mess

[Logan Andrews]

"Hm," I murmur.

[Arden Patricks]

"Maybe...." I add a moment later, eying him. "Maybe you shouldn't go anywhere though." Which was one of my more sensible reasons for not wanting him gone.

[Logan Andrews]

I nod, "I think that makes sense, for the time being, yes."

[Arden Patricks]

So then if you go psycho again you can just hurt me this time, I think but have the sense not to say. Good, 'cause I deserve it.
"And how long do you think 'the time being' is likely to be?"

[Logan Andrews]

"I don't know..." I say slowly, after a moment.
Unsurprisingly, this is new to me as well. I'm not used to flicking between psychosis and normality so quickly and randomly...I really don't know when things are going to stop feeling...uneasy, like there's something wrong.

[Arden Patricks]

"Because, really, it's not likely that you'll suddenly be cured," I point out. "You'll likely just get worse."

[Logan Andrews]

"Hm, optimistic," I murmur, shaking my head.
I probably won't suddenly be cured or anything and I probably will just steadily decline and I'll end up back like I've always been, but it doesn't mean I'm not going to try to stop that from happening.
"You know that I wouldn't-...hurt you, or anything."
Even if I do end up back in my default setting, I probably still wouldn't. So at least I don't have to worry about that, I guess.

[Arden Patricks]

"Sure," I shrug, just a quick twitch of my shoulders to go along with the sarcasm. "Not like you ever have."
It's incredibly delusional of him, I think, to believe that he's ever had limits or is likely to if he deteriorates. Of course he'll probably hurt me. He'll probably hurt others. And eventually I'll have had enough and I'll send him back to Azkaban or maybe show some mercy and kill him, and then I'll not want to live with myself anymore, either way, so as long as no one has time to stop me I guess that'll be the end.

[Logan Andrews]

I roll my eyes, not liking it that she's probably right.
I really like to think that I wouldn't...and I haven't directly in a while...but I've been sane for a while.
"Well, I'm not just going to let it happen."
That sounds sort of stupid...like I'm declaring war on myself or something. I suppose it is kind of like that. I'm not just going back to being that way without a fight or anything.

[Arden Patricks]

"And what are you going to do to stop it, short of killing yourself?" I ask, then shake my head. "Optimism's more out of place and delusional than usual in this case."

[Logan Andrews]

"I'll think of something," I respond adamantly...although short of killing myself and turning myself in, I'm not sure there are many options. In which case, I pick death any day.
"Well then, let me be delusional."

[Arden Patricks]

"Fine." I shake my head again. "... But, just in case, which would you prefer?" I bite my lip hard when I've asked it, blinking rapidly to keep back the tears because it's kind of like asking about preferred funeral arrangements.

[Logan Andrews]

"Which do you think?" I mutter, but sigh slightly when I see her blinking rapidly because I've already managed to get her into hysterics once today and don't need any similar repeats.
I move properly into the room at this point, rather than standing in the doorway, and instead sit on the very edge of her bed, as far away from her as humanly possible in case she still stands by not wanting me anywhere near her. I was getting sort of tired of standing around across the room anyway.

[Arden Patricks]

"Well, I know which I'd prefer," I shrug, closing my eyes and taking a breath to try and get myself under control. "I mean, why not go to hell properly instead of just the earthly version?"
Not that I actually believe in hell, but it's a good way of illustrating what I mean, I suppose.
I glance over at him then, hesitating slightly before moving closer so we're not quite touching but at least as close as normal people sit, I suppose.

[Logan Andrews]

"Precisely," I nod, half in agreement with what she's said and half as something like grateful acknowledgment that she's moved to a normal distance, "Might as well do it properly."

[Arden Patricks]

I nod again, then pause. "I don't know if I could kill you though, even if you did go back to how you were."

[Logan Andrews]

"I...don't think you could kill anyone," I shrug, "But...someone will do it, I'm sure."

[Arden Patricks]

Probably not, I agree, shaking my head. I may still have to be the one to... make sure he dies though, just in case, and I hate that. I hate that I'm even thinking about this.
"Probably," I shrug, feeling like I should respond.

[Logan Andrews]

It's weird sitting here and talking about my impending death.
Maybe not impending though...I feel very calm and rational now, which I obviously didn't earlier...so maybe I can stay that way and I won't have to either be offed or locked away again. But probably not.
So I just shrug without replying.

[Arden Patricks]

"... So...." I say slowly after taking and releasing a deep breath. So exactly what, I have no idea, but it needed to be said because... just because.

[Logan Andrews]

I glance back at her when she speaks, then realise she's not actually said anything that important and look away again.
"So...yes."

[Arden Patricks]

"I don't know." I shrug. "Nothing really."
And then, because I want to and have poor impulse control, I move a little closer so I can lean into his shoulder a bit.
Not twenty minutes ago I told him not to touch me, and I think even now if he kissed me or something I'd probably want to throw up, but... I don't know.

[Logan Andrews]

I flinch a little bit as she moves closer, largely out of surprise but I think there's a part of me that's actually disgusted because I've just killed someone and tortured someone else and she shouldn't want to be anywhere near me.
I think that I'll question her state of mind later though, and just remain very still.

[Arden Patricks]

I'm a little surprised when I feel him flinch, even if it's not very much, and move away again immediately. "Sorry," I say, half chagrined and half sarcastic.

[Logan Andrews]

"No...it's alright," I shrug, now wishing that I hadn't flinched because I've managed to push her away and that wasn't my intention, "Just...took me by surprise."

[Arden Patricks]

"Ah," I nod, then bite my lip, hesitating slightly before reaching for his hand.
It's not really Logan I don't want to touch, it's... his unnamed alter ego... his crazy other self. Some might even argue they're the same, hence the hesitation.

[Logan Andrews]

I hesitate briefly, then close my hand back around hers.
I have to make up for it by glancing resolutely away from her and across the room.

[Arden Patricks]

I find it faintly amusing that he's looking away from me like that... but only very faintly, given the circumstances. I still have to drill it into my head that it wasn't really him that killed and tortured... it was a disease, a state of mind, another person. Not him.

[Logan Andrews]

I wonder how long I can look away from her so stiffly without getting neck ache. It's probably weird to have to...but I don't really care right now.
I wish she'd say something as well...because I don't want to think and I'm going to have to in a minute.

[Arden Patricks]

"So...." I say after a moment when the silence is getting too weird. "Any thoughts?"