don't suppose it matters with that sort of meaningless reassurance. That's what you say when someone dies.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 28, 2009 22:21:33 GMT
I nod because it doesn't matter anyway, even though it probably won't be fine and I'll find some way to hurt him or insult him or at least pick a fight with him and it won't really matter that both of us had warning.
Riley, incidentally, is the only good friend I've never once driven off successfully, no matter how hard I tried.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 28, 2009 22:25:50 GMT
I nod, mostly to the floor.
I don't think I really thought until she mentioned it that it's going to be like this for weeks, maybe longer, and now I'm more irritated with him for going and fucking dying.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 28, 2009 22:32:18 GMT
And that about covers anything at all I can think of to say, so now I just wait for my tea to boil, and trace figure eight's on the countertop in the meantime.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 28, 2009 22:36:33 GMT
"I think I'm going to go and sit in the other room." I say finally, when I've had just about all I can take of this.
I'm sure she can stand here and stare at the stove without me watching her do it.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Mar 28, 2009 22:39:27 GMT
I nod absently, not looking up. I can't really blame him there.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Mar 28, 2009 22:42:17 GMT
I pause briefly, then leave the kitchen to go and sit on the couch instead, which really is not much better.
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