mess

[Logan Andrews]

I'm slightly alarmed now, I think, because she honestly can't be suggesting that.
"I'm not going back there," I say firmly, "I'm not...so..."
So...?

[Arden Patricks]

"So you'd rather just keep killing and torturing people?" I ask. "What would happen if I pushed you, Logan? Attacked you? Maybe not right now but in a couple days when you're going crazier and haven't hurt anybody? Would you even care?"
I bite my lip hard then, blinking and trying to stay angry instead because I noticed that my voice broke on that last word.

[Logan Andrews]

I pause, visibly torn for a moment, because I don't think I really would like to keep killing and torturing people and she's probably right and I'm not sure whether or not I would care and that could be very dangerous because I could end up killing her or something...and I would like to think that if I did that I couldn't live with myself, but I'm actually fairly sure that I could, especially if I was crazy enough to do it in the first place.
But still...I can't go back there. I can't. I would much rather die.
"I can't go back there," I repeat calmly, manging to look at her while I'm speaking, "And...of course I'd care."
I'd care if I was sane. If I hurt her sometime, and then went sane again, then I would definitely care. If not...then, I don't know. But I'm sane right now.

[Arden Patricks]

"Well, Azkaban isn't the only place in the world it's possible to find dementors." I shrug slightly. "Unless you mean you'd care, but not enough to try and stop it?"

[Logan Andrews]

"Well, where else are you going to find them then?" I mutter.
I'm not all that comfortable with the idea of feeling...like that again. No one likes dementors, I'm no exception.
"And I do want to try and stop it...I do...but..."
But I really just genuinely don't want to go back to Azkaban and I don't want to go anywhere near a dementor ever again and I don't particularly want to die either...so I don't know.

[Arden Patricks]

"I don't know," I shrug. "But I'd rather try and find one than just... do nothing."

[Logan Andrews]

I sigh briefly again, before murmuring reluctantly, "Fine...if you find one..."
I leave the remark hanging because it sounds sort of anti-climatic to add 'I'll go stand near it until I feel sane again'.
I still don't think that she will find one, mind, so that sort of leaves the options back at Azkaban versus death.

[Arden Patricks]

"Good," I nod, assuming he means he'll be cooperative. Not that it probably matters, as this is just a stupid idea to assuage my conscience and of course it won't really work.

[Logan Andrews]

I sigh slightly, shrugging, because this is actually looking very bleak whatever the outcome...and I don't like it at all.
I wish I could have stayed sane.

[Arden Patricks]

I sigh slightly in return, shaking my head. "Maybe we should stop talking about this. Not like there's any point."

[Logan Andrews]

"I guess," I agree, "But...now what then?"

[Arden Patricks]

"I don't know." I shake my head again, shrugging. "We're stuck in a hopeless situation and the only ways out are all bad."

[Logan Andrews]

"Lucky us," I mutter.

[Arden Patricks]

I nod, thinking vaguely that maybe I ought to just kill myself so I don't have to deal with this and then I won't have to care.
No, that's probably stupid.

[Logan Andrews]

I think that I might go out.
I'm fully aware that going out is probably tempting fate and will result in having to go through this all over again.
I'm not sure that bothers me as much as it should, which is vaguely worrying. But it does still bother me a bit...enough that I don't think I will go out...for now anyway.

[Arden Patricks]

I stand there for a moment... saying nothing, doing nothing... and finally shake my head, moving past him without saying anything and heading back to my room again. I don't think I'm going to work today... and I really don't remember if I'm supposed to, honestly. But I can't just stand there anymore either.

[Logan Andrews]

I don't think I'm going to go after her this time.
At least not yet. Maybe later.
But for now, I think I'm going to just stand here in the doorway and wait until something strikes me as worth doing, which might not necessarily be a good thing.

[Arden Patricks]

I still feel sort of like I ought to keep an eye on him... but, then again, it's not like it matters. It's all inevitable anyway, so I may as well wallow in depression.