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Post by Logan Andrews on Feb 21, 2009 2:26:43 GMT
"I don't think there's any maybe about it. We just...don't work."
Because I'm a convicted killer with homicidal urges and absolutely no idea what I'm doing when it comes to maintaining a relationship. Also, there are probably faults coming in from her end too, but I'm much more acutely aware of my own. Plus mine can be summed up in lovely little sentences like that one.
"We can't, can we? Because I'm going to end up killing you or someone else, probably Riley at this rate which will be just lovely for me but will probably suck for you. Or maybe not that, but something, because people like us don't work right, at all, let alone together."
And I think that's probably one of the longest sentences I've directed at her in a while, or at all, and it wasn't exactly a pleasant one, so I tack dutifully on the end.
"But...yeah, I still love you too."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Feb 21, 2009 2:32:46 GMT
I really wish that didn't make as much sense as it did, because I'd really love to argue like I usually do. But no, it did make sense. It's exactly what I've been thinking. And somehow the tacked-on 'love you too' doesn't really have the proper impact, seems a little meaningless when it appears we're... 'breaking up' for lack of any better phrase.
I bite my lip again, then shrug. "So what then, if we really do decide that we don't work? What happens then?"
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Post by Logan Andrews on Feb 21, 2009 2:41:37 GMT
"I don't know."
I guess what happens then is that she ends up with him which is where she should have been all along. I leave, wander aimlessly for a while before inevitably ending up back in Azkaban which is where I should have been all along.
And then that's that.
Lovely and bleak, on my end at least. A lot less so for her.
"But for what it's worth, I really do love you."
It came out wrong just now, so it's sort of important that I get it out right because we seem to be breaking up so I probably won't ever have to say it again. Also I've just seen my very solitary future play out in front of me, so it seems even more important and weighty a sentiment and shouldn't just be tacked insignificantly on the end of a rant about just how messed up a pair we are.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Feb 21, 2009 2:47:07 GMT
"Not really worth a whole lot somehow, considering." I shrug again, shaking my head almost angrily, but more so at myself. I really want to tell him this is stupid and maybe we should just make it work... which is kind of an odd phrase I never really got before now... but no, I don't think I'm going to. Dammit.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Feb 21, 2009 3:00:49 GMT
I suddenly understand the meaning of a hell of a lot of cliches right now.
Such classic moronic phrases as 'it's better this way' and things of a similar ridiculous calibre.
Because it probably is better this way, a lot less painful in the long run if we just stop trying, pack it in, and go our seperate ways right now.
But in the same breath, I'd really quite like for this to work even if that is very very unlikely. Also, I'd really like for her to understand that I do love her because right now she's not sounding particularly like she's believing me and I don't think it's right to just leave it at that.
But I also can't speak or even really find any words, because I don't even know what I'm trying to say which is a brilliant state to be in.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Feb 22, 2009 1:54:30 GMT
I think now would be a good time for the door to pop open so that we don't have to talk anymore. But, on the other hand....
"Seriously though, what happens now? Would you just... disappear or what?"
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Post by Logan Andrews on Feb 22, 2009 1:56:13 GMT
"I guess..." I say slowly, nodding briefly, "I suppose so, yes."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Feb 22, 2009 1:59:29 GMT
That's probably for the best, really. Not just for my sanity, but for him. He should have disappeared ages ago, gone somewhere far away where it's harder for him to get caught, instead of wandering 'round the same neighborhood all the time, staying here just because of me. I nod, biting my lip again. "Probably best."
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Post by Logan Andrews on Feb 22, 2009 2:02:14 GMT
"Yeah," I answer after a moment, glancing out at the street instead of her, "About time, as well."
Because I've been here for far too long, and if I was smart I would be behaving like any other escaped criminal and not just staying in one place and waiting to get caught.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Feb 22, 2009 2:05:53 GMT
Exactly what I was thinking, so I nod yet again. And now it appears that we're really doing this... just working out the details now... and so I really don't know if I can hold it in much longer. If I can't get in the house then at least I can maybe excuse myself to walk around the block again and cry that way, but I really don't think I can sit here for much longer.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Feb 22, 2009 2:11:40 GMT
I guess this is going to hurt like hell later, but right now it's just a little hard to breathe for a few seconds before I force that away and firmly promise myself several times that I'll find some outlet for it and we'll be fine.
We? Fucking pronouns. I guess me and the slightly less composed side of me just split off into two seperate entities for a second there.
"So..." I say, apparently determined to rub salt into my own wounds by saying it out loud, "I guess this is it then."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Feb 22, 2009 2:14:11 GMT
I nod for a couple of seconds before I can find my voice again and clear it of any emotion.
"Yes, I guess it is."
There's a very short pause, and then I shake my head, getting to my feet and heading... away. "If you'll excuse me."
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