soap

[Arden Patricks]

"I mean that I'm a stupid fickle whore and it would probably be for the best," I snap at him, kind of unreasonably. But at least I'm being honest.

[Logan Andrews]

"Yeah, you are a stupid fickle whore," I snap back, because even though she said it first, I think that maybe I want to back her up on that one.
Bet he wouldn't call her a stupid fickle whore.
Yeah, I bet he wouldn't, but I already know that he's better than me. I bet he wouldn't cheat on her either, but fuck that too.

[Arden Patricks]

I laugh faintly, shaking my head. "Thank you." And for some reason that's sincere. But right... I forgot. That's what I'm aiming for today, is getting insulted or hurt because I deserve it.

[Logan Andrews]

I wish she wouldn't say thank you for that. Because that just annoyed me more. Because I don't think I wanted to hurt her, but in the same breath, I really really do.
"I cheated on you," I shrug casually.
Sort of abrupt in comparison to the rest of the conversation, but I'm frustrated and I do want her to hurt right now, so it made perfect sense to say it.

[Arden Patricks]

I'm looking down at the ground again, still in the midst of that utterly weird surge of gratefulness when he says that, and I look up, frowning confusedly. "What?"

[Logan Andrews]

"I cheated on you," I repeat, although now I'm sort of regretting saying it, "Earlier."
To be fair, I don't know if there was anything to cheat on earlier, but I know that I did it in retaliation for what she did.

[Arden Patricks]

"Earlier as in before I did or after?" I ask blankly, not quite really getting it yet but feeling like it's going to hurt when it sinks in.

[Logan Andrews]

"After," I mutter, shrugging slightly.

[Arden Patricks]

"Oh," I nod, feeling kind of like I got ckicked in the chest now. So I guess it's sinking in. "Well then."

[Logan Andrews]

"Yeah." I reply.
I wonder if this technically counts as sadism, because I made her hurt on purpose to satisfy me, when really there was no need to tell her at all. She never really would have had to know, if I hadn't told her.
It doesn't feel quite so good anymore, and I think I actually feel slightly sick, because there really was no need for that...and I shouldn't have said it.

[Arden Patricks]

I laugh slightly, not amused this time. "Well, I guess that was kind of deserved."

[Logan Andrews]

"It was purely retaliation," I nod.
I'm not sure if this makes it better or worse.

[Arden Patricks]

"Oh, okay then." I nod back, biting my lip. As opposed to just confusion and not really meaning it. You cheated on me out of spite?
"So who was it, just out of curiosity?"

[Logan Andrews]

I guess I don't have to worry about telling her who it was, not like I have to say 'Don't kill her' or anything, not like she had to say to me.
So I just shrug slightly, "Ah...Rubalyn...Shelby...whatever her name is at the moment."

[Arden Patricks]

I laugh again, disbelievingly, because now I'm wondering if this was before or after she showed up at my house and told me to do something about Logan, then said she was in love with my brother.
"And was she a willing participant in this or did you just torture her again?"

[Logan Andrews]

"She's a whore, Arden," I say bluntly, shrugging, "She was willing."
I also have to wonder how she knows about the torture, I suppose, but then again I doubt it was that hard to find out.
I suppose now I'm obligated to go and kill Ruby's children. Don't think I will though.

[Arden Patricks]

"Which kind of makes me wonder now if you're talking about heating properly or just what I did," I say, then shake my head. "Leaning toward the former."

[Logan Andrews]

Hm...I actually didn't really think about that.
I guess as it was retaliation it should have been the same as what she did. Guess I have no self control at all.
"Yeah, the former," I admit in a murmur, shrugging slightly.

[Arden Patricks]

"Right," I nod again, looking away and biting the inside of my cheek, hard, because at some point that I can't remember I swore I'd never cry in front of him. And I think was because he doesn't like it but it works for situations like this, too.

[Logan Andrews]

I think I should have kept my mouth shut, because at the time...I did quite want to make her hurt, but I don't think I do anymore.
I'm quite sorry now. For being spiteful and immature and stupid.
So I hesitate a moment, then half take a step towards her before stopping, "Ah...I'm sorry."

[Arden Patricks]

"It's fine, I deserve it." I shake my head, losing the battle against tears then but quickly blibnking them back and not looking at him so therefore it's okay.

[Logan Andrews]

"No...I...well, maybe a little but...not entirely?" I shrug slightly, hesitantly reaching for her and ending up just lightly putting my hand on her shoulder, because I'm not entirely sure what else to do. "Don't...cry, or anything."
I can't tell if she is, but she's blinking a lot and not looking at me, and I didn't think it would hurt her that much. Which is ridiculous, because I know what it feels like now anyway.

[Arden Patricks]

I shake my head, deciding not to argue with that, and move a little closeer out of gratitude that he's touching me and because I guess it seems like I can. At the same time, I quickly draw my hand across my eyes, shaking my head again. "I'm not."

[Logan Andrews]

I pause, because it's strange that she moves closer when I hurt her in the first place - or she hurt me in the first place and then I got her back worse I guess - and I'm not sure what to do about that.
So I just stay where I am because I don't want it to be like I'm pulling away from her or anything.
I can't really argue either, and I don't want her to be crying, so I'll just accept that without argument as well.

[Arden Patricks]

"This is stupid," I say again, shaking my head. "The only thing that hurt as much as that was my telling you I might not want to be with you. So what in the hell am I doing even thinking there's a choice?"

[Logan Andrews]

"I...don't know," I say eventually, shaking my head.
I think that I'm relieved by that, sort of. Not about the hurt of course, but because I really don't want for her to...pick him, I guess.
Probably best for all concerned if she did, but it would hurt too much and I'm too selfish to want what's best for her, I guess.

[Arden Patricks]

"That was rhetorical," I say unnecessarily, shaking my head. "But... this next question isn't. What do you want? Clearly I shouldn't make choices based on what I do because I'm an idiot, so...." I shrug.

[Logan Andrews]

"Needed to say something," I shrug, then hesitate again before saying carefully, "I want...you, obviously."
I thought that was a given really, but there we go. I also don't really see how it would help her, but she asked.

[Arden Patricks]

"All right," I nod. "And I wouldn't call it obvious. But I guess... in that case, my decision is made. And it's the same as before and I'm really an idiot."

[Logan Andrews]

I don't really know what to say to that, so I just nod slightly and remain silent.