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Post by Jessica Grace Williams on Nov 7, 2008 20:35:32 GMT
Jarrod was in the hospital, nothing else had been going right for me. Two minutes ago I'd walked out the front door of my second home when I wasn't at Hogwarts. My best friend had tried cheering me up, but I just sat there like a Zombie, Jarrod's conditions hadn't gotten any better, that's what it said in the letter my mum sent me at least. So after sitting there for hours, trying my hardest to not break down crying for several reasons, keeping things hidden to myself, and just imposing on my best friend's life I'd gotten up and left with a simple good bye and a slight wave towards her. Sure Mellisa wouldn't be happy the next time I'd happen to talk to her, but she'd get over it, after all, she doesn't know what exactly I was going through. Kicking at the few rocks that lay on the side of the road I kept walking, not sure where I was going, just somewhere, hopefully to a secluded place in town, if there was ever one, though the town was small enough. Just a simple and small muggle town. Every minute or so I'd glance over my shoulder, still tense more than ever, I couldn't stand being alone at the same time, yet I really wanted to be. Ever since the day I found out about the accident Jarrod had been, since what had all happened later in that day I'd been on guard constantly. Never forgetting to look over my shoulder, feeling like I was constantly the victim to something. Of course no one knew why, they might think they knew, but they didn't. Feeling a slight and hot tear roll down my cheek I moved a hand up fast to wipe it away, and then to wipe my moist eyes that were thick with tears. Nothing was going right lately, nothing. My parents were arguing, though it was mostly because of me and how I'd reacted to the news of Jarrod. They'd blame it on eachother, stop talking for a while and it'd seem to get better, but they'd only fight some more. I was reserved now, more then I had been before, I pulled away from them when I was home for that week, and locked myself up in my room. I was missing school, getting behind on the work, not visiting Jarrod, going and visiting someone else so they'd have to write to me, because when I was home they couldn't go and talk to me then. Mainly because I wouldn't talk back, I wouldn't give any sort of a response. Hearing footsteps I quickly jerked my head behind me and just noticed a couple walking in the opposite direction and I tried to settle my speeding heart, which didn't work when I turned my head back to only run into a person who'd stopped infront of me. I could've sworn my heart had jumped out of my chest for a moment before falling back into place and freezing. "Sorry." I murmured, feeling my heart beating a million miles an hour now.
[[Uhm, I really have no idea where all that was going. lmao...]]
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Post by Logan Andrews on Nov 8, 2008 19:37:40 GMT
I've started to go stir crazy. My head's doing weird things to me and tricking me into thinking things that I shouldn't and normally wouldn't. And I've only stopped in one place for about...I count back quickly in my head...four or five hours. Somehow, I know this isn't going to work. There's no way it will. I can't stay inside for too long because I start to get twitchy and overly thoughtful, but if I keep just wandering around like this then I'm going to get caught, I'm going to go back to Azkaban, and then I'm going to die in there.
But that might not be such a bad thing. Which is one of the thoughts that is so dangerous in the first place.
I know I can't impose my presence on Arden for too long, can't use the same place for base for too long either, but I still don't see an alternative. I don't see where else I can go and it worries and disturbs me in a very painful way. I was planning on stopping there for a few hours at most and then going...to do something, but now I don't know what something that should be.
My long term plan is staying free and alive but I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do in the short term. I don't have friends to see, my family is...either dead or missing. I only have Arden but she has a life and I wouldn't want to be around her all the time anyway because I can't do that. Relating to people on a normal level has always been a bit beyond my capablities anyway.
So, this is my alternative. I'll fill up the quota of my free time that it supposed to be filled by friends and family with wandering around strange, secluded muggle places on my own; trying not to think while equally trying hard not to reach for my wand and blow the street and all the filthy inferior beings on it to hell. That would not help with the keeping my head down and avoiding capture thing.
I think I'm walking the wrong way. I'm getting repeatedly jostled as I try and make my way down the street, or maybe they're just like this. Ignorant pedestrians, I mean. I'm just tilting my head back in exasperation at this, when I catch sight of the sky which is quite a bit more interesting than the street. It looks like rain, heavy rain if I'm lucky. And then I get slammed into more forcefully than the shoulder jostling of the muggles and turn a hard stare on the clumsy girl who's walked into me. I refuse to accept responsibility, just because I wasn't looking. It's having control of small things like that which sort of make me more content. "Well, watch where you're going." I mutter in response.
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Post by Jessica Grace Williams on Nov 9, 2008 18:31:12 GMT
I quite litterally took that moment the person was staring at me, quite hard too, and froze, not sure what to do at this point. First, I didn't know them, second they were quite intimidating. My hands were shoved deep in my pockets, one grasping my wand tight. Maybe my face looked like that of a deer caught in the headlights, I really didn't know, I just couldn't move from my spot for that brief moment, nor could I bring myself to say anything. Slowly, like an immobility curse it just started melting away and I could feel my heart beating again, actually hearing it beat in my ears. 'Well, watch where you're going.' "Stupid muggle." Rolling my eyes I started walking past the man now, still scared of what could happen when really I shouldn't be, but I've been on edge so horribly lately it's really no use to try not to be so scared around strangers. What if he wasn't a muggle? What if he takes offense to that and decides to just come up behind you and kill you. I hate myself and I hate the 'what ifs', and I glance hurriedly over my shoulder. It's quite odd seeing as I've only made it about a foot or two past the man so really he'll take this as a fact that I'm quite voulnerable. That's never what I intended either, and so I grip my wand tighter now, sure that my knuckles were turning white. I could just turn him into a silly toad.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Nov 9, 2008 18:49:21 GMT
I shouldn't take as much offense from that as I do. I'm not a muggle, filthy, ignorant creatures as they are. I'm a pureblood, thanks, and I'd quite like to hex her or something. Maybe I would, if we weren't in a muggle street. As it is my hand just clenches around my wand in my pocket hard enough for my hand to make a soft ominous sort of cracking noise.
"Watch who you're calling a muggle." I add under my breath, at about the same time where she turns around and looks over her shoulder at me. I'm not surprised that she's a witch really. It seems that it's hard not to run into witches and wizards in the muggle world, which is a little bit weird.
But then I regret saying anything because she might be the wrong type of witch to run into. She doesn't look old enough to be anything to do with the ministry, but I probably shouldn't take any chances because knowing me I'll take the wrong ones.
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Post by Jessica Grace Williams on Nov 9, 2008 19:17:34 GMT
I'm really starting to think maybe my words weren't the ones I should've used, and that maybe I should think before I speak now, especially since what's been happening lately. Just as I had turned around he told me to watch who I called a muggle and I could almost feel my heart being squeezed now and it started beating faintly faster. It was so easy to put me on edge lately, and rather annoying. "Watch who you're running into." I hissed, turning the fact that I'd run into him and he'd run into me all on him as his fault with that small little comment. I'm not sure where I'm getting all this courage to speak like this to such a stranger who is obviously a wizard, but I had it and it's almost scary. I didn't like this guy, they way he looked just was all the more reason to get out of there. He was taller than me, he might not look like he's in the best state to do anything but he could easily overpower me and that was what is scary about him. He looked like he'd delt with so much more than I could ever imagine too. All around he was intimidating and I didn't like it.
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Post by Logan Andrews on Nov 9, 2008 19:36:18 GMT
I really wish that I had my wand now. I just have this one, someone elses wand until I can reclaim mine. I didn't think that it was true what people say about getting the best results with your own wand, but I found it out when I tried to use this one. My wand is probably rotting in some ministry evidence locker.
Then I half-want to just frown and shake my head and walk away, but I don't. I'm practically picking a fight with a teenager, which is pretty pathetic. A fight which I'll probably lose. I don't think I could take on a five year old right now, with this wand that doesn't co-operate and feeling as low as I do. That time in Azkaban really wore me down on the health scale.
"Hey, about you just watch your fucking mouth?" I respond irritably. I don't take kindly to teenagers talking back. If Finley did that then he'd learn his lesson pretty sharpish. And then I suddenly miss Finley, inexplicably, his slinking presence around the flat and his silence and his measures to avoid me at all costs. And now I really don't like her, whoever she is.
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Post by Jessica Grace Williams on Nov 9, 2008 19:48:34 GMT
Right, that's just brilliant, go and piss someone off now. That's all you need, an enemy at this point. Still, I wanted to snap another comment directed towards this guy, I mean I was the one that had apologized, really this was all his fault and I shouldn't have to deal with this. There was something oddly comferting about this though. I could get under this guy's skin with ease. Never had I been able to do something like that before and I could only crack a faint smile as I'd listen to him suggesting that I shut my mouth. I'd already turned back to look at him, and I remembered that I had to be constantly on the watch and looked over my shoulder, feeling everything that I held drop until the only thing I supported was unease. That's all it took, one moment and everything changed, me being comforted and all high for getting under this 'old man's' skin to just being voulnerable all over again. I was starting to see people just looking at me now, and the sad thing was they weren't even looking in our general direction. I could feel them judging me though and I took a step back, glancing all around the street. "Right." I muttered helplessly, looking back at the guy, almost feeling sorry for even walking along this road today, feeling like because I had decided to I was going to pay for whatever it was. Just turn around and leave. I thought, wanting to make myself get out of there and find somewhere that I could be at ease. If there were even a place that I could be. The odd thing was that now I was rooted to where I stood and I couldn't bring myself to look at anyone anymore, instead I looked at the ground like a kid who'd just gotten chastised by their mother and I stood still in that same spot. "Sorry." I repeated, glancing up at the man, a ghost of a smile glancing across my lips before it feel from them.
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